by Lucy Score
Aldo was making space for her here. He was trusting her to be a good, healthy partner. Believing that she could overcome her past.
And there he was, greeting her with a glass of wine and a kiss. She turned her head at the last second, so his lips landed on the corner of her mouth.
She felt…defeated. As much as she’d tried to ignore Luke’s words, his prophesy that there were no happy endings for the broken, she couldn’t stop hearing them.
“How was Harper?” Aldo asked, taking her coat and bag, hanging both in the closet but not before getting her phone out and setting it on the charging station on the console table they’d picked out together.
Gloria took a sip of wine and tasted bitterness. “Not good.”
Aldo swore quietly. “What does she need?”
Gloria shook her head and sank down on the couch.
Harper loved Luke. She’d trusted him with her heart, her scars. And look where that had gotten her. Alone. With a broken heart.
“I don’t know.”
Aldo sat next to her, absentmindedly stroked a hand over her hair. “I’m going to have to kick his ass.”
“You can’t make him love her. He said it himself. He’s not capable of loving anyone after Karen.”
Ivan dashed downstairs and hurled himself into Aldo’s lap, curling up and falling asleep in .2 seconds.
“That’s bullshit,” Aldo said. “He didn’t lose the ability to love when Karen died. He lost the ability to be brave. It’s gotta stop. He’s throwing away a lifetime of happiness. A future. All because he’s scared.”
Gloria spun the stem of the wineglass in her hand. “He’s not scared. He’s sure. He’s positive that he can’t love her, and he wants her to find someone who will. It’s kind of… I don’t know. Noble in a sad, twisted way.”
“Don’t tell me you buy that crap he sold you. That’s fear, Gloria,” Aldo insisted. “He’s scared to get hurt again. He’s scared to lose again.”
“He’s damaged. You said yourself you can’t fix someone else. Harper can’t fix Luke,” Gloria reminded him.
You can’t fix me. The thought rose up and bloomed between them, getting bigger and uglier. It felt like the truth.
She took a shaky breath and pressed on. “And he doesn’t want her to make a mistake trying to love him. That’s why it’s so hard for him to be around Joni. She’s a reminder of what happened. That’s how I feel every time I see Mrs. Diller. That woman will be a permanent reminder to me of all the mistakes I made just because we share a town.”
Aldo, still cradling Ivan in one arm, turned to look at her. God, he was so handsome it hurt to look at him. Low-slung sweatpants, a tissue-thin t-shirt that looked about a decade old. His hair, dark and curling, and that scruff of beard over his jaw. She loved him so much. At least, she thought she did.
Maybe this wasn’t love. Maybe this was some misguided attempt to be whole again. She felt sick again.
“Hey. You sound stressed. How about a bath? I’ll run one for you. Candles, music. No cat. You go up there and shut out the world for a while. I’ll order a pizza, and we’ll call it a night.”
Goddammit. Why was he so good to her? Did she even deserve it? Or was she wasting his time the way Luke had wasted Harper’s?
The difference was Luke was sure he didn’t love anyone, and Gloria was no longer sure what love was.
“I think I should go,” she said, setting the glass of wine down and rising.
“Go? Why?”
“I just…I need some time alone to think.”
Aldo put the cat down on the couch and came to his feet. “Talk to me, Gloria.”
She stepped away from him, cognizant of the fact that if he touched her, if he pulled her against that broad, safe chest of his, she’d never be able to leave. Never be able to do the right thing.
“Harper’s devastated. Like she’s a shadow of the Harper we love. It’s like someone flipped a switch and all the light went out of her. It’s because she fell for someone too broken to love her back.”
There were tears blurring her vision.
“You’re upset because your friend is hurt. I get that,” Aldo said carefully.
But it was more than that. So much more. Gloria had never seen anyone love as freely as Harper. And if that kind of love couldn’t be reciprocated, what did that say about Gloria’s future? Was she like Luke and too damaged to ever be in a healthy relationship? Did her scars run too deep?
