by Lee Kilraine
“Sure. I remember you going.” Kaz nodded. “Who got married?”
“Lance Peter Dietz, one of the craziest SOBs around.” No one knew how he’d convinced a very sweet lady to marry him, but he had.
“Why does his name sound familiar? Was he the one who went streaking down the runway?”
“Ha! Yep, that was Dietz.” Tynan grinned. “It was nice to see all the guys again and hear what everyone was up to.”
Who was still in? Who was deployed? Who was doing what after getting out? Axel was teaching high school now. No surprise to anyone, Wolcott, who never shut up, had started law school. Catching up was always good.
He could relax among these brothers because they knew. They’d seen what he’d seen, faced the same fears and terrifying realities of war. Faced the death of comrades and looked death in the face themselves more times than they wanted to remember.
“Sounds like a good time. So why are you losing sleep?”
“You know how it is at reunions. Old stories, good memories, funny stories.” Tynan ran a hand over his head and then along the back of his neck. “All the crap and the fucked-up missions. It all gets dredged up.”
“Is this about that kid again? I thought you’d dealt with that.”
“Me too. I guess when you’re responsible for someone’s death, you can’t bury that forever. It bubbles back up like acid. It’s hard to live knowing Joey’s dead because of me.”
A loud crash from behind them had both men standing up and spinning around. Lu stood frozen in place, looking like a pixie statue at Disneyland. Her face was as pale as marble and rolls of drywall tape lay scattered at her feet.
“You okay, Lu? I thought you’d left with everyone else.”
She stared at him unblinking.
Tynan took a step toward her when she didn’t move. “Lu?”
“I . . . I’m fine. I, uh, just forgot my . . . um . . . hammer.” She blinked and turned her gaze on his brother. “Paxton.”
“Kaz.” He grinned, taking no offense. Even people who had known Kaz and Paxton their whole lives had trouble telling them apart.
She nodded and sidestepped around them toward the front door. “See you tomorrow.”
The brothers watched Lu rush out the front door and down to her baby-blue-and-rust-colored vehicle. The engine sputtered and backfired before she chugged away from the curb.
Kaz cleared his throat, bringing him back to the conversation. “The kid’s death wasn’t your fault, Ty. You get that, right?”
“Absolutely.” Tynan nodded, reassuring his brother. Just because he was being dragged back down didn’t mean he had to drag his family with him. They’d worried about his ass long enough. “Seriously, Kaz, I’m fine.”
“Tynan!”
Tynan and Kaz both turned toward the library entrance. His brother Quinn stood in the doorway dressed in his khaki-colored police uniform.
“Why aren’t you answering your phone?”
He stood up and checked his back pockets. “I must have left it in my truck. What’s up?”
“Rojas just picked up a stray dog headed into town. When he dropped it off at the pound, they said it was your dog and they’d hold it there until you came for him.”
“I left him in my house. Are they sure it’s mine?”
“Not many other three-legged dogs around town. Only they also said there was a cat with it and the two refused to be separated.”
“You adopted a cat, too?” Kaz asked.
“No.” Tynan shook his head. “The dog adopted the cat. I let Houdini out to do his business and twenty minutes later he came back in wearing a cat on his head.”
Quinn looked at him with his don’t-bullshit-me serious cop face.
“I didn’t even ask questions. So, yes, I have a dog and my dog has a cat. I’d better go get them.” Tynan grabbed his small cooler and headed toward the door. “Houdini doesn’t like being locked up.”
“No kidding. I thought you were going to change the locks on your door.”
“I did.”
Chapter Nine
What the hell had Lu just heard? It’s hard to live knowing Joey’s dead because of me. That wasn’t the story she’d been told, that’s for sure. She threw herself behind the wheel of her car and slammed the door. Her hands were shaking so badly that she dropped the keys to the floorboard. Bending down to fish around for them, she hit her head on the steering wheel. Dammit.
