Hugh’s eyes flared. “You’re so beautiful.” He leaned down, pressing a swift kiss to my neck. My head tilted back, giving him more access to my bare skin. His tongue swept down my neck, his teeth giving little bites along the way. He pulled me closer against his hard body. “Bed,” he murmured, taking my hand and leading me through the flat.
I followed him on shaky legs, a mass of confusion running through my head. Part of it was the enormity of what I was doing—the fact that if this continued, I wouldn’t be a virgin anymore. And part of it, damn him, was the memory of that night in Paris and what hung between Samir and me, lingering, unresolved.
Hugh flicked on a light switch. I blinked. His room was big by London standards, but most of the space was dominated by a large bed covered with black silk sheets.
Hugh guided me over, pressing more kisses on my neck. He pushed me down on the bed, his body following mine, covering me. I could feel every inch of him pressed against me.
I pulled off his shirt, tugging it over his broad shoulders. When he shrugged it off, I gaped at the sight before me. Holy shit. I reached out, my fingers stroking the powerful muscles on his stomach. He was beautiful. Hot, sexy and absolutely beautiful. But I couldn’t help but think something was missing, something was off—
He wasn’t leaner; his skin wasn’t the color of burned gold. His body wasn’t the one that haunted my dreams.
“That feels so good.”
I pushed the traitorous thought from my head. “Good.”
Hugh shifted slightly, reaching behind me to unhook my bra. The move was effortless, one-handed. Apparently all that practice came in handy.
I stiffened slightly as he peeled away my bra, exposing my breasts. He hadn’t bothered to turn off the light; my body was completely on display. And I definitely didn’t have a six-pack.
His lips claimed mine in an erotic kiss, his tongue plundering my mouth. His hands raked over my body, stroking my breasts, teasing my nipples. Sensations flooded me.
And suddenly I was back on a street in Paris, standing by the river, Samir’s arms wrapped around me, Samir’s lips on mine. It was like a bucket of cold water had been thrown over my body. “Wait.” I broke away from Hugh. “I can’t do this.”
Surprise flickered across his handsome face. “Are you serious?”
I reached down, grabbing my bra and shirt. I bunched the fabric in front of my chest. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t get it. What happened? I thought you were into it.”
“I was. I mean, I am.”
“Then what is it?”
For some horrible reason, I can’t get Samir out of my mind.
“It’s nothing. I’m just tired.” My voice was pleading. “I just thought maybe our first time could be special. I thought I would buy sexy lingerie—”
Hugh groaned.
“I just think having rushed sex on a Tuesday might be a bad idea.” I struggled to sound convincing. “When we do have sex, I want it to be amazing.”
Hugh was silent for a moment. He sighed, moving closer to press a swift kiss on my lips.
“I should go,” I murmured against his mouth.
“Stay.”
I shook my head, pulling away from him. “I can’t. I have class tomorrow morning. I can’t afford to miss it.”
“Are you sure that’s all there is?”
I could hear the frustration in his voice, could see it in his brown eyes. I hated lying to him. But honesty didn’t seem like the best idea either. I settled for evasion. “What do you mean? I told you. It’s just the timing.”
“Every time I try to get you alone, you seem to have some kind of excuse. I just don’t get it. I thought we talked about this. I thought we were on the same page about where we wanted things to go.”
This was not the conversation I wanted to be having. It wasn’t that I didn’t want him. He was seriously hot. But losing my virginity on a random Tuesday evening, this close to finals, seemed like the height of stupidity. I was already chugging caffeine like a lifeline, not to mention the fact that I doubted I’d ever felt less sexy. Funnily enough sleep deprivation, bad food choices and heaps of anxiety did not put me in a sexual mood.
And for some fucking reason I couldn’t forget that night on the bridge.
“It’s not you,” I answered honestly. “I do want to stay. Really. But my grades have been down this year and I can’t afford to lose my focus this close to finals.”
Hugh pulled away from me. “I forget sometimes what it’s like being with a girl who’s still in school,” he responded.
“I’m sorry.”
He waved me off. Gone were the good-natured smiles, the playful tone. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. I’ll drive you home.”
I glanced down at my watch. It was after midnight; the Tube had stopped running. “You don’t have to do that. I can get a cab or something,” I protested. The last thing I wanted to be was a pain in the ass. Unfortunately the frustration in his voice seemed to suggest that was exactly how he felt about me.
I’d worked so hard to get him. The real question was—how hard was I willing to work to keep him?
Chapter 42
“How are things going with Hugh?”
I flipped through racks of clothes. We’d decided to take a much-needed study break and do some shopping. We settled on a store that was cheap enough for me to maybe get lucky on the sale rack and nice enough for Fleur not to be embarrassed wearing their clothes.
“I’m not sure. We sort of had a fight the other night.” I hesitated. “Okay, maybe not a fight. But I annoyed him.”
“What happened?”
I turned toward where Fleur was looking at skirts. I hated not being able to tell her the full story. And I desperately needed advice. But there was no way I could bring Samir into this.
