"Destiny, you can't live your life like this. You are twenty-four years old! Someone needs to put some sense into you! Bryan has been stopping over two to three times a week to see you and you lock yourself in the bedroom. Last week he only came once. You are going to lose him, you know that?" Her tone brought me back to my teenage years, a time I didn't want to think about.
"Mom, this is my life. If I am imposing, fine I'll move out, but just stay out of my life!" I screamed.
"Destiny Marie. He's your husband. You haven't even been married a year. You need to talk to him, this isn't the way marriage works."
"Like you're one to talk. I gotta go, Mom." I hung up the phone and unplugged it from the wall.
I undressed and felt the water before stepping in. The warm shower felt good as it ran down my body. I turned around and let it hit me in the face, placing my hands on the wall. A sudden dizzy spell took me by surprise, leaving me struggling to keep my balance. I was having a hard time catching my breath. The room was spinning and I felt as though I was going to pass out. Bowing my head and gripping the wall tighter helped me feel a little steadier. I turned the water to cold, but it didn't seem to help. I switched off the shower, realizing there was no way I could wash my hair feeling this ill.
I wrapped the towel around me and didn't even try to dry off. The wallpaper in the hallway looked like a Victoria’s Secret bag, I noticed while slowly making my way down the hall to my old bedroom. It was now a half junk room, half guest bedroom with a tiny table in the corner. I shut the door and crawled under my sheets, towel still wrapped around me. Struggling to take a full breath, I felt sick to my stomach, the room spinning.I wondered if maybe low blood sugar could be causing this or even a side effect of the Prozac I was on.
I laid in bed, wide awake in the fetal position, for about an hour before starting to feel better. It was time to try to eat something. I was still feeling a little light-headed when I sat up. Taking my time wrapping my towel a little bit tighter under my arms, I slowly stood up. I put on my bathrobe and held onto the railing as I walked downstairs into the kitchen. The cupboards were slightly annoying, because there wasn't much food to choose from.
I found a small Hershey's bar and took a few bites as I carefully made my way back upstairs. I took out my abnormal psychology book and placed it on the small table in my room. I bent down to grab my highlighter and felt the sudden pain in my stomach begin to rise.
I made a run in the direction of the bathroom. As I headed down the hall, I could feel the acid burning along my esophagus, making its way up quickly. I gave up my candy bar and heaved out anything else that was in my stomach. I stayed there a few moments on my knees and cried until I had the energy to get up and brush my teeth. I got dressed and crawled onto the couch to watch the daytime soaps.
"Are you finally up and moving?" Mom said, walking in the door. "I see you moved from lying in your bed to lying on the couch.” I rolled my eyes.
"Are you okay? You don't look good. You look pale. Are you pregnant?"
"No, Mom, get off my case," I said, deciding to go upstairs.I walked past her and had to sit on the recliner, feeling too dizzy to continue walking.
"Destiny, you should really take a test just to ease your mind,” she said while coming toward me and patting my shoulder. After a few moments of me not saying anything, she added, a little more sternly, "Destiny, promise me you will take a pregnancy test if this continues. You haven't been throwing up, have you?"
"No, Mom," I answered. "It's just a bug."
CHAPTER THREE
I found myself at Jill's house, plastic Kmart bag dangling from my fingers behind my back. I rang the doorbell and opened the door.
"Jill," I called out as I walked in, taking off my shoes and closing the door.
“I’m in here," she yelled back. "I'm just making dinner."
"Okay, I'll be there in a second, I have to pee really bad." I ran straight into the bathroom, without being seen. I turned around, once safely inside, standing with my back against the door. I pounded my head lightly against the door, looking up at the ceiling. I pulled the box out of the bag and opened it quietly, taking a deep breath and letting out a sigh.
After I finished, I brought the stick out with me and headed into the kitchen. No trace of any lines on the two windows on the test. I spotted my sister cutting up tomatoes.
