I narrow my eyes. “You already said you had big news, so spill it.”
“Okay. Okay.” She reaches for my hand and sandwiches it between hers. “I found Miriam.”
I stare across the counter at Lula for several moments, unable to believe her. “Why would you jest about something so important to me?”
“Dude. Come on. Would I screw with you like that?”
I jerk my hand free. “Yes. That is your highest form of entertainment.” We used to make a game out of messing with each other, but those days are long gone. I miss them sometimes, but I am determined not to think about it anymore. Lula made her bed.
“No. I would never joke about this.” She shakes her head. “I know how miserable you’ve been without Miriam. And I also know you would have kept up your search had it not been for the fact that the council wanted to hang me in your absence.”
“Well, I know you did not find her, and I advise you to leave before I lose my temper.” I turn away and return to sorting through the pile of books.
“What in the world?” Lula mutters. “This is not the reaction I expected.”
“You wanted me to be pleased about your insensitive prank?” I keep my back to her.
“Michael, it’s not a prank. Three days ago, I sent Alex to check out a lead, and we found your librarian!”
I say nothing. I don’t believe her because, frankly, Lula never had a nose for detective work. Also, if there had been a viable lead, I would have found it.
“Okay,” Lula huffs. “I didn’t want to give you the bad news until you had the good news, but here ya go.” She comes around and shoves her cell phone in my face.
I glance at it and then look away. Wait. I grab the phone and study the photograph of the blonde woman sitting on a park bench, reading a book. The sloppy bun, the chunky black reading glasses, and the wrinkled white blouse are all Miriam’s signature look, but I cannot clearly see the face. The book is partially blocking it.
OTHER WORKS BY MIMI JEAN PAMFILOFF
COMING SOON!
Wish ← Totally tasty standalone!
Wine Hard, Baby (OHellNo, #6) ← Personally, I like to margarita pretty hard, but only on hot summer days.
Brutus (Immortal Matchmakers, Inc., #6) ← The last one? We shall see!
THE ACCIDENTALLY YOURS SERIES
(Paranormal Romance/Humor)
Accidentally in Love with…a God? (Book 1)
Accidentally Married to…a Vampire? (Book 2)
Sun God Seeks…Surrogate? (Book 3)
Accidentally…Evil? (a Novella) (Book 3.5)
Vampires Need Not…Apply? (Book 4)
Accidentally…Cimil? (a Novella) (Book 4.5)
Accidentally…Over? (Series Finale) (Book 5)
THE BOYFRIEND COLLECTOR DUET
(Duet/New Adult/Suspense)
The Boyfriend Collector, Part 1
The Boyfriend Collector, Part 2
THE FATE BOOK DUET
(Standalones/New Adult/Suspense/Humor)
Fate Book
Fate Book Two
THE FUGLY DUET
(Standalones/Contemporary Romance)
fugly
it’s a fugly life
THE HAPPY PANTS SERIES
(Standalones/Romantic Comedy)
The Happy Pants Café (Prequel)
Tailored for Trouble (Book 1)
Leather Pants (Book 2)
Skinny Pants (Book 3)
IMMORTAL MATCHMAKERS, INC., SERIES
(Standalones/Paranormal/Humor)
The Immortal Matchmakers (Book 1)
Tommaso (Book 2)
God of Wine (Book 3)
The Goddess of Forgetfulness (Book 4)
Colel (Book 5)
THE KING SERIES
(Dark Fantasy/Suspense)
King’s (Book 1)
King for a Day (Book 2)
King of Me (Book 3)
Mack (Book 4)
Ten Club (Series Finale? Nope) ← Keep your bananas peeled for an announcement.
THE LIBRARIAN’S VAMPIRE ASSISTANT
(Standalones/Mystery/Humor)
The Librarian’s Vampire Assistant (Book 1)
The Librarian’s Vampire Assistant (Book 2)
The Librarian’s Vampire Assistant (Book 3)
The Librarian’s Vampire Assistant (Book 4) ← You are here.
The Librarian’s Vampire Assistant (Book 5) ← You are NOT here.
THE MERMEN TRILOGY
(Dark Fantasy/Suspense)
Mermen (Part 1)
MerMadmen (Part 2)
MerCiless (Part 3)
MR. ROOK’S ISLAND TRILOGY
(Contemporary/Suspense)
Mr. Rook (Part 1)
Pawn (Part 2)
Check (Part 3)
THE OHELLNO SERIES
(Standalones/New Adult/Romantic Comedy)
Smart Tass (Book 1)
Oh Henry (Book 2)
Digging A Hole (Book 3)
Battle of the Bulge (Book 4)
My Pen is Huge (Book 5)
The Librarian’s Vampire Assistant,
Book 4
Mimi Jean Pamfiloff
A Mimi Boutique Novel
Copyright © 2019 by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff
Kindle Edition
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the writer, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks are not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.
