“What’re you talking about?”
“There’s something else…. Where is Zoey?”
“Hold on. I’ll check.” Jane found the little girl in the den, playing with the dog. “Zoey, your dad and I have some grown-up business to discuss. Would you like to watch TV with Stopgap?”
“Sure.”
She found a cartoon channel for Zoey and rejoined Luke in the living room. “What’s up?”
He dandled the baby on his knee. “Annie’s mother and her boyfriend got busted for drugs. They were selling the stuff right out of the apartment.”
“That’s awful.” On the other hand, she realized, this improved the picture. “No court will give her custody after this.”
“Exactly.” His lips quirked but didn’t quite form a smile. “I won’t have to fight to keep Tina away from her grandmother. The problem is, now that Brenda’s out of the picture, I have to wonder if I’m being fair to Tina. Or to Zoey, either.”
“What do you mean?” The distress in his voice troubled Jane.
The baby began squirming, so he set her on the carpet. “Zoey deserves more attention than I’ve been able to give her. Pauline’s marriage is going to stress out Zoey for a long time. The situation’s far from ideal for Tina, either. She’s practically growing up in day care.”
Sitting on the floor beside the baby, Jane fingered a tuft of blond hair. “You can’t be thinking of giving her up. With her mother out of the picture, what other relatives does she have?”
“None, apparently. Certainly none that Annie trusted,” Luke admitted. “But when she appointed me guardian, she made it my responsibility to protect her child’s best interests. If she’d be better off with the right adoptive parents, then I owe it to her to make that choice.”
Tina climbed on Jane’s lap. Snuggling the little girl, Jane felt a surge of fierce protectiveness. “She belongs here, with you.” And me.
His anguished gaze fell on the tot’s upturned face. “I adore her, but I don’t believe she’s fully bonded with me yet. She’s only been with me just over a week. If I can’t in all fairness keep her, I should give her up soon.”
“No, you shouldn’t,” Jane flared. “You’ve been coping amazingly well. Tina’s flourishing. Both girls are.”
Luke shook his head. “I’m barely hanging on as a single father. When Zoey had her meltdown, I was too busy with the baby to pay attention. She ran out the door before I could stop her. What if she hadn’t simply come to your place?”
Was he really putting his daughters’ interest first, or dodging yet another relationship? Jane bit her lip, regretting the ugly thought. After all, she was hardly an objective observer. I guess I am still a little angry with him about last night.
He obviously needed a break. “Here’s what you’re going to do right now,” Jane announced. “Leave Tina with me. Spend the day with Zoey, showing her how much she means to you. Having a little space should help clear your head.”
He gave her a grateful look. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”
“We’ll make an outing of it, with Stopgap.” Tina ought to enjoy the walk, and so would Jane.
He reached for her hand to help her to her feet. And held on to it. “I don’t like the way we left things last night. You and I are…”
“…better off as friends,” she responded as pleasantly as she could. “Luke, we want very different things out of life.”
“I’m sorry I can’t fulfill my ambitions in a small-town practice,” he said sadly. “Jane, let’s not lose each other again. I don’t see why we have to.”
Into her mind flashed a memory from their fourth year of residency. When a multicar pileup overloaded the hospital’s emergency room with patients too critical to transport to other facilities, they’d been stretched almost beyond their abilities.
Upset at the sight of so much suffering, Jane had concentrated on simply following the resident doctors’ directions. Luke, though, had been galvanized. It was he, not an intern or resident, who’d spotted a pregnant woman about to go into shock from internal bleeding. His insistence that she receive priority treatment had probably saved her life and that of her baby.
Much as the man was good at providing routine care, he thrived on adrenaline. He couldn’t give that up, and, after all, hadn’t they become physicians to help people as best they could? He simply had different skills, and a different personality, than Jane.
Unfortunately, that meant he had to disappoint some people, including her. And maybe Tina, as well. But that remained to be seen.
