Instead, Jenna simply tugged the dress back down and frowned. “Yes, I know,” Jenna bit off the admission, tasting the bitterness of every word. “This dress shows my ass to the world, which is what I was buying it for in the first place. After tonight, it’s going to charity. Mama was freaking right as usual.”
“I’m sorry you’re so upset,” Seth offered, unsure of what other term to use for her emotional state. He couldn’t remember seeing Jenna this wound up or angry when they were dating.
“Upset?” Jenna looked at him oddly. “Oh, that’s right, you never paid enough attention to notice when I was in a bad mood, did you? What you seem to remember about me is an illusion, Seth. I come from the loins of a woman who taught me to express myself. If I was little Miss Pleasant with you, it was only because I was taught to be polite when people were on the phone, even when it was for the entire evening.”
Seth winced at her comment about the phone and knew they still had to resolve how much time he gave to his work. He hadn’t meant to be rude, or to diminish the value of her presence by ignoring her. He was just—busy a lot, he decided, unable to explain it any better to himself.
Jenna went to the closet and looked to see if she had maybe left some lower heeled shoes in her old room. She hadn’t, but it had been worth a shot. She was not looking forward to a whole evening in the tight spiky heels she’d worn out of spite.
“If you don’t mind, I need a few minutes to myself before I go back to the party. I don’t want to take my bad mood out on everyone I talk to tonight,” Jenna told him, turning her back.
“Is that all you have to say to me? After all this time we haven’t seen each other, you can just tell me to go away—just like that?” Seth asked, snapping his fingers for emphasis.
“Just like what?” Jenna asked in reply, more interested in her shoes than dealing with his refusal to leave her alone. Seth looked at her with so little understanding it only served to further confirm her decision to break up with him.
“Did you really get over me that fast?” Seth demanded, his eyes hot.
“What was there to get over, Seth? Our relationship was lukewarm at the best of times. When we met, I admit I thought there was passion between us. Honestly, by a month into it, I knew better. By the time I ended it, I couldn’t understand why I ever thought you were interested in me that way.” Jenna walked to the small bathroom and picked up a hairbrush to pull it through her hair.
Seth noticed Jenna wasn’t even shaking. She was angry about her clothes and shoes, but not about him evidently. It was shocking for him to realize Jenna really had written him off.
“Who’s the guy you came in with?” Seth asked, fists clenching at his sides, not really wanting to hear the answer but needing to anyway.
“He’s just a friend,” Jenna said fiercely. “Not that it’s any of your business. I’ve been out with a lot of guys since we broke up. Some of them weren’t just friends.”
Okay, they were mostly gay friends of hers, but that wasn’t his business either, Jenna thought sourly. The one or two real dates had been hardly memorable.
“I never wanted to break up, Jenna. I’m still in love with you,” Seth told her.
Jenna slammed the hairbrush on the sink and came back out into the room. “Love? How can you love someone you can barely pay attention to? Go back to your business, your cell phones, and your multiple money-making ventures, Seth Carter. Get on with your life, but leave me out of your five year plan.”
Jenna walked past him to the bedroom door and held it open for him to exit.
Seth walked to the door, closed it with a slam, and locked it.
Jenna crossed her arms and glared up at him. “We are not going to fight at my mother’s engagement party. Open the damn door,” she ordered.
“There’s something I have to say to you first,” Seth said quietly, feeling the frustration of the last few months building inside him.
“Fine. Say what you need to, and then leave,” Jenna said tightly.
Seth looked down. Jenna was almost a foot shorter than he was without her heels. With her arms crossed and the frown on her face, he could easily envision Jenna as a pouting child, but the damn dress left no doubt about her age.
Seth was beginning to think Jenna was right in some ways about his not knowing her, but he was completely sure he still wanted the chance to find out. He wanted to know what made her angry and how to soothe it. How could he do that if he wasn’t in her life?