"Hey, Dez," she said, looking up to greet me. "What's that?" she asked, pointing to the stick in my hand.
"It's a pregnancy test. I'm sure I'm not pregnant, but I'm just taking a test to prove Mom wrong."
She laughed, "You need to stop letting her get to you."
I put the test down on the counter. "I know, but I just wasn't feeling good this morning. Mom is really driving me crazy," I said, rolling my eyes and putting a cube of tomato in my mouth.
"That's for my salad, Dez. If you want one, all you have to do is ask."
I glanced down at the pregnancy test; my eyes widened with fear. "Two blue lines. What does that mean?" I ran to the bathroom to take the box out of the garbage and brought it back to the kitchen.
"What does it say?" she said, looking over my shoulder at the box.
"Two blue lines, two blue lines. Here it is," I said, pointing to the instructions. "Oh no!" I exclaimed, dropping the box and covering my mouth and nose with my hands.
"Dez!" she yelled at me, bending down to pick it up, wiping her wet hands on her jeans. "You can't be!" she screamed as she too read the words. "How? Who?"
"Seriously? You are asking me who? I’m married, Jill, we aren't divorced yet."
"Oh, I know that," she said, putting a hand on my shoulder. "But when did you guys—"
"Six weeks ago, when I tried to talk to him about getting a divorce. A few shots of tequila and Colorado Bulldogs turned into a strip tease and a morning full of regrets. Ugh, what am I going to do?"I asked, my eyes watering as I crossed my arms and bowed my head.
Jill stepped in front of me and put her arms around me.
I leaned in and put my head on her shoulder, refusing to uncross my arms.
I pulled away. "What am I going to do, Jill. What am I going to tell him?"
"Slow down, Dez, it's going to be okay. Bryan is going to be stoked. He would do anything to have you back in his life. Can you imagine how amazing he would be as a father? That baby would have the best dad in the world."
"What, you don't think I'd make a good mother?"
"Of course I do, Dez.”
I glared at her.
“I was just saying he would be really supportive.”
“I guess.”
“Now, mom on the other hand—“
"Ugh, Mom. Why does she have to be right? I'm sorry, Jill, I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm just so sick of everyone telling me how perfect Bryan is and how good Bryan is, I'm just sick of being married to a man who everyone thinks is sooo perfect. I know I have to try to save my marriage, but sometimes I just want to break away from Mr. Perfect because I’m not perfect myself. I love him, I'm just sick of feeling like a nobody and always being referred to as Bryan's wife. You have no idea what it is like. Ugh, it's hard to describe. I mean, I’m so in love with him, I just never feel good enough.”
"Destiny, you do understand how dumb that sounds, right? I mean, poor you, married to an amazing man everyone loves who treats you like a princess. Don't shut him out, you need to go over there right now and tell him. He needs to know before he finds out some other way."
"I get that, Jill. I understand how dumb it sounds coming out of my mouth, but I can't help the way I feel. I will go over there and tell him. I did something really bad and I just feel so guilty, it’s eating at me.” I admitted, chewing my thumb nail.
“You need to move on from whatever you did and start fresh with him. The real question is, do you love him?"
"I love him, but I just don't think I can forgive myself.”
"Give it some time. Just promise me you will try to keep an open mind and don�
�t tell him whatever it is. I don’t even want to know. Don’t let him get away, Dez. Any woman would die to be with him.”
"That's the problem." I rolled my eyes and turned toward the door.
Jill spun me around to face her.
"Promise me you will at least give him a chance, for the baby and for you."
I nodded, gave her a big hug and opened the door to let myself out.
"Thanks, Jill, for having no filter. I needed that."
"That's what sisters are for. Now call me right after you talk to him, I’m dying here! Oh, and Destiny, you are going to be a great mom.” She said as she continued to cut up her veggies.
Pulling up to his house, I shifted my car into park, unable to move. I thought about a tiny baby and tiny dresses or cute little Vikings jerseys and I smiled and then I cried. I wiped my eyes and took off my seat belt before opening the car door. I needed to pull myself together.
