by K. T Fisher
"Me too, I need to warn you though. Me and the girls can sometimes get a little loud and carried away, We talk about everything and anything. Nice to bad. Most of the time there's no filter-"
Sophie stops my nervous rant by laughing at me. She waving my words away.
"Don't be silly, sounds like just what I need. I've been missing girl talk. I'm happy I've met you and I can't wait to meet your friends."
Well that's a relief however I thought a bit of juicy talk would be just what she needs. Right on que my beautiful best friend walks in looking all cute in her black denim shorts that show of her amazing tanned legs and a white blouse, teamed with black peep toe heels, her chocolate coloured hair hanging straight down her back. I stand to give her a hug and I introduce Sophie and Jessica to each other.
"Oh my god Sophie I love your shoes."
Jessica is a sucker for shoes and Sophie is wearing some stunning killer red bottoms so obviously Jessica drools. So just like that they click and chatter away, bonding like they have been friends for years. Not long after Tanya and Maisy join us, walking in together and they hit it off with Sophie just like Jessica did. Both girls are looking lovely too, Tanya in a pink maxi dress and hippy style band around her head. Maisy is wearing shocking blue coloured skinny jeans, white blouse and nude coloured heels. Were all blending together nicely and Sophies laughing away with us as we listen to Maisy talk about why she dumped her last boyfriend.
"Well I wouldn't call him my actual boyfriend really. We just had amazing sex but when I went over to his place one night. No way! It was disgusting, I didn't want him to touch me again. It made me cringe, I had to end it."
We all laugh again. Maisys job as an interior designer can make her a snob when it comes to other peoples homes. I mean his a man, obviously his house will be a mess but Maisy couldn't handle that. But I suppose when your going over to have sex and it's a mess it going to be a turn off. Especially for Maisy.
"So girls, how did you all meet?"
They all look to me so I guess it's my job to tell all. I suppose I did bring Tanya who then bought Maisy so I guess it should be me.
"Well long story short, me and Jess met when we were ten and have been best friends ever since. We moved to the same school at twelve and we knew Mark from our Primary school so he sort of gravitated towards us and became our protector figure alongst the bigger kids. All three of us were our own little group, then Mark joined the school football team where he met Sam and James so three became five. All through school Jess and Sam flirted but they didn't get together until we left school. When I started my second year of my hairdressing course I met Tanya and we hit it off straight away. After Jessica met Tanya we all got close and then Tanya bought along Maisy and that's it. We have all been like this for four years now. Were like brothers and sisters, well apart from Sam and Jessica."
"Aw that's a sweet story."
"And then Kendal had an appointment with you Sophie and you two hit it of and now here you are a part of the gang too."
Sophie grins at Jessica and her eyes are shining a little.
"Aw thanks Jess."
We all eat and chat. I'm glad the girls like Sophie as much as I do, I guess we have adopted another sister. Conversation touches every subject. Sophie reveals she's been with Reece for three years. You can tell she loves him, when she talks about him she has that look in her eyes. We talk about dirty things, nice things, funny things and good old gossip. After dinner and a few drinks I glance at my phone and notice the time. Me and Jessica need to get back soon to meet Sam and Finley. Before I can say anything though Maisy slams her empty glass down and excuses herself.
"Well my sexy sisters, I have a date tonight so I gotta love ya and leave ya."
Well she kept that one quiet. Tanya says her goodbyes and follows her out. You can hear her grilling Maisy all the way out. Poor girl, whenever it comes to men or sex talk Tanya's there trying to get every detail. She loves to squeeze them out of you, I guess you can call her the horny slut of our group where as Maisy is probably the secret slut. Sophie gives me and Jessica a hug goodbye.
"I've had a lot of fun today girls, I really enjoyed it. You girls are a laugh. I have date night with Reece tonight so I'd better head back and start to get ready. I'll get in touch with you all and we can get together again."
We walk out together, hug again and make our way to our cars. Seeing as me and Jessica are in our own cars we drive separately to her house. Sams car is already there and James and Marks cars are there too. The house is noisy when we walk in, it sounds like driving and chanting. When we walk into the living room we find the reason to all the noise. The guys all mumble theres hellos not even looking up. There all sat on the floor with little Finley, controls in there hand racing on the Xbox. Poor Finley's car keeps bumping into the side but he thinks his another car because his shouting and laughing.
"I'm winning! I'm winning!"
James looks over to Finley and smiles.
"Yea Fin, your beating everyone!"
It makes me smile, I bet they purposely told him he was a different car to keep him happy. Me and Jessica leave them to it and go into the kitchen and sit down at the table, shes staring at me. Shes freaking me out and she's not saying anything.
"Jess?"
"You want some tea?"
"Sure."
She quickly goes about making us some tea, the only noise is Jessica's movements and the guys from the living room. When she sits back down she sits right next to me and turns her body towards me.
"OK, what do you need to tell me Kendal?"
