by KB Winters
“Just got a call from the office. They needed me to sign off on some…changes…” His words trailed off as he leaned in closer to the screen, his brow furrowed. “That can’t be right…”
I went to the cabinet by the sink and pulled out a glass. I always forgot to stay hydrated while at work. Which, was ironic, seeing as how I worked at a bar. Glass in hand, I went to the fridge and filled up the cup from the filtered water dispenser in the door. “How was Lil? Was she good for Mom?”
My dad looked away from the computer and took off his glasses. He nodded as he scrubbed a hand down his face. “Yeah, she was a peach. Mom said she ate most of dinner, apparently she wasn’t crazy about the broccoli.” He grinned and looked over at me. I rolled my eyes. Lily had been terrible about eating veggies since she’d grown out of the pureed stuff. “I got home when Mom had her in the tub, so I did story time and she conked out pretty quick.”
“That’s good. Thanks for all your help, Daddy.” I gave him a quick side hug as he lounged on the bar stool at the island.
“Anytime, pumpkin. You know we love having you both here. We’re happy to help.”
I nodded and swallowed the lump in my throat. There weren’t words to really give the right effect to how much I appreciated my parents help and effort over the years. The day I’d called them to tell them I was moving home, and that I wasn’t getting married, was a moment I’d always have burned into my mind. I’d been such a mess, standing in the kitchen of one of my friend’s house, hardly able to get my fingers to stop shaking long enough to dial their number. At the time, I hadn’t known how they would react to the news, but within minutes, all my anxiety had drained away.
They’d embraced me then, and had shown no signs of wavering ever since.
“Why don’t you head off to bed. You look pretty well beat,” he added while I stared off into space.
I turned to head for the door that led to the basement. “Night, Daddy,” I said, pulling it open.
Downstairs, I checked on Lily, peeking into her room before going to the bathroom between our two rooms. I stripped out of my work clothes that still held the smell of booze and fried food. I tossed them in the corner and got into the shower. The spray of hot water was heavenly, but I cut the shower short, desperate to climb into bed and not move.
In my room, I threw a long t-shirt on, slipped on a pair of knee high socks, and climbed under the covers. I grabbed for my phone that I’d set on the bedside table and was alerted that I’d had a new response to my post on the single parent forum. I’d grown quite a following, so it was a common sight, but the part that caught my breath was the name attached to the reply: Guardian17.
I hadn’t directly messaged him, but I knew who he was, as he had been following my story for a couple of months. He often left encouraging posts on my account or sent me messages to keep me going. It was amazing the impact a simple message could have, and Guardian17 was one of those people who always seemed to say the right thing at the right time.
On top of that, he was insanely good looking.
After a few weeks of seeing his messages, I’d looked up his profile. I could still remember the way my stomach had flip-flopped at the sight of his clear blue eyes staring back into mine. He had sandy brown hair, that gave him the look of a surfer, with natural golden tones. His face was tanned and there were small lines at the edges of his eyes that gave him an older appearance, although there was no way he was more than his late twenties. He had a teasing smile that looked like he was holding back some secret joke. The pictures in his account showed him with three teen-aged kids, and a younger little girl. Just a few years older than Lily. In reading his story, he’d shared they were actually his half-siblings.
That was the moment I’d felt a connection to him even though we’d never talked outside of simple, one line messages through the forum.
Not that I would’ve been opposed to it…
I eagerly logged in to see his reply, he’d left it in response to a post I’d made the night before, asking for tips on getting Lily to break her occasional thumb sucking habit.
“I don’t have any specific advice, but I wanted you to know that L is lucky to have you. Remember that.”
I smiled at his sweet words and fumbled over the keyboard, trying to think of the right thing to say back. Everything I typed, I just as quickly erased, and in the end, all I got out was a generic “Thanks” and put the phone away—after sneaking a glance at his picture and wondering—for the hundredth time—what his real name was.
Chapter Six
Lucas
It was a magical phenomenon, and it took a few minutes of looking around, listening to the quiet, for it to fully sink in.
I had the house to myself.
The kids had the week off from school, thanks to the Thanksgiving holiday, and yet, I’d managed to get them all out of the house the Wednesday before, so I could try and get everything ready for the big feast. Some bastard had hit life’s fast forward button, and the holiday season had officially begun. So far, it had been smooth, but I knew the kids were likely to struggle through the first Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year without Mom.
Hell, I was struggling.
It was hard to keep myself from replaying all the holiday’s I’d missed. I’d been stuck on base—or stationed overseas, and I’d always told myself that the next year I’d make it back home to see everyone. That I’d take some time off. I always sent presents, pictures, and made sure to call home and talk to everyone on the holidays I hadn’t been home. But, looking back, I knew it wasn’t even close to the same thing as actually being there.
Now, I’d run out of next years.
My mom was gone, and I’d never get to see her again. She’d always come alive during the holidays and made them special for all of us kids. I’d never have her Thanksgiving spread again. I’d never buy her another Christmas present. Or toast marshmallows in the fireplace on New Year’s Eve with the whole family gathered around, wearing pajamas, drinking coco, and waiting for the ball to drop on TV.
