She finally turned to look at him, had her mouth open to say something, then closed it trying to swallow back the moisture gathering there. She’d marred his beautiful face. “Oh my God, that is so wrong - what I did to you, so wrong. Look at you, I am sooo sorry, so very sorry, please believe me. Please forgive me.” Her tears started streaming fiercely.
“Vivian… what the heck are you talking about? I - I’m the one that took off my ring.” There, he would admit that. He had to admit to something. He would use that to turn them around, because he sure couldn’t tell her everything, no way. It had to be this, because this - he could fix. And he had to fix it, because his Vivian was crying, he was making her cry! No way he would cause this with them! She was the best thing he’d ever had - no way - no how - was he ever going to make her feel regret for having married him. Kneeling before her there - he knew he had to turn himself around. If she found out about Zonobe - she would leave him, he just knew that she would. Abigail Cox was enough, but he’d managed to threaten her off. Besides, they hadn’t been married when he’d done what he had with her. But with Zonobe - she was a different story. The good thing about Zonobe was, she didn’t have any details on him. She didn’t know where he was, or truly who he was, because he kept that from her.
Therefore, he would fix this first by giving up the truth about the ring.
She was wiping at her tears, sniffing, “Leave it Jake, don’t say anymore. You tried to tell me who you were. I mean, I knew. Like Sylvia said, I did not come into this with my eyes closed. She’s right. I had no business doing what I did-…”
“What has Sylvia got to do with this? Don’t worry about her, listen to me. Look, I had no business taking off my ring, okay? So, stop talking and let me apologize, I’m the one who did this - I should have come home. Hell, I shouldn’t have left home in the first place, I-…”
“Stop Jake! Stop… let me finish.” Vivian cut him off. “I’ve been thinking, and - well, I did this by trying to force you into being someone, something you’re not. You simply aren’t suited for - being a husband, being faithful, Meribel was right - she…”
“Hell with Meribel!” He turned red, becoming more hyped and worried by the moment, “Don’t even bring her up. And as for what you did - I provoked you-…”
“Jake… I have what I want. I’m… gonna leave. All I wanted was this baby anyway - I’m going to count my blessings-…”
“BULLSH-…”
“Jake stop and listen! You really didn’t want this! You tried, you really did… but - let’s halt all of this before it’s too late. I had no right to attack you. No right to humiliate you that way in front of everyone. I was wrong! There is no excuse for what I did. I can’t make you love me - when it’s clear, you really don’t.”
Jake grabbed her then, gripping her upper arms so tight he was hurting her, but couldn’t stop if he tried. He pulled her to him, and through a tight jaw he snarled in her face, “You - love - me! You said, you were made - for me! You said - you were mine - mine! You think I’ll ever - ever let you go? I took off the ring Vivian… I’m sorry! I’m sorry! God as my witness, I - am - sorry! You’re my wife - you hear me, my wife!” He was breathing hard, his eyes filled up - his heart hammered like mad. He could see Zonobe, all that he’d done with her.
“Jake… you’re hurting me…”
He ignored her, and still holding on, came to his feet dragging her up from the chair with him. “We’re going to bed, and I don’t wanna hear any more about you’re sorry. Anymore about… you… leaving me… you aren’t ever - ever - leaving me, you hear me?” A tear dropped from his eye. “I love you - the way I have never - in my life - loved anyone. You are not, leaving me.” He turned her loose just enough to pick her up in his arms. His injuries meant nothing against the adrenaline coursing through him now from her words.
Vivian was crying at the sight of his struggle, “Why are you doing this Jake? You know I’m right. This baby is yours, I’ll never keep you from him, or… her. You can be a father to it and still be free, I’ll - Jake put me down and listen.”
He ignored her heading for the stairs. Sore or not, nothing could make him let her go.
