“Of the women, you mean?”
“Yes. And the carousing. Your father was always at one party or another. And then years later when I was twenty he came by. I’d grown, filled out as it were.”
I can’t get over how much she sounds like a young girl.
“He noticed me that day. But he’d come to tell Dickie he was getting married to an American girl.”
“The Countess.”
“Yes. It broke my heart. Oh, I congratulated him. Dickie thumped him on the back and told him he was good and shackled for life. But your father laughed. ‘Hardly,’ he said while keeping his eyes on me the whole time.
I finished my studies, such as they were—I never was the best of scholars—and dedicated myself to forgetting all about him. After he married your mother the boys came swiftly—Gabe, Edward, Royce. Three sons. The heir and a spare for the spare. Having done his duty, he returned to his carousing ways. Not that he ever left them.”
“Oh?”
“I’d been trying to get popped off. We needed the ready, you see. Dickie hoped I could be married off to some posh American with pots of money. Came close to getting engaged a couple of times, but it never panned out. I never could hide how I felt about your father, not when he was around. A man wants to think that if you’re not in love with him at least you’re not in love with someone else you see.”
I always suspected she had a thing for my father, but I never really knew. Not until now. “And nobody knew?”
“Oh, lots of people knew, we just didn’t talk about it.”
“And then one night he dropped off Dickie. Drunk as a lord my brother was. By that time Dickie had inherited the title, Marquis of Ravenscroft. Not that it did him any good. No money to go with the title. Dickie’s wife slept in a different bed. Having done her duty giving birth to Sebastian and his brother, she’d taken up sleeping in a separate room. So he and I put Dickie to bed. I invited your father to a nightcap. In my room.” She laughs. “We never did drink that nightcap.”
“Oh, my. I never knew. Was it a one-time thing?” I have no business asking that question, but I need to know.
“No. It wasn’t. I’d been in love with him forever, but I never knew”—her eyes take on a faraway look—“that he’d been in love with me.”
“Oh.”
“I know it’s hard for you to believe. But from that moment on, he was always faithful to me. He never wandered far from my bed.”
“But how did you . . .”
“Cover up the affair? It was easy. The Countess loved to entertain at Winterleagh. She only came to town to do her hair and to shop. The rest of the time she remained at the castle. I’d inherited a small property off Leicester Square from my mother. Your father would let on that he was in town at one party or another. In reality he was at home ... with me. When I told him I was pregnant, his eyes lit up like a Guy Fawkes bonfire.”
“You had a child with my father?”
She smiles the sweetest smile. “Yes, dear. You.”
I choke on the tea. “Beg your pardon?”
She gives me a napkin, removes the sloshed-over cup of tea from my hand. “So sorry. I should have eased into it. It’s just. I wanted to tell you so much.” Her eyes sparkle with tears.
“You’re my mother? My real mother?”
“Yes, I am. Hope you don’t mind.”
“Mind?” She’s beautiful, gentle, and loved my father beyond measure. “I’m so glad it was you.”
That’s enough to get her tears flowing. And I follow suit. Before long we’re embracing and she’s kissing my cheeks, my face, my hands. “I loved you from the start.”
“So he was happy ... about me?”
“Ecstatic. You were the child he really wanted, you see.”
“That explains why he did what he did.”
“When he first broached the plan to pass you off as the child of the Countess, I refused. But he brought up how it would impact your future if you were branded a bastard. You would be looked upon differently than your brothers, and he wasn’t about to put up with that. So I ... gave you up. That was the hardest part. I made him promise the Countess would have nothing to do with raising you. That a nanny would be responsible for your upbringing. He kept his word.”
“I think I need some of that tea now.”
“Let me ring for a fresh pot.”
While we wait for the maid to replenish the tea, we talk about Edward’s child, the weather in Brazil, everything but what’s important. Only when I have a fresh cup of tea in my hand, does she resume her story. “I don’t know what he did, how he got the Countess to agree to taking you on as her child.”
