I made a mistake by sleepin' with Penny. I know that now. She's gonna think we're in some kind of relationship. She's gonna try to fix me even more so than she has over the past couple of weeks. I just know it. But what she doesn't realize is that I don't want to be fixed.
I slam my fists into the bag over and over until my knuckles practically scream in agony. Pantin', I slump down on my weight bench and unwrap my sore hands. My knuckles look bruised. I always overdo it when I come in here. This is sometimes the only release that gets me through the day. I have so much built up anger. Anger over the accident. Anger over the fact that I couldn't save my brother. Anger over the fact that I'm alone in this world with no family left.
Glancin' at the clock on the wall, I see that it's only eight o'clock in the mornin'. I don't know how late Penny will sleep, but I'm not stayin' to find out. When she wakes up, I won't be here. That's just the way it has to be. I don't need to get close to Penny just to have to turn around and lose her. Either she'll leave or she'll end up gettin' hurt, but I won't be here to go through that. I can't lose anyone else in my life.
I can't.
I won't.
* * * * *
PENNY
I WAKE UP with a stretch and a satisfied groan. I feel sore in all the right places, and I can thank Colton for that. With a smile on my face, I reach for him beside me, but instead find the bed empty. The sheets are cold, telling me that he hasn't been here for a while.
Thinking that maybe he's surprising me with breakfast, I quickly use the adjoining bathroom before going downstairs. My smile falters when I see that he's not in the kitchen…or the living room…or any of the rooms downstairs. "Where are you, Colt?" I whisper.
An aching pain starts in my chest, and I rub my palm over it as I swallow back the lump forming in my throat. Does he regret last night? Does he feel like we made a mistake?
I shake my head, dismissing the ideas. No. That can't be it. Maybe he just went for a jog. Or maybe Buddy called about something that happened at the bar. Or maybe he did go to get breakfast because the last I knew he couldn't even make eggs if his life depended on it.
I plaster the smile back on my face, determined to think positively. Things changed between us last night, and I know he felt it too. We're back on the track to finding each other again, and I'm not going to let anything deter that…especially not my negative thoughts.
I leave his house and return to my apartment. I'm working in a few hours, but it's way too early to start getting ready. I decide to make myself a blueberry bagel with cream cheese for breakfast and chill out on the couch while reading a romance novel. The book keeps me preoccupied for the most part; but after a while, I find myself rereading the same page over and over again. All I can think about is Colton. Our night together was passionate, hot, and it has me squeezing my thighs together just thinking about it. Colton and I were always so great together. Five years is a long time to go without being with anyone else, but I'm glad I waited. Somehow I knew Colton and I would end up back together. And last night proved it.
Sighing, I glance at the clock and realize it's time to get ready for work. I take a long shower, enjoying the hot water and steam. I straighten my long blonde hair and put it up in a high ponytail. Then I paint on smoky eyes, a touch of blush and a pale lip gloss to complete the look. I pull on a black Crawford's Bar v-neck tee and a pair of cut-off shorts and slip my feet into my favorite strappy sandals. It's almost eleven o'clock by the time I make it downstairs. That gives me plenty of time to prep for the lunch crowd. Buddy is already in the bar when I walk through the door. I swear he lives here.
Buddy has a solemn look on his face as he says, "I can't believe old Mack died."
So, apparently Colton talked to Buddy, but not me this morning. I match Buddy's expression as I say, "I know. It was a really bad night for Colt." I glance around the empty bar. "Is he here?"
Buddy shakes his head. "He called me a little while ago. Said he was going to be gone until later."
My footsteps falter at Buddy's words. So much for Colton going out to buy me breakfast or any of the other hundred excuses I had thought up for where he disappeared. He didn't even mention about having anywhere to go today. Maybe it just slipped his mind with everything going on. Shaking the negative thoughts off, I go to the kitchen and start prepping.