“Jake please… all I want is the stuff I brought here. As for the house, everything else, that’s yours… I don’t want it. Jake, listen to me! I don’t want anything from you. You won’t have to support me. I can take care of myself. I can take care of this baby too. So if you’re worried about me wanting alimony or anything else, no… I won’t-…”
He stopped at the top of the stairs, growling at her from the depth of his guts, “Shut - the - hell up! Shut up!” He shook her. He’d stopped in the hallway. They were both breathing hard. Vivian was struggling against him a bit but he had a seriously tight and strong hold on her. To get him to let her go, she would have to hit him, fight him, hurt him - again. She wasn’t willing to do that, not again. She swore this night, she would never hurt him that way again, no matter what he did to her, no matter what.
Mainly because, she knew that Sylvia was right. All of what she did to him, was because she was embarrassed and angry at herself. Like she said, it would have been different if she hadn’t known what she was getting into, but she had known. At the time she didn’t care. She had wanted Jake - come hell, or high water. Well, this was hell. Like Sylvia had said, if you’re gonna stay with him, you are going to have to figure out how to deal with what he brings home to you. If you can’t handle what he brings home, then you leave him. Period. Or else… cope. But do not lower who we are, what we are by showing yourself the way you did at that bar. She had said, and more, “I know doggone well Vivian, you have more dignity and self-respect than that! How dare you confirm what they think of us because you’re facing the fact that you have no power to control Jake. Dagblasted you - there’s a better way of teaching him! His parents have done all that can be done by whipping him. Find a way to handle the man you wanted, or - you leave him. But don’t ever lower yourself like that again. Now go home and deal.”
“Please Jake… I’m not angry anymore, I did this to us by thinking I could-…”
“I’M NOT GIVING YOU UP!” He shouted, “I’m not giving you up.” He lowered his voice to repeat. “You wanna go? Leave me? You finish what you started at the tavern.”
She didn’t know what to say. She’d been stiff in his arms, and suddenly wilted against him. “I don’t want us fighting. I don’t want a marriage of suspicion and mistrust. I don’t want people thinking, black women are crazy and dangerous - ghetto. I want-…”
He cut her off by rolling her up his chest to kiss her.
Vivian turned her head away, “No, we…”
“Kiss me - now.”
She shook her head.
Growing angry he strode down the hall to their bedroom and in. Straight to their bed where he lowered her and half pinned her in place with his heavy legs and chest. Grabbing her jaw, he turned her head to face him, “I don’t care what you say, we are married, for better, for worse. I didn’t do anything. I took off my ring, yes - I did. But I was acting stupid and thinking crazy myself.”
This is why Vivian knew she was in trouble, he was as deep within her as the embryo in her womb. More tears streamed from the sides of her eyes, “Why did Meribel’s words send you off Jake? She struck a chord in you. You couldn’t face me. Why?”
Once again, he knew he had to give up something more than the ring, or else she wouldn’t let it go.
“Fine… she must know about Abigail Cox.”
Vivian’s brows pinched center, “Who - is - Abigail Cox?” She asked with dread.
“I - remember when you came up here, after your purse was taken? And I was courting you? Going to my parents’ house - remember?”
Vivian nodded her head, quietly listening.
Jake’s large thumbs wiped away her tears, sighing, “Well, when I - I left you, I went to the bar. She - Abigail Cox… well, she was there and -” He sighed against hating to admit this one, but it wa
s the lesser of his evils, “She - she gave me a blow job. Right there in the parking lot. I - I was going crazy trying to stay celibate. I’d just left you and - I - I was so aroused from you, that - I did that. Meribel must know, because - Shawn knew and chewed me out about it. But, we weren’t married. Even though - I knew I wanted to marry you, I knew. So, in a way - that was - cheating.” He looked her dead in the eyes, and swore, “That’s it Vivian, I swear to you, that’s why I couldn’t face you. I had that hanging over me. That’s what Meribel knew.” He lied, knowing that she couldn’t have known, he didn’t really care what he had to say, or how he had to lie - he had to make things right with his wife.
Vivian could only stare at him. So there it was. She knew he’d done something, but it wasn’t as horrific as she at first thought. Yes, it was bad, but - they weren’t married then. He was still free. They weren’t even engaged at that time. But, he’d still been about to do something that night had she not shown up, and she said as much, “You were planning something with that blond at the tavern.”