I start to say something, but she cuts me off. “I didn’t want to know. I still don’t.”
“Very well.” My father raped the Countess to impregnate her with a child who ended up dying at birth. He’d substituted me for the dead babe to pass me off as his legitimate offspring. But I can’t inflict that pain on Lady Margaret. She’s already suffered enough hurt.
“I followed your upbringing very closely, even though I stayed away. We look so much alike you see. I was afraid somebody would guess I was your mother.”
“I would have loved to have been raised by you.” At last I realize how stupid I’ve been resenting my lack of legitimacy. If I’d had my druthers, I’d rather have Lady Margaret watch over my upbringing than the woman who made our lives miserable. Even if by doing so, I’d been branded a bastard.
“Thank you for saying that, dear. It does my heart good.”
Without knocking, a young woman sweeps into the room. Tall, beautiful, dark-haired with golden eyes. Sebastian’s sister. She stops when she sees me. “I’m sorry.” Her voice emerges whispery soft. Deaf since birth, she reads lips and can carry a conversation with those familiar to her.
“Come in, dear.” Lady Margaret makes a point of facing her, I imagine so Sebastian’s sister can read her lips. “You remember Brianna Storm.” She points to me.
The younger woman nods, and shyly sticks out her hand. “Yes, how do you do?”
Facing her, I shake it. “Morgan, is it not?”
“Yes. Sorry to interrupt.” With her closed fist, she signs a circle across her chest.
“Nothing to be sorry for.” I smile to try to put her at ease.
Her mouth quirks in response. Several years younger than Sebastian, she’s lived with Lady Margaret since her mother passed away when Morgan was twelve.
“Well, I better go,” I say. “Lots to do.”
My mother steps forward and hugs me. Over her shoulder, I catch Morgan’s curious gaze. No wonder. I’ve never once visited her aunt so to find me sharing tea with Lady Margaret must spark her curiosity.
“Let’s have lunch before you leave for Brazil.” Lady Margaret says pressing my hands.
“I’d like that.” I’m surprised to realize that I actually mean it.
“Bye, Morgan.” I touch her shoulder.
She offers me a soft smile. “Goodbye.”
As I walk out the door, Lady Margaret leads Morgan to a chair facing her and Morgan signs and voices at the same time. A motherless daughter and a daughterless mother. I’m glad they have each other, but I can’t help but regret on how much I missed out.
Chapter 28
______________
Jake
A COUPLE OF MONTHS go by during which I throw myself into my work. I hire Todd away from Storm Industries by promising he’ll never be more than a couple of hours away from his family. After his wife gave birth to a baby girl, he has no wish to work half the world away from them. He’s calling me to discuss his latest assignment. A teenage rock star with more hair than brains. Todd will head up his security detail.
While we’re on the phone, the subject of his offspring comes up. “Did you see the latest baby photos?”
His question is a punch to the gut. A reminder of what could have been. “Yes. Cute.”
“Cute? She’s fucking gorgeous. Looks just like her m
other.”
“You’re right. She’s beautiful.”
A pause from his end. “What’s wrong, Jake?”
“Nothing. Just tired I guess.”
“You have been burning the midnight oil. But bookings are going great, aren’t they?”
“Yeah, I’ve even had to turn down a couple of gigs. Until I hire more personnel, I won’t take on more jobs.”
“You’re doing the right thing. Better take your time hiring the right people than someone who’ll run at the first sign of danger.”
“It’s not the running I’m worried about, but the ones with substance abuse problems or trigger-happy individuals.” The hiring process requires careful vetting. Drug tests and a full blown security check. All of which take time. But I only want the best for Cooper Security. Already, we’re gaining a reputation as the best of the best who only handle select clientele. It hasn’t hurt that Storm put out the word. A lot of business has come our way because of his recommendation. “If you need another operative to handle the rock star, let me know,”
“Nah. We got it. Only a couple of nights to go anyway. Can’t wait to come home this weekend.”