I tried to push away the avalanche of bittersweet memories and focus on the to do list I’d jotted down over my morning cup of coffee. I couldn’t bring Mom back. All I could do was make the following weeks as special as possible for the kids. It would be my tribute to her for all of the days she’d made special for us.
That was what I had to focus on.
It was just so overwhelming. I was going from bringing a fruit salad or spice cake from the grocery store, to being responsible for the entire meal. Carrie had offered to help, but I knew I could only put so much stock into her contribution. She’d been getting better since our argument after her car accident, but she’d still managed to flake out often enough that I couldn’t fully relax and trust her to keep her promises.
I stared down at the list:
Figure out how to cook a turkey
Potatoes — red? white?
Find a homemade cranberry sauce recipe
Pie — pumpkin? apple? both?
I stopped reading and pinched my eyes closed. I gathered my reserve of energy and fought off the urge to put the list away, go upstairs, climb into bed, and sleep through the weekend. My eyes popped open at the sound of the doorbell.
“Who could that be?” I left the kitchen and ran through a mental checklist of possibilities, discarding each one, until I pulled the curtain on the window beside the door away. “Holy shit!”
I practically threw out my shoulder as I flung the door open. “What the hell are you two doing here?”
On my front porch, staring back at me with goofy, self-satisfied grins, were Miles and Colton.
“Some welcome,” Miles griped to Colton.
“But, what—how?”
Colton grinned at me. “We’re here for Thanksgiving.”
I couldn’t even try to play it cool. I threw my arms around Colton and then embraced Miles just as tightly. “I can’t believe you’re here.” When I released Miles, I stepped aside to
let them in. “Where’s Karena and baby Rose?”
“Back at the hotel,” Colton answered. “They’re gonna take a nap and come over later.” He sighed and grimaced. “I’m telling ya dude, flying with a baby is no joke…”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Hawk. I thought the flight was amazing.” Miles pushed inside, clapping me on the shoulder as he passed. “Lucas, you got anything to drink in this joint?”
Colton rolled his eyes as he stepped over the threshold. “He got bumped to first class.”
I smiled. I’d missed my friends banter and was content to soak it in and not try to jump in and make peace as I usually did.
“Hey, Miles, you sure your stewardess didn’t give you enough? I swear, bro, I can smell it comin’ off ya, all the way back here.”
I laughed. “Sorry, man, but I don’t have anything. It’s a little hard to do when you have kids in the house. Well, actually, it’s not the kids I worry about. More like the eighteen-year-old who recently started college and has a bunch of new friends…”
Miles already had his head in the fridge when Colton and I caught up to him. “God, you sound old.”
“Tell me about it.” I sank down onto one of the bar stools at the island and watched over his shoulder as he rooted through the containers of leftovers, an old pizza box, and a carton of eggs. He eventually grabbed a juice box, before stepping away to let the fridge swing shut. “You got any little umbrellas? This is my vacation after all.”
Colton and I laughed as he struggled with the shrink wrapped straw.
“Seriously, what are you guys doing here? You flew all this way just for Thanksgiving?”
“Of course, man. You’re our brother.” Colton smiled over at me. “Also, Karena and I wanted to escape going to my parents’ Turkey Extravaganza.”
Miles shrugged. “I don’t know why. Your mom’s caterer is the shit.”
I laughed and shook my head, still in disbelief that my two best friends were really sitting in my kitchen. “Well, I’m crazy unprepared for the big day, but today is my prep day. I managed to get everyone out of the house. Which, hasn’t happened since…I got here.”
Miles picked up the leaf of paper I’d left on the counter and Colton promptly snatched it away. “All right, well, Karena wants to help with the cooking.”
Miles groaned and Colton punched him on the arm. “She’s getting better, okay?”
Before the deployment, Karena had thrown a sendoff dinner for Colton and me, and Miles had tagged along. She’d cooked the meal herself and it had been…interesting. It became apparent that her time in Seattle had taught her how to order take out better than actually using her kitchen.
I held up my hands. “Hey, I’m not picky! I’ll take all the help I can get. I’m completely out of my element here.”
“Thank you,” Colton said, shooting Miles another dirty look as he sucked on his juice box. “So, when I go pick up Karena, we can stop at the store and pick up all this. Miles, you go pick up some pizzas or something, and when we get back, we’ll all have dinner.”
Miles nodded as he crushed the empty juice box in his hand. I pointed him in the direction of the recycle bins under the sink. “As long as there’s a liquor store next to the pizza joint, I’m cool.”
I rolled my eyes. “All right, but it’s gotta go back to the hotel with you tonight.”
“Nooo problem.”
Colton shook his head at Miles. He’d never been as much of a party animal as Miles and I, but it seemed that since becoming a husband and father, his tolerance for our nonsense had apparently gotten even lower. A natural consequence, I supposed.
“Are the kids coming back tonight?” Colton asked, returning his attention to me.
“All but Ben. He’s out of town with friends at some motocross thing out in the middle of nowhere. He’ll be back first thing in the morning though. I told him he couldn’t miss Thanksgiving. Carrie’ll be here too.” I paused, then added, “In theory.”