Keys finally in hand, she took a deep breath to calm herself down before starting the car. Inhale. Exhale. She forced herself to loosen the tight grip she had on the wheel before heading toward the hotel.
Pulling into the parking lot of the Honeybee Hotel, Lu shut off her engine and sat in shock. No. She could not have heard what she thought she had. But when she replayed it in her mind, the guilt was still there in Tynan’s voice. Dead because of him. What did that mean? It couldn’t have been friendly fire or there would have been a long, drawn-out investigation. Or at the very least rumors floating around the unit. You couldn’t keep something like that a secret.
Although, after Joe’s death, she’d been so lost and completely out of the loop of the news from the unit. She still hadn’t talked to any other wives or girlfriends since Joe’s death. But Cam would have mentioned something to her, right?
No. On second thought, he probably wouldn’t have. He had gone into protective mode with both her and Joe’s mom, treating them both like fragile flowers. He probably would have tried to shield her from news like that.
All she had wanted was help moving forward. A bridge to help her get over the huge, gaping hole in her life since Joe’s death. She’d wanted to shine a light to give her a path out of the dark place where she’d been stuck for the last three years. She’d come here looking for answers, but not this. Well, for the first time in three years, she didn’t feel numb inside. She felt very alive and very, very angry.
It’s all good, Stanley. No, Joe, it wasn’t. Although she’d admit she could use a bit of Joe’s Zen right now. He had always been the calm eye in the center of every storm, while she had been the emotional one. Joe had said she was passionate. Passionate about life. She’d thrown herself, fully committed, into her friendships, her hobbies, and her job. Quick to laugh and cry. Short fused like a firecracker, but fast to forgive too. She’d sworn Joe used to get her riled up sometimes because he had loved the forgiveness part. It usually involved kissing. Lots of kissing.
She rested her cheek on the steering wheel and closed her eyes. It clogged her breath knowing she was having a harder and harder time pulling up the memory of Joe’s lips on hers. The secure feeling of his arms around her. They’d been a couple since . . . forever. Best friends since elementary school, and that had blossomed into romance during high school. Always together.
A tap on her side window sat her up straight. Her eyes popped open to find the Simon sisters peering into her car window, their faces creased with concern. She pasted on a smile and rolled her window down.
“Are you all right, Lu?”
“Yes, I’m fine. Just fine. Thank you.”
Agatha leaned down. “You aren’t in diabetic shock, are you? That happens to my sister Beatrice here, and I know just how to handle it.”
Lu shook her head. “No. I’m—”
“Maybe she’s hypoglycemic.” Beatrice peered in around her statuesque sister. “Are you, dear? Do you feel shaky? You look a bit pale.”
She smiled a polite smile at the women. “Thank you, I’m really fine. It’s been a long week and I’m just tired.”
“You poor thing. Tynan’s been working you too hard. I’ve got a right mind to have a talking to with Tynan Cates. That man thinks everyone runs on his speed—hyperdrive.”
“I’m fine, really.” Gritting her back teeth, she shook her head and smiled. Just hearing Tynan’s name made her vibrate with tension. She was too angry to think rationally right now. To think at all. She needed to calm down and get her emotions under control before runn
ing everything through her mind again.
She shoved Tynan Cates and his confession into a metal box, slammed the lid, and locked it up tight. In her mind she brought out a blow torch and sealed the box with melted steel. Next she dragged and kicked the box into the dark back recesses of her mind on the shelf labeled “crap to deal with later.” She’d have a glass of wine and a good night’s sleep and wake up calm and coolheaded. That was her plan.
* * *
Stupid plan. She tossed and turned all night and woke up angry. Very, very angry. Angry to the tenth power. She wanted to scream. Throw things around. Slam a hammer through a wall. Strangle a certain someone.
How had she ended up in the opposite place from where she’d been trying to get to? This wasn’t what she’d wanted at all. Certainly not what she’d come looking for. She had wanted answers about how to move on, but this—this felt like she was pulled back in time three years at G-force speed. Apparently she hadn’t really gotten past the anger over Joe’s death, so finding that space wasn’t hard at all. Revisiting that emotion wasn’t really a long trip. She needed to do something to deal with the anger. Once and for all, she needed to act on it before it exploded her life.
