by J. L. Beck
Ava nuzzles into my chest, and I grab her thighs in my hands to lift her. She wraps her legs back around me as I carry her down the hall and into my room for round two. I smirk like an idiot, hoping she wasn’t planning to sleep tonight, because I don’t think I’m ever going to be satisfied with her.
Not now that I’ve finally found her, my Ava. I’m never letting her go.
I wake with a startle. A sheen of sweat covers my body, and I’m acutely aware of Ryker’s sticky body against mine. The sex we shared was full of passion and heat, leaving me blissfully pleased, and I wish more than anything in the world I could stay in bed with him, but I can’t.
As soon as I untangle myself from Ryker’s body, I feel the guilt over what we have done in the pit of my belly. I let him kiss me and fuck me without telling him I’m pregnant with his baby. What was I thinking? Sitting on the edge of the mattress, I hold my head in my hands, feeling like total shit, even though my body feels deliciously worked over.
Shifting, I look over my shoulder at Ryker, who is sleeping like a rock. It’s like déjà vu all over again, and I know I’m going to get up at any second, put my clothes on, and walk out the door. There’s no way I can be here when he wakes up. I’m too embarrassed and too freaked out about the fact that I wound up here again, even though I knew it was a bad decision to come over in the first place.
I hate myself a little more as I get up from the bed, slipping each article of clothing on as I find it. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tell myself I can never have Ryker the way I want him. He doesn’t know about the baby growing inside of me, and when he finds out, he could think it’s a joke, or me trying to force him to stay with me. I don’t let myself think about the possibility that he could hate me for keeping it a secret from him. I know I haven’t known for very long, but it’s something I should have told him the minute I found out, and I didn’t.
Instead of staying and being honest with him, I walk out of his apartment in yesterday’s clothes, hoping no one sees me doing this walk of shame. My body shakes as I leave, the door sealing closed silently behind me. When I make it down to my car, the guilt has started to overtake me, and tears slip from my eyes and down my cheeks.
I should’ve told him. I should’ve fucking stayed so I could tell him.
I beat my hands against the steering wheel and jump when my phone chimes with an incoming text message.
Do I even want to look at it?
What if it’s Ryker? I start the engine, intending to leave and ignore it, but curiosity consumes me, so I grab my phone off the passenger seat and suck in a deep breath before looking down at the message.
It’s not Ryker demanding I come back, and I’m disappointed when I see Fallon’s name on the screen.
Fallon: Hope you’re doing well? Just wanted to know if you wanted to come to my bachelorette party next Saturday?
Deciding to think on it before I answer, I drive home instead of answering her. My heart aches in my chest as my thoughts swirl. I know Ryker will wake up expecting me there in his bed, and I wonder if he’ll hurt as much as I do. It hurts me more than I expected it to, and that terrifies me.
Am I falling in love with him?
As I park, my phone chimes once more, and I’m almost afraid to look at it. Getting lucky once with Fallon sending a message the first time mostly likely means this message is from Ryker, and that scares me to death.
Except I’m shocked when I grab the phone and see that it’s instead Fallon who texted me again.
Fallon: PS.. it would really mean a lot to me to have you there.
I laugh to myself, knowing I won’t be able to tell her no, so I respond to a text letting her know I’d be honored. My pussy tingles as my thighs rub together and the memory of the way Ryker possessed me pushes to the forefront of my mind.
“I want to keep you forever so I can worship every inch of your body.” He murmurs the words against my skin as he enters me so slowly my body trembles.
I can’t feel anything but him and the way his body claims me.
“Would you want that, Ava? To be mine?” he asks with a deep thrust that causes a moan to escape my lips. I want to deny to myself and to him the way I feel, but I know it’s no good. I’ve never felt the way I do right now, with anyone.
“Yes, I want to be yours,” I whisper, feeling my insides turn to mush as he brings me to orgasm again, my body soaring to new heights as waves of pleasure overtake me for the third time that night.