“So, how’s it been?” Miles asked, leaning over, his elbows on the counter opposite from where Colton and I were sitting.
I shrugged. “There are good days and bad days. The kids have been troopers, but they’re in school now, so that’s a whole new thing. I’m gonna have to hire a tutor for Emmie. She’s in this crazy, advanced math class and I can’t keep up. It’s crazy. It feels like I was just in high school, ya know? Everything with the kids these days just makes me feel old.”
Colton clapped me on the back. “Don’t tell me. Let me live in ignorant bliss right now. The only part of Rose growing up that I like is the part where I’ll have a shot at getting a full night sleep again.”
Miles and I laughed, though neither of us could fully commiserate. Colton’s phone rang and he stepped out of the kitchen to take the call. Minutes later, he came back and let us know he was leaving to go get Karena and baby Rose. Colton left and Miles and I got lost in the replay of a basketball game that had been live the night before. It was nice to have the house to myself, and to have one of my best friends beside me. It took me back to the days before my world had flipped upside down.
I wasn’t able to bask in the peace and quiet for too long, though. Halfway through the game, my phone went crazy, each of the kids sending in requests to be picked up from their various activities. In the driveway, I took the key to my truck off the ring and handed it to Miles. I took my mom’s Prius and we both pulled out of the driveway to run our separate errands.
That night, the house was packed, louder than it had ever been. Emmie and Lottie were begging Karena to let them take turns holding baby Rose. Spencer and Miles were holding down the couch, playing some first person shooter on the big screen. Carrie had shown up for the promise of a free meal and once the pizza had been condensed down to one box, she’d started working on prepping some food for the next day.
“How you doing, man?” Colton asked, bumping a cold beer against my arm. The top was cracked open and I took it from him with a grateful nod. “This is…a lot.”
I laughed. “No arguments there.”
Colton regarded me with a watchful eye, like a protective bulldog.
I sighed and took a long pull of the ice cold beer. “I’m doing all right. Most days at least.”
“Hell, man, if I were you I’d be living up on the roof or something by now.” He laughed but it trailed off quickly. “I think you’re doing one helluva thing here, Lucas.”
“It’s been a crazy ride, but I think I’m getting the hang of it. I still can’t believe it’s already been six months since…” I cleared my throat and took another sip.
Colton tilted his head down to look at the floor, giving me a moment to collect my thoughts.
“I appreciate you guys coming up here,” I said, pressing down the ball of emotion to be dealt with later. “It really means a lot. To me and the kids.”
“Of course, man. Nowhere else we’d rather be.”
I smiled and looked over the chaotic scene in front of me. It was a crazy life, and definitely not easy, but I knew I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
* * * *
Thanks to Colton, Karena, and Miles’ visit, Thanksgiving was one of the best days we’d had since the accident. We all worked together, with no fighting or arguing matches—a holiday miracle in my book—and when dinner was over, Colton and Karena handled clean-up, while I took the kids to visit their dad at the assisted living facility. The visit had been emotional, but Harrison was having a lucid day and all the kids got to spend some time with him.
Later that night, I found a moment of quiet, alone in my room. Colton, Karena, and Miles had gone back to their hotel, Carrie had gone back to her apartment, and all of the kids had finally gone off to bed. I was tired, but my mind was far too busy to go to sleep just yet, and I wound up on the single parenting forum, wondering how SunshineGirl had gotten through her holiday. I didn’t know what her family dynamic was like, but I knew, from my brief experience, that getting through the holi
day season, as a single parent, could be kinda rough.
I smiled when I ran across her latest post. She had nothing but glowing, happy words about her day and I was relieved that she’d had a peaceful day.
I was about to reply, when a notice popped up in the corner of the screen, and I zoomed over to see what it was trying to tell me. It was a message. From SunshineGirl:
When I was counting my Thanksgiving blessings today, I thought of you. Your kind words have been a huge help and I wanted you to know that I appreciate it.
Happy Thanksgiving.
I had no way of seeing who all she’d sent the message to, and knew that there was a chance it was an automatic message to all of her followers, but something about it felt more personal.
With a few clicks, I pulled up a white text box to type out a reply, and then I froze.
I was going on five minutes of just staring at the screen and having flashbacks to being the awkward high school guy who couldn’t decide how to ask out the girl he was interested in. I’d been a jock, but nowhere near the front of the pack, and I’d watched the more prominent players on the baseball and football teams snatch away all the girls that crossed my radar. Things changed when I left high school. Going through the process of becoming a soldier had boosted my confidence dramatically and from the time I left my basic training, and got stationed at my first base, I never had issues getting any girl I wanted.
Back in the day, Colton, Miles, and I had hunted as a pack, and owned any bar we entered. Now, though, it had been ages since I’d even gone to a bar—let alone took home a woman for a night. It just wasn’t feasible. Not when I had four kids waiting on me. And I sure as hell wasn’t going to bring a woman home for a one-night stand. Even if I could somehow sneak her in, without any prying eyes, I knew I wouldn’t be on my game knowing there were little ears everywhere.
And a hotel? That wouldn’t work either.
I was the parent. The adult. I couldn’t disappear for a night of play.