When I hired him I promised him assignments of short duration. The one he’s on ends in a couple of days. I envy him. I do. Married with a child. I dream of what could have been with Brianna. But it’s a fantasy like everything else about her.
No sooner do I hang up with Todd that the phone rings again. The phone ID identifies the caller as Lady Margaret Payne. Strange. I didn’t know she had my number. Of course, it would be easy enough to get it from Storm, since he’s her godson.
“Hello.”
“Jake. How are you?”
“Fine.” One awful thought occurs to me. Did something happen to someone we both care about? “Anything wrong?”
“No. Nothing’s wrong. I was wondering if you’d like to join me for lunch tomorrow.”
“Lunch?” What could she want?
“Yes. There’s something I like to discuss with you.”
“Some security matter?”
“Something like that.” I’m up to my ears in work, but she’s Storm’s godmother. So whatever she wants I’ll handle her request.
Lunch is at Sebastian Payne’s house. She’d moved in when he claimed he needed someone to manage his household. Since Lady Margaret Payne had been living in an old mausoleum of a place and her financial resources were limited, she accepted his offer. From what I’d heard, everyone was happy with the change, including Morgan Payne, Sebastian’s younger sister who also lives with them.
For the visit, I choose a business suit rather than my usual jeans and shirt. The 3-piece outfit seems a bit of an overkill, but in this opulent setting it fits.
During lunch we discuss the weather, Storm and his family, as well as her own. The subject of Brianna never comes up. A twinge of pain hits my chest at the thought of my wild, madcap girl. I stretch to relieve the ache and soon it’s gone. But not for long.
When the berry trifle dessert and coffee are served that she finally opens up. “How are you, Jake?”
“Fine. Gotten Cooper Security off the ground.”
“You must be very proud of what you’ve achieved.”
“Yes. It’s taken a couple of months of hard work but we’re in high demand. We’ve only taken on small jobs at first, nothing too big. Personal touch is the cornerstone of my business.” I hope she soon reveals the purpose to my visit. There’s work waiting for me at my office.
“I hear Gabriel’s a silent partner,” she says.
“Yes. He insisted. Called it payment for services rendered after ... Brazil.” Something pangs in my gut. All those nights making love to Brianna, her smell, her taste, the feel of her satin skin beneath my fingers. I shove the memories deep into my subconscious unwilling to put myself through more pain.
“Of course. He will always do the honorable thing, the right thing.”
I nod while I play with the handle of the delicate coffee cup. The darn thing’s probably worth a fortune—beautiful and classy like her owner. Her smile reminds me of Brianna. I never realized how much they look alike—same blonde hair and blue eyes, the way she sits, the tilt to her chin. Just like bright eyes. I clear my throat. Better get this show on the road. Got plenty to do, and we’re burning daylight. “Is there anything I can do for you, Lady Margaret?”
“You do get right to the point, don’t you?”
Fuck’s sake, I’ve been here close to two hours.
She rests the cup on the dish and folds her hands across her lap. “I’d like you to marry my daughter.”
“Your daughter? I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had one.” Has she been hiding a child all these years with no one the wiser?
“You know her very well. Brianna. She’s mine.”
All the pieces fall into place. I’d seen Lady Margaret and the earl together. The little touches, the brushing of hands. I’d taken it as proof of their long acquaintance, but they’d been lovers. And from the look of it, it had been love. She’d never married. So she had to have been in love with the old earl. “Is she?”
“Yes. She’s the only one who knows and now you do. I want honesty between us if we’re going to be related, don’t you think?”
“With all due respect, Lady Margaret, that’s not going to happen.”
“Why not? You’re in love with her, aren’t you? And have been for some time.”
“I—” I massage my chin trying to find a way to deny her, but nothing comes out.