“I’m sorry, too,” Jane told him. “And you aren’t exactly losing me.” To her annoyance, her voice caught. “Oh, heck. Go have fun with your daughter.”
He gave her hand a squeeze before releasing it. “I’m not giving up that easily.”
She left that argument for later. Not much later, though. Since the options were getting her heart broken in a few months or years, or getting it broken now, she chose now.
The idea of a day with Dad cheered Zoey, and soon they were off, laughing together. After collecting the stroller from Luke’s house, Jane set out with Tina and Stopgap. On this sunny spring day, flower beds along Harmony Road burst with calla lilies, poppies, daisies and pansies, while the breeze carried the briny tang of the sea from fifteen miles away.
As she walked, Jane was startled to see a small green parrot flash onto a low-growing palm not more than a dozen feet away. She’d heard that escaped parrots flourished in Orange County, but she had never seen any.
“Parrot,” she told Tina. “Isn’t it beautiful?”
The little girl reached toward the colorful bird, although it was clearly too far away to touch. Jane made out a white chest and a bit of orange fluff above the beak. Cocking its head, it uttered an inquiring croak.
Fearlessly, Tina squawked back. The bird ruffled its feathers and screeched again before flashing away in a blur of green.
“Guess you two are on the same wavelength,” Jane told the baby.
What a precious moment, and what a shame that Tina’s mom wasn’t here to witness it, Jane thought as she continued her stroll. At least Annie’s love had protected her child by guiding her to Luke.
Was he right to relinquish her? If he couldn’t be dissuaded, if someone other than him was going to raise her, it ought to be Jane.
The moment the idea struck her, she recognized it as the perfect, logical, loving solution. But he’d said before that he believed children deserved two parents. Would that stubborn man insist on finding a married couple?
Heading down the far side of Harmony Road, she passed Bart’s place. At the house next door, whose wealthy owners had left it vacant for the time being, he was fertilizing a white rosebush. The absentee couple allowed Bart to experiment with plantings in exchange for taking care of their yard.
“Great blooms,” she said. “You’re a wizard.”
He shut off the sprayer. “You found a baby. Congratulations!”
“What? No,” Jane said in confusion.
“Sorry.” Bart’s sun-weathered forehead formed a crease. “I heard you were going to adopt.” He took a closer look. “Oh, it’s Tina. How’re you doing, cutie?”
“I’m babysitting.” Jane made a mental note to be much more careful what she said around the Foxes.
“That’s too bad. I mean, it’s good. Of you. To babysit.” Bart avoided any more verbal stumbling by crouching to scratch Stopgap’s ears.
“I wish she were mine,” Jane burst out.
“Why don’t you come on in for a cup of tea,” Bart said. “I’ve got cookies, too.”
In the four years she’d lived in Harmony Circle, this was the first time he’d invited her to his place. “I’d enjoy that.”
They entered the kitchen through the back. Instead of the scruffy bachelor-pad decor Jane had expected, custom oak cabinetry and a curving, beautifully designed dinette set met her gaze. “Did you make these yourself?”
“Yep. Grew the peppermint
for the tea, too.” With a shy smile, Bart put water on to boil.
After downing a lemon cookie, Tina enjoyed rolling on the polished wooden floor, with Stopgap lounging close by. Bart brought in a chunky maple car for her to play with. “It’s left from a bunch I carved for my nieces and nephews.”
“How many do you have?”
“I lost count. The more the merrier.” Warmth shone from him.
Looking on Bart as a casual friend, she’d never really noticed him much before, Jane thought. Yet from the glances he was casting her way, he’d obviously noticed her. That reminded her of the admiring remarks he’d made to Luke when the men were alone.
Over an aromatic cup of tea, she told him about Tina’s grandmother and the possibility that Luke might seek a new home for the girl. “At one level, I understand his concerns. But what a shame.”
“He’d let this sweetheart go, if he found the right couple?” Bart watched Tina wave the wooden car in the air. “That’d be a real loss.”
