by Marci Fawn
I press my ear up against the door that I’m certain the people are behind, trying desperately to pick up some clear words.
“…you are a sweetheart…” a chillingly familiar voice says. Sweetheart. I remember that word. I’d tried to forget about it, but hearing it again brings it all screaming back.
“Please,” Lola please. “Don’t.”
Now I know for sure that it’s Cole, and that he’s doing the same to Lola. Anger courses through my veins as I slam the door open hard. I expect to see him all over her, but he seems to have jumped back in surprise, as there’s now a considerable distance between them.
The rage is making me hot and dizzy, but I know that I need to be smart about this. This isn’t my career hanging in the balance now, it’s Lola’s, and it’s up to her what she wants to do. I can protect her, but I can’t make her choices for her.
“Okay, Lola?” I ask, trying to keep my voice steady. She nods rapidly, but I can see how wet her face is from tears. “Are you finished today? Ready to go?” I can see Cole smirking at me from the corner of my eye, but I don’t give him the satisfaction of looking at him. I even see his mouth open as if he’s going to say something, but he seems to think better of it at the last minute.
I keep my arm wrapped around Lola as we walk from the building, almost holding her upright, and as soon as we’re outside, I hug her tightly, allowing her to collapse into sobs against me.
“It’ll be okay,” I coo. “I’m here for you.”
“I…I just…I…” she stammers, never quite getting a sentence out.
“Come on. Let’s go and get a coffee. I think we really need to have a chat.”
Once our hot drinks are steaming in front of us, I decide to start talking. I know that the best way to deal with this is to tell her my story first, in the way that Tonya did for me. It’ll encourage her to open up with her own problems.
“Look, Lola.” I hold her hands as I talk. “I know exactly what you’re going through. Cole did the same thing to me when I was your age.” I pause for a second, wondering if I should add this part, before realizing that Tonya would want me to. “Tonya too.”
Her eyes snap up in shock. “What do you mean? What did he do to you?”
“He abused me for many years, stopping just short of rape.” I gulp deeply, feeling another rush of emotions that I wasn’t quite expecting. “But it went on for a very long time. I was too afraid to tell anyone because he had me convinced that I’d lose everything if I did.” I can see all of this resonating with her, proving to me that he’s definitely up to his old tricks again. “I stayed silent, losing myself along the way, until eventually I had to leave him behind. It worked out okay for me, and it will for you too.”
“I can’t.” She begins to freak out. “He’ll kill me. He’ll destroy my career before it’s even really started.”
“You’ll have me and Tonya on your side,” I reassure her. “You won’t be alone.”
“I…I don’t know.” She shakes her head sadly, and my heart breaks for her.
“When did it begin?” I ask, already pretty sure of the answer.
“Not long before I kissed Nate. That’s why I did it. My head was all over the place, and he really seemed to understand what I was going through.” She looks at me with sad eyes. The apology is there in her gaze, but I don’t need it. I know how sorry she is. “I was too scared to tell you. You always seem to have it so together!” I laugh mirthlessly at this one—I don’t know how I manage to give that impression when I’m the most screwed-up person around! “I just wanted to feel some affection…”
“What has Cole done to you? How far has he gone?” I hate to ask this. I know how much I dislike explaining it myself, but it’s vital that I find out.
“Same as you.” Her gaze fixes on her shoes. “Not rape.”
“He will go that far,” I warn, wanting her to understand the severity of the situation that she’s in. “He did with Tonya.”
“What?” She throws her hands over her mouth in shock. “Are you serious?”
“Yes. So we all need to think about what we’re going to do about this.” Now that it’s no longer just a thing of the past, now that I know for sure that Cole is still the same, everything has changed. Tonya and I will have to drag this up, if need be, to prevent it from happening to anyone else. We’d be selfish not to.
“I don’t know.” Lola is still too scared for words, but hopefully that will change. “Can I have some time to think?”