Cover Design by Earthly Charms
Developmental Editing by Latoya Smith
Copyediting and Proof Reading by Pauline Nolet
Formatting by Paul Salvette
To Pirated Book Lovers
“I’m not hurting anyone.”
“I can’t afford to buy books, so the author isn’t losing money. I’d never buy them anyway.”
“I don’t think it’s wrong. So many people do it.”
As an author who is supporting her family on this income, it’s really difficult to come up with the right words to convey how damaging ebook piracy is to me personally, to my fellow authors, and to the industry. (Remember, publishers HAVE to make money, too. We want them to. They have employees with families like anyone else. They create jobs and pay taxes in our communities. Businesses need to be healthy because when they’re not, people get laid off and lose things like their homes.)
As for the individual author, well, I just can’t imagine anyone being okay with working for four months at their job on a presentation and then their boss says, “Hey, I’m not going to pay you because I can’t afford it. Also, I know that I used the presentation and you did the work and slaved over it, but I never had the money to pay for it in the first place, so you really haven’t lost any money. Either way, you weren’t going to get paid.”
Hell no would you put up with that!
Bottom line is we all have a right to decide how we’re compensated for our work and time. Strangers, the public, and book pirate sites don’t have the right to decide for us. It’s okay to have an opinion about what you’re willing to
pay for my books or to have a political view about access to books, but that doesn’t give anyone the right to decide for me. Just like I don’t get to steal from you or tell you what I think your time is worth.
As for these sites that claim they’re not doing anything wrong? The sites pirated book lovers go to and think they’re not hurting anyone? We all KNOW THEY ARE.
What sort of person or organization would put up a website that uses stolen work (or encourages its users to share stolen work) in order to make money for themselves, either through website traffic or direct sales? Haven’t you ever wondered?
Putting up thousands of pirated books onto a website or creating those anonymous ebook file-sharing sites takes time and resources. Quite a lot, actually.
So who are these people? Do you think they’re decent, ethical people with good intentions? Why do they set up camp anonymously in countries—Russia and Iran, for example—where they can’t be touched? And the money they make from advertising every time you go to their website, or through selling stolen work, what are they using it for? The answer is you don’t know. They could be terrorists, organized criminals, or just greedy bastards. But one thing we DO know is that THEY ARE CRIMINALS who don’t care about you, your family, or me and mine. And their intentions can’t be good.
And every time YOU illegally share or download a book, YOU ARE BREAKING the law and HELPING these people BREAK THE LAW. You are helping them get paid for my stolen work via web-traffic and ad impressions.
Meanwhile, people like me, who work to support a family and children, are left wondering why anyone would condone this.
So please, please ask yourself who YOU are HELPING when you support ebook piracy, and then ask yourself who you are HURTING.
And for those who legally purchased/borrowed/obtained my work from a reputable retailer (not sure, just ask me!) muchas thank yous! You rock.
The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of a copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by fines and federal imprisonment.
Dedication
To scented candles. Because you smell good.
Also, to Barb Caruso. The ending is your fault! LOL!!
CONTENTS
About the Book
Other Works by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff
Title Page
Copyright Page
To Pirated Book Lovers
Dedication
Have You Read All Three Books in the Librarian’s Vampire Assistant Series?
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Note from Mr. Nice
Author’s Note
Free Signed Bookmarks!
Acknowledgments
Coming Soon
Excerpt from The Immortal Matchmakers, Inc.
About the Author
Answers to Quiz
Have You Read All Three Books in the Librarian’s Vampire Assistant Series?
That’s okay! These are all standalone stories. But if you’d like to freshen up on some of the fun facts from books 1–3, take the quiz!
What draws Michael to his favorite librarian?
Why did Michael apply to be a librarian’s assistant?
Why does Michael drive an economy car?
What is the caca azul?
What is Miriam?
Who is Mr. Nice?
What is Mr. Nice’s favorite book series?
What is the human equivalent of a flash of fang?
What is Miriam’s code phrase to unlock the vault in her basement?
What does Michael salivate at the thought of touching?
How many professions has Michael had?
Who turned Michael into a vampire?
Which generation of vampire is Michael?
How old is Michael? How old does he look?
ANSWERS on the LAST PAGE
The Librarian’s Vampire Assistant
Book Four
CHAPTER ONE
“Michael, please come home,” Lula whimpers through the other end of my cell phone. “I’m begging you. It’s been over a year. This. Has. To. End.”
Why the hell is she telling me this? I know. I goddamned well know! I am the one who is dirty, tired, underfed, and at the end of my rope.
“I’m sorry, Lula,” I say, gazing out across the turquoise blue waters of the Marmara Sea from my suite in Istanbul, “but nothing has changed. I will never stop looking for Miriam.” I’ve traveled to the caves of Borneo, searched every oasis along the Sahara Desert, and combed through every major city, remote island, and five-star resort. I have flipped over thousands of rocks and followed hundreds of leads from vampires who’ve interacted with the legendary, ruthless, and one-lightbulb-shy-of-a-functioning-table-lamp vampire, Mr. Nice.