Granted, Lu had been in shock from the moment the casualty notification officer had knocked on her door, but she hadn’t remembered anything about Sergeant Cates in the few sterile sentences they’d provided about how Joe had died. Was it possible the government didn’t know what had happened? What if only the men in the unit knew and that was why Tynan Cates was still filled with guilt? What if only Tynan knew what he had done? There might never be real answers for her. Did it even matter since it wouldn’t bring Joe back?
That thought sliced through her and made the anger weigh heavier in her gut. She might even throw up. She didn’t know if she could face Tynan today, but she pulled up to the jobsite ready to find out. She would look at him through a different lens today. Now that she knew he wasn’t the perfect G.I. Joe soldier Joe had made him out to be.
She slammed her car door hard, thinking about all the letters Joe had written her that were filled with Sergeant Cates said this and Sergeant Cates did that. Apparently, every man in the unit had put Sergeant Cates up on some pedestal and would have taken a bullet for him. How did a man live with himself knowing he’d caused someone’s death? He certainly hadn’t been held accountable. She really, really wanted to see him feel just a molecule of the pain she’d been living with for the past three years. She wouldn’t wish the loss of someone he loved—she wasn’t that far gone. But she would love to take away something he cared about. Something that would slice at him and leave him wounded and angry and lost.
Everyone was gathered in the lobby area for the morning powwow when she walked in. Coffee and doughnuts, fast-food egg burritos, and even a piece of pie were on the crew’s breakfast menu.
“Morning, Lu!” Juan lifted a muffin in her direction, and the scent of cinnamon and molasses wafted toward her.
“Lu!” The other guys smiled their good mornings. They were probably waiting for her sunny response, but she didn’t have one. Nope. Couldn’t dredge up a smile, so she nodded in their general direction and leaned her butt up against the waist-high stack of drywall, waiting for Tynan to start talking.
She braced herself before looking at him. Her body tensed, every muscle tight under her skin as she held on to the need to throw herself at his chest and tear at him.
Tynan nodded at her. “Lu, good you could join us this morning.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. So she was twenty minutes late. Please. Like he was the boss of her or something.
“Y’all rocked ’n’ rolled on the drywall demo.” Tynan stood with his hands on his hips just above his low-slung tool belt. “Today we’ll get started on replacing some of the rotten studs. The town council didn’t give us a big budget, so we’re saving money where we can and where it won’t matter. If a stud is warped, mark it and we’ll decide which ones to yank and replace.”
There were a few grumbles and questions about how much warp and where to put the mark to make it quicker to check them. Once everyone was on the same page, they moved on. Tynan kept on talking, giving directions, like yesterday hadn’t even happened.
And what compounded her anger even more was that for some reason—now that she knew the worst thing about him—he became more real.
Last week he had been just a person moving about her world, but now she had this overwhelming sense of him. Before yesterday he’d been a means to an end. A tool to help her get her life on track. Like a compass in her hand, she’d been using him to help point her life in a new direction. Reorienting herself to move forward.
The man could have cooperated, but no; instead, when he finally did open his mouth and share, it was like a hit to her blind side. She was lost again. Lost in anger, the same anger that had boiled to the surface three years ago after she’d pushed the pain down deep and out of the way. For a long time the anger was what had fueled her. It felt too familiar, like hanging out with an old friend.
Anger had his arm slung around her shoulders as she stood looking Tynan up and down, sizing up the man she now saw. The man who had said he was responsible for stealing her future. For losing Joe. She had an urge to hurt him the way she’d been hurt. To rip something from his life that he cared about.
“Lu? You okay? You’re not sick, are you?” Tynan’s voice interrupted her thoughts.
“What?” She shook those thoughts from her head and found she was the center of attention. “I’m fine. Just a headache is all.”