“You’re not going to contradict me, are you?” The jut of her chin and the challenge in her eyes remind me so much of Brianna. I can’t say no. Not when she’s speaking the truth.
“How did you know?”
“It’s as plain as the nose on your face. Every time you look at her, the longing in your eyes is quite evident.”
Damn. And all this time I thought I’d hid my obsession so well. What does that say about my ability to hide my thoughts? “We never ... I never ... touched her. Not that way until ... ”
“Brazil. Yes, I’m quite aware of what ensued between you in South America. It would account for the child, wouldn’t it?”
A punch to the gut that word. The child who’d taken root in Brianna’s womb but would never be born because she’d gotten rid of it. Oh, she’d told me she lost the babe, but I knew better. A child would be too much responsibility. And now that she’s gotten me out of her system she can return to her wild party girl ways. Well, at least now I won’t have to suffer the tortures of the damned watching her fuck one man after another. “Yes. It was my child.”
She smiles as she slowly stirs her tea. “Was? Did something transcend to make you not be its father?”
Does she really need me to spell it out? Very well. What’s one more pain on top of the agony I’ve suffered for the last two months? “I can’t be the father of a child that will never be born.”
“Why wouldn’t it? Granted, she’s had a rough three months because of morning sickness, but she’s doing better now in the fourth.”
I fly off the delicate chair, knocking the damn thing over. “She’s still pregnant?”
“Why, yes she is. Why wouldn’t she be?”
“She told me she lost the baby.”
“She didn’t. She’s four months along. Here, she sent me a picture.” She hands me a photo that shows a tanned Brianna smiling into the camera. Instead of wearing her usual cut offs and skimpy shirt, she’s wearing a short-sleeved blouse which hangs down to her hips and a pair of khaki pants. Even her make up is muted, a soft pink across her lips is about all she’s painted on. She looks ... happy, content, except for the slight shadow in her eyes.
“She’s so tall, you can’t tell she’s expecting. At least not yet. I imagine it will show soon.”
I rake a hand through my hair, pace up and down the rug. “Why did she lie to me?”
“She knew how important your security company was to you. And that a child would just
get in the way of those plans.”
“Nothing’s more important to me than her, than our child.”
“Does she know that, Jake?”
I come to a screeching stop. I never told her how much I care for her. Too afraid of revealing my feelings, coward that I am. I’d kept them locked up inside, never once hinting at what she means to me. Righting the chair, I drop on it and the thing groans. But right now I don’t give a damn. “No. I never told her.”
“Don’t you think it’s time you did?”
The old fear roars out of the dark corner of my psyche with its old familiar refrain. If you reveal yourself, she will reject you, and then where will you be? In a world of pain that’s where. That’s what happened to my father. My mother rejected him and walked out on him, my brother and me. And my father turned into a bitter old man. Never once reaching out again for any sort of happiness. I’ve lived in that shadow too long. It’s time to fight for what I want, reveal my true feelings to her. Even if she turns me down, I have a right to my child, and she’s not going to keep me away from him.
“I have to go. Thank you for the tea.”
“Jake, before you go?”
I’m anxious to make arrangements for the next flight to Brazil, but etiquette forces me to face her once more.
“I alerted Gabriel to our meeting. Not the purpose of it, of course. Just the fact you were coming here. And I suggested he put the company jet on standby, just in case you needed it. It’s waiting for you at Heathrow. All you have to do is call. Here’s the number.”
With a shaking hand, I take the embossed card from her. Strikes me Brianna is the granddaughter of a marquis and the daughter of an earl. And I’m just plain Jake Cooper, no exalted history in my lineage. No one in my family tree fought alongside kings. Why would she want me?
“Whatever you’re thinking, stop.” Her mouth’s set in a tight line.
My gaze darts down to her, and I see the strong resemblance between her daughter and her. This woman who I’m barely familiar with knows what I’m thinking. But then maybe she’s studied me a lot longer than I’ve studied her. “Brianna is—” I flick the crest on the card.
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