Now that they were alone, she was waiting for him to pull her into his arms. It was all she’d been able to think about. Instead he gave her a five second tour of his sparsely furnished one-bedroom place with its tiny living room and kitchen featuring a square table for two. He’d already set it and had made coffee.
After pulling out a chair for her to sit, he served up the food and brought their plates to the table. “I realize my apartment is probably smaller than the cloakroom off the hospital cafeteria. I hope you don’t suffer from claustrophobia.”
“Several friends of mine live in apartments this size. Everything’s cozy.”
He darted her a glance. “In my case it’s colorless, but it serves my needs.”
Nico’s behavior puzzled her. He’d been distant since she’d run out to the car after he’d picked her up. Something had to be bothering him. He hadn’t even tried to kiss her. Maybe a scheduling problem hadn’t been the real reason for his not showing up on the pediatric ward Thursday evening. She started to feel anxious.
“It hasn’t hindered your ability to make us a feast.” She drank her coffee. “This manicotti is fabulous, Nico. I’ve had seconds of everything. But now I want to know what’s on your mind. Since picking me up, you’ve been different. I don’t believe it has anything to do with my being a princess, or that my bodyguard followed us here and you feel threatened.”
He sat back in his chair with his coffee, eyeing her steadily. “You’re right. The truth is, I haven’t been completely honest with you.”
Her heart thudded. “About what?”
“About my life.”
She kneaded her hands beneath the table. “I don’t understand.” Fausta cocked her head, causing her hair to sway against her face. “What exactly are you saying?”
“The facts are that I’ve always considered my time here in Domodossola to be temporary.”
Her expression sobered. “Why? You’re an established physician.”
“That may be true, but since I earned my first paycheck as a doctor, I’ve been actively looking for my parents.”
She blinked. “Are you serious?”
“Yes. I’m praying to find one or both of them and make them a part of my life if it’s possible.”
“You mean all these years, despite everything, you’ve continually hungered for them?”
“That’s the right word. When you and I first met, you asked me if I had applied for Domodossolan citizenship. I should have told you then that I planned to put down roots in the country where my parents had been born, where my mother gave birth to me. It’s been my goal in life.”
“I had no idea, but how hard life must have been for you to feel such an emptiness without them.”
He nodded. “You can’t imagine. Every day I go to my computer or answer a phone call in the hope that today will be the day I hear the news I’ve been wanting for years. I have so many questions.
“In what country will I find them? Who was my father? How did my parents meet? Were they the same nationality? Are they both still alive? Had they been married, or had they simply slept together? Had she been a single woman who’d been left abandoned?”
“Oh, Nico,” she whispered, lowering her head.
“I’ve always come back to the notion that my mother could have been like other penniless girls in their teens who was forsaken and had to give up her baby. To my mind that seems the most plausible reason I ended up at an orphanage. If that’s the case, I want to find her and help take care of her if she’s still struggling and wants to be reunited.”
Fausta’s eyes had grown misty. “My heart aches for you, Nico. How did you know where to start?”
“I’ve only been able to work with two available clues. The first was that the Mother Superior told me I’d come to the orphanage at the age of two understanding a few words in Italian. That meant I’d been raised by at least one parent who spoke Italian.”
“Of course. What was the second?”
“She told me the exact date I was put in the orphanage. I arrived with five other toddlers at the same time. Why an influx of six children at the same time on the same day, with all of us were wearing the same nondescript clothing?”
“That’s all you’ve had to go on?” she asked.
“It’s worse than looking for a needle in a haystack and takes a lot of money to pay the investigators to do the research. That’s the reason I live here in a modest, low budget furnished apartment. I keep out enough money to pay for expenses and recompense Angelo. The rest is used to fund the inquiries that so far have turned up nothing, forcing me to go further afield.”
“Where have you looked?”
“One of the reasons I decided to be a doctor here was because I thought it was a good place to start my search.”
“You mean you might not have come to Domodossola if you hadn’t been searching for them?”
“No.”
She shook her head. “Then we would never have met.”
“I can’t imagine it either,” he admitted and grasped her hand. “But since your small Italian-speaking country of Domodossola on the northwestern Italian border is only two hours away from the orphanage on the outskirts of Biella, it sounded possible.
“My mother or parents could have lived within that radius before I was put in the orphanage. Unfortunately, a thorough investigation here in this country as well as the region around Biella and Turin hasn’t turned up information. At this point I’ve been investigating elsewhere. The chances are that I could have been born somewhere in northeastern Italy, or parts of Austria, or even in Slovenia or La Valazzura.
“But nothing promising has turned up yet. Right now I’m focusing on the fact that my parents could have come from any country where Italian is spoken. I’ve been whittling down the possibilities because I refuse to give up.”
“You’re a truly amazing man.”
“Why? Because I want to know my parentage?”
“No, because you don’t let anything get in your way.”
