by L. K. Kuhl
Snapping the metal locks closed on the briefcase, I slid it under the bed. I didn’t want his money. I wanted him.
He had seen what had happened here tonight, cutting him even deeper. His time on Earth was limited, and it wouldn’t be much longer before he would disappear from me forever, unless, of course, I could shut him out of my mind completely. But that was impossible.
I sat there, feeling miserable, digging for strength to kick my shattered feet up on the bed and pull the pink, diamond-patterned comforter up over me. How did my life become so complicated? This summer—starting out as the best ever—had turned rancid. My best friend was dead, and now I had two men in my life—one, who I didn’t care for, and the other, who I couldn’t live without. My life, caught in a whirlwind of turmoil, would crush my heart if I let it.
In that exact moment of thought, a whiff of shaving cream infiltrated my nose. My pulse quickened and my skin tingled, heart soaring when the brush of his touch flittered on my skin and tickled in my ear.
In an instant he was there, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Tate, you’re here…I thought I might not see you again. I hated it.” The salty tears released themselves into a raging flood, and I melted into his arms. “I’ve missed you so much. Don’t ever leave me alone again.”
He clenched my shoulders, clinging to me for dear life like it was the last time he would ever see me again. We stayed that way forever, neither one of us speaking, just holding each other. No words were needed—just to be as one was enough.
“I stayed away as long as I could, trying to do what’s best for you.” He held me out at arm’s length and stared into my eyes.
“What do you mean, what’s best for me?” My voice distraught, my searching eyes clung to him. “There’s no possible way I can make it without you, and I don’t want to hear you talk like that. What happened with Aaron tonight was a mistake, and I’m so sorry about that. That’s why you stayed away…I hurt you, and that’s not what I intended to do. If I could go back and start this night over again, I would. I never wanted that kiss to happen.”
He turned his head toward me and kissed my forehead, then brushed the hair from my eyes. “Don’t worry about it, Ladybug. I’m not mad. I swore to myself that I wasn’t going to see you again, but…you weaken me. You did the right thing…and I think…we need to put an end to us.” He masked the pain with a shaky smile, but it leaked through and came spilling from his perfectly formed mouth.
I looked at him, stricken. “You can’t mean this, Tate.” The tears let loose again as his vile words sank in. “There’s no possible way I can let that happen.”
He pulled me to him and wiped at my tears. “It was mean and selfish of me to even let our love happen, and I need to apologize for that. I wanted you, and I was so eager to have you that I did anything I could to get you here and make you fall in love with me. The truth is, I was wrong. No matter how much I loved you, I should never have had Mandy call for you. We both know there’s no future for us.”
“Don’t say that. You didn’t make me do anything. I don’t want to hear it. Let’s just forget about it all for a while…pretend it never happened.”
“We need to face the truth. No more pretending. Stop avoiding the inevitable. I need to go and leave you alone. Stay out of your life, once and for all.”
“No, please don’t. I need you. How am I ever going to get along without you? What will happen to me?” I stared at the exaggerated floral-print carpet of the dim hotel room, my eyes aching and burning inside as they fought to see through the hurt.
Tate grabbed for me, but I angrily shook him away, standing up to go to the window and avoid him. “Listen, Sophia, you’ve gotten along without me before.” He came to join me. “You didn’t even know me two months ago, I think you can survive. I saw the way you looked at Aaron and the way he pines for you. The old feelings were there.”
“No…no, that’s not how it is. You know nothing of how we feel for each other.”
He spun me around to face him, a calculating look on his solemn face. “Would you do one thing for me, Sophia?” Unable to look into his face and reveal my shattered being, I kept my head down. He lifted my chin and held my face, locking me in with his eyes. “I need you to do one thing for me. Can you give me your promise?”
Slow and methodical, I nodded, while he held on to my damp face, my eyes still locked with his. My voice rasped out as thin as paper. “I’ll try.”