“I’m sorry for the way I reacted when I saw you in this dress before. I can understand why you felt I was ignoring you. I can’t rewind the clock, but I’d like to show you what I should have done, what I wanted to do, but didn’t let myself. Will you let me show you before you kick me out?” Seth asked her, his hands reaching out to stroke up her arms.
There was nothing from any man Jenna wanted more than Seth’s declaration of passion. But she didn’t want to be an idiot love-sick woman who needed to repeat her mistakes over and over, so Jenna took two steps back from him. She wasn’t willing to lose the hard-won ground she had gained in getting over him.
“No. I really don’t want you to show me anything, Seth. You’ve had your say, now I want you to leave,” Jenna said softly, sadness overriding the anger.
Seth looked at Jenna, his eyes softening at the hurt in hers. He had never meant to hurt Jenna, never fully understood he could or did until this moment. Now Seth could see it in her sad gaze, but he didn’t know how to make it better. He took one step closer, and then another until he was pressed against her folded arms.
Jenna held her ground only through sheer will. His heat was reaching out to her, making her want to forget everything but the need to hold him.
Seth put his hands on her waist and lifted her to her toes.
Jenna arms came uncrossed at the exact moment Seth’s mouth fastened itself to hers. She pushed at him with her hands to resist, but his shoulders were unmovable. She pulled free of his mouth. “I don’t want this,” she told him fiercely.
Seth looked at her wet and quivering lips, looked at her breasts peaking against him through the dress. He didn’t believe her, couldn’t fathom the thought of it being true.
“Well, I want you,” Seth told her, trying to sound as reasonable as possible about the fact. “I have always wanted you. Maybe I was stupid about it, thinking it could wait, that you could wait, until the rest of my life was sorted out. Let me show you how much I want you. Please, Jenna. Kiss me back.”
“No,” Jenna denied, shaking her head back and forth. “I don’t want you anymore. I don’t want you.”
Seth kissed her again. There was resistance, but not as much. He took it as a hopeful sign.
“The first time I saw you, my instincts were clamoring to drag you to the floor in your office,” Seth told her, his heart in his throat. “You were wearing a crisp white shirt hanging outside jeans hugging every curve. That’s the image I carry in my head about how you look.”
Jenna pushed against him, but her hands kept slipping from place to place over him, looking for where they belonged.
“Well, you should have dragged me to floor because it was what I wanted then, too. Now it’s too late. I don’t feel that way anymore. All I want is to be away from you.”
“I don’t believe you. Kiss me back, Jenna. Kiss me like you used to kiss me. Then if you still feel the same, I’ll leave,” he whispered against her mouth, not believing for a moment she didn’t want him.
Seth eased his hands on her slightly, but kept himself bent to her, hoping she would reach for him soon. He was coming to see he’d never understood the depth of Jenna’s emotions about him. How could he convince her he was now ready to learn?
“Oh to hell with it,” Jenna swore, launching herself at Seth, catching him around his neck, her arms embracing his head as she kissed him with all the longing she’d always had for him.
Seth shook in her arms, relieved to know Jenna still had some feelings left for him. His hands
roamed all of her. His hands slid down her legs, and then up under the dress until they reached her hips. Cupping her bottom in his hands, Seth lifted her easily, wrapping her legs around him. Then he sat on the bed, pleased when Jenna pushed her hips down on him.
Seth ran his hand up inside the dress, across her back and to her front to cup her breasts. She groaned and kissed him wildly. He allowed himself one push into her heat, one arch into the promise of her before he had to pull away.
“Jenna—I want you badly, you have to believe me, but honey—I didn’t bring any protection,” Seth said to her regretfully, kissing the corner of her mouth, the line of her cheek.
Jenna felt Seth’s erection under her core. The longing to have Seth inside her was so intense she thought she would faint from hearing she couldn’t have him. She should have known he’d reject her again. Why did she keep doing this with him?
Climbing off his lap, Jenna told herself it was lucky that Seth didn’t feel the same level of unrestrained passion. Protection or not, she’d have let him have her and would only have been grateful for the child they might have made.