Or was she like Harper and chasing a love that wasn’t real?
Looking at Aldo, in the dim glow of lamps, she couldn’t be sure. She needed to think. Needed to figure out if she was making a mistake or if she’d already made it.
Because now she knew that love wasn’t enough.
“I’m sorry, Aldo. I think I need some time. Some space.”
“Spell it out for me, Glo. Because you’re scaring the shit out of me right now. Are we talking about just tonight?”
She swallowed hard and shook her head. “No. We’re not. I’m not. I think all of this might have been a mistake.”
“Sweetheart, if you want to back off on the moving in together thing, that’s fine. I don’t want to rush you. I love you. I love being with you. I’ll be as patient as you need me to be…if you’re in this.”
The if. She didn’t know the answer. Didn’t know if she should be in it. Shouldn’t this be easy? Shouldn’t she know? Maybe that was her answer.
“I think I made a mistake, Aldo.”
“No, Glo. No.” He reached for her, but she shied away, and she saw the pain flicker across his face.
She knew he wouldn’t hurt her. Not like that. Never like that.
“I’m sorry,” she said lamely. “But I need time. And space. And I need you to give me both. You said you’d give me anything.”
“Anything,” he repeated.
“Then give me this.” And with those parting words, she walked to the closet. She got her coat, bag, and phone. And then she left.
75
The pounding on her front door had Gloria leaping out of her bed and running barefoot into the living room. She hadn’t slept. Her decision the night before hadn’t given her the peace she sought.
“Aldo?” she called flinging the door open. Maybe he could fix this for her. Help her figure it out.
But it wasn’t Aldo. It was a wild-eyed Sophie who brushed past her, pushing a to-go coffee into Gloria’s hands.
“We need to brainstorm,” she said, hustling into the apartment.
Disappointment pushed Gloria further into her shame spiral. There was no reason Aldo would be showing up on her doorstep. Not with the ultimatum she’d given him. She’d done this to herself, pulling her head and heart back into a protective shell. Now, not only was she not happy, she was fucking miserable.
If this is what safe felt like, it was total crap.
“Brainstorm what?” she asked with zero enthusiasm.
But Sophie was too far gone in her plotting drama to notice.
She unwound a scarf from her neck and dropped her coat over the back of the dining chair before dramatically flopping down on Gloria’s couch.
“How to get Luke and Harper back together,” she announced. “I schemed them together in the first place, and now my services are desperately needed again.”
“I don’t think I’m the right person to be scheming with,” Gloria said, sitting down next to Sophie and hugging a pillow to her chest.
Sophie stared at her for a long beat. “Oh, for fuck’s sake! You, too? What the hell is wrong with you people? Are you running against my brother for mayor of Chickenshitville?”
“How do you know it was me?” Gloria asked.
“You have that ‘I made a huge mistake’ look written all over your puppy dog eyes,” Sophie said, pointing a finger in her face. “And for the fucking record, you did make a huge mistake if you’re telling me that you and Aldo broke up.”
“Well, we did. Not that it’s any of your business,” Gloria
said primly.
“Don’t get all fussy with me. I should take that coffee back,” she said, eyeing Gloria’s cup.
“I will slap the daylights out of you if you try.”
But instead of laughing, Sophie stood up. “Is Aldo okay? Or are you just like my brother and pretending you never knew the man?”
“Aldo is going to be fine.” She thought of the look on his face when she’d walked out. The hurt. The utter agony. She closed her eyes. “This is the only way he’s not going to get hurt in the long run.”
“I’m going to hurt you in the short run, Gloria. I don’t even feel bad about threatening an abuse victim with more violence. That’s how mad you’re making me.”
“Sophie, not everyone is as strong as you are. Okay?” Gloria said wearily. “Not everyone is lucky enough to know who they are, what they want, and how to get it. Some of us are damaged and won’t ever be fixed.”
