by Lia Lee
As the ultrasound technician set up the machinery and applied a liberal coating of Vaseline to her belly, she turned to Aladdin, holding his hand tight.
“This is real, isn't it?” she asked, and he nodded.
The little blue image on the screen didn't look like a baby at all, no matter what the doctor said. Then, as he pointed out where the little speck of life was hiding, how he knew it was really a fetus and not some lump of tissue, she felt her throat close up.
“Oh my god, it's real, it's really real,” she whispered, as the tears came. That was her son or daughter. That was Aladdin's son or daughter. She started to shake, burying her face in Aladdin's chest as she was cleaned up and the machines were pulled away.
“I'll leave you with this information,” the doctor was saying. “And of course, the sooner you make a decision on what you want, the better.”
“I am keeping the baby,” she said firmly. “I know that.”
Aladdin waited only a fraction of a second before nodding, as well.
“We are,” he agreed, and she wondered about his word choice.
As they left the clinic together, she knew that the world had changed again, but she didn't know what might happen next.
* * *
There was a long list of things that she should avoid if she were going to keep her baby healthy, so they ended up at a small natural bistro. She made a face at the salad in front of her before digging in.
“Nine months of dark leafy greens,” she said. “And longer if I want to breast feed.”
Aladdin hadn't gotten any food. Instead, he sat watching her across the table. He had been silent when they left the doctor’s office, and for a while, she had been afraid that he was angry. Now he looked thoughtful, perhaps even a little sad.
“Charlotte,” he said finally. “What do you want to do?”
She had to put her fork down. The thoughts that were flying through her mind were dark and dangerous things. She knew that he was an honorable man. She knew that he would do right by her and his child. However, above all, she didn't want to make him feel trapped.
“I am keeping this baby,” she said firmly. “That much I know for sure.”
He looked relieved.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
“I'm not doing it for you, or at least, I'm not just doing it for you. This...this has been very strange. The moment I saw that test read positive, I knew that everything had changed. I knew that I was going to be a mother, and everything else paled.”
No, not everything. She had become more sharply aware of her feelings for Aladdin, how she needed him and craved him. That had to take a back seat to the business of raising her child, however, so she was very careful to keep her words considered and clear.
“I am not going to ask you to do anything more than what you want to do,” she said. “I want you to do as you please, as long as you don't try to take my child away from me.”
“Your child?” he said a little sharply. “That is my child, as well.”
The moment he saw the look on her face, he sighed, shaking his head.
“I would never take your child away from you,” he said. “I never could, not when I saw how thoroughly you fell in love as soon as the ultrasound tech turned that machine on. I couldn't do that to you.”
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“But please, Charlotte...will you allow me to have a place in my child's life?”
“Of course,” she said, startled. “As much of one as you want. I know this is your child. You...you have given me something that I wasn't even sure that I wanted, and now that he or she is here...I know this is right.”
Aladdin nodded, but there was something guarded there, something tired and grieving. She reached across the table for his hand, and to her relief, he took it.
He took her to the brownstone instead of her place that night. In the weeks before he had left for Abu Dhabi, she had brought some of her own things there. It was simple to slide into a comfy pair of flannel pajamas, nestling on the couch at his side.
“I don't know what's going to happen,” she confessed.
He laughed a little.
“No one does, but darling, I will make you this promise. You will never want for anything, and neither will our child. It doesn't matter if we are far apart or if we are not speaking or anything like that. You...you are so precious to me.”
Though she kept her face buried in his chest, she could feel her heart breaking. It was, perhaps, the most generous breakup arrangement in the history of the world. She should have felt comforted, but instead, she only felt cold.
“Can we...can we have what we had before?” she asked softly. “Until the baby comes, at least? Can we have that?”
There was a moment of stillness where she wondered if he didn't even want that. She had heard that men changed when their lovers got pregnant. They ceased seeing them as women, or perhaps they could only see the baby that they were carrying.
Then she squeaked as he squeezed her tight.
“Of course we can,” he murmured into her blond hair. “Of course we can.”
He carried her to the bedroom and slowly removed her clothing. Charlotte had a moment to wonder at how changed her body would be during pregnancy. Soon her breasts would be heavy, her belly would push out in front of her like a dome, among other things. She shivered at the strange pleasure it gave her, and then she shivered again as Aladdin kissed her gently on the mouth.
They were naked and lying on the bed together, caressing each other's body almost shyly. There was a tentative quality to their touches, as if they were not entirely sure what was right or what the other wanted.
However, their bodies knew better than they did. Charlotte could feel herself quickening to Aladdin's touch, and she knew that he was responding to her, as well. There was a deep sensuality to it, a sweetness that she couldn't quite believe. She wondered if it would always be like this, no matter what lay between them.
He couldn't get enough of kissing her, touching her with a newness that was startling.