I could see him in the window, vacuuming the living room. I made my way to the house and stared at him for just a moment, watching the way his head tilted and his muscles bulged beneath his tight blue shirt. I remembered how he took such pride in everything he did and I smiled. I walked up the stairs and wondered if I was supposed to knock at my own house or just go right in. I opened the storm door and knocked loudly. His face lit up as he opened the door, seeing it was me.
"Dez!" He pulled me into a big hug and then caught himself and took a step back. He put both of his hands in his jean pockets. "Come in. You didn't need to knock, this is your house too."
I leaned in and surprised myself as I kissed him on the lips, much longer than I should have. Surprised, he kissed me back gently, I had to be the one to put it to an end. I pulled my head back with my arms over his shoulders and grasped behind his neck. I stared at him, trying to read him. I ran my fingers through his hair; he stared back in disbelief.
"Hello, Bryan."
He smiled back in silence.
"I've missed you," I said in a whisper.
"You have no idea."
"I have something to tell you."
He looked concerned and I looked down and took a step back. I tried to find the words.
"Okay?"
"Um, Bryan, I just want you to know I am so sorry for everything I have put you through. I have been trying to find myself and in the process I have taken you down with me. Today, I was sick and I thought it was the depression, but I took a test just be sure and well, I’m pregnant."
He was silent and just stared at me for far too long.
"I know, I was shocked too. I really want this, Bryan, and if you don't, I understand, I just thought—"
"No," he put his arms around me. "I just didn't expect that. I just needed to process that for a second. I want this too, Dez. I am going to be a dad?"
"Yes, Bryan, you are going to be a dad. I know we’ve been through a lot, but I was hoping you were still open to giving us another shot. I really don't want the baby to grow up in a broken home and I know I haven't been the best wife but I—"
"Say no more! My life couldn't be more complete right now. The real question is, when are you moving back in?" He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around him. He spun me in a circle, slowly letting me down so he could kiss me. He patted my flat belly over my shirt and bent down just inches from my abdomen.
"Hello, little boy or girl," he whispered. "I have no idea how to be a dad, but I promise I will do the best I can. I know you are just a teeny tiny pea right now, but you have the best mommy in the whole world and we are going to be one big happy family, I promise." He stood up and kissed me again. "When should I get your stuff?"
“I have to go to school, so if you want to move some stuff today, I’ll stay here tonight.”
“You know I will. I have to work later, but I will have a surprise waiting for you when you come home. Destiny, I’m so glad you came home,” he said smiling.
I kissed him and walked out the door with a smile.
CHAPTER FOUR
"It's seven o'clock, Dez, you were supposed to call me right after you talked to Bryan. How did it go?" she asked, closing the door behind me.
"I'm sorry, Jill, I was running late for school. I knew I would never get off the phone if I called you and I'd miss class. I just really needed to focus on my psych class before I thought too much about how it went."
"And..."
"Well, I got there and he was vacuuming."
"Vacuuming? Well, I'm not surprised, he's been going crazy since you left him."
"I didn't know if I should knock or not, so I did," I said, shaking my head.
“Oh, no, you didn't. You have to be kidding me. Well, I guess it's been weeks since you were there last, so technically it isn't really your house. I may have done the same if I were you." Her words made me feel a little better.
"Well, I told him and he seemed really happy. I think he was in shock," I said, spinning my wedding ring around my ring finger.
"I bet. You haven't talked to him in forever and then you tell him he's going to be a father. I would think something was wrong with him if he wasn't in shock. Is that all?"
"He is working tonight and I haven't been home yet. He did say he would be moving all my stuff back from Mom's today while I was at school," I said, taking a deep breath.
"Already? I bet Mom was ecstatic. Does she know you are pregnant yet?"