“Bull. Shit. You think because you went through some shit in your life that you’re unlovable or incapable of love? Between you and my brother, I don’t know who I want to slap more. It doesn’t matter what happens to you. In the end, all we are is our ability to love. That never gets taken away or diminished. It’s dumb chickenshits like you two who try to hide from it. You’re as capable of loving as I am.”
“Jeez, don’t hold back or anything,” Gloria said, getting to her feet.
“The whole damn world has gone insane,” Sophie snapped, stomping toward the door. “You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to go crawl back in bed with my husband and show him all the ways I’m so grateful he isn’t half the dumbass you all are!”
With a slam of the door, Sophie was gone, and Gloria was alone again.
76
“He asked you to move in with him?” Gloria’s mother patted a hand over her heart. “I’m so happy for you, Gloria! He is a good man.” In celebration, she stabbed the button on the blender, working her magic on a pitcher of strawberry margaritas. The glasses that Aldo had thoughtfully chosen lined up next to it.
Gloria sucked in a breath and finished the rest of the miserable story. “I told him I needed some space. Some time to think,” she said loudly over the blender.
Her mother turned off the blender abruptly. Sara’s long, quiet look communicated quite a lot. So did her “hmm.”
“What?” Gloria felt defensive now. She shouldn’t be so quick to jump into such a serious relationship. She needed time to heal, time to grow on her own. She was being responsible. She slid off the stool to pace. “I’m not rushing into a commitment. Again,” she said, ignoring the fact that she had already rushed into the commitment and then promptly backed out of it.
“You were sixteen, mija. No sixteen-year-old is equipped to make good, informed decisions. You’re all hormones and angst and ‘my mother doesn’t understand me.’”
In a lot of ways, Gloria felt like she was still sixteen, standing in her mother’s kitchen defending her life’s decisions. “Mama,” she rolled her eyes. “I know what I’m doing. It isn’t the right time.”
“I am listening to your words and not believing them. I don’t think you believe them either,” Sara pointed out, crossing her arms over her chest. Her earrings, delicate silver bells, danced from her lobes as if shivering from the judgment Sara was firing in her direction.
“It seems like we’re moving too fast. We’re both coming out of difficult situations, and now we’re spending Thanksgiving together, and he’s asking me to move in. What’s next? An engagement? Marriage? Kids?”
“If that’s what you want, yes! Is it what you want?”
“Of course! But when the time is right. Not when I’m only seven months out of a nightmare.”
“Okay. What is enough time? A year? Three? Ten? How much more time do you want to waste because of Glenn Diller?”
That hurt. She felt it like a wound on her already dented heart.
“This isn’t because of Glenn, Mama! Yes, I’m being more cautious now because of the lessons I learned. Isn’t that what being an adult is? Learning from your mistakes? Doing better?” It was suddenly imperative to Gloria that she make her mother understand.
“So, what then? Do you wait to find a partner until you are perfect?”
“Of course not, Mama.” Broken people were never perfect.
“No. You choose a man—or woman—who will grow and change with you. Who will support you as you grow and change, not force you to stay the same.”
They squared off on opposite sides of the peninsula. The blender of frozen happiness between them had lost its cheer.
“I don’t know if I can be what he needs me to be, okay?” Gloria snapped.
“What does he want you to be other than happy?”
“Who spends ten years in a relationship where they’re treated like garbage? Who stays? I’m damaged, Mama. I’m walking around with an entire set of baggage!”
Sara blinked at her coolly. Empathy had never been her mother’s strong suit.
“That is a steaming load of bullshit,” Sara finally commented. “You’re not damaged. You’re scared. You are acting like a coward.”
“I’m being cautious, not cowardly!”
“Do you know how many people would do anything for a love like this? For even an ounce of what you two found in each other? Do you know how many would fight and claw and beg for this? And you throw it away like it’s replaceable?”