Tugging the dress back down once more, she put a hand to her stomach and thought of her mother. I understand now, Jenna thought, her body hurting from a need Seth refused to acknowledge in her or meet.
Jenna’s voice was cool and unemotional as she answered him. “Don’t worry about protection on my account, Seth. It’s been obvious for a long time that nothing is ever going to happen between us. Now please go.”
“Jenna, wait. We need to talk about this some more. What did I do to make you more upset with me? Shit, I wasn’t prepared to have sex with you today. How was I to know this would happen? You’ve ignored me for two damn months,” Seth protested, not getting how Jenna could be so distant when seconds ago she was practically vibrating in his lap. How could she just turn all the passion between them off?
Jenna made a sound of disgust in her throat.
“Don’t you get it, Seth? That’s the story of our entire brief and unsatisfying relationship. You never were prepared for me. Even I get it now. I even believe you never meant to hurt me, but too bad, it happened anyway. Now just go, okay? I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” Jenna walked to the bathroom, closed and locked the door between them.
Seth waited until he could walk somewhat unhindered by his desire. He closed the bedroom door quietly behind him as he started back to the party, wondering what she thought he was supposed to do. Was he supposed to just take her anyway, and damn the consequences? Was he supposed to risk getting her pregnant? He would have sworn Jenna wanted him, could feel her longing as she sat in his lap. It wasn’t like he carried condoms around with him hoping to get lucky with every girl he met. Wasn’t stopping the right thing to do?
Head down and hands in his pockets, he found Casey and Alex and said his goodbyes.
Chapter 15
On the dance floor, Ben and Regina were still working out logistics.
“You don’t have to leave your car here. I could you follow you to your place,” Ben said. “Your car would be there when you get home tomorrow.”
“You know we can’t do that. Someone might see us,” Regina said sadly but firmly. “You can bring me back around to Alexa’s tomorrow to pick up my car.”
Ben swore against her ear. “I hate this,” he said, pulling her close in his arms.
“Ben,” Regina whispered quietly. “Things are quiet again. Your family and business are safe for the moment. We’re still in each other’s life. It’s more than I’ve ever had with a man since before I married. Moving my car around seems like a small sacrifice.”
“You deserve a lot more than a relationship where we have to sneak around all the time,” Ben argued. “I’m a CEO, Regina. I solve problems. I don’t tolerate them, damn it.”
Regina stopped dancing and framed Ben’s earnest face in her hands.
“I know. And I’m sure you solve lots of problems all the time. But this isn’t really your problem, Ben. You are nothing but a wonderful man who has brought me true happiness for the first time in my life. I would do anything to keep you. If anyone needs to fix anything, it’s me,” she told him. “I’m the one with the notorious life.”
Ben pulled her into his arms and held her tightly against him. “You’re not alone in this relationship,” he said tightly. “It’s my problem too.”
“I love you for thinking that way,” Regina told him, stroking his back in comfort. “Please let’s not fight tonight. I’ve missed you so much this week.”
Ben sighed against her hair, pulled back and dipped his head to kiss her deeply. At that moment, he didn’t care if the whole damn world took a picture.
“I love you too,” Ben told her. “We’re going home soon. We’re going to go see Casey and Alexa after this dance.”
“Okay,” Regina said, agreeing. “Now shut up and hold me.”
“You know I don’t care how tired you are tonight, you’re going to be on top and do all the work,” he told her, making her laugh. “Then we’ll see how bossy you are after that.”
“Fine,” she agreed. “Now please—shut up and hold me.”
*** *** ***
As they continued to watch Ben and Regina dancing, Lauren left her arm hooked loosely through James Gallagher’s in what she considered merely a friendly manner. She told herself it was a similar gesture to what she would do with other men she liked, such as Ben or Casey.
Okay. Maybe it was exciting to feel the firm arm inside the man’s shirt sleeve, but it wasn’t like she was flirting with him, not really. Okay, maybe she was flirting a little, waiting to see if he would pull away from her, but that didn’t really count, did it?
