Love her? “Madly” was an apt word. God, what an utter fool he was!
Chapter 37
Dinner that night was an excruciating affair of tempers tested to their limit, at least for Stefan. He had been unable to have a private word with Alicia, and when he did, he still wasn’t sure what he was going to say to her. On the one hand, she was the most amiable mistress he had ever had, and he would hate to lose that. On the other hand, he had absolutely no desire for her at present.
That would change, undoubtedly, when he stopped torturing himself over Tanya. But Alicia wasn’t the type of woman who would just sit back and wait while he agonized over another. It wasn’t even fair of him to ask. It wasn’t fair of him, either, to put her aside when he had assured her that wouldn’t happen. That he was undecided on what to do not only was aggravating, it wasn’t like him.
Then he had found himself actually walking the floor in a state of nervous unease when Alicia had taken Tanya upstairs to show her to her room. The two of them alone together, one woman in the habit of wielding knives, though thank God she no longer wore them, the other in the habit of protecting what was hers, and Alicia still considered him hers. It didn’t bear thinking of, what could happen. But nothing did, at least nothing that either of them cared to let him know about. And that, incredibly, annoyed him more than the fact that he’d worried about it.
Even Sandor’s man not showing up to speak with him, after Alicia had assured him the fellow would put in an appearance, had infuriated Stefan, especially since he had prepared a missive for the man to take to his father. But the man must have merely noted his arrival and left to return to Cardinia immediately, without even asking after the princess, whom Sandor would also be anxious to hear about.
And what was he going to tell Sandor in the end about Tanya? The truth? Only half the truth?
Sandor was going to blame himself for Tanya’s deplorable upbringing. Stefan half blamed him himself. To have sent only one person with the child, and not to have taken into consideration that something might happen to that single guardian … no, he couldn’t tell his father the entire truth. He was going to be upset enough that Tanya hadn’t been raised properly. He didn’t have to know just how improperly she had turned out. But Stefan had never lied to him before. That he would start doing so, and for a woman, was intolerable.
Obviously, he was in a mood to be irritated by the slightest little thing today, but he supposed, after all those weeks at sea, he was due to let off a little steam. No, it seemed more that Tanya was going to ensure that he did. First her strange behavior in her cabin, then again in the coach. He had expected her to be a little different after he’d been told that she no longer doubted her identity or theirs, but all that inane chatter? And such drastic mood swings? If she had set out to exasperate him, she couldn’t have succeeded more thoroughly, for trying to figure out what she was up to—and he didn’t doubt she was up to something—was unbelievably frustrating.
And what the devil did Vasili think he was doing, making over Alicia tonight as if she were his mistress instead of Stefan’s? For Tanya’s benefit? Since when did Vasili want to protect Tanya’s feelings? And Alicia was only halfheartedly playing along with it. But Tanya wasn’t stupid. And she had witnessed that kiss. And she didn’t care. That was the most annoying thing yet today. She didn’t give a damn that she was sitting at the same table with his mistress. Any other woman would, if only for the sake of form, but not his future bride.
He watched her now, sitting between Lazar and Serge, talking with them, laughing occasionally. He had never seen her like this before, at ease, apparently enjoying herself—not angry. Had he stayed away from her longer than necessary? No, he still couldn’t be near her without wanting her. It was no more than she had said—she now liked Lazar and Serge both. That in no way meant she felt any differently about him. And for all her chatter that morning, she hadn’t spoken one word to him all evening. In fact, she spoke to everyone but him. But every so often she would glance his way and smile, and he’d grit his teeth, wondering why.
Stefan didn’t know it, but his eyes were lit to the scorching point. Tanya knew it, and that was the only reason she was able to act as if she didn’t have a care in the world, when in fact she felt like breaking every dish on the table over Stefan’s head. And she found she was rather good at pretense, much better than Alicia, who had offered friendship with malice in her eyes.
She still couldn’t believe that woman’s gall this afternoon. No sooner had they entered the bedroom where Tanya was to sleep that night than the redhead had asked, “Has Stefan told you yet that your marriage will be in name only?”
“No, I suppose he forgot to mention that.”
“Oh, you poor girl.” Alicia had oozed sympathy. “You must have been dreading … well, I’m glad I can at least relieve your mind on that score. And you needn’t thank me. I know how disappointed you must have been when he showed up to claim you. Those scars do take getting used to.”
“What scars?” Tanya asked, and was immensely pleased to see Alicia lose her whole train of thought, as well as her false smile.
“That isn’t funny, Princess.”
“It wasn’t meant to be.”
“Are you saying you don’t mind his scars?”
Tanya turned and walked to the window to stare outside, saying nothing at all. Behind her, she heard Alicia snort.
“That’s what I thought,” the redhead sneered, then switched back to her let’s-be-friends tone. “But I was trying to tell you that you won’t have to worry about him playing the husband with you, not while I’m around. And don’t worry about being lonely either. Stefan won’t mind how many lovers you take, as long as you don’t make a scandal out of it. And I’ll be able to help you in that respect.”