“I didn’t throw it away!” She didn’t. She had respectfully announced her need for time and space…and then insinuated that if Aldo didn’t give her both that he never cared about her in the first place. This wasn’t making her feel more confident in her decision. She was heading for a tailspin now, doubting her motives. She might as well be back in the trailer, laying on the threadbare carpet after another fight.
“Are you still dating?” Sara demanded.
“Not at the moment,” Gloria said, grudgingly.
Her mother threw her hands up in the air. Sara Parker was born without a poker face and launched into some very colorful Spanish.
“I thought you’d be proud of me. You never made the same mistake after Dad left. You never jumped into another relationship—”
“Because I am waiting until I find a man who looks at me the way Aldo looks at you. Do you really not know how very lucky you are? How rare that is? I would love to be in a relationship, maybe even a marriage, with a man who loves and respects me. I’m holding out for what you were so quick to dismiss.”
Her mother was never one to pull punches, and Gloria felt every single one of her words as if it were a physical blow.
“I’m trying to do the right thing, the thing that makes the most sense.”
“Mija, sometimes the thing that makes the most sense is wrong. Don’t hide away, trying to protect yourself from ever getting hurt again. It will be a sad and colorless life. Without pain, there is no joy.”
“We were moving too fast.” Stubbornly, she stuck to her guns though her stance was wavering.
“How can you doubt your feelings? I saw the way you looked at him. You loved him. You love him now, and you stand here and pretend you don’t. You were looking for an excuse.”
“I wasn’t looking for an excuse! I don’t know how I feel!”
Sara shook her head, pursed her lips. “You don’t trust yourself. And you never will until you jump in and try hard and deal with the consequences. But first, you must believe. You don’t have to believe that everything will work out and be perfect. You have to believe that you will survive it. You have to know, in your heart, that you will do whatever it takes to chase down your happiness.”
Did she know that? Was she fighting for her happiness, or was she fighting for safety? There was a time in her life that safe meant happy. Did that still hold true now?
“My job is to respect your decisions. I am not here to hold your hand and guide you in life. You are an adult. I will respect this decision, but I will be very disappointed in you.”
; “That’s not fair, Mama. I’m doing what’s best for me.”
“You are doing what you think is safest. Safe and best are rarely the same thing.” Sara looked at her and shook her head sadly. “I have never once said this or felt this before, but today I am disappointed in you.”
And with that, her mother swept from the kitchen, leaving behind her a quiet blender and a cloud of disapproval.
77
He wasn’t sure what day it was. All Aldo knew was the pavement blurred beneath his feet. His new running blade, made from carbon fiber-reinforced polymer, was a dream to run on. But the rest of his life felt like a fucking nightmare.
Gloria left, taking the light out of his house…and leaving him with a bad-tempered kitten hell-bent on world domination.
Everything sucked. And he couldn’t fight his way toward what he wanted. Not this time. He didn’t understand where it all went wrong. What had pushed Gloria to embrace the doubts. They were going to move in together.
He’d been planning to propose. Maybe after she moved in, making things more official. Now, he had a damn ring and no Gloria. The gloomy winter morning was looking gloomier by the second. But if he called off work again, Jamilah would make good on her threat to show up at his door with the entire office staff so they could all work from his home.
So, he’d suited up and headed out for a head-clearing, frosty morning run. The ring tucked carefully in the inner pocket of his windbreaker. He felt stupid for it, but he believed Gloria would come around. She’d tell him what was wrong, they’d fix it together, and get back to their joint happily ever after. He felt it in his gut.
But these days without her were starting to chip away at that hope, that faith.
“Moretta!”
Linc jogged up to Aldo from a side street and fell into step with him. “What the hell happened to your face?” Aldo asked.
“You didn’t hear? Me and your BFF Garrison got into it in the beverage cooler at the grocery store.”
“You fucking with me?” Aldo asked, his breath puffing out in a silvery cloud.