* * * * *
WORD MUST HAVE traveled fast in town, because we are the busiest we have been since I first started working. All of my baked goods sell out by two o'clock, and I realize I will have to bake more sooner than I thought. Buddy looks pleased as punch as he counts the money in the cash register after the last customer leaves. "Do you think you could bake some more before supper?" he asks eagerly.
I grin and nod. "Sure, Buddy. I want to see if Colton's home yet anyway."
I'm disappointed when I walk into Colton's house and realize it's empty. It feels even emptier without Mack around. I miss that dog so much already. Dashing tears away, I go to the kitchen and get to work on baking pies, a welcome distraction. I picked a bunch of apples the other day, and since apple pie was our bestseller, I decide to make a lot of them.
It takes a while for all the pies to bake and cool before I can return to the bar. Buddy is busy in the back grabbing liquor bottles when he sees me. He sets the bottles down, and takes the large box of pies out of my hands. "These look great, Penny." He breathes deeply. "Smell great too." He takes a pie out of the pile and puts it to the side. "I'm keepin' this one for me," he says with a lazy grin.
I chuckle and help him with the rest of the pies and the liquor bottles. Supper is crazy, and I struggle to keep up with all of the orders. I added a few more items to the menu; and now that we seem to be really taking off business wise, it's hard for me to do everything on my own. Buddy comes in and out of the room, running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I don't think he even knows whether he's coming or going. I sure as heck don't.
A few times I notice he attempts to call Colton with no answer. "Come on, Colt. Where the fuck are you?" he mutters as he rounds the corner while looking dismally at his cell phone.
"Should we be worried?" I ask, suddenly feeling sick to my stomach. What if something happened? I start thinking about the worst possible reasons he could not be returning Buddy's calls just as I hear Colton's voice from the front of the bar.
Feeling relieved, I follow Buddy out to the front of the bar. My face falls as I see Colton stumbling in with his arm around Ruby Sue. She's giggling at something he said, and he looks up at me with a smirk. His expression falters for a second before he returns his attention to Ruby and plasters a big grin on his face.
Now I really do feel sick.
"What the hell, Colt?" Buddy asks. "You don't answer your phone when someone calls you?"
Colt fumbles with his phone and finally draws it out of his pocket. He's clearly drunk. "Oh, yeah," he says nonchalantly. "Whadidja want?" he asks, running his words together.
Buddy motions to the back room, and I hurry back there before Colton and Buddy join me. I stay in the corner of the room near the sink with my head down. I am so embarrassed and furious right now that I can't even think.
"Supper crowd was crazy. We needed you!" Buddy reprimands Colton. "Shelby Rae is out of town visitin' family and couldn't come in. We could have really used your help!"
"S-sorry, man. I was with Ruby S-Sue," he says, slurring his words.
"You show up here drunk off your ass. Fuck, Colt. I thought you'd show up to help. You can't do shit now that you're plastered."
Colton shrugs his shoulders and stumbles out of the room. Buddy looks to me with raised brows, and I tell him, "We've been managing okay without him. Let's just get through tonight."
Buddy nods once. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Penny. I mean that." He gives me a small smile before leaving the room.
Alone, I hold onto the sink for support. I feel like my whole world is coming down around me. Last night apparently meant nothing to Co
lton. Nothing. All my hope for finding him again has been dashed away in a single moment. I thought last night would change everything. In the very least, I thought he would break things off with Ruby Sue for good.
Steeling myself, I stand up straight and march over to the stove. I continue making the orders, thankful for the diversion. Everything will sort itself out in the end. I truly do believe that. I have to believe that, or else I might just drive myself crazy. I refuse to even acknowledge the logic behind Colton bringing Ruby Sue here tonight after the night we shared. I keep reminding myself that he's a different person now, but I'm still clinging to the old Colton, my Colton, the boy I fell in love with. Although my Colton would never have hurt me the way he is right now. And I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever get him back.
* * * * *
THE NEXT NIGHT I go on another date with Tucker. He always takes me to a fancy restaurant, wining and dining me, and then brings me back to my apartment for a goodnight kiss that always turns heated, but never goes anywhere. And that's where we're at right now --- first base, rounding second. I know he wants more, but he never pushes me.