“I don't want to hurt you,” he whispered, stroking her lightly between the legs. “If it's better for you if I don't...”
She laughed a little, breathless.
“The doctor said that this early, it would be just fine,” she promised. “I will tell you if anything feels wrong, but oh, Aladdin, right now, this feels so right.”
She felt his fingers dip inside her, checking her wetness and readiness. She felt a surge of excitement at his touch, and she arched up to meet it. She was hungry for him, but then she realized that in some ways, she always would be.
He reached for the cabinet, and then he started laughing, shaking his head.
“What is it?” she asked in alarm, and then she realized. “You don't have to wear a condom....”
“No, and I swear to you, I'm safe,” he said. There was something almost shy about him in that moment.
“Then leave it in the dresser,” she said, and she saw his eyes light up like a bonfire.
It was exquisite, feeling the sleek silkiness of his skin as he pressed his cock against her entrance. She could feel the heat of him even more thoroughly, feel the way his body trembled on the verge of entering her.
When he finally slid inside her, his eyes were wide open, locked with hers. She gasped at the feeling of fullness there, and for a moment, they were both utterly still. She was awed by the perfect joining of their bodies, and he watched her for any sign of pain or distress.
“It's...it's good,” she said softly. “So good. Oh please, Aladdin, please...”
He didn't have to ask what she wanted. He started to move over her, smoothly and slowly in a way that made her gasp with pleasure. There was nothing hurried about his movements, even though she could feel the shiver that ran through his body. His control was exquisite, and he was using it all to give her what she wanted, what she needed.
She could feel the fire gathering in her belly, making her tense as she sought her
pleasure. One hand was clenched in the sheets, but the other reached up to hold on to his shoulder. She could never get enough of this man, she realized, no matter what that meant for her.
Charlotte started to moan as he quickened his strokes, pressing into her deeply with every thrust. The fire was raging, roaring high, and she couldn't stop it now if she tried. So she didn't. She gave herself to the pleasure of being with him, of being consumed by him.
Her eyes flew open with the things she was feeling. Her body started to shake, and she wailed with her pleasure. It took her over mercilessly and without reserve. She was crying and moaning, and above her, she could feel Aladdin groaning as the last of his control cracked open.
“Please, oh god, please...”
He broke over her like a wave against a stone, continuing to groan as he spilled inside her. The rush of hot liquid aroused her even further, forcing her climax to last until she was certain that she would go insane with the pleasure of it all.
Finally, they both stilled, cradled against each other. Usually after they were intimate, they would talk, laugh, and tease. This time, they were silent, as if afraid that one wrong word would break apart the tender peace that they shared.
Questions crowded Charlotte's mind, making her wonder what in the world was going to happen to the two of them.
Would they continue in this way indefinitely, giving each other pleasure but nothing of their own lives? Would they drift apart until they were nothing more than friendly strangers, looking after a small child who didn't understand what their relationship truly was?
What would happen when he got married?
Charlotte refused to release the tears that threatened fall. She refused to be a woman who was so consumed by her love for a man that it took everything away from her. She knew that her future was bright, and that she would have a child to look out for. It had to be enough.
She curled up with her back to Aladdin's chest, breathing smoothly until somehow, she convinced herself to fall asleep. It would be enough. She and her child would be enough.
* * *
Charlotte didn't know that long after she fell asleep, Aladdin stayed up. He propped himself up on his elbow, looking down at her face. The moonlight that came through the window made her achingly beautiful, he thought. He couldn't resist the urge to touch her cheek, to trace the soft wing of her eyebrow.
There was something about this woman that captured all of him. He knew that now. It would be foolish to fight it any longer. He belonged to her, even if she never belonged to him. He could hate himself for the hope that he had that she might want more with him. Every time he suggested it, she pushed it away, choosing instead to focus on other things.
Even in her sleep, she looked restless. She frowned. She murmured. Once, she sobbed. When she did, he held her more tightly until she relaxed again. Some hours later, she turned toward him, burying her face in his chest.
She said that they could have this, at least.
Aladdin couldn't sleep. Instead he lay in bed thinking, and as he did, he began to realize a few things.
He loved her. Some part of him had known that for weeks. He suspected that it had started when he first saw her, when she had been so wonderfully blunt and adorable. She was a woman who knew exactly what she wanted, and that was true even now, when she was heavy with his child and at a crossroads in her life.
What did you do to make sure that you could catch the woman who knew what she wanted?
Why, he had to be the man who knew what he wanted.
Lying next to the mother of his unborn child in the moonlight, what he wanted had never been clearer. He knew exactly what he wanted, and he started to plan.
CHAPTER SIX
When Charlotte awoke the next morning, there was silence throughout the townhouse. This wasn't unusual. She had found that Aladdin was a cheerful early morning riser. Sometimes, she would wake up and find that he had been working or exercising for hours. He was good-natured about her urge to stay in bed, but she found that once she woke up, she only wanted to go looking for him.
