by Lily Zante
Noah leaned against his door, his hands clenched into fists, his eyes closed, and relived the moment he’d caught Melissa red-handed.
It could not be and yet it was. The girl he’d spent last night with had turned out to be nothing more than a two-timing she-devil. Right now, believing she had a twin was more desirable than facing the truth.
But then last night…he’d been certain that it was the start of something. He’d been sure of her too—the way she’d looked at him, he could see it in her eyes—what she felt for him. He’d always liked her but had needed to know that there might be a chance, no matter how slim, that she felt the same. Last night he was sure he had his answer.
But now…
It didn’t take much to figure out what she and Matt had been doing. He’d been annoyed at himself for not taking her contact details, but now with all that had happened, he was relieved it had turned out that way. He had nothing to say to her and he had no interest in listening to anything she might have to say. Someone like that, a two-timing, double-crossing woman like that was the last thing he needed in his life. Yet, no matter how much he thought it all through, it still didn’t make any sense. She had been a sweet, friendly, easy-to-get to know kind of girl. He was familiar with lies and deception—he’d seen it and dealt with these things with Bree. He’d stared both in the face and look how that had ended.
Paul hadn’t spoken of their other housemate too much. But he recalled that he’d referred to him as a jerk—and was thankful that Noah had moved in. Noah himself had only met Matt briefly when he’d moved in and collected his key. He couldn’t yet formulate his own opinion. Though maybe now all future opinions of him would be tainted.
A message beeped on his computer screen, reminding him that he still had a priority call to deal with. He’d need to get onto it before it got escalated all the way up to Rory. But the way he felt right now, he didn’t have a clear enough head to focus on anything, let alone to give this technical problem his attention.
Feeling confident that Melissa had left the apartment by now, Noah stormed out into the kitchen to get the coffee that had been denied to him last time. He touched the shiny kettle—the water was still just-boiled hot, the way he liked it. Caffeine would help down.
“Hey.” He turned to find Matt, this time dressed in a T-shirt, looking through the cupboards.
“Hey.” Noah turned back and fixed his coffee. He wasn’t in the mood for talking, and this guy was definitely the last person he wanted to speak to.
“How’re you settling in?” He munched on a croissant and observed Noah.
“Good.” Noah held his mug, ready to return to his room.
“Yeah?”
Noah sighed, the guy seemed eager to strike up a conversation. “The room’s a bit small, but we have Wi-Fi, so…nothing to complain about.”
“Late night?” Matt asked.
“Yeah.”
“Get up to anything exciting?”
“We went to”—he stopped himself before he said anything that might give Melissa away—“some place with people. What about you?”
“My girlfriend—Melissa—she went out last night, but I had stuff I needed to do…”
Noah’s insides stiffened. He felt like an eavesdropper, listening to a conversation he had no right to. Nodding politely at Matt he made a move to leave but the hint was lost on Matt who continued to talk. “She wanted to go out. I hate all that noise and people. But you know how girls are.”
Noah grinned, as if in understanding and took a step forward.
“Still, she couldn’t wait to get here first thing to show me how much she missed me.” A greasy smile swept his face and Noah felt the bitter taste of coffee suddenly repulsive.
Paul was right; you are a jerk. This time he took a firm step forward. “She seems nice enough. Anyway, sorry, man. I’ve got an urgent support call to take care of.”
Matt jerked up as if he remembered something. “Paul said you work for Black Diamond.”
Noah nodded his head.
“I hear they’re looking for people. I’m trying to leave. The place I work for is a joke. I’m looking for more money and more responsibility. There’s no chance of me moving up at my current place. Do you think we could get together and go through a few things? You know, if you could give me pointers.”
“Yeah, sure,” said Noah, though the last thing he wanted to do was to spend any time with the guy. “Not at the moment though. I’m kinda busy.”
“Cool. I can wait. Maybe we’ll hook up next week sometime?” Matt suggested.
There was nothing he wanted less. Finding himself in a corner, Noah gave a nod of his head. “Sure.” Then left. He’d have to make sure he was never around the same time as that guy was. Especially when Melissa came over again.
She couldn’t wait to get here first thing to show me how much she missed me. The words rankled him. He’d never before been so wrong about anyone as he had with Melissa. She was far from the seemingly shy and slightly introverted but normal girl he’d believed her to be.
His work cell phone rang as he returned to his room and he answered it with relief, thankful to have something that would distract his mind from Melissa’s betrayal.
Chapter 31
She stood for the longest time in the shower and took so long that an alarmed Heather now banged on the door, worried. “Melissa? You’ve been in there over an hour.”
Had she? Had she been under the streaming jet of hot water for that long? She couldn’t feel a thing. She stared absentmindedly at the white tiles through the haze of steam. Everything looked cloudy, blurred. It was safe and warm in here and she could easily lose herself in the blurry haze, could easily stay in here another hour, staring at the steam on the tiles. She didn’t want to talk to anyone or see anyone. She wanted to vanish, wanted to disappear down some deep, dark hole where no-one would find her.