“Of course,” I insist. “We all need to think—even Tonya. This needs to be a decision that we all make together. We’re all in this, and that’s how it needs to remain.”
“Thank you,” Lola answers gratefully. “Does…does Nate know? About you, I mean?”
I shake my head emphatically. “No, and I want it to stay that way for the time being. I’ll tell him when I’m ready.”
“Of course,” she agrees. “I feel the same way about Ben. I’ve only just gotten back together with him. I’m not quite ready to put him through all of this just yet.”
“Whatever you decide, you do need to get away from Cole,” I warn. “Before it’s too late.”
“I know.” She nods. “I will. I promise.”
26
Nate
“…I’m sorry, Jem,” I say apologetically over the phone, hating myself for having to say these words again. “I’m going to have to cancel tonight. Paul won’t let me leave yet.” Paul is being a massive hardass at the moment, trying to help me to rebuild the career that I almost lost, and much as I’m grateful for him, it’s really affecting my relationship. I feel like I haven’t seen Jem in forever and it’s driving me insane.
“It’s okay,” she insists, understanding because she’s in the industry too. “I might go and hang out with Lola and Ben tonight anyway.” I still haven’t managed to meet this Ben, but from what Jem tells me, he’s a great guy that worships the ground Lola walks on, which is good news.
And neither of us have managed to solve the Lola mystery yet, but she seems to be in a much better place, so maybe it’s best to leave it all in the past now.
“Are you mad?” I sigh, wishing I could be with her right now. “I’m so sorry. I feel like a dick.”
“When your album is finished, and the promo tour is finished, we’ll have plenty of time.” Jem’s answer is diplomatic as always.
“Yeah, until the next one,” I mutter, knowing how ungrateful I’m being. I almost lost all of this. I don’t want to take it for granted, but I can’t stand having all my time consumed by work. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”
“Come on, Nate,” Paul yells in his typical brash tone. “We aren’t here for the fun of it, you know!”
“Bye, Jem,” I whisper, then shut off the phone.
By the time the meeting finishes, it feels like midnight. I don’t actually think that it’s quite that late, but I’m exhausted enough for it to be.
“Hey, Nate.” A familiar voice calls out from behind me just as I’m about to leave the building. “Long day of bullshit meetings too?”
“Hey, Tonya.” I smile weakly. “How can you tell?”
She laughs loudly at my pathetic joke. “So, how’s Jem?” she asks. “I haven’t managed to see her in a little while.” There’s an anxiety to her voice that seems misplaced.
“I haven’t seen her a lot recently myself. Been so damn busy!”
“Has she…” She bites her lips nervously, and I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. In all the time I’ve known Tonya I’ve never known her to act like this about anything. “Has she said anything to you? About me, I mean?”
“Like what?” I ask, feeling intrigued. I rack my brain for a moment, but I can’t really think of any particular mention of Tonya that stands out. I wonder if I’m about to find out some gossip or something. Maybe she has a new boyfriend…
“About the past?” Tonya asks, and I shake my head. No, I definitely don’t remember anything like that being said. “A
bout…Cole?”
“Cole?” I exclaim. “No, she hasn’t mentioned that dickhead since we were on the ship.” When I think back to the way I heard him talking to her that day, it makes my blood boil. I should have punched him in his smug face, really—no matter who he is!
“Okay.” She seems to be choosing her words carefully. “Right.”
“Why?” I ask quickly, sensing that she’s about to walk away. She wouldn’t have asked that very specific question for no reason at all.
“No…no reason…” she starts, but I shake my head at her. She’s not getting away with it that easily. “It’s not my place to say.” She holds her hands up in defeat, but I’m still not letting her get away with it. “You really need to ask Jem.”
“I’m asking you.” I’m not letting this go, and she knows it now. She must be able to see it in my eyes.
“I can’t tell you here.” She glances around anxiously. “There are too many people around. We need to go somewhere private.” I follow behind without even questioning.