“I don’t know really. We were at his flat and he wanted me to stay over.” Her eyes widened. “I wanted to. Honestly. But I’ve just been so tired and stressed lately with exams coming up. It didn’t feel right.”
“That seems to be your problem a lot.”
“What do you mean?”
She shrugged, pulling a skirt off the rack and holding it up in the air. “It just seems like there have been plenty of opportunities for you guys to have sex and it never happens. Maybe you don’t really want it to.”
Her words hit a bit too close to home.
“What are you saying? You think I’m sabotaging myself or something?”
Fleur frowned at me. “Don’t shoot the messenger. I’m just saying that it seems weird, that’s all. I can kind of see his frustration.”
Great, now even Fleur thought I was crazy. “I want to,” I interjected. “Have you seen him? Obviously I’m attracted to him.”
Fleur shrugged, putting the skirt back on the rack. “Well, I don’t know what your problem is, then. You like him, he likes you. It really isn’t that big of a deal. Just have sex with him and get it over with.”
“That’s romantic.”
“Who’s talking about romance?” Surprise filled her voice. “Maggie, he’s old. There’s no way this is going anywhere.”
“What are you talking about?”
“What did you expect would happen? At the end of all of this he’s going to fall in love with you and you guys are going to get married?” Her voice was incredulous. Her tone wasn’t cruel, but it did little to ease the sting in her words. “There’s like a decade between you. You have nothing in common. Not really. At most this is a fling. He’s a hot guy, but come on. Do you really think this is going to be long term? You read War and Peace for fun. He owns a bar. You guys have nothing in common. He’s a player, you’re a hopeless romantic.”
I stared at her, feeling the weight of each word. “I thought you were my friend. I thought I could count on you to at least support me,” I snapped.
For a moment she looked surprised. “I am your friend. I care about you and I don’t want to see you get hurt. None of us
do. But I never thought you meant for things to be serious between the two of you. I thought this was just something fun.”
“Well, it wasn’t just fun for me. I like him. I don’t do flings.”
“I know you don’t.” Her tone gentled somewhat. “I know you like him. But he isn’t right for you. Can’t you see that?”
Anger bubbled up, replacing my earlier hurt with a need to lash out, to wound her as she was wounding me. “You aren’t exactly one to give relationship advice,” I challenged.
She stiffened. “You’re right, I’m not. I’ve been through hell this year and the last thing I want is to see someone I care about suffering the same way.”
She was such a hypocrite. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I saw you with him.” Fleur blinked. “The other day—I saw you and Costa making out in the Tube station at High Street Ken.” Something that might have been embarrassment flickered across her face. “What was that? You just having fun? Don’t talk to me like I’m an idiot for having feelings when it’s so obvious you and Costa are hooking up again.”
Fury flashed across her face. “You know nothing about me and Costa. You’ve never had a boyfriend. Look at you, you never get involved, you always play it safe and then you sit and judge the rest of us for making mistakes. It must be nice to always feel so perfect and superior, but guess what? You don’t know anything about me and Costa, so back off.”
“You’re right. I don’t know anything about you and Costa. I’m just the friend that’s been putting up with your bullshit all year. I’m the one who’s been there when he’s been making it clear to everyone around that he wants nothing to do with you.” Fleur’s cheeks colored. “You want to talk about being naive? I’m not the one putting out for a guy who doesn’t want me.”
With that parting blow I left her shopping alone.
* * *
“I fucked up.”
Samir lowered the volume on the TV in the common room. It was late enough that he was the only one in there watching movies. The fight with Fleur was enough to have me breaking my attempt to stay away from him. I needed him.
“What happened?”
I closed my eyes, an overwhelming sense of relief crashing over me. After the fight with Fleur, I couldn’t bear the thought that things were awkward with Samir, too.
“Honestly? I don’t know. Fleur and I had a fight. She pissed me off with something she said and instead of letting it go I went into full-on bitch mode. I said some really horrible things to her.” Guilt flooded me. “What do I do?” If anyone would know how to handle Fleur it was Samir.
“How bad was it?”
“Bad. I said something about the whole Costa situation.” My words came to mind again. “It was really bad.”
“Well, yeah. You did pick Fleur’s one big sensitive spot. Can you just apologize?”
“I hope so.” I walked over to the couch, sitting down next to him. “I don’t know what got into me. I’ve never fought with anyone like that before. I was just so angry…”
Samir shrugged. “Fleur knows a thing or two about pushing buttons.”
“Apparently so do I,” I added wryly. “Except I didn’t exactly fire a warning shot. I went straight into full-on nuclear attack.”
A smile tugged at Samir’s lips. “I’m not surprised.”
My heart pounded in my chest. This was good. Things felt normal. Almost as if we were friends again.
“No?”
He shook his head. “You’ve had this sort of tenuous grasp on yourself for a while now. You forget—I’ve seen you lose your inhibitions more than the others have.”
I blushed. That was a polite way to put it.
“You have a temper on you.” His gaze connected with mine. “And you’re not as self-contained as you like people to think.”
I raised a brow. “You make me sound difficult.”
His lips quirked. “I prefer challenging.”
“Okay, so I’m challenging.” The word slipped from my lips with a whiff of distaste. “So what do I do about Fleur?”