She’d scrubbed her body twice. Once to get the smell of him off her. Twice to scrub herself red raw. Her body smarted with pain from the sting of exfoliation.
“Melissa? Are you alright?” Another loud knock followed. She heard Heather but couldn’t bring herself to answer. She felt a disconnect between her body and her thoughts. Inhaling deeply, she stayed put, lost and hidden in the overheated bathroom, her safe haven.
“Melissa.” When Heather tried the handle, Melissa knew her friend was worried. Usually Heather didn’t even notice whether Melissa was around or not. But now her inability to move was as strong as her desire to remain enveloped in the fog.
“I’m fine.” She forced herself to shout out a reply. “I’ll be out soon.” But when Heather banged again, she was propelled into slow action.
She would have to face the world at some point. With reluctance, she turned the faucet and watched as the water slowly trickled to a drip. Drying herself, she wandered out and headed toward her room, wanting nothing more than to go to bed again. She lay down in her bathrobe, with no desire to get dressed.
“What’s wrong?” A concerned Heather reappeared in her room and now bent down looking at her as she lay on her stomach, her whole body on the bed, her wet hair dangling on her back and shoulders. She hadn’t even bothered to rough dry it. Small droplets of water soaked through the thick bathrobe, slowly wetting her back.
Heather touched her gently on her shoulder. “Mel?”
I want to go to sleep.
Heather knelt on the floor quietly and stroked Melissa’s face with her hand. But Melissa wanted so badly to close her eyes and go to sleep, to pretend none of this had happened.
“Either you tell me what’s going on or I’m going to call your parents and tell them I’m worried about you.”
That shook her up. She opened both her eyes. “I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine.”
In a bid to prove otherwise, she dragged her body up and hoisted herself further up the bed until she reached the headrest. Reaching over she grabbed a pillow and hugged it for comfort.
> Heather got up off the floor and sat down beside her with her body perched on the bed. She observed Melissa closely.
“Where did you go?”
“To see Matt.”
Heather’s face tightened. “Why?”
“To tell him it’s over,” Melissa said, wearily.
“And you had to go this afternoon? All of a sudden?”
Melissa nodded.
“And he said?”
“Okay. He said okay.”
Heather looked right through her. “He said it was ‘okay’?” Her quiet disbelief spoke volumes.
Melissa nodded and refused to return her friend’s prolonged stare. She had to keep it together even though the world swayed around her and Heather’s worries and concerns fluttered over her head like dandelion fluffs floating away. Still. She had to keep it together. Because.
He hadn’t raped her.
She’d let him.
He hadn’t forced himself on her.
She’d let him.
She had.
She’d made a deal.
There had been consent.
So it wasn’t a big deal.
It wouldn’t scar her for life.
She wasn’t a victim.
She was fine.
Just fine.
She was going to be fine.
“He said ‘okay’ and let you walk away? That easily?” Heather persisted, which made Melissa more determined than ever to ensure the truth never came out.
“Why’s that so hard to believe?” Melissa looked her friend in the eye.
“Because he’s not that kind of guy.”
Melissa stared at her feet and wished that Heather would leave her in peace. She didn’t want to talk about this now, or ever. “I’m tired.” Her toenails needed painting, she thought. “I need to get some sleep, if you don’t mind.”
Heather gave her a searching look. She knew something was up. The two of them could read each other like a book. But she would never, ever tell Heather what she’d done. The shame of it just about killed her.
Chapter 32
“It’s a few days after New Year’s, ma’am. Perhaps you might have some resolutions or goals for the year to put into action?”
The presumptuous little idiot, Melissa thought, biting back her tongue. Her patience had run out. “I’m not interested in any offers you have. But I am interested in cancelling my membership. Thank you.”
“Well, if you’re absolutely sure—”
“I am. Can you do this or do I need to come over in person and ask your manager to do it for me?” She was never one to be rude to people, but this assistant had sorely tested Melissa this morning.
She could almost imagine the set face of the surly woman at the other end, could feel it in the ominous silence that followed. Then, “Done. You are effectively terminated.”
Melissa put down the phone and wondered why it had taken nearly ten minutes of her time to explain something so simple. She wanted to cut off all chances of running into him. Cancelling her gym membership hadn’t been necessary since there were other hours, when he did not go, that she could have gone. Especially now that she’d started to appreciate the gym and the benefits a good workout gave her. But that place tasted of him, was somehow linked to him always now—and it was that link she wanted to sever.
She would still have to suffer seeing him at work.
Yet there were other far more important matters that needed her attention. With that in mind, she’d left early this morning and gone straight to the coffee shop desperately needing to see Noah.
He wasn’t there.
With no obvious way of contacting him, she couldn’t explain her side of events to him. Seen from his eyes, things looked worse than bad. She looked worse than bad.
He hated her. How could he not? There was no way, given what he’d seen, no way in the world that she’d come out of this unscathed. He had already judged her—she’d seen the look in his eyes—standing next to Matt in the kitchen, and who could blame him for misreading the situation?