“You know all about being discreet, do you?”
“Certainly. “
It occurred to Tanya that if she had been dreading her coming marriage, she might have been naively grateful to Alicia for her assurances. However, she knew damn well those assurances hadn’t been given to be helpful, but for the opposite reason. If she had fallen in love with Stefan, her expectations were now supposed to have burst. If she were merely undecided, she’d just been warned to forget it, that he was already taken. And she had the feeling, knowing how angry her imagined lovers from the past made Stefan, he would mind if she took new ones, so Alicia was also setting the groundwork to cause one hell of a lot of trouble.
Tanya turned around to face Alicia, though with the window at her back, the fury brimming in her green eyes went unnoticed. Her tone, however, was unmistakably frigid. “I know a little about discretion myself, so I’m going to be discreet right now and not tell you what I think of your kind of help.”
Alicia’s eyes narrowed, showing that she gave up the pretense. “You would do well to get along with me, Princess. With a word to Stefan, I’ll have you begging my pardon.”
“Is that so? You think you have that much influence with the king?”
“I know I do,” she said with total confidence.
“Well, the king doesn’t happen to have any influence with me—yet—so don’t count on my begging your pardon for anything. Nor do I need him to fight my battles for me, as you do. You would do well to remember that.”
Alicia merely stuck her nose up in the air and huffed out of there. Tanya turned back to the window and counted to fifty, then a hundred, then way beyond that. When she was finally calm enough to unclench her fists and think rationally, she decided she wouldn’t kill that woman. She’d give Stefan the benefit of the doubt. Maybe Alicia had been told to wait for him here because he had doubted he would even find Tanya. Or maybe he had originally intended to keep his mistress close at hand, because what Tanya didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. Well, she did know, and he was smart enough to know she did after that kiss that was bestowed on him at the door. So she decided to give him the rest of the afternoon to get rid of the woman.
; Only he hadn’t done that. She’d walked into the dining room tonight to find Alicia sitting there, and not at a prudent distance from Stefan, but right next to him.
The redhead was decked out in some very splendid finery that made her look almost pretty, and she’d been laughing at some comment from Vasili, who was sitting on her other side at the table. But when she noticed Tanya, her lips curved in a smug little smile that was almost the last straw. Tanya had given Stefan his chance and he’d tossed it away, proving that he didn’t care what she thought or how she would react. So she wasn’t going to react. That was, after all, her only pride-saving option under the circumstances. And, Lord help her, it was the hardest thing she’d ever done, containing that much seething anger without revealing one little bit of it. But her performance became easier when she finally noticed that her lack of reaction was, for some reason, annoying Stefan so much that his eyes were glowing like golden fire.
Chapter 38
Stefan had calmed down some by the end of dinner, thanks to the enormous amount of wine he had put away with very little food joining it. It had occurred to him that perhaps Americans were different in the way they handled certain situations, and that possibility was what actually took a big chunk out of his anger. After all, Tanya might lose her temper frequently with him, even with his friends, but he couldn’t recall her ever letting it loose in front of strangers, and she would consider Alicia a stranger.
Then again, women adhered to certain rules of conduct when they were together. Two of them could be sworn enemies who would go for each other’s throat in private, yet they could behave like perfect friends in public.
Once he’d begun, he came up with even more excuses for Tanya’s seeming indifference to the situation. She could be intimidated by Alicia’s sophistication and elegance. Tanya’s upbringing made her ignorant of social protocol. She hadn’t even changed for dinner, was still wearing the clothes she’d worn on arrival, while Alicia had turned herself out in grand style, her white silk gown new, her jewels abundant. And Alicia was cattily showing off.
He’d seen her do this before and it had never bothered him, the way she fingered her jewels in front of other women, drawing attention to them as if they were trophies. These trophies were three long ropes of pearls around her neck, diamonds at her ears, and not one but four rings on her fingers, each one worth a small fortune. And she took every opportunity to flaunt them in front of Tanya.
Tonight this habit of hers annoyed him, not so much Alicia’s typical competitiveness, but that his mistress had jewels he had given her, while his future bride had not a bauble to her name. How much more was Tanya annoyed by it, though carefully keeping her envy from showing?
That was at least one thing he could rectify, and before he left the city—tonight, in fact, since they were leaving first thing in the morning. He didn’t care if he had to drag a jeweler out of bed, he was not going to have his bride arrive in Cardinia looking less grand than even the lowliest member at court.
It didn’t occur to Stefan as he set off to do just that, with Serge and several bottles of vodka to keep them warm, that he was procrastinating, clearly avoiding making a decision about Alicia, and avoiding being alone with her. When it did occur to him, he was naturally disgusted with himself. Yet by the time he returned to the house, a small, jewel-encrusted chest on the coach seat beside him, he had come up with still another reason to put off a confrontation with Alicia, and this one was more logical than all the rest. He was now too intoxicated to make a decision tonight, one way or the other.