“It kills me to think of strangers getting her,” Jane agreed.
“If he is looking for a family…” Breaking off, Bart got a strange look on his face.
“What?” Jane pressed.
He studied her for a long moment, and then words spilled out. “Once in my life, I let something precious slip through my fingers because I didn’t react fast enough. Guess I was scared to take a chance. Well, not this time. Jane, you’re a beautiful woman and you could do better than me, but I’d love if you were willing to make a leap of faith.”
She didn’t follow his train of thought. “What do you mean?”
“Let’s get married.” Excitement glimmered in his cornflower-blue eyes.
He was proposing? How utterly unexpected. “Because of Tina?”
“She gave me the idea, or maybe the courage to ask you,” he admitted. “But I’ve been thinking about this for a while. I suppose I should have done the whole dating thing, but getting to know each other informally seemed more natural.”
They had spent a lot of time together, Jane realized, laying out and cultivating her garden, reviewing the creative plantings he’d installed on his neighbor’s property and, in the process, discussing whatever else came into their minds. But she’d never twigged to the fact that Bart considered this a courtship. How could she have been so oblivious?
“Even if it doesn’t work out with Tina, we could still have a child,” Bart continued. “Jane, being around you makes life fun. I’d enjoy sharing a pregnancy with you, if that’s what you want. I know I’ve caught you off guard, and I apologize, but we could create a wonderful home together. Please don’t say no.”
At the moment, she couldn’t say anything at all. He’d startled her speechless.
Her practical nature clamored that this was what she’d sought, a loving man who shared her values, who wouldn’t go haring off in search of glory and who’d always be there for her. If Luke hadn’t returned to Brea, she’d probably have accepted Bart’s proposal without reservation.
Yet Luke had returned. And in his arms, she’d rediscovered a joy she’d never experienced with anyone else. How high a value did she place on passion? Enough to sustain her during long separations, or comfort her if she lost him entirely?
What a dilemma, and what a life-changing choice. Jane knew better than to rush into a decision. “I hope it’s all right if I take a few days to consider.”
“Sure.” Bart studied her tensely. “Jane, you aren’t just letting me down easy, are you?”
“Absolutely not.” What kind of cruel woman would do that? “I thoroughly enjoy our friendship, but marriage is a huge step. I have to be sure.”
He nodded. “I’d expect nothing less of you.” When she got to her feet, Bart knelt to put Tina in the stroller, handling the baby tenderly and confidently. He must have gained experience with those nieces and nephews.
Bart was a good man, and he’d make a terrific husband. For someone.
Jane left in a daze. Dreams didn’t always come true the way you expected, but she wasn’t about to dismiss this opportunity, not by a long shot.
Chapter Thirteen
By Monday, Luke figured Zoey was over the worst of her moodiness. They’d spent hours at her favorite park on Saturday, and on Sunday, with Tina in tow, they’d paid a visit to Hetty.
She’d engulfed her granddaughter in a hug and presented her with a charm bracelet, “Just like I used to wear when I was your age.” To Tina, Hetty had kindly given a terry-cloth bunny.
That night, Luke taught Zoey a simple card game. She didn’t seem to mind when he got distracted once or twice by the baby’s antics.
Perhaps they’d weathered this storm and he could keep both girls. Feeling as if he’d been granted parole from a prison sentence, Luke was bursting with energy when he and Jane met Wendy Clark in her office during their lunch break on Tuesday.
“I’ve got our grant writer working on a couple of proposals,” the administrator told them. “She feels this project is very viable if we can get the community involved.”
Luke reported on the progress he’d made. “I put in calls to a couple of colleagues around here. They all agreed to refer patients, and one said she could donate one afternoon a month. They’ll help spread the word, as well.”
He’d also e-mailed Sean, who’d responded with enthusiasm about picking up the ball after Luke’s departure. However, it seemed premature to mention his long-term plans to Wendy, so he left that point for later.