“I wasn’t Vivian, I was not about to do anything with that woman. Did you see her? She looked like someone pulled her backward through a cheese grater.”
“What if she’d been pretty?” She asked softly.
“Vivian, I was there to get drunk out of my head so I could face you. I was gonna have Shanna bring you so you could drive me home.” That was true.
“You took your ring off Jake.” She further pointed out as they lay in close intimacy, with him hovering just above her.
“I know I did, in truth, that happened earlier in the evening. And, I just didn’t put it back on. It has a cavity inside the ring part, water gets trapped there and gives me a finger rash. I used the toilet, I took it off and put it in my pocket and washed my hands. I should have put it back on, I know - but…look.” He rolled partially off of her to pull the ring back off and showed her the inside where the cavity was. Then showed her his finger, where in truth, it was reddish and healing to dry from where he’d been getting rashes. “See, let’s get it filled in with gold and I swear to you, I will never take it off again. I love you Vivian… you’re my wife! I married you … you! For better or for worse, richer or poorer - not until death… will we part. God Almighty, I mean that!”
She could see and felt that he meant every word that he said.
Leaning down, he slowly kissed the corners of her mouth, “Please baby… please - you’re all I’ve ever wanted.” He slowly worked his magic on her, his hands, his lips, his words, “Haven’t you punished me enough? Hm? Look what you did to me. Yes, I deserved it. I should have told you…” another kiss, and a stirring caress, “…about her, before we even married…” He began pealing and working her clothes off, “… you Vivian… you … you’ve got my … everything… my name… my family… this home… my baby… growing inside you. How you think, I can let you go? Hm?” Regardless of the discomfort, he was all over her. Rubbing his body along hers, his hand caressing all her tender points. “Forgive me… you’re my wife now… you have to forgive me… for that… we…. we weren’t even... married.” He parted her thighs to move between them. Fact was, regardless of what his preference was in women, for this one - he was always turned on, aroused, ready. Even though his testicles ached and throbbed, his erection was powerful for her. Even though he caused her fear, heartache and pain, her body was always ready to receive him. Vivian’s head went back just as her eyes rolled back in delirium.
The things he did to her always left her weeping, throbbing and trembling for more.
He knew her. Knew what she needed. How she needed it. And just about how long it took before she was begging him to let her go, to let the current of love’s electricity that shocked her to the point of screaming. It was right there, that he held back, refusing to let her cross over into oblivion, “Swear to me… give me your word… swear to me Vivian… swear it… you’ll never leave me, no matter what… you’ll never… leave me… give me your word… I wanna hear it… I wanna hear it… you love me Vivian - you said, you were mine, meant for me… say it…”
“Yes… oh please… yes… I swear… I give my …. Wo-o-o-ord… oh god… please….please… I’ll never leave you - not ever, oh my god… Jake… I love you - I love you so much… oh god… I love him so much…”
Around that time at the farm house…
By the time Gert rose from her long nap - the house was quiet and still. She could hear no movement from anywhere. Heading straight for her shower, she took a long one, thinking and praying the whole time. From the moment she’d opened her eyes, she knew that she’d had enough. She was coming clean with it all, to everyone - starting with her husband. As it was, Bart had already suspected that Shawn might have been Edwin Piercey’s child. The birth mark had convinced him otherwise. Now, Gert knew that the birth mark meant nothing, proved nothing. She would not go on with this once more over her head. She simply couldn’t. She needed to clear the slate and get all of it out in the open and away from her as soon as possible. The stress, strain, worry and haunting of it all was too much. It never seemed to go away. Just kept coming back to her over and over again. She might have a moment or a few years to breathe, but then it resurfaced in various ways - as if giving her a chance to come clean. Now… finally, she would.
Once they discussed it all, she would then have to come clean to her son. In truth, he would be the hardest to face with her past. It no longer mattered, she owed him this truth. He would then have the same choices that Ben took, testing to find out who he was, even though - he was still a McPherson. Just like Ben. However, he might have a grandfather he wished to meet.