Besides, he had reasoned that he really ought to wait until the morning and speak to Tanya first, alone. If she gave him hell about Alicia, then he would quite cheerfully send his mistress away. But if she said nothing at all about it, then he’d know that the excuses he had come up with were only that, and it really didn’t make any difference to her what he did.
That was his final intention, but he hadn’t counted on a mistress determined to reestablish her claim on him. When he stumbled into the bedroom Sasha had prepared for him, instead of the one he had shared with Alicia before he went to America, it was to find her in this new room anyway, curled up in bed and waiting for him.
“It wasn’t necessary for you to change rooms, Stefan, just for appearances,” she gently chided him. “Your little princess doesn’t care where you sleep.”
That was not the wisest thing she could have said to him just then. She realized it when he set down the jeweled chest he was carrying and turned glowing eyes on her. She also realized he wasn’t exactly sober. That, at least, she could count in her favor. However, she doubted even that when his voice came out sounding so chilling.
“I don’t recall inviting you here, Alicia.”
She tried laughing that off. “You didn’t have to, darling. I have shared your rooms for the last two years. Since when have I needed an invitation?”
She was right, of course. She was also forcing him to face his decision about her head-on, right now, when he no longer was clearheaded enough to do so. But there really was no decision to make, was there? He didn’t just want Tanya. There was a lot more to it than that, a lot more that she had managed to make him feel for her. With Alicia, all he felt was a desire not to hurt her, bred from two years of familiarity and a certain fondness that their time together had produced.
“Alicia—”
“Come, Stefan, let me put you to bed,” she cut in quickly, before he could actually tell her to leave. “I can see you have had a little too much to drink tonight, so you probably don’t need me, but let me at least make you comfortable.”
He came over to the bed and she immediately moved the covers aside for him, at the same time revealing that she was naked beneath them. The one thing he had always liked especially well about Alicia was her body, and she knew it. She also knew that, like most men, he became amorous when he was drunk, wanting to make love whether his body was agreeable or not. She had never liked accommodating him at such times, but tonight was definitely an exception: her future was at stake.
She wasn’t stupid. She knew things had changed with him. One look at that damn princess was all she needed to tell her that Stefan wouldn’t mind at all marrying the bitch, or bedding her. But such a beautiful creature would never want him in return. Didn’t he know that?
If he didn’t, Alicia had to make sure he did. She was finally the mistress of a king. She had put up with Stefan for two years, patiently waiting for Sandor to die or step down in favor of his son, and she didn’t care which. Now that one of the alternatives had finally happened, she wasn’t about to lose her position just because Stefan had to get married.
When he just stood there looking at her, but making no move to sit beside her, she began to panic, wondering if anything she could say or do would make a difference at this point. If he had actually fallen in love with that woman …
That horrid thought brought her swiftly to her knees in front of him. “Silly man,” she pouted as she reached to remove his coat for him. “You could not have picked a more inappropriate time to drink too much. You may not want me tonight, but after such a long absence from you, I cannot say the same. But I suppose I can wait if I must. And I can’t really blame you after I saw the way that woman behaves toward you. She could drive anyone to drink.”
Stefan didn’t bother correcting her about the state of his condition. He wasn’t anywhere near so drunk that he couldn’t cover her on that bed and make love to her all night. And after his own ridiculously long abstinence, it would undoubtedly take all night before he was finally satisfied. But since it was the wrong bed and the wrong woman, he said nothing. Her remark about Tanya, however, he couldn’t let pass.
“What behavior are you referring to?”
“Why, the way she completely ignored you at dinner. And she didn’t even care that you saw how friendly she has become with Lazar.”
The insinuation cut with razor sharpness. The only reason he didn’t bleed was that he knew wh
ere Lazar’s loyalties lay. But the pain of Tanya’s “friendships” with other men was still there, and he could not thank Alicia for reminding him of it.
Tightly, he said, “It has occurred to me that her behavior tonight can be attributed to her having witnessed that thoughtless display of affection you greeted me with on our arrival. She is my betrothed, Alicia. You knew better than to be so obvious in who you were!”
Anger was making him sober up, but it was the word “were” that increased her panic. “But I didn’t even notice her with you,” she insisted, hoping to placate him and exonerate herself at the same time. “And I was so happy to see you, I couldn’t help myself. I know I was careless, and it won’t happen again, but she didn’t care about that, Stefan. I know she didn’t.”
“How do you know?”
Alicia lowered her eyes, pretending a reluctance to say any more. She even managed to get his shirt off while he waited for her to answer, his concentration so great he wasn’t aware of what she was doing.
Finally he repeated the question, and none too softly. “How do you know?”
She still wouldn’t look at him, was swiftly opening the front of his trousers. “I’m sorry, Stefan, but I spoke with her at length this afternoon.”
She said no more, forcing him to drag this confession out of her. “And?”
“She said she was relieved to know you had a mistress to keep you from bothering her in that way. “
Johanna Lindsey, Once a princess.txt Page 24