Soon, we’re in a dark little alleyway, standing far too close to one another, but that isn’t the reason my heart is racing. Tonya may be a very good-looking girl, but she cannot compare to what I have with Jem.
“Okay, so what’s going on?” I’m anxious about it now, desperate to know.
“I definitely shouldn’t tell you this. It really is Jem’s place to do so, but if this goes much further, you’re going to find out anyway…” She bites her lips, clearly considering her options, and I pray she decides to tell me. “Cole is a very bad person. He abused me when I was younger…and I only just found out recently that the same happened to Jem too.”
“What?” I gasp, feeling the world fall out from beneath me. I almost collapse to the ground at what Tonya is telling me. Jem, my Jem, was abused? Why the hell hasn’t she ever told me that?
“We were both too afraid to say anything at the time, and we’ve both tried to put it behind us…” Tonya continues to talk, but my mind is elsewhere. It’s as if a red mist has descended and I don’t know what to do with myself…until I hear something that makes my blood boil like crazy. “…and now it’s happening to Lola.”
“It’s still happening?” I ask through gritted teeth. “He’s still doing it now?”
I pull my wallet out of my pocket and find the business card. I’d forgotten all about it until this moment.
“What are you doing?” Tonya asks, staring at me curiously, but I don’t answer. I’m too furious to even think about speaking now.
“Yes?” He answers the phone with annoyance in his tone. I turn mine extraordinarily sweet.
“Hello, Cole, it’s Nate Romero.” Tonya is still staring at me, but I don’t acknowledge that. “I’m having a little trouble with my management team, and I’d like to take you up on your offer, if possible.”
“Oh, of course.” He switches to a pleasant tone, no doubt thinking of the business that could be coming his way. “I’m actually still in the office if you’d like to swing by now.”
“Perfect,” I reply happily, wanting to do this while I’m still raging. “I’ll be there in five.”
“What are you doing?” Tonya repeats, calling after me, but it’s too late. I’m already on my mission, and where I’m about to go, she really doesn’t want to follow.
I step into Cole’s brightly lit office with my hands already clenched into fists in anticipation. I’m ready for this now. This fucker is about to get what’s coming his way and I can’t wait to be the one who delivers it. Cole isn’t the only person in his office. I can see a receptionist in the corner of my mind, but I don’t care. Let them fucking watch. I’m too pissed off to even consider stopping this now.
“Ah, Mr. Romero.” Cole stands up with his arms outstretched. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
I swing my fist and it connects with his face with a satisfying thump. He staggers backward.
“Whoa!” he yells, gripping his bloody nose. “What the fuck is this?”
Adrenaline courses through my veins, and I continue to hit and hit. At one point, he tries to smack me back, but my fists pummel him too quickly.
“You fucker,” I yell. He falls, and I kick him while he’s on the ground. “You think it’s okay to fuck around with young girls? You’re fucking sick.” I’m screaming now. I can hear a commotion going on behind me, but no one tries to stop me. I wouldn’t like anyone to get caught in the crossfire of my rage.
The faces of Jem and Tonya and Lola go through my mind as I hit, fueling my rage further.
Eventually I realize that Cole is unconscious, and the tight knot of rage begins to loosen in my stomach. I glance down at my fists and my clothing. I’m covered in blood.
“Fuck,” I mutter to myself, finally seeing the eyes staring down at me. “Oh, shit.”
Before anything else can happen, I race down the stairs and try to make it out of the building before I have to face the consequences of my actions. The adrenaline has gone, and all that’s left is fear. I may have just made things about a million times worse. Sure, what he did was dickish, but now I’ve broken the law too, and after everything I’ve been through recently, especially with the court case, this is the last thing I need. My career is only just getting back on track…
“Mr. Nate Romero,” a booming voice yells out, and a figure looms in the doorway. I glimpse the uniform standing in front of me. It’s too late. That’s a police officer, and I’m screwed. “You’re under arrest for aggravated assault. You do not have to say anything, but anything you do say will be used as evidence in court…”
I hang my head in shame, allowing him to pull my arms behind my back and handcuff me. I’ve fucked everything, for real this time. Even though I was only delivering my personal sense of justice, I’ve just wrecked my own life forever.