He drank more coffee. “Angelo has told me he thinks I’m foolish to keep spending my time and money looking for them. The other day he told me that finding my parents wasn’t meant to be, that I should accept the situation.”
“But Angelo doesn’t know your heart,” she said with her incredible insight.
“You’re right. I’ll never give up searching. Enzo has continued to encourage me and has backed me financially in order to help.”
“He’s a remarkable man.”
“I couldn’t agree more. If I should find out that I was born in Domodossola and that one or both of my parents still live here, I’ll keep my position at the hospital and live out the rest of my days here. But so far the fruitless searches have proven to me and Enzo that I came from some other part of Italy or Italian-speaking country.”
“But you don’t know that positively!”
“That’s true. What I want you to understand is that once I stumble onto my history and family, whenever that might be, whoever they are, wherever they live outside Domodossola, I could be leaving here and my job for good to be near them. That’s assuming they might want to be with me after all this time. In that case, it wouldn’t be a good idea for us to go on seeing each other.”
A gasp escaped her lips. “Why do you think that?” Her head flew back. The way he was staring at her out of those midnight blue eyes, she knew he meant every word he’d just said.
“Please don’t look at me like that, Fausta. I can’t promise where I’ll be next week, a month, a year, five years, ten years from now. Every day my money goes to pay for researchers doing the footwork for me. I live my life a day at a time and wouldn’t ask anyone to share it with me.”
She leaned forward. “Why can’t you continue making your life here so we can be together? Why is it imperative that you uproot yourself as soon as you
learn about your beginnings?
“If you should catch up with your parents—if one of them or both want to be with you—couldn’t you visit them often, or help them to come here to be with you? You could do whatever it would take without turning your whole life upside down,” she argued. “And mine...”
He didn’t answer right away. Instead he let go of her hand and got to his feet. “Come on. Let’s move to the living room, where we can talk and be more comfortable. I need to explain that I don’t want to force you to live in limbo while I wait for that day.”
Fausta left the kitchen first and sat down on the end of the couch. To her chagrin he sat on a chair opposite her and pulled it closer, clasping his hands between his knees. This evening he’d dressed in trousers and a dark blue polo shirt. She couldn’t take her eyes off him.
“What else aren’t you telling me, Nico?”
“I learned something about myself when I did my internship. Part of the year I did a rotation in psychiatry. I did that on purpose, not only to get a better perspective on my patients, but to find out what made me tick.”
“I can understand that,” Fausta murmured.
“Dr. Neri, the director of the psychiatric program for my unit, had long talks with me after hours about my particular situation. He said the uprooting of a child’s first emotional attachment from within a family group can be catastrophic.
“According to him, the particular shortcoming of institutional care like the orphanage means that a child like me didn’t get the continuity of care no matter how well-meant.”
“I’m sure that’s true.” Her heart was pained for him.
“He said it’s almost always impossible to maintain any kind of continuity because of the high ratio of children to staff. There’s always the speed and frequency of staff turnover and the nature of shift work to consider.”
She moaned. “You saw that borne out when the Mother Superior and the doctor at the orphanage both died.”
Nico nodded. “As the director went on to explain, institutions like the church orphanage have their own culture, which is often rigid and lacking in basic community and family socialization. A child like myself had difficulty forming relationships, even with the other children. I wanted the security I’d been torn from.”
“Then why did you refuse to be adopted when it would have given you security?”
Their gazes fused. “Dr. Neri told me my early sense of loss had made it close to impossible for me to trust people. He felt I’d been traumatized to a greater degree than some of the other orphans. I couldn’t respond normally to the hand that reached out to me.
“All I wanted was my parents. No one else would do. I grew up and slowly learned to care for Angelo and Enzo, but I never outgrew the need for my birth parents. My loss made me more cautious, even fearful of strangers, and caused me to avoid touching them or accepting affection.
“Though Angelo and Enzo became steady elements in time, he said I’d suffered too much damage early. Thus finding my parents and roots became the paramount driving force of my life. He said I was an unusual case.”
She fought the tears stinging her eyelids. “What if you can’t ever find them? What if—”
“They’re dead?” he finished the question for her and stood up, putting his hands on his hips. “Dr. Neri warned me about that too.”
“What did he say?”
“He suggested that I go in for psychiatric counseling to accept that I might not find answers and enjoy the life ahead of me.”
Fausta couldn’t agree more. “Did you get help?”
“No. Once I started my next rotation as a general practitioner, I didn’t have time. As soon as I graduated, I left for Domodossola to interview for my job at the hospital. I’ve been inundated with work ever since. But I’ll be honest. I readily accepted the position at the hospital because I’d hoped to find my parents here in your country.”
His eyes traveled over her. “Instead something else happened. What I never expected was to meet you, the daughter of the king and queen of Domodossola no less. Any more time spent with you puts you in double jeopardy.”
Her chin lifted. “And if I were a commoner?”