Wherever he’s taken my librarian, it’s somewhere off the grid. My heart sinks into my dirty leather boots. I miss Miriam more than words can say. I cannot breathe without her.
Lula sighs remorsefully. “You’re my brother, Michael—but in a non-creepy way since we aren’t actually related and did sleep together once. What I mean to say is that you mean more to me than just a best friend or sharing the same maker, which is why you give me no choice. I have to put my foot down and tell you the truth: You’re never going to find Miriam, and it’s time you face it. She’s gone.”
I turn away from the sherbet orange sunset melting into the deep blue ocean, the sound of crashing waves to my back and the cool December wind whipping through my dark unkempt hair. It is a surprise this hotel gave me a room because I look like I rolled out of a dumpster. Or clawed my way from a vegetable garden. I think they did not want to upset me. I carry an ominous vibe these days.
“Lula, she is not gone. Miriam is hidden. By a very powerful, delusional vampire. I could no more cease looking for her than I would for you if you were taken.”
“You say that, but at some point you have to accept reality and throw in the towel.”
“Never.” I am over four hundred years old, and Miriam is the only woman who’s ever managed to pierce my cold heart with love’s arrow. She made me see what life could be like if I faced my demons and let down my guard. Now that I have had a taste, I cannot go back to the hollow, emotionless vampire I once was. I need her in my life. Her, and her first-edition books. So. Many…
“Michael!” Lula barks. “I’m sorry, but I’ve been holding down the fort for over a year—running your Ohio and Arizona territories, taking care of Miriam’s precious library, fending off the council, who happens to be wondering when the hell you’re going to return since you’re technically still our king and haven’t shown up to even one meeting. Meanwhile, your people need you because we’re all still dealing with the fallout from Clive’s attempted coup. Enough’s enough!”
I understand what she is saying. Our people have been through a lot. Our maker, Clive, was a powerful first-generation vampire. When I met him, he dreamed of a world where vampires protected innocent humans and were no longer predatory savages. That dream would lead us to the Great War, and after we won, our kind gained a new purpose: to quietly cull the criminally insane, the violent, and the irredeemable from the human population. Us vampires would blend in and hide in plain sight, disguising our societies (aka covens) as legitimate businesses and organizations. We came out of our hovels and caves to build g
lobal enterprises, trading in the old ruthless ways in favor of councils and guards to enforce our laws. We became civilized.
But hundreds of years after our civil war, Clive had buyer’s remorse and saw our side’s victory as a death sentence for our planet. While vampires worried about protecting innocent lives, humans became destructive—polluting our world with their factories, plastics, and toxic waste. Clive began plotting to undo centuries of work so that vampires could take over again. And not the nice ones. The ones who’d sooner eat a baby for breakfast than lift a finger for a friend. We stopped Clive, of course, for good. But his attempt left our societies shaken and our government in shambles. It also left me in charge as the interim ruler. Oh. Yippy.
“I am sorry, Lula,” I say, “but you can tell the council that I will not return. Not until I find Miriam. They can elect another king.”
“OMG! That’s what I’ve been trying to get through your thick man-skull for months. Some of the council members want to brand you a traitor. They want your head, Michael. You’ve turned your back on everyone, and I’m the last person standing in your corner. If I try one more time, if I say one more thing about how they should all be loyal and patient, they’re going to hang me alongside you.”
I bow my head and pinch the bridge of my nose. I knew the councils would not be happy about my lack of presence, but I never imagined they would want to hurt Lula for it.
Vampires are so damned touchy. “Very well, I will return. But only long enough to face the council and officially resign the throne.”
“No! You can’t, Michael! Too many territory leaders are pissed at you. If you give up power now, they’ll vote to have us executed. You have to come back and stay back. At least until this blows over and you’re able to pass the kingly baton to an ally.”
I do not understand any of this. Vampires have not had a king since before Team No-Eat-People-For-Fun took over. I only stepped in because Clive kidnapped all one hundred and forty-four council members during his attempted revolution last year. Our side needed someone to lead and, like Lula, I am a descendant of Clive—better known as Cluentius Boethius, an original vampire. Unlike Lula, I was a soldier and an assassin in the Great War. I have killed thousands of vampires in the name of a peaceful coexistence with humans. But the man they want as their king, once known as the Executioner, no longer exists. He was ruthless. All right, and a nice dresser. Yes, yes, and handsome, too—six two, piercing dark eyes, and refined facial features, but that is beside the point. I do not want to be the vampire king. Nevertheless, I am stuck between a vampire rock and a vampire hard place.
The Librarian’s Vampire Assistant, Book 4 Page 1