Breaking off the kiss, he pulls back and places his forehead against mine as he pants. "Penny…is it me?"
"No," I whisper, feeling like a complete bitch. We have been on a lot of dates. Many girls would have put out on the first or second or even third date. I feel terrible for not going any further with Tucker. We haven't even made it past kissing and some PG-rated on-top-of-the-clothes stuff.
"Is it Colton?" he asks with irritation lacing his tone.
"Yes," I answer him honestly. I stare into his blue eyes and say, "I'm sorry, Tuck. I'm not being fair to you."
"It's okay. I get it." When I look at him skeptically, he puts his hands up in defense and says, "I do."
"I'll understand if you want to date other girls," I tell him.
Gently, he cups my face in his hands and says, "Penny, I would wait a thousand years until you're ready. I've already waited almost my entire life. What's another twenty, give or take?"
I grin at his words. He always knows how to make me feel better. Grabbing the lapels of his jacket, I pull him closer to me. "What did I do to deserve a great guy like you?" I ask in a hushed whisper.
His lips softly kiss my neck. "Must have been something great." His lips trail kisses along my jaw line until he reaches my lips. He kisses me passionately, possessively, but it's just not the kiss I want. He's not the one I want. And that's why I'll never be able to move on. He's not Colton. And in all reality and sensibility, I shouldn't even want Colton. I just wish I could tell my heart to listen to my brain once in a while.
I gently press against Tucker's chest, and he immediately pulls back. "I had a great time, Penny," he says before taking a step towards the stairs. "Same time next week?" he asks with a smile.
"Of course." I watch him walk down the steps, and I feel compelled to stop him. "Tuck?"
He turns back to look up at me. "Yeah?"
"I'm going to try to get over Colton. I promise." I hesitate before admitting, "It just might take me a little while."
He flashes me a panty-melting smile before saying, "A thousand years, Penny. I've got time." He winks before turning around and walking to his SUV.
My hand fans my face that suddenly feels very hot. I'm definitely developing some deep feelings for Tucker, and I have no doubt that someday soon we're going to make it past the heavy petting part of our relationship. I'm a grown woman after all, not a horny teenager on prom night. I need to face facts and get my shit together.
However, that's easier said than done.
CHAPTER 14
COLTON
IT'S BEEN FORTY-EIGHT hours since I slept with Penny, and every time I close my eyes I swear I can still smell her sweet skin and feel her soft curves in my hands. After my attempt at tryin' to rid her of my senses with a night with Ruby Sue, I realize it's not gonna be that damn easy. Once again I couldn't get it up for Ruby, and I'm pretty sure she seriously thinks I have some kind of erectile dysfunction. She even mentioned about goin' to the doctor about my condition. I didn't say anything in response to that. It's not like I can tell her that Penny is the only one I can seem to get hard over anymore.
I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I've never had this much trouble tryin' to push someone away before. Usually people just get fed up with my shit and hit the road. But not Penny. I don't know how much farther I can push her until she reaches the point of no return. However, I'm afraid to reach that point. My mind is split into half wantin' her out of my life and the other half never wantin' to let her go.
I'm so damn confused.
Penny's just finishin' up with her shift and is at the opposite end of the bar from me talkin' with none other than Tucker Hayward. I always hated that guy, although I never had a real good reason to before. As I watch him lean over the bar and lean in to whisper sweet nothings into her ear, I feel as if I have every reason in the fuckin' world to hate him now.
"Tucker Hayward has been carryin' a torch for Penny since we were little kids," Buddy remarks. "He was always waitin' for you two to break it off so he might have a shot."
I look up from my glass of beer and look at my friend. "Why are you tellin' me this, man?"
Buddy shrugs his shoulders. "Just thought you'd like to know." He leans closer and stares me dead in the eye. "A girl like Penny won't wait forever for you to pull your head out of your ass. She'll find the next best thing." He motions towards the end of the bar. "And Tucker Hayward is the next best thing."