“Miss?” I blink, strangely aware of someone calling out to me. “Your purse?” A man points to the wallet at my feet. I move slowly, realizing that I stalled in the middle of walking up to my apartment, all at the memory of Ryker and his irresistible lips, tongue, and cock. My cheeks warm, even though I know the stranger knows nothing of what I was daydreaming about.
I pick up the wallet and wave him on. “Thank you,” I call out, heading up to my apartment, wondering how the hell I’m going to get away with avoiding Ryker when he’s my boss and soon-to-be baby daddy.
He’s going to be pissed, and worst of all, he’s going to expect answers. What the hell will I do when I have none for him? I feel bad about leaving him this morning, but I feel worse about keeping our baby a secret.
As I enter my apartment, the only thought in my head is how I can avoid him until I’m ready to tell him when I just agreed to go to Fallon’s bachelorette party. Even if the party wasn’t a concern, I have no idea if Andi and Derek have started spreading rumors around at work.
Gabby is sitting at the dining room table when I walk in, a bowl of cereal and People magazine sitting in front of her.
She looks up from the magazine, eyeing me curiously. “Is that a walk of shame or something else?” The smile on her lips gives her away, and I cross the room, punching her gently on her arm before heading into the kitchen for something to eat. My stomach has been grumbling since I woke up this morning.
“I stayed over at Ryker’s last night,” I announce, getting a glass from the cabinet and the carton of orange juice from the fridge. I’m not normally a huge orange juice drinker, but the baby must like it because I could drink it all day now.
“And? Did you tell him about the baby?” I bite the inside of my cheek and shake my head no. I wonder if Marie told her about the pregnancy test or if she spotted the baby book sitting on the table in the living room.
“I’m too afraid to tell him. I don’t want him thinking I’m lying or trying to get money from him.”
Gabby shoves a spoonful of cereal into her mouth and nods. “I get that, but the longer you wait, the harder it will be. If you wait too long, you’ll miss out on doing all the baby stuff together instead of alone.”
Gulping juice from my cup, I ponder what she’s said. “What if he doesn’t want the baby though?” I ask nervously. Gabby doesn’t even skip a beat, like she knew what my question would be before I asked it.
“How do you know if you never tell him? Just because every man you’ve met has been a piece of shit doesn’t mean he is. Give him the benefit of the doubt, Ava.” Her voice is stern, and I know she’s right.
“You know you’re the second person to tell me that,” I mumble under my breath, knowing I’m backed into a corner.
“Let me guess, your mom was the other person?” she questions over her shoulder, her dark gaze piercing mine.
I smile. “Actually, it was. She said to give him a chance, but I’m too terrified to see what his reaction is to actually tell him.”
Gabby shrugs like it’s no big deal. “You’ll never know if you don’t try, right?”
“Right,” I agree, knowing it’s true. I won’t know unless I try, but I could also ruin whatever fragile bond we’ve created with nothing more than two words.
“I’m here for you, girl, but you have to give that man a chance and let him decide for himself. You can’t just assume he’s going to be the same as your dad. They’re two different people, and your situation isn’t the same as your mom’s was.”
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br /> I let Gabby’s words sink in as I finish drinking my juice, my hand rubbing against my non-existent belly. She’s right. I have to tell him, and I have to tell him soon if I want him to be there for everything.
First, though, I have to get up the courage to tell him, when just the simple thought makes me want to puke all over the floor.
The drinks go down smooth, a lot smoother than I thought they would. Then again, when the only woman you’ve potentially ever loved starts avoiding you like the plague, it’s bound to happen. That coupled with the fact that she left me alone for the second time after a night of hot-as-hell sex, and I should be drinking something a lot stronger than the beer in my hand.
“How does it feel to be a dad?” Remy asks, his question to Reed somehow making its way through my subconscious, and I realize I’m not at home drinking my sorrows and instead out with my brothers for Reed’s bachelor party.
You see, it’s not that I forgot but that I’m so wound up, like a rubber band ready to snap at any second, and all because of some adorable-as-fuck blonde that has my head spinning, my heart pounding, and my dick in a constant state of readiness. She’s left me alone in bed twice now, and if I wasn’t so sure she liked me, my ego would be wounded.