Dammit she knows me too well. I look down at my hands hoping she can't tell that I have actually got something that's troubling me. I've been dying to talk about it but now the chance is here I'm too scared.
"You can tell me honey. I noticed it at dinner, you can't fool me."
Dam best friends and there magical powers. I sigh and look back at her. Shes silently laughing and I realize I said that out loud. I need to tell her.
"I've been doing some thinking lately."
I look up at her and she lifts that dam eyebrow at me. Telling me to continue.
"I've been thinking about Jax and if I made a mistake."
Both of Jessica's eyebrows shoot up and her face is shocked.
"How long?"
I shrug and let it all go.
"Lately whenever Finley makes me proud, happy, sad or just little things like him telling me he loves me when I take him to school or playing football on the field and playing on the park it makes me feel guilty as hell Jess. I think that Jax should experience what I do everyday and I've took that away from him. I really wanted what was best for everyone, I wanted Jax to have him dream and for me not to keep him from that dream but I feel like I've failed everyone especially Finley. What if I've let him down, he needs his dad, should I have kept them apart? I don't know what to do."
My voice cracks on my last sentence and a few tears escape. Jessica pulls me into a tight hug and smooths my hair.
"It's ok honey. Everything's going to be OK. But you know what I'm going to say don't you?"
Oh yea I know what she's going to say. She thought I was making a huge mistake walking away from Jax and an even bigger one not telling him about being pregnant. She let me know right from the start she didn't like what I was doing but stood by me no matter what and I thank her for that.
"You broke that man Kendal, I don't want to upset you but that day you broke both of your hearts. I still don't understand your whole plan of what you thought would have happened once you told Jax."
"He would have got a normal job to support us and left his dream Jess, that's the kind of man he is and I wouldn't let him do that. I couldn't do that to him Jess, one day he could have resented me or worse Finley. What then?"
"Jax wouldn't do that Kendal and you know it. He would have thought of something. What you gonna do now?"
I shake my head, I have no idea. I need to get myself together before the g
uys and Finley end there game.
"Do you have any way of getting in touch with him?"
"No, I deleted him number the day I left him."
She gives me a sympathetic look and taps my hand. We sit in a comfortable silence while we drink our tea. After ten minutes I'm back to myself and good job because the noises from the TV in the next room have stopped. Jessica gives me a quick wink before they all stroll into the kitchen. Sam, James and Mark all give me a hug. Mark takes the seat near me and pats my knee, his a good guy. Me and Mark are quite close, we hang out from time to time when Jessica and Sam are together and James is out with another of his girls. Some people mistake us for a couple but that's just plain wrong. I only see him as a brother figure and nothing more even though Tanya keeps dropping in hints of Mark crushing on me in her teasing way. When me and Harley were seeing each other he was actually jealous of Mark, I mean sure Mark is good looking and he has that good athletes body but I don't think of him as anything more than a friend. That just makes me cringe!
Seeing as me and Jessica have already eaten and the guys and Finley have after the football game we just have one of Jessica's homemade desserts. She owns a bakery in the town center, everything she makes is delicious. We all wolf it down and James breaks the silence after he empty's his bowl.
"Have any of you seen the paper today? How mad is that-"
"No we haven't James!"
Sam growls at James from over the table in a louder than usual voice and his eyes are giving him daggers. James slouches down slightly in his chair and blushes a little. Very unlike James, he never takes shit from anyone. I can tell something is going on here but I'm not sure what. Nobody has looked at me yet but I have the feeling like they don't want to. Finley is oblivious from the weirdness and is laughing and pointing at James.
"Hahahahahaha! Uncle Sam shouted at you!"
His still giggling and I see Jessica's mouth lift slightly at the corner. Everyone else still hasn't spoke or looked my way. Somethings not right, and I'm not staying any longer. I want to go home, I'm not being around them while there being like this.
"OK,....... Well, it's getting late and I need to get Finley to bed."
Finley's laughter immediately stops and he frowns up at me.
"Ohhhhh but I not tired!"
Well I'm tired and I'm not staying here any longer. I stand taking Finley's hand with me and we say our goodbyes. The guys still don't look me in the eye and Jessica has a weird look on her face. We only live around the corner so the drive isn't even five minutes long but Finley sulks all the way. When I put him to bed he doesn't even ask for a film and his eyes look heavy so he obviously is tired. He gives me a soft kiss and a hug and rolls over. I make sure everything is in order downstairs and go to bed myself. When I lie in my bed I can't stop thinking about my friends at Jessica and Sams house. What was that all about? I get the feeling Sam didn't want me to know what Jame was going to say but he only mentioned the paper. I don't really read the paper, I sometimes stick the news channel on if Finley lets me from time to time and I listen the radio at work but I wasn't at work today. I open my bedside drawer and reach for my IPad and search our local paper webpage, when the page loads up I get all sweaty and my breathing becomes fast. Theres a picture taking up the screen and it's a multishot picture, theres three pictures altogether. One of them is of Jax standing with his band mate and good friend Leo walking out the airport together, the next is his other two band mates Rhys and Max standing together and talking on phones. The big one is them altogether getting into a car and you can see airport behind them. It's the one in London! They can't be here can they? I tear my eyes of Jax in his black skinny jeans, white shirt, leather jacket and red converse and start to read the article. My heart thumping loudly in my chest.