“I need you to promise me that you will go with Aaron, if he’s the guy you want. Go with him, take the money that I brought you, and make a future together. He suggested becoming partners in his firm, I think this is a good thing. You’ll have a stable future and be doing just want you want to do. Or, if you don’t want to work, you’ll have plenty of money to support you for the rest of your life. Can you just promise me that?”
“I’m not making any promises, and I don’t want your money. I refuse to take it. If you’re just going to leave me like this, then I want you cut out of my life completely.” I pulled my mouth tight.
“Please, Sophia, don’t be like this.” His eyes shrouded with pain. “You know there’s no other way. Once you get me out of your mind and your feelings for me subside, I’ll remain here forever, my love is everlasting. I’ll still check in on you at times to see how your life is going, always around you, protecting you. You’ll feel my undying love, and it will calm you on your darkest days and bring you the brightest sunshine on your happiest.”
“You’re a selfish, coldhearted person…or ghost…or whatever you are.” I pushed away from him. “I can’t believe I used to think of you as kind and gentle. Man, I had it all wrong. Listen, I don’t want you around me if I can’t have you. Prepare to be in limbo forever. You’re not going anywhere because I’ll never love you again!”
He stood rigid, baring his clenched teeth in anger, then snapped his lips closed to regain composure. “Do whatever you have to do.”
I cried so hard I couldn’t speak. “Get out…leave, Tate. I never want to see you again!” My voice cracked, and I pointed the way toward the door. Then I turned to face the window again, burying my face in my hands.
“Please, calm down. You have to see it through my eyes. This is truly what’s best. Your love for me will fade. Love always dims for people after they’re out of each other’s lives.”
With my body heavy, I stared out the window into the bleak darkness. A dismal rain streamed down the window in heavy streaks. “Not for me. I don’t love like other people. I just can’t shut off like a light switch. If there’s not you…there’s no one.”
Tate paced the room behind me, back and forth, struggling, as though wrestling with someone—trying to fight off the most evil being ever—himself. “There are other alternatives...” he finally whispered.
I spun around and peered at him through blurry, heartbroken eyes. “Other alternatives? What does that mean?”
He fumbled. “Nothing…er…I don’t know what I’m saying. I don’t know how it works.”
My shattered heart picked up momentum. “Are you saying there’s some way for us to be together? Is that what you’re saying? Please, tell me. I need to know.” My mind whirled with a thousand new hopes at this bright light that he had breathed back into me.
“I’m only saying that you have free will, Sophia. Use it wisely.”
I shook out the cobwebs. “I don’t understand. What are you trying to tell me?”
“I can’t tell you anymore. I am told that you must be the one to figure it out. I can’t go against your free will. Can’t interfere.” He turned and went back to sit on the bed while I struggled with these foreign words, untangling them and getting my mind right.
A soft rustling sound came from behind, and he came to stand by me again. “Here, I brought you something.” He held it out to me, and I was disconcerted by his abrupt change of subject.
He handed me my journal. I brought my fingers up to touch my parted lips. “Thank you, I’ve been m
issing that.” My eyes brightened, and I took it, leafing through it. It hurt to look back at some of my old entries—back when I thought things had been normal—when my life was on the right track. “You’re still avoiding my question, Tate.”
“I can’t say anymore. You’ll figure it out…someday. I’ll leave it at that.”
“If there’s a way to save you, to make you alive again, I want to know.”
He said nothing, only gave me a warm smile and pulled me into him again, holding me tight, kissing my face and neck. “Don’t say anything more. Let’s enjoy our last night together. Then you will go, continue on with your life, and be happy.”
I hugged him back, exchanging kisses, conceding to the fact that I must let him go—even for as much as it hurt. There was no other choice in the matter.
We spent the rest of the night tangled in each other’s arms. Me, enjoying the feel of his touch as he caressed my body, lavishing me with love, kisses, and adoration. And he, just enjoying pleasing me—for him, no physical feelings were needed.
* * *
The next morning my phone jolted me out of a deep sleep. Still dark out, I fumbled. “Hello?” I reached my other hand to the opposite side of the bed, making sure that