Jane had something to contribute, as well. “One of my patients is a counselor with the local school district. When I mentioned the clinic to her, she said they’re looking for ways to encourage pregnant girls not to drop out. Maybe we can involve the school system, both to identify patients and for partial funding.”
“That’s a great idea,” Luke told her, pleased by her initiative.
“It’s my project too, remember,” she told him.
“Excellent.” Wendy tapped her pen on a pad. “I have to admit, this is a bit less high-tech than some of the programs I’d like to institute here, but it will fill a need and provide great outreach.”
“What sort of projects?” This was the first Luke had heard on that subject.
“We’re not making the best use of our MRI scanner, for example.” Magnetic resonance imaging devices could cost millions of dollars but were invaluable in cancer diagnosis and treatment. “Compared to City of Hope and St. Jude, our cancer treatment center is on the small side, so we’ve missed out on some exciting projects. Any ideas on that score, either of you?”
Luke shook his head. “I’ll keep my eyes open, now that I’m aware of your interest.” He did his best to keep up with cutting-edge research through medical journals and Web sites. Plus he planned to renew his contacts at a medical conference to be held in Anaheim next fall.
“It’s not exactly my line of interest, but if I stumble across anything, I’ll pass it along,” Jane agreed.
Afterward, as they headed back to the office, he thanked her again for giving him time alone with Zoey on Saturday. “It made a world of difference.”
“Any more thoughts regarding Tina?” Her casual tone struck him as slightly forced.
Luke stopped himself from blurting that he might not have to give her up after all. If he’d learned anything from his parenting experiences these past weeks, it was to expect the unexpected. “We’re all getting along for the moment. I’m hoping for the best.”
“Me, too,” she said.
He noticed that she kept more distance between them than usual, and only met his eyes when necessary. “Jane, please don’t pull away like you did last time.”
“What last time?” Then she got it. “You mean ten years ago? Luke, that’s ancient history.”
“Yet we seem doomed to repeat it,” he said grimly.
“We’re not repeating anything,” Jane responded as they cut behind the building toward the rear entrance. “Luke, we’re simply both being true to ourselv
es.”
“And that puts us on a collision course?” He slowed his stride to narrow the space between them.
“Collision course? Hardly. I’d say we were on a trajectory that’s intersected a few times and then shot us off in different directions.”
“I don’t think a trajectory usually comes with all those contortions,” he responded.
“If you tell me ‘trajectory’ was another of your vocabulary words, I’ll smack you!” she responded, lengthening her stride.
Luke flinched. “I just like kidding around with you, that’s all.”
Jane glanced toward him, her expression softening. “I guess I’m a little preoccupied. Not much sense of humor these days.”
“The baby business?” He hadn’t heard any further mention of her plans to conceive on her own.
“Not exactly.” She managed a tight smile. “I’m considering my options, that’s all. And I’m delighted that things are going well with the girls. I hope it stays that way.”
“So do I.” He managed to beat her to the door, and held it as she went inside.
What options did she mean? The appearance of Pam Ortiz with files in hand forestalled further questions.
That afternoon, Wendy e-mailed that a local church was interested in providing volunteers to help staff the clinic. Buoyed by the news, Luke arrived at Maryam’s after work. “How’d things go today?”
The day-care provider held up a plastic bag filled with stuffing and fabric. Puzzled, Luke peered closer until he recognized the bits of terry cloth as remnants of Tina’s new bunny. Judging by the clean cuts, this toy had been cut to bits.
“Zoey did that?” he asked in dismay. “Any idea what set her off?”
“Tina’s teething, so she’s been fussier than usual. I guess her screeching got on Zoey’s nerves.” Maryam handed him the bag. “I found her and this behind the couch. It’s amazing what a determined child can do with a pair of blunt-tipped scissors.”
The implications worried Luke far beyond the loss of a stuffed animal. “You don’t suppose she would hurt the baby, do you?”
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