Decoy Band members return home
A soure has reveled that all four band members of worldwide rockband Decoy are missing there home town here in London. They are supposedly in the process of looking to buy properties. There friends and family are said to be pleased of them setting up roots here in London. There said to be taking a well earned break after there tour has just finished. They will start to write there new album in the up and coming months and it's roomered this is where they are also recording. We are all happy to have Decoy back home and can't wait for there performance at the festival in the Summer
I drop the IPad onto the bed and I drop my head into my hands. I try and hold back my tears but it's too hard. Is this real? Is he coming back? Where is he? Is he close? What if he sees me and Finley before I have a chance to explain? I can't stop shaking. Earlier I wanted to tell Jax everything but knew I had no way of getting in touch with him but that was before there was a possibility that I could see him. If he moves back here I will definitely have to tell him. If him or one of his friends sees me with Finley they will know who his dad is, he looks too much like Jax for anyone else to be his dad. If he has moved back theres no question about it, I will have to tell him. Now the option has been taken away from me I feel a little relief to be truthful but no less scared.
I feel hurt that my friends didn't tell me. This was obviously the reason behind that scene. Didn't they think I needed to know about this. I should know this I have a right. The thought of maybe seeing Jax again has my heart hurting, even just the thought of bumping into Leo, Max or Rhys has me in knots. They were great friends and it hurt to loose them too but they represent Jax and everything what we had. I pick up my phone angry at Jess for not telling me sooner. I bet they all decided not to tell me, god I'm not a baby. Why didn't Jessica tell me when we was having that talk in her kitchen? I know Tanya and Maisy must know to. I click on Jessica's number and listen to the dialing tone.
"Kendal?"
She sounds a little hesitant, so she knows.
"Why didn't you tell me? I know you know what I'm talking about Jess."
She huffs down the phone.
"I just didn't know how to tell you Kendal and I just couldn't upset you. You seem happy and this is just going to set you back again. If the guys and Fin weren't in the next room I would have told you today. I'm sorry but I found out just before we met up with Sophie and I couldn't just come out with it there and then letting our new friend know all about you and Jax, everyone text me to see if you knew so we decided to keep quiet until you said something. I thought that's what you were going to say earlier. Sam didn't want James upsetting you in front of Finley. Sorry honey."
It's my turn to huff now. I was all angry with her and just like that now I'm not. I can understand the position she was in. But I am still annoyed at how they all baby me.
"OK. It's fine I'm sorry for shouting it's just it annoys me that you all baby me when it comes to Jax. Fucking hell Jess what am I going to do?"
"If you see him, you see him. You don't say anything about Fin, heck you don't even have to talk to him. But you know what I think you should do. Before someone gets hurt you should try and tell him before he finds out for himself. Especially is he has moved here. Which is the better option? You telling Jax before he sees Finley or he sees you and Finley, puts two and two together and finds out for himself?"
Jessica didn't want me to end things with Jax in the first place and every now and then she will drop it in that Jax should be here or at least know about his son. Christmas and birthdays are the worse. Yes I know Jax should know but at twenty I made the decision to let Jax out of this and give him his dream come true. As much as he would have stood by me and Fin and told me he was happy I would know deep down we were keeping him back. He just got signed when Finley was a week old and they toured the world and had a crazy schedule, I know because I stalked his bands blog. If I would have stayed and told him I was pregnant I don't think he would have wanted to leave his newborn baby but he wouldn't have wanted to let his band mates down. He would have been torn about what to do but being the good guy he is I know he would have stayed with me and Finley so I went ahead and made it easy for him. I'm pretty sure with all
those girls and money his living a very happy life and doesn't even think about me anymore. I bet he actually thanks me for letting him go to enjoy his new stardom being single and free. The thought of that really hurts but I chose this so I have to live with it. I know Jessica is right, I do need to tell him but how and when? I have kept this away from Jax for four years, it's going to be hard to come clean.
Chapter 4
~Jax~
I look around the empty shell of a house, it's a dream house. It's gorgeous, all shiny and new. The problem is it's a dream house if I had a family, not single me. It's too big and it screams out wife and kids, BBQ in the summer and happy memories. It's too nice for just me, it's more Rhys style seeing as his settling down with his girlfriend. It's lucky his already found his house or I would be scared him taking this one. I couldn't let him have this house, I love it too much. This is the third house of the day, I have some old man showing me around houses. I told him what I wanted, something suitable for just me but all his shown me is big houses like this. This one is the best by far though and I regret that this is not what I'm looking for at the moment in my life. The old dude obviously wants me to spend millions rather than thousands. As I look out over the huge garden my phone vibrates and there's a picture of Leo flashing up.