There was a familiarity to the morning as she put on the robe he had left out for her, going to the bathroom to shower. She was a little discomforted when he didn't come to join her as he usually did, but she pushed it aside.
Still, there was a feeling of unease there as she walked in her robe through the rest of the house. It had been cared for in the weeks he was gone, and now there was a showroom quality to it with no evidence of it being used as a home.
This is what it will look like after we are gone, she thought, and she shivered at the grim image.
She knew that she would feel better after she found Aladdin, but she couldn't seem to do it. She wandered throughout the house, checked her phone, searched for any notes that he might have left behind, but there was nothing. He had disappeared.
Or he's gone back home.
There was no reason at all to think that. He had just said the night before that he wanted things to stay as they were. They had made love to each other so tenderly, and he would never have simply abandoned her.
She knew these things, but a part of her still feared. She huddled onto one corner of the couch. Going back to bed suddenly seemed too intimate, and she covered her face with her hands. She didn't know what she was going to do, and perhaps more damning, she didn't know what she was doing.
Throughout her whole life, Charlotte had always been the girl with the plan. She had always been the girl who knew what she was doing, what she wanted, and how she was going to get it. Ever since she started seeing Aladdin, things had changed. She wasn't really herself anymore, or perhaps more frighteningly, who she had been had changed entirely. What did she want now? Who was she?
The more she thought about it, the clearer some things became. She wanted Aladdin. She didn't want some weekend arrangement where they saw each other and then went in different directions. She didn't want to be the mother of his child and no more.
More than once, there had been moments when she couldn't see the difference between what they were doing and simply being wholehearted lovers.
Love—it is love that I am missing, she thought desperately.
Before, love had always been something that could be commodified and portioned out. She could keep the physical aspect of things separate from the emotional. Now, she couldn't do that. She needed them to be one. She needed Aladdin to be in love with her just as she was in love with him.
The problem was that she had no idea how she was going to do that. She had no idea what was going to happen to her and their child. She curled around her belly. She knew that it was far too soon to feel any kick there, but she could imagine the life inside her, the one that she had to protect and keep above all others. It was something that sharpened her resolve and made her look up.
Even if I can't find the courage for myself, I need to find the courage for her.
She wasn't sure why she suddenly believed that the child inside her was a girl, but she knew it. She had to do well by this little girl, and she had to start now.
I'm going to go find him, she thought decisively. I am going to go talk to him, and then I will make him see what I see. He might say yes or no, but at the very least, I will be able to know for sure.
She made herself get up from the couch, striding to the bedroom to find some clothes. She smiled when she saw the blue cashmere dress, one of the first things he had ever bought for her. It had taken her a remarkably long time to realize that it matched her eyes nearly perfectly, and that thought gave her strength that she didn't have before.
He feels something for me, she thought, fastening the dress and gazing at herself in the mirror. I know that he feels something for me. Perhaps that is something we can build on. Perhaps that is something that we can grow....
Once Charlotte had the dress on, she felt much better. She felt like a warrior queen going off to battle, and she would win the day or die on the field. She touched her belly briefly.
&n
bsp; “You're with me, right?” she whispered. “Together, me and you, we can do anything, kiddo, I swear.”
She grabbed her purse, ready to swing out into Manhattan to look for her man, but then the door opened directly in front of her.
There he was. He brought a breath of cool fresh air with him, and she couldn't stop thinking about how handsome he was and how much she needed him.
“Aladdin! You're back.”
“I am,” he said, watching her closely. “Were you going somewhere?”
It occurred to her that he was worried. She realized that he had no idea what she wanted or what to expect from her at that point. There was something wary about him, and without thinking twice about it, she threw herself into his arms.
“No, not at all,” she said softly. “Never, if you don't mind.”
He laughed a little, but even then she could hear the strain in it. He pulled her back a little so he could look her in the face
“What are you talking about?” he asked, and now she couldn't keep the emotions off of her face. She pulled back slightly, smiling up at him. It was almost ludicrous how much she loved this man.
“I have something that I need to tell you,” she said softly, but he held up his hands, stepping back. In confusion, she watched him.
“There's been a lot going on in the last few days,” he said gently. “There has been more than either of us can understand, if I am being totally realistic about it. The truth of the matter is that I feel like being selfish and speaking first. Would that be all right?”
She nodded, mystified, and he led her to the couch, where he seated her in a bright ray of light.
“It has been strange,” he said, almost musing. “I have known you less than three months, but sometimes, I look at you and I feel it has been much longer. Sometimes, I think our history goes back further, and we have known each other in other times, in other bodies, as different selves. You are familiar to me in a way that my own family isn't, and it only makes sense that I love you accordingly.”
She hadn't been sure what she was expecting, but it wasn't for him to use that word, not like this.