“It’s different. It’s like my entire existence made sense the moment I saw Maverick’s face.”
I’m so shocked, my mouth drops open at his response. “Whoa, man, that’s deep.” And for once, I agree with Remy. That’s deep as hell. Reed takes a swig from his beer and rubs at his jaw as if he’s lost in thought.
“Kids change you, and I really do mean that. They make you love deeper and harder. They show you the meaning of life. Maverick isn’t that old, but I count every day knowing he’ll never be the same age he was today again.”
I squeeze the beer bottle in my hands, those words resonating through me. And for once I’m not afraid to admit that I’m jealous of Reed. He has it all: the girl, the business, and now the perfect family.
“I’d like kids, sooner rather than later,” Remy announces, and I blink once again, feeling like I don’t even know the two men I spent the majority of my life with.
I can feel eyes on me and notice both Remy and Reed staring at me. “What?” I blurt out, probably a little more menacing than necessary, but like I said…I’m wound up.
Reed rolls his eyes. “What about you? Do you want kids?”
I shrug, never having really given much thought to the possibility. Now that I am, I know I do. “Yeah, of course, I want kids. The question you should be asking is, does the person who I want to possibly have kids with want to have kids with me?” I feel bad the moment the words come out of my mouth. I’m a grumpy asshole.
Neither say anything, and I feel the need to apologize. “I’m sorry, okay? I’ve had a shit week, and I’m pretty sure Ava is avoiding me again…” I trail off, not wanting to dive any deeper into my shit-hole love life. My brothers look up at me, and before I can stop, I’m spilling everything to them.
“She left me. Can you believe that? I asked her to come over after I left the hospital. I just…I needed to be with someone, you know?” Looking up, I expect them to be grinning or ready to give me shit about being pussy-whipped, or maybe just being a pussy in general, but they’re both somber as they look back at me. “Anyway,” I continue, relaxing a little now that I know they are really listening, “we had sex, but she was right there with me, all three times. I know she wanted it as much as I did, but then when I woke up the next morning, she was gone again. I don’t get it. I don’t get her.”
Remy runs a hand over his lips, to hide a smile I’m sure, but there’s no trace of humor in his voice, so maybe I’m wrong. “Has she said anything?”
“Nothing. I’ve tried to corner her in my office this week to force her to talk to me, but unless it’s work related, she’s locked up tight.” Even saying it out loud doesn’t make it make sense. I still don’t understand what her deal is, and it’s frustrating as hell.
This time, it’s Reed who responds. “Are you sure she wants the same thing you do? Maybe she ran away because a relationship isn’t what she’s after.”
“That could be true,” Remy agrees. “Is it possible she’s after something else? Like, maybe she wants money or she’s trying to secure a job, and she thinks if she sleeps with you that will do it? I wonder if it’s just that she felt bad after for using you, and she ran.”
I want to tell him he’s wrong, but what she said when she came over runs through my head, leaving me wondering. She was worried I was about to fire her. Did she fuck me so I wouldn’t? Now that the thought is in my head, I can’t get away from it, and my brothers must notice the way I tense because Reed changes the subject.
“Okay, since we’re talking kids, and obviously relationships, or lack of thereof for some of us,” he looks pointedly at Remy, causing me to laugh, “I think we should discuss the letters.”
Remy and I look at each other, unsure of where this is going. “Letters?” I question, placing my empty beer bottle on the bar, feeling like I may need something a little stronger for this discussion.
“Yes, letters. The ones Dad left behind for us to read.” Reed runs a hand through his hair as if he’s stressed, and I’d hate to think the man is discussing business while we’re supposed to be helping him celebrate his upcoming marriage to Fallon. Honestly, I’m shocked he didn’t take her straight from the hospital to the nearest courthouse and make her his wife then.
“I’ve got a bunch of shit I’m supposed to read through, but I haven’t had the time to yet. You know, since my boss is a real asshole,” Remy says sarcastically.