Shoot, she really hated feeling so high-school nervous around the man.
She was just curious, Lauren decided. That could explain her strange behavior. Having seen the man’s protective side, she now wondered more than ever about the mystery Regina had hinted at about him.
“Would you like to dance?” Lauren finally asked, surprising herself so much she had to fight to keep a blush from creeping up her neck. Then she reminded herself there was nothing wrong with asking a man to dance with you. Women did it all the time. She ordered herself to stop being foolish.
Jim smiled, his eyes crinkling in the soft light of the room. “Sure, I’d love to dance, but isn’t that supposed to be my line?” he asked, confirming her worst fears of what he thought of her asking even as he was holding out a polite hand. “But I’ll only dance with you if you start calling me Jim.”
“Fine, Jim,” Lauren said, shrugging off her remaining embarrassment.
They walked out on the floor and Lauren turned in Jim’s arms to face him directly. At five-nine in bare feet, she was used to being six-feet and eye level with even tall men when she wore heels. It was her nervousness with Jim that had her looking over his arm instead of tilting her chin a few inches to directly meet his gaze.
After a couple turns around the floor, Lauren concluded Jim was being a perfect gentleman, a realization which irked her terribly.
Around and around the floor they twirled in perfect form with Jim never pulling her closer to him, never putting his hands outside the perfect ballroom dance frame. The more he twirled them in a perfect dance, the more Lauren wanted him to do something more in line with what she thought of him, what she had heard about him.
Her consternation grew. “Would you like to take a walk through Alexa’s gardens with me?” Lauren asked, bringing her gaze to his at last. “They’re quite beautiful, if you haven’t seen them.”
Great, she thought. Now she was sounding as brash as Regina. The flush did come into her face this time, but it was too late to retract the request.
Jim raised an eyebrow, and then stopped them from twirling. Wondering what Lauren’s game was, he paused to wrestle with his conscience and his intentions. Since there seemed only one way to discover what Lauren really wanted from him, he motioned for her to lead the way. I
f Jim didn’t know better, he’d think Lauren was making a play for him.
Like everyone else at the country club, Jim knew about Lauren’s cheating ex-husband, so he just couldn’t see her wanting to involve herself with another cheating man. Sure, a few times he’d asked her to dinner over the last couple years, but had not asked her out again after he’d learned her history. Lauren didn’t deserve to risk her reputation by being seen with him, no matter how attracted he was to her.
Wanting to talk to Jim alone, Lauren headed immediately down the curving paved path to a more shaded area of the garden where she knew they would not be disturbed. Trees and shrubs were showing their autumn colors, but it was too dark to really see anything. So much for the “see the gardens” ploy, she thought, glad the darkness hid her deepening flush of embarrassment. The path was only faintly lit with solar lights.
Jim walked along beside Lauren, his heart beating loudly enough for him to count the beats as she continued further and further into the darkness. Despite an innate self-confidence validated by years of being a successful businessman, Jim was still wary about being alone with Lauren. He wasn’t sure what to think about it, much less how to handle the situation. There was also the problem about how long he’d fantasized about being alone with her to contend with. He didn’t really trust himself.
“I don’t get it, Lauren. You’ve been avoiding private conversations with me for almost two years. Why are you so suddenly okay with being alone with me?” Jim asked, deciding he had little to lose by speaking his true thoughts aloud.
Lauren paused in her walking and considered how to best answer Jim’s question.
“I’m not sure of all the reasons,” she said honestly. “I think it was mostly the fact you instinctively protected Ben and Regina earlier. It made me think my initial impressions of you might not be as accurate as I thought.”
Jim shrugged and laughed the compliment away. “Well, don’t make a hero out of me for that small action. I owe Regina Logan a lot, and she’s been a good friend. Her life has been challenging enough for ten people. There’s nothing I would like more than seeing her truly happy.”
Dating Dr Notorious Page 15