“But you’re not one, Fausta. Whatever happens, I’m on a journey that has to be taken alone. The day could come soon when I’ll have to leave Domodossola on a moment’s notice. Depending on the circumstances, I might never be back. For this reason, there’s no way I can promise you where my life is going, and that’s not fair to you when your life is here. You’re a princess of the realm.”
“If you only knew how I wish I weren’t!”
“Listen to me, Fausta. Meeting you has been the most wonderful thing to happen to me in my life. But I’ve been filled with guilt that I haven’t been totally honest with you about my unknown future. You deserve so much more.”
“I don’t deserve anything! All I want is to be with you. Can’t you accept that?”
He rubbed his chest absently. “I want to be with you too, but I’m worried about us getting any more involved. If we stop seeing each other now, there’s no harm done.”
Suffocating with pain at this point, she shot to her feet. No harm done? When I’m madly in love with you? Fausta’s heart cried.
Every word had driven the knife a little deeper. Ice had to flow through his veins for Nico to say something like that to her. She would never have thought it possible.
“Are you telling me you can walk away from your patients too? And what about Felipe’s wedding? He thinks you’re going to be his best man. I thought you’d made a commitment to Enzo and Pippa to take care of them.”
His features hardened. “I plan to follow through with everything for as long as I’m still here.”
While Fausta was capable of functioning, she opened her purse, unable to handle what he’d just told her. Pulling out her cell, she started to call her limo driver, but Nico took it from her and hung up. The touch of his hand sent waves of desire through her. He’d read her mind.
“I picked you up and I’m driving you home.” His fierce tone stopped her from arguing.
“Then I’d like to leave now.”
Fausta reached for her purse and walked out the apartment door first. In exquisite pain, she struggled not to break down as they headed for the parking area at the side of the building.
He helped her in the car. After shutting the door, he got behind the wheel and they took off for the palace at the north end of the city. “I should never have reached out to you. Nobody had to tell me I was playing with fire. I don’t dare touch you again and you know why.”
“You don’t owe me any explanation. Once again, I’ve made a mistake over a man. I don’t believe your reason for breaking up with me, Nico, but that’s your affair. You and I have both been fools to spend time together.”
The tension between them was palpable. So was the silence.
When they reached the palace, she brushed some hair out of her face. “Just so you know, I intend to carry out my idea to have computers installed at the orphanage. You won’t have to do deal with any of it.”
“Fausta—”
“Please don’t say anything, Nico. I get it that you’re on a quest for your life. Interestingly enough, so am I. More than ever in fact.” She couldn’t stay in Domodossola as long as Nico was still here.
The second he pulled up to the side entrance, she opened the door and got out. Before she shut it, she said, “I hope to heaven that one day your dream will come true. Addio per sempre.”
CHAPTER SIX
AFTER TELLING NICO goodbye forever, Fausta rushed past the guard and up the stairs to her apartment. No sooner had she entered her room than her cell phone rang. In her heart of hearts, she wanted it to be Nico. She pulled it out of her purse. To her surprise the caller ID said it was her sister Lanza.
She picked up. “Lanza?”<
br />
“I’m glad you answered.”
“I just got home.”
“I know. Stefano and I had taken Ridolfo to visit with the parents when security let them know you’d arrived. I’m afraid you’re going to be getting a visit in a few minutes, and I’m sure you know why.”
Fausta had told Lanza she was dating a doctor from the hospital, but she hadn’t told her anything else. “I do.”
By now Enzo would have told Lorenzo about her visit to the castello with Nico. It had been only a matter of time before the news reached her father’s ears. Fausta drew in a deep breath. She was ready for them.
“Thanks for the heads-up.”
“If you want to talk later, call me.”
“You know I will.”
“Remember I’m on your side.”
“Love you, Lanza. Give little Rufy a kiss for me.” That was her nickname for him.
“I’ve already given him dozens when Stefano has given me a chance.” She laughed.
After clicking off, Fausta changed into a nightgown and robe while she waited for her parents. Until they talked, she didn’t have the luxury to break down sobbing. Not yet.
Before long Fausta heard a familiar knock and hurried to the door to let them in. She gave them both a hug. “Lanza told me you were on your way up. Come in.”
They walked into her living room and sat down on the couch opposite her. Her father smiled. “We haven’t seen a lot of you lately. When we learned you’d come home, we thought we’d drop in for a few minutes.”
“I presume you’ve had a talk with your cousin Lorenzo, so I can guess that’s why you’re here.”
Her parents glanced at each other before her father said, “I must admit we’ve been surprised to learn you’ve been dating a Dr. Nico Barsotti from the hospital for some time.”
Her mother sat forward. “We were even more surprised to learn that you drove to Biella with him and spent time with Enzo and Pippa. It would have been nice if we’d known about your association with this doctor before hearing about it from cousin Lorenzo. How did you meet him?”
How to Propose to a Princess Page 7