Done dressing, Gert kept praying that she not chicken out, “Lord, I’m too old to be facing the skeletons in my closet. Make me do it. Don’t let this kill me before it’s all out. Before I speak with my Kathy-Ann again, wherever she is. I just don’t feel like all of this anymore.” She was tired and afraid. Hoping she wouldn’t be punished further because of the way she approached Christine. Hadn’t she been one to talk, judge, speak against her. Christine had gone all that time keeping the truth from Ben, from Shawn.
She’d gone longer. Her son was in his 40’s.
Gert believed she was the beginning of all this family’s woes and curses. It was time to put it all to a stop. In the kitchen, she could smell that Bart hadn’t been long gone from it. The scent of his pipe still lingered in the air. Not to mention his smoking spot at his end of the table. His aluminum smoking can was open, ashes scattered as always from him sitting and smoking. His pipes, filters, matches, lighter, pipe holder, ash tray and pipe cleaners all out to use again. She walked over with a wet dish rag in hand, putting them all back into the can, pushing the lid on and wiped the spot clean of ashes. After that, she turned to get dinner on. Since she’d slept the day away, she hadn’t taken any meat out, that meant she’d have to prepare one of the frozen meals from previous days ago. Removing one of the large freezer bags with cooked white kidney beans and ham hocks, she put it on to thaw and cook. Then frozen okra and she’d make him fresh corn bread. Bart was simple, it didn’t take much to please him for supper, long as there was something hot to eat that filled him up. While the rest cooked, she made him a big pitcher of ice tea. He always wanted ice tea with his meals.
Everything was just about done when he came in, going to the 1/2 bath in the mud room to use the toilet and wash his hands. While in there, he called out to her, “You slept the day away - gone be up all night now. You feeling okay?” He asked, leaving the bath, drying his hands with the hand towel.
“I’m well as can be expected under the circumstances. Foods done - want me to fix your plate now? Or, you having another smoke first?”
“I’ll eat, corn bread smells good.” He smiled going up to her at the sink - bent kissing her brow as if they’d never fought just a day or so ago. Coming away, Bart took his favorite spot at the table. Sitting, he dropped the hand towel across one knee the way he always did. He woul
d use it to wipe his hands as he ate and after. Now ready to eat, Bart noticed that his wife still wasn’t right with him.
“Landsakes Gert, how long we gone go on with this? I went to meet that Mama Jojo didn’t I? And as for you leaving here, I did not tell you to go, that was you hearing things the way your mood tells you to. I got there, and what did you do, spent the whole night with her instead of with your own husband knowing we had something to fix. Well now, time’s enough, let it go already - I mean it, let it drop.”
“Bart, lord knows if there was some way to do that, I would. I’m home to clear the air, once and for all. I got no choice and I’m tired of carrying it around.”
Bart sat and sighed long and deep, “Aaah hell, well let me eat first. I’m starving, don’t wanna hear nothin’ ‘til I eat and light up a fresh pipe. So hold it in until then.” He grumbled already dreading what was to come. He supposed his curiosity was about to be met.
Gert nodded, fixed his plate and her own. She cut and buttered his cornbread the way he liked it and then sat adjacent to him bowing her head while he said grace as he always did.
“Lord, all good things come from you. We’ve sure had our share and we thank you. Never been hungry, never been homeless. If bad is coming, please help us through, amen.”
“Amen.” Gert followed, and they ate.
When done, she cleared the table as he stuffed himself a fresh pot of his pipe saying, “That was a good supper, don’t know when was the last time you cooked a bad meal.”
Gert didn’t respond right away. She needed to finish cleaning up her kitchen first, putting it back to how it was before dinner, her normal routine. By the time Bart lit his pipe, she was done. Not wasting any more time, she came back to the table with the wet wash cloth still in hand. She sat a moment, folding it to and fro, wiping a clean spot from side to side to muster her nerve.
Beauty of Man and Woman - Volume 13: Bomaw Page 32
