CHAPTER 71
They were worried about Grandad. It was unlike him to be depressed.
'Even you can't get through to him,’ Andrew told Keith. Keith was in bed having his afternoon rest and Andrew, contrary to his mother's instructions, was sitting on his own bed in their shared room, talking to him.
'He's upset about Uncle Dan,’ said Keith. 'It's natural.’
'I know. But why won't he talk to us? It's like he doesn't want to know us any more.’
'Perhaps it's the other way round,’ said Keith. 'He feels ashamed, as if we wouldn't want to know him.’
'That's silly. Why would he think that?’
'How would you feel if the police were trying to contact your son in connection with a series of violent assaults?’
'Yes, but it's not Grandad's fault, is it?’
'He may not see it like that. He feels responsible. He brought him up.’
'He brought Mum up as well. She doesn't go round attacking people, does she?’ said Andrew.
'No.’
'Keith,’ said Andrew, after a few minutes. 'Do you know what made him like that? I mean, could we have helped him while he was with us, do you think, and we didn't?’
'I don't know,’ said Keith. 'I've thought about it a lot. The only thing I ever thought was strange about Uncle Dan was all the stories he told and the games he played with us.’
'We liked them, Keith! They were great! We used to think what a good uncle he was because he was always ready to play with us and tell all those stories.’
'Yes, but he seemed to believe them.’
'What d'you mean?’
'Well, I never thought anything of it when I was little. Like you said, he was really fun to have around. But when I started to grow out of stories and pretending to be rulers of the universe, it seemed to me that he hadn't.’
'Hadn't grown out of them?’
'Yes.’
'How has that got anything to do with assaulting people?’
'I don't know if it has but I think it might have. If he couldn't tell the difference between the stories you tell to frighten yourself as a child, and reality, maybe he's living out different stories in his head all the time.’
'You mean, if he really believed he was Superman, come to save the world, and wasn't just acting it out to amuse us kids?’
'Yes. Or the scary stuff he used to like - Curse of the Werewolves and all those spooky things he pretended to be. He was always watching horror films, wasn't he?’
'I watched them with him. He used to laugh, all the way through. He never took them seriously, Keith.’
'No, but that worried me really. I mean, they were about people getting terrified out of their minds and threatened with grisly deaths and hacked to pieces. They're meant to give people a shock - a thrill of fear, or whatever. Isn't somebody a bit sick if he finds it funny?’
'I never thought about it. I remember him as a really kind, funny person,’ said Andrew. 'I can't imagine him attacking anybody. Can you?’
'No. But I can't imagine anybody doing that. I can't imagine what it must feel like inside, to want to do it or to feel compelled to beat up and rape some helpless stranger. But I suppose everybody who does must be somebody's uncle or son or brother, mustn't they? I mean, they're not a separate species from the rest of the human race.’
'Do you think he'd be different, if we saw him now, Keith? Would we see him walk in the door and think, "Oh, there's Uncle Dan," or would he seem like someone else?’
Keith was silent for a minute. Then he said, 'I think he'd seem different. He must be different, if he's done all that.’
'But maybe he was like that before and we just didn't see it. So if we saw him again, maybe we'd just see nice Uncle Dan who told us stories and brought us presents.’
'No,’ said Keith. 'I don't think so. He might have had a tendency to be violent even when we knew him, and we didn't see it, as little boys. But he hadn't lived it out then; he still had a choice of whether to be Uncle Dan or whether to be a man who threw off the family's restraints and let his violence loose on other people. At that time he was choosing to be the kind uncle. When he went away, he made the other choice. He's not Uncle Dan now. He's somebody who has to be caught and locked up, for his own safety and everyone else's.’
Andrew kicked Keith's wheelchair. 'Don't say that! You're as bad as Grandad, saying we'll all come to wish he was dead! To me, he'll always be Uncle Dan anyway.’
'That's fine,’ said Keith. 'As long as it's the real Uncle Dan you keep loving, not the fantasy. We didn't know what he could do then. We do know now.’
Andrew scowled at him. 'That still doesn't make me want him to be dead.’
'Grandad didn't say he'd stopped loving Dan, did he?’ Keith said. 'He said we might come to wish he'd died, instead of getting into what he has done. He's not disowning him, Andrew. He's saying he believes it would have been less harmful for Dan if he'd physically died, and maybe less of a tragedy even for his family, who've been dreading hearing that he's dead ever since he left. He doesn't want Dan to be dead and he's not cutting him out of the family. But he wishes the rapist in him had never come to life.’
'You don't understand anything,’ said Andrew angrily.
'I wasn't as close to him as you were,’ Keith said. 'What did you like about him, Andrew?’
'He spent time with me,’ said Andrew. He swallowed. 'He'd call me his best buddy - "Hey, best buddy, want to be Dracula's apprentice?" He'd dress up for it - black cloak, everything. He'd put his cloak over me and we'd fly off into the night, looking for a victim.’ He hesitated. 'The victim was only Action Man or something, except once. Once it was me. He put his fangs in and blindfolded me.’ His voice shook slightly. 'He put his hands round my throat and then he bit me. Really. I mean, for real. I had to push him off me.’ Tears collected in Andrew's eyes. He turned to leave the room.
'Listen,’ said Keith, 'before you go. Can we talk about him again sometime?’
'Why? We'd only argue.’
'It doesn't matter if we don't agree. But agreeing not to talk about him, the way this family has been doing since he left, is like saying he is dead.’
'Yes, all right.’
'And Andrew, when I'm gone, will you do the same? Don't let everyone stop talking about me, for fear of upsetting anyone else?’
'Keith! I wish you wouldn't keep saying those things!’
'I'm not saying I'm going imminently,’ said Keith. 'I might not die for a long time. But if everyone keeps pretending it's not going to happen, are they going to be able to change when it does? Or are you all going to start acting as though it hasn't happened?’
'We can hardly do that. Even though I think you're a pain in the bum, Keith, I am going to notice you're not around, you know!’
Keith laughed. 'Thanks. But seriously, it's dangerous to avoid talking about difficult things, isn't it? They just get driven underground.’
'Maybe that's what happened to Uncle Dan,’ said Andrew sombrely. 'Maybe everyone did notice there was something not right about him and everyone was too nice to mention it - or too frightened. Is it all right to pray for him, do you think?’
'Of course it is. He must need it, if anyone does.’
'I can't pray for him to be found by the police, though, Keith; I just can't.’
'Don't then.’
'Can you?’
Keith took a deep breath. 'Yes,’ he said. 'I'm sorry but I can't stop thinking about those women. I know we don't know them, but they're precious to somebody too, aren't they? They're somebody's aunt or daughter or something. Yes, I am praying that he gets caught, Andrew. Soon.’
Genius Page 71
