by Scott Meyer
“I know that right now gold is the more standard currency,” Phillip said, “but in the coming years, silver will be much preferable, trust me.”
Honor’s expression darkened as Phillip said this, then said, “I suppose that’s the problem. This is all very nice, but I just don’t trust you wizards.”
Phillip smiled and said, “And until we earn your trust, you shouldn’t.”
* * *
Later that night, 1,500 years earlier, Brit the Younger sat in her living room back in Atlantis, watching a school of fish swim by the window when the doorbell rang.
Nik shouted from the kitchen, “I’ll be right there.”
Brit hoisted herself up out of her chair. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll get it.”
She looked through the peephole and sagged visibly when she saw Brit the Elder waiting on the doorstep. She opened the door, but said nothing.
Brit the Elder walked in. “You don’t have to act so unhappy to see me. I’m making an effort here. I’ve started knocking like you asked instead of just coming in.”
“That’s your idea of some great concession to my feelings? Knocking? That’s just common courtesy when you visit someone in their home.”
Brit the Elder sat down in the chair Brit the Younger had just vacated. “You forget, this is my home, too. I lived here longer than you have, then saved it so it would be waiting for you when you showed up.”
Brit the Elder looked around the room, then said, “Phillip’s not here.”
“No. He’s not.”
“That wasn’t a question. I know he’s not here because I remember that he wasn’t here when Brit the Elder came by to see me the day after the big dragon battle. I wasn’t happy to see her.”
“I bet you weren’t. Anyway, Phillip’s at his place, right through one of those doors.” She pointed at the two rustic wooden doors set into the pristine glass wall of her living room.
“I know. I’m not here for him. I’m here for you.”
“Okay, what do you want?”
“To give you the opportunity to ask any questions you might have.”
“Will you answer them?” Brit the Younger asked.
“You won’t know until you ask.”
“Okay. First question. Why did you and Louiza have devil costumes on hand?”
“I can’t tell you. Louiza already explained that.”
“She said that you didn’t want to tell me, not that you couldn’t.”
“Yes, well, when I was Brit the Younger, Brit the Elder didn’t want to tell me, so now that I’m Brit the Elder, I can’t, even if I wanted to. Which I don’t. Next question?”
“How did you and Louiza deal with all of those injured people we sent you? I figure it’ll be handy to know when I’m you.”
“Yes, it would be. Sadly, I can’t tell you that either.”
Brit the Younger closed her eyes and let out a long, slow grunt. “If you knew that you weren’t going to answer my questions, why did you bother coming over in the first place?”
“Because that’s what Brit the Elder did when I was Brit the Younger, damn her. This isn’t fun for me either you know, playing the villain in reenactments of all of my most aggravating memories.”
“It’s not like I enjoy getting aggravated to create those memories in the first place.”
“Yes, I know, but we each have our cross to bear. Speaking of which, the Leadchurch apology tour went well for the most part.”
Brit the Younger said, “Yes.”
Brit the Elder said, “Again, that wasn’t a question.”
“Of course it wasn’t.”
“My memory is that it all went pretty well. Most people were fairly forgiving and many of the ones who weren’t come around eventually. Shame about Kludge though.”
Brit the Younger said, “Yeah well, that’s . . . wait a second. What do you mean, Shame about Kludge?”
“Just that it’s a pity he chose not to cooperate.”
Brit the Younger said, “But he did. He agreed to the proposal.”
Brit the Elder said, “What?”
“Yeah. Does he go back on it later?”
“No. He turned it down at first. It took a year to win him over.”
“No. He’s on board. You remember it differently?”
Brit the Elder’s eyes widened, but she said nothing.
“You do! You remember it differently!” Brit the Younger laughed, then paused, then laughed again, then looked very nervous. “What does this mean?”
Brit the Elder stood up and smiled. “It means that I’m messing with you, just like Brit the Elder messed with me when I was you.”
Brit the Younger said, “Get out.”
“That’s what I said.”
“Out! Now!”
Brit the Elder stepped out of Brit the Younger’s quarters. The instant she heard the door shut, her expression changed from her customary look of smug amusement to a most unusual one of alarmed confusion. She teleported back to her home, as walking or flying would have taken too long.
Because for once, Brit the Elder had no time to waste.
FIGHT AND FLIGHT
The characters and events portrayed in this book are ficticious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Text copyright © 2017 Scott Meyer.
All rights reserved.
Created in the United States of America.
No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the publisher.
Published by Rocket Hat Industries
ISBN-13: 978-0-9862399-8-4
ISBN-10: 0-9862399-8-4
Cover design by Eric Constantino
ALSO BY SCOTT MEYER
Basic Instructions Collections:
Help Is on the Way
Made with 90% Recycled Art
The Curse of the Masking Tape Mummy
Dignified Hedonism
Magic 2.0:
Off to Be the Wizard
Spell or High Water
An Unwelcome Quest
Master of Formalities
The Authorities
Run Program
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
As usual, this book would not exist without the people who assist, support, and put up with me. I’d like to thank Rodney Sherwood; Mike Dunnigan; Steven Carlson; Ric Schrader; my wife, Missy; the readers of my comic strip, Basic Instructions; and everyone who has read my previous books.
I’m also grateful to Joshua Bilmes, Eddie Schneider, Steve Feldberg, Matt Sugarman, and the whole team at Audible.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
After an unsuccessful career as a radio DJ, and a so-so career as a stand-up comic, Scott Meyer found himself middle-aged, working as a ride operator at Walt Disney World. In his spare time, he produced the successful web comic Basic Instructions. He slowly built a following, which allowed him to self-publish his first novel, Off to Be the Wizard. The book’s success brought him a publishing deal.
Scott is the bestselling author of seven novels. He lives in Arizona with his wife, their cats, and his most important possession: a functioning air conditioner.
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