For reasons unknown, my blood is boilin'. I finish off the rest of my beer and then busy myself by puttin' my dirty glass in the sink and washin' it. I scrub that glass for what seems like hours before a hand reaches out and halts my movements. I look up into Penny's stormy eyes, and I almost crumple at the sight. She's so damn pretty that it hurts to look at her.
"Are you okay, Colt? You've been washing that glass for, like, twenty minutes now. I think it's the cleanest mug in the bar," she says, flashin' me a warm smile.
After the way I've treated her, I can't believe she's even talkin' to me. Despite everything, she's bein' nice to me. But that's just how Penny is. She's sweet and kind and forgivin'. All I know is I don't deserve her kindness.
The pain I'm causin' her eats at me like cancer, and I can't get her out of my head. She consumes my every thought, and still I can't remember her. I stare at Penny for a few seconds, my eyes searchin' her face for answers. If we knew each other for so long and cared about each other so much, then why can't I remember her? Hell, I can't remember much of anything, but I sure do wish I could remember her. Those full pink lips curlin' up into a smile do somethin' to my insides, and it feels like butterflies are eruptin' in my stomach. I want her on top of me again…or under me…or any which way. I want to push her up against the wall and take her, make her mine.
Distracted by my thoughts, I drop the glass in my hands, and it shatters into the sink. "Shit," I mutter, draggin' my attention away from her.
"Well, it was the cleanest mug in the bar," she quips. "Let me get that, Colton. You're going to cut ---." Our hands both reach for the glass, and she gets her finger stuck on a sharp edge. "Ouch!" She snatches her hand back and holds it with the other.
"Let me see," I say, immediately reachin' for her.
She steps back from me and shakes her head. "You hate the sight of blood."
"Since when?" I ask, confused. Blood's never bothered me before.
"Since always. Since we were little kids." Penny stares at me for a second, her brows furrowin'. "I have to stop doing that," she whispers I think more to herself than to me. I know exactly what she meant by that, though. She's meanin' that I'm not the same person. A part of me wishes I could be who I was…for her. But I can't.
I watch as she disappears into the back room. Followin' close behind, I tell her, "It was my fault, Penny. Let me help you."
"I don't need your help, Colton. Just leave me al
one. Please."
I can hear the waver in her voice, and it makes me even angrier that she's playin' this game of bein' the strong, hard woman who doesn't need a man --- doesn't need me. I grab the first aid kit from the wall before she can reach it and open the kit on the desk in my office. Penny stands at the door, but eventually comes in and takes a seat.
"Let me see," I say again.
She hesitantly opens her hand, and there's a lot of blood. "Do you need stitches?"
"I don't know. I don't think so."
I carefully take her hand into mine and rub some cleanin' wipes over her skin. The blood disappears, and I can see a gash in her pointer finger. Rummagin' through the kit, I get the necessary things out that I'll need and get to work. "I'm sorry. It was my fault you got cut."
She stares down at my motions, but doesn't say a word.
"Sometimes I just get distracted, and I…I lose track of time. Minutes can feel like seconds or hours. It all depends on what my brain decides to do at that moment." I finish bandagin' her finger and say, "There. Good as new."
I stare at her for a long time while my fingers lightly brush against her palm. My eyes can't help but linger over her beautiful face. I can see how I would have fallen for her back then. Hell, I think I've been fallin' for her ever since she came back into town.
"I have to go, Colt. Shift's over," she murmurs before gently pullin' away.
I watch her walk out of the room, and I get up to follow her. I'm in the doorway when I see her settlin' onto a stool right beside Tucker at the bar. What am I expectin' her to do? Come runnin' back to me? Not after what I did. We had sex, and I stomped all over her fuckin' heart. Maybe Buddy is right. Penny won't wait forever. And at this point I can't even imagine her not bein' in my life. As much as I push her away, I want to draw her even closer to me that much more.
Remember Me Always: A Contemporary Romance Page 15