I nod in agreement, bumping his fist with mine before saying, “Same.”
“Well, you both need to read them. Dad had some shit going on that none of us knew about, and while I didn’t want to really bring the matter up now, I figured since I have you both here, why the hell not?”
Remy and I look at each other in confusion, but he’s the first to ask the question weighing on both our minds. “What are you talking about, Reed? What shit?”
Reed rubs at the back of his neck, and I can see the tension around his eyes when he looks up at both of us. “It’s just…there was a lot we didn’t know about Dad. Things he didn’t see fit to tell us when he was alive. It’s too much for me to explain... I mean, that’s why he wrote the damn letters.” He laughs, but it’s not the kind that accompanies something funny. No, it’s an exhausted, completely unamused kind of laughter.
The sound of a cell phone ringing pulls us all out of the conversation, and I pause, grabbing my cell from my pocket only to be left disappointed when Reed steps away with his phone to his ear.
“Hey, baby.” The way his voice softens tells me it’s Fallon. Remy looks over at me and rolls his eyes. We both know he’s wrapped around her tiny little finger. Turning away, he puts one finger in the ear he’s not holding his phone up against and lowers his voice so we can’t hear whatever it is he’s saying to her.
I want to tell him to get off the phone and celebrate some more with us, but instead I signal the bartender for another drink, deciding at the very least to drink my sorrows as much as I can for the evening.
After a few minutes, he lowers the phone and turns back to face us with a smirk on his face. “My fiancée misses me. I love you guys, but I’m sorry, I love her more.”
Remy’s eyes roll, but he gets up to follow Reed after they both put some money down on the bar to cover the tab. I almost stay to drown my sorrows some more, but a text from Reed right after he leaves has me slamming money down and rushing out the door after them.
Reed: Oh, by the way, Ava’s at the party. Just thought you might want to know.
There is nothing more embarrassing than showing up to a bachelorette party and being unable to drink liquor and wine without telling the real reason why. Thank God for Marie or I’d have a lot of explaining to do.
I try and hide the anxious feelings I’m having with a smil
e, as Fallon introduces her friend Mel to me and Marie. Mel’s cool as hell, and has this girl-next-door vibe that she gives off, and that’s not even the icing on the cake. She’s gorgeous with waves of ebony-colored hair cascading down her back. When her gunmetal blue eyes meet mine, they hold uncontained excitement. Looking at her and Fallon, you’d never expect them to be best friends.
Then again, I never thought Gabby and I would be either. I sigh inwardly, looking at Marie over my shoulder. She seems uninterested in the entire event and I frown, hating that she isn’t enjoying this more.
I brought her hoping we could bond and maybe be able to discuss her hate for Ryker and his family, but instead I’ve sat here passing every single beverage I’m given to her. At this rate, she won’t be able to walk out of this place when it’s time to leave.
“How do you all know each other?” Mel breaks the ice, sucking on a long island iced tea. We’re sitting at the packed bar, and I start speaking before I can stop myself.
“Well, I just met Fallon at work, and we hit it off right away.” I smile. “And I’ve known Marie since the first day of college.” I place my hand on Marie’s shoulder and she smiles, though it doesn’t meet her eyes, making me wonder if Fallon and Mel can sense the tension between us.
“That’s awesome.” Mel beams up at me. “I’ve known Fallon as long as she’s known Reed, so basically forever.” Mel laughs and her laughter warms me. There is something so intoxicating about this girl. Her smile, her eyes, she’s like the friend you’ve always wanted but never knew you needed.
“Yes, Mel is like a female version of Reed, except I don’t have a baby with her, and I’m not screwing or marrying her.” We all laugh, and then Fallon’s attention turns to my friend. “What do you do for work, Marie?” she asks, taking a big drink of her wine. She told us earlier in the night that she was pumping and dumping because she’s trying to breastfeed, and I admire that. She wants to be the best mother she can be to her child, and I hope like hell I can be just as good of a mom.