27
Jem
I lie in the big empty bed, feeling lonely and sad. I know that Nate said he was going to be working late tonight, but this is something else. I decided to wait up for him because I’m so desperate to see him again. It feels like we’ve been apart forever, but now I’m realizing that it’s pointless. I’m going to have to wait for another day.
I turn over, sighing deeply, and try to relax my mind enough to sleep, but I just can’t seem to switch off. After speaking to Lola and slowly bringing her around to the idea of leaving Cole’s services (for starters—the rest I will work on later), I made the choice to tell Nate everything, to finally unload the secret I’ve been keeping in for far too long, but I haven’t managed to see him long enough to tell him.
I’m becoming afraid that he might find out without me. There’s nothing more in the world that I would hate, because I know he would never trust me again. I keep picturing myself discovering that he had kept something this massive from me, and I’m not sure that I’d be able to react well to it.
The phone rings shrilly, causing me to leap in the air in surprise. I grab it, answering quickly, my heart pounding heavily in my chest. Late-night phone calls are only ever bad news—everyone knows that.
“He…hello?” I gasp into the receiver, holding it tightly to my head as I wait for what I’m sure is going to be something negative.
“Jem?” comes the weak, vulnerable-sounding reply. “It’s Nate.”
“Nate? Where the hell are you? What’s going on?” The metallic taste of fear sits firmly in my mouth. Something is really, really wrong, and I don’t like that one bit.
“I’m really sorry.” There’s a pleading in his tone that scares me. “I hate to do this to you, but I really need your help.”
“Anything.” My mind whirrs with possibilities, each one of them with Nate in some kind of danger, or really hurt. Has he been kidnapped? Or been hit by a car? Maybe someone has a knife to his throat? My overactive imagination runs wild, and I pray that I’m wrong.
“I need you to come down to the police station. I need bailing out.”
Bailing out? It takes me a few moments to
allow those words to settle in my mind. They don’t make any sense for a while.
Then everything we’ve just been through comes flooding back. How the hell has he managed to get himself in trouble again? This is ridiculous. I can hear the regret in his tone, but that means nothing. He’s supposed to be behaving for real this time, sorting out his career, helping to build a life for us. Does none of that mean anything to him?
“What have you done?” I ask cautiously, dreading the answer. The last time, it involved a kiss with my best friend. My heart can’t take anything else like that. Not when I’ve defended him so many times.
“I can’t…I can’t go into it now. It’s just a fight.” A fight? I can’t imagine Nate fighting anyone. He just isn’t the violent type. “Can you bring my checkbook? The bail is pretty large, but I can’t spend another night in here.”
“Okay, okay, I’ll come.” I shut him down before he becomes really emotional. “Just sit tight. I’ll grab a cab now.”
As he hangs up the phone, I can’t help but wonder what the hell is going to happen to us this time. We’ve just been through so much, dealt with so many awful things, and we were finally settled. Whatever the hell has disrupted that must have been pretty essential.
I just can’t think of anything that would be worth it…
The police officer smirks nastily at me as I hand him the ten-thousand-dollar check. I still don’t know the truth of what happened, only that it was assault of some kind, and the more time that ticks past, the darker my thoughts become.
By the time I actually lay eyes on Nate, and I see what a bloody mess he’s in, I’ve made a bit of a monster of him in my mind, so when I spot the vulnerability plastered across his face, I race over to him to take him in my arms, wanting desperately to comfort him.
“Oh, my God, Nate, are you okay?” I ask, feeling his entire body slump against mine. “What the hell happened? Do you need to go to the hospital?”