"God no. I'm not telling her until I have to. I am staying at home tonight and was wondering if you would drive over there with me.I am a little nervous about going there after everything we have been through. It just doesn’t feel like my home yet. He said he was going to have a gift waiting for me.”
"You guys move fast. Of course I will go over there with you. What do you think the gift is?" Jill asked, putting on her jacket.
"I dunno. I was thinking about what he would have gotten me the whole drive home from school. I figured it had to have something to do with the baby, but that was as far as I could guess."
"Okay, I'll follow you over there. Let's go, lady, move it. Maybe he got you a new car."
“Let’s stop and get something to eat on the way, he doesn’t work until seven tonight, so I’d like to wait until he goes to work before I go there.”
“Fine Dez, then I can tell you about my day.”
When we finally got to my house, I reached my steps and opened the door. Baby pink and baby blue confetti train lead up the stairs. Jill and I looked at each other and followed it. I continued the path that led to the guest bedroom. Opening the door, I was surprised to find: samples of baby paint colors taped to the wall, three beautiful baby pink dresses and two blue sleepers, What to Expect When You're Expecting, a three hundred dollar gift card to Baby Gap, and an eight hundred dollar gift card to Kmart laid out on the floor.
"Holy crap, Dez! The guy went all out."
I turned around to see what she was looking at and spotted two boxes of newborn diapers and a big package of baby wipes. There was an unopened package of baby lotions, shampoos, and diaper rash cream, along with an ear thermometer and a note with Bryan's handwriting taped to the package with a big pink bow. I opened it, revealing a beautiful jogging stroller.
Jill raised her eyebrows at the gift, then held the note in her hand and read it aloud.
"Dear Dez," she said, grinning at me. "I could not be more ecstatic than when you showed up at the front door of our home and revealed we were having a baby. Don't get me wrong, I was shocked, but I know together we will be the best parents any child could ever ask for. To think of this tiny little human inside you that is half you and half me, I can only imagine how beautiful and loving he or she will be. I know you would love to pick out the crib and all the other baby accessories, but I had to get just a few things to show how excited I am. Since the day we met, I have fallen more and more in love with you, and although there have been some hard times, I can only think of this as a fresh start and a new beginning for our everlasting marriage." She stopped reading and looked at me whil
e I just fingered the box containing the running stroller.
"I want you to know that if you want to take this relationship slowly, I understand completely and I won't rush anything until you are ready. I will always be waiting with open arms when you are ready for me to share the bedroom with you. For now, I think it is important you get the king-size bed in our room for you and our tiny little fetus, where you will be the most comfortable. I will be sleeping on the couch in the basement for the time being. I love you more than the world and I can't wait until the day I can go to sleep and wake up every morning—that I don't have to work midnights—with you by my side. I have heard pregnant women get strange cravings and I just want you to know no matter what time of day, I am only a phone call away and I will run to the store if you want pickles and peanut butter or whatever pregnant people crave. I love you both with all my heart and soul. Love, Bryan. P.S. If you don’t like the stuff I had my mom pick out for you in Duluth today while I was moving your stuff in, we can always return it. There is just one more surprise in the bedroom, this one is just for you. Sweet dreams, my love.
"Wow," I said, the only word I could think to describe this extreme gesture.
"Wow is right. He really loves you, I'm so jealous. Let's go check out the bedroom," Jill said, running out the door, leaving me alone.
I followed her into my bedroom where the bed was made to perfection and a body pillow laid on top. I sat down and touched the three foot long feathered pillow. It was the best gift he could have possibly given me.
"I cannot believe he bought you a body pillow. How can you not be head over heels for him?" She picked it up and squished it, rubbing the soft cotton fabric across my face. "How did you ever let this guy go?"
I realized he must have spent the whole day getting the house ready for my arrival, including getting all my stuff from my mom's and putting it all away. How sweet it was for Judy to go all the way to Duluth to help get all this stuff for the baby. Everything was back where it was when I was living in the house with him just weeks ago.
The Deception of Destiny: A Novel Page 2