“I’ve got extra coffee in my thermos if you want it.” Craig held up the red thermos.
“I’ve probably got some aspirin in my truck. I can go get it,” Juan offered, already moving toward the door.
“Thanks, but I just took some.” She forced her lips to tilt up. “Once it kicks in I’m sure I’ll be fine. Where am I working today?”
Ty looked at her closely. “I’ve put you with me on the second floor.”
“Fine.” She’d rather work on a separate floor altogether. But maybe spending time with him would help her figure out what to do. She had to do something because just walking away would leave her drifting around, lost and disconnected from life. The very thing she’d been trying to escape from when she came to Climax.
She strapped on her tool belt, feeling a little puff of retribution when Tynan’s face scowled at her pink, rhinestone-studded set of tools. Every little pinprick of discomfort brought her satisfaction. If this was why some people got off on S and M, she maybe could understand the fetish.
“Show me what I need to know and let’s get going. I know the big boss is a pain in the ass about wasting time with talk.” Her gaze landed on his face. Slammed into it was more like it, and he seemed so innocently confused. Ha!
Tynan shrugged and then led the way up the stairs to the second floor and over to the far back wall. “Okay; looking at these studs, you can see where there was water damage over the years. There must have been a leak over here at this back window. See this?”
She nodded when he pointed to a rotted two-by-four with his hammer, but he had his back to her so he didn’t see it. He turned his head, looking for her response.
Lu stared at him for a second before responding. “Uh-huh.”
He raised an eyebrow but turned back to the wall. “Okay; I don’t see any mold, but go ahead and put a mask on while you pull these studs out just in case.”
“Whatever you say.” She looked at him innocently when he turned around to look at her sharply. Okay, so maybe her voice had tone. “I’ll need to borrow a bigger hammer. And a mask.”
“Of course you will.”
“You know, not everyone is born with a silver toolbox in their truck.”
Without saying another word, he lent her the hammer and mask and she got to work, while Tynan smacked out studs on the wall behind her. They worked in silence, although some country singer twanged away on Craig’s radio up on t
he third floor. She wished she could talk Tynan’s ear off because she knew how much he hated that, but she was too angry even for that.
Hitting two-by-four studs with all her might felt really good. So at least she had that to cling to. It didn’t dissipate any of her anger, though. As she worked, she started running through ideas of how she could even the score with Tynan. If he had a girlfriend, she could try to break them up. Only she figured there was no girlfriend in the picture right now on account of the rumor she’d heard over at the diner.
She wasn’t evil or immoral, so actually physically hurting him or someone in his family wasn’t even up for consideration. He had a pickup truck. The image of taking a crowbar or baseball bat to his headlights filled up a pleasant thirty minutes, but in the end she decided against it. He just didn’t come across as a guy into material things. So even if it felt good to think about keying his driver’s side door or slashing his big, beefy tires, or spray painting something like limp dick or asshole on his tailgate, she didn’t think it would get to him. Not the way she needed it to get to him.
The morning passed in a blink. Anger was as good as espresso. Except that her anger made her a little careless. If only she could work up some regret that Tynan was, sadly, working too close to her and taking the brunt of that carelessness.
“Ouch, dammit. Could you watch out when you’re swinging those two-by-fours around?” He rubbed his upper arm where she’d smacked him this time.
Oops. “Sorry.”
“You don’t look sorry.” He scowled over at her.
“Whatever.” She tossed the rotted stud in the pile and turned for the next one. Pounding the stud with the hammer as hard as she could, this time the stud broke in the middle, the rotted wood breaking easily, and a two-foot section flew out from the wall, hitting Tynan in the back of the thigh.
“Dammit, woman! What the hell are you doing?”
“What you told me to. Taking out the rotten studs.”
“I didn’t tell you to take me out in the process.”
“True. That’s just a pleasant side benefit. It’s the little things in life that bring the most pleasure, don’t you think?”