Knowing Matt as well as she had come to, she didn’t put it past him to stretch the truth. He wouldn’t own up to what he’d made her do, but she knew he’d twist the truth somehow. That he would slip something into the conversation with Noah at some point. The problem was it wouldn’t be the truth.
If she hated herself for what she’d let Matt do, she hated herself even more for what she’d done to Noah. Now she was stuck in a situation she didn’t know how to get herself out of. What sucked even more was that she worked at the same place as the man who had violated her.
Remember, you’re not a victim. You gave him consent.
Besides, lots of people had dirty secrets they carried around like valium pills. This could be hers.
Her only hope was to pray she never had any computer problems this year. Or that he’d opt out and let some other support guy resolve the calls on her floor.
Nadine opened the door to her office and peered outside. “Melissa—do you have a moment?”
“Sure.” She got her notepad and pen ready and walked into Nadine’s office.
Nadine looked at her expectantly, as if she had an announcement to make. “Is everything alright?” Melissa had hoped her laid-on-too-thick makeup would do more than cover her blemishes: she’d hoped it would hide the shame she carried around with her.
Apparently not.
Melissa laughed off Nadine’s concern. “Sure. I think I’m still dealing with the shock of returning to work after the Christmas break.” Nadine’s staid expression told her she wasn’t too convincing.
Nadine got up and took the empty chair next to Melissa. “Please don’t mind me saying this, but lately, you’ve seemed…not your useful cheerful self. Is it the work? Anything else? Sandra? Mitchell?”
Melissa shook her head again and met Nadine’s stare. She forced herself to smile. “No, I’m fine.” She tried to think of something to put Nadine off her scent and found it. “Mr. Zimmerman says we’re going to be busier than ever. Is something going on?”
Distracting Nadine might be a better option; otherwise, the way she felt right now, Melissa was sure she would dissolve into tears if Nadine continued to probe a moment longer.
Nadine’s lips formed a thin, closed line as she folded her hands in her lap. “Well—I do have some news for you.” From the glum look on Nadine’s face, Melissa knew it wasn’t good news. “I want to tell you myself before Michael makes his announcement.”
Melissa braced herself for the worst—that Nadine was leaving the company. It would be another blow to her fast imploding world. She sat up straighter, ready to hear the news she knew would impact her. It wasn’t just her personal life that was crumbling around her; her working life was falling to pieces as well.
“Are you leaving?”
“I’m going to Europe. For a year.”
“A year?”
“As far as I know.” Nadine stared out of the window.
Melissa ruminated on the implications of a year without Nadine. How was that going to work for her? She wondered who she would now report to in her boss’s absence and what her day-to-day workload would look like. She wouldn’t be Nadine’s assistant anymore, no matter how much Nadine tried to convince her otherwise.
“You don’t sound so excited about it.” Melissa probed.
Nadine sat, shoulders slumped. Gone was the vitality and exuberance of the woman who always jumped at the new projects and challenges that Mr. Zimmerman threw her way. She let out a sigh. “Things were beginning to work out for me here.” Nadine shook her head. “A year ago, even six months ago, this would have been the opportunity of a lifetime. But now…”
Melissa knew what the problem was. Nadine now had Ethan. She’d found her soulmate. And giving him up for what would have been one of the many highlights of her career, was now asking too much.
Who’d want to give that up?
“I don’t want you to worry about this—I know how hard it was for
you when I was in Europe for a month. I’m going to figure out how we’re going to handle your workload—and that depends on what Michael thinks is going to happen to my workload.” Nadine attempted a brave smile. “I’ll see to it that you aren’t faced with the same problems you had the last time.”
Melissa knew Nadine would look out for her. But she wanted to know who would look out for Nadine. “What does Ethan think?”
“He thinks I’ve already made up my mind,” Nadine replied. The cool and composed mask she often wore so well slipped a little. She’d seen Nadine handle the toughest work pressure, with deadlines and difficult clients wanting a piece of her all the time. She’d seen Nadine negotiate with Michael, dispense her easy firmness and develop a thick skin when it came to Sandra. She’d seen her coast through all these difficult waters with more composure than her predecessor—and still Nadine always had time for Melissa.
But now, to see her coming undone slowly before her eyes, this was something else—and it was all because of love. Real love, the type that meant something.
“Have you made up your mind?” Melissa asked her, forgetting the implications of this decision for her own job.
Nadine looked at her with red-rimmed eyes. “I thought I had. But I’m not sure anymore. I don’t want to lose what I have—it was hard enough putting my life on hold for a month. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be stuck in Paris, or Milan, away from him, for a year.”
Melissa watched the heavy crease line Nadine’s forehead and understood completely. Even though she herself had never had anyone she’d felt that kind of closeness to, she could imagine a little of how that might feel. The way Nadine’s face changed when she talked about Ethan. Leaving that behind, putting those feelings behind, didn’t seem the way to a happier life.
Forgetting her own troubles, she offered her take on it. “It is a huge decision, and a year sounds like a long time. I think if you’re already struggling to make this fit in with your life—then perhaps you already know your answer.”
“I think I do. Anyway. It’s time to go. Michael wants a team meeting in the conference room now.”