“Apologize. Trust me. Fleur’s challenging, too. She’ll understand.”
“And if she doesn’t?”
“She will.”
I hesitated for a second, silence stretching between us. “Thanks for the advice. I knew I could count on you to know the right thing to do.”
A ghost of a smile touched Samir’s face. “No problem. I’m just surprised you came here to talk to me. I would have thought Mya was the more obvious choice.”
“Mya has a lot on her plate right now.” I didn’t elaborate. I figured she didn’t want me sharing her dad’s infidelity with everyone. From what I could tell she hadn’t even mentioned it to Fleur. “Besides, you know Fleur better than anyone. I figured you would give me the best advice on how to handle her…” My voice trailed off uncertainly.
“And?”
I flushed slightly. “And what?”
“You were about to say something about what a great friend I was? How wise and helpful?”
That teased a smile from my lips. “Something like that.”
He hesitated for a beat. “It’s good to see you smile. It’s been awhile.”
I flushed. “I’ve been stressed with exams and everything.”
“I’ve missed you.” His voice was so low I had to strain to hear him. My heart pounded madly in my chest.
“I’ve missed you, too.”
Samir’s expression turned serious, his gaze piercing mine. I held my breath, waiting to hear his next words. “Maggie, that night in Paris—”
The door swung open and a group of drunk kids filed into the common room. I jerked away from Samir, the noise breaking the moment between us. They filled the room with their chatter, sitting down on the couch opposite ours.
A tense line formed around Samir’s mouth.
“I should go back,” I offered lamely. “I’ve been hiding from Fleur for long enough.”
He nodded. His phone rang. Samir made no move to answer it.
I hesitated for a moment. I thought about asking him what he had been about to say. But I let it go.
With Samir I wasn’t really sure I wanted to know.
Chapter 43
“I’m sorry.”
I blinked in surprise. I hadn’t expected Fleur to apologize as soon as I walked into our room. I wasn’t entirely sure I deserved it.
“I’m sorry, too,” I blurted out, setting my bag down on my bed. “I was such a bitch earlier. I just got upset with what you said about Hugh, and I lashed out.”
“No. I shouldn’t have said anything about Hugh. It isn’t my business and you’re right, I am definitely the last person who should be judging anyone on dysfunctional relationships.”
“You were being a good friend.”
Fleur shook her head. “Good friends support each other. I shouldn’t have discounted your feelings about Hugh. Things might work out with you guys. You never know.”
I knew her well enough to know she didn’t entirely believe what she said. But she cared enough to try and that was enough for me.
“I’m sorry about everything I said to you about Costa. It’s not my business. I was just so surprised when I saw the two of you together. And I’m worried about you. I don’t want to see you get hurt.” I paused. “And I guess honestly it hurt me a bit that you didn’t tell me you guys were together again. You’re one of my closest friends here and it just felt weird not being in the loop.”
“We’re not together again,” Fleur interjected, guilt flashing across her features. “We’re just talking about things.”
“Why?”
“There’s some stuff we haven’t resolved yet. And I miss him.” She shrugged. “I’m not like you. I don’t want to be single. I like having a guy. Things were good between us once. They can be good between us again.”
There were so many things I wanted to say to her. But looking at the determined glint in her eyes, I knew there was nothing I could say to change her m
ind. She was going to have to see this thing with Costa through, even though it was a near certainty that it would end badly.
All I could do was be there for her when it did.
* * *
I sat with Samir at dinner, picking at the food on my plate. Silence loomed between us. A week had passed since he’d helped me with Fleur. We’d barely seen each other since then. I hadn’t meant to be alone with him, but I got to dinner late and everyone else was nearly finished before I started. Only Samir remained.
Finally the tension at the table got to a point that I couldn’t take anymore. I had to break the silence. “I made up with Fleur.”
“Good. I’m glad. I figured you guys would. Is everything okay now?”
“Yeah, it is. Thanks.”
He continued eating, not speaking.
“So how was your weekend trip?” I asked, searching for something to smooth over the weirdness that had sprung up between us. Travel plans seemed like a safe topic. Fleur had mentioned Samir went home for the weekend. This was the first time I had seen him since he had been back.
The fact that I’d missed him wasn’t something I was proud of.
Samir’s head jerked up. Something that might have been surprise flickered in his eyes. “It was good.”
“What did you do?” Whatever weirdness we felt, I was determined to chase it away. Somewhere along the way, Samir’s friendship—albeit completely different from that of my other friends—had become just as important to me.
As long as we kept our hands and lips away from each other, everything would be okay.
“I didn’t do much. Just spent most of the time hanging out with my girlfriend.”
For a moment, my world came to a crashing halt. I could do no more than stare dumbly at him as I struggled to process the words coming from his mouth. Whatever I had expected Samir’s answer to be, I hadn’t been expecting that. I went to a few clubs or I hooked up with some random girl were the sort of responses I expected to hear from Samir. But this? A million thoughts ran through my mind. Was he back with his ex? Did he meet someone new? How did Samir have a girlfriend? How was that even possible?
I See London Page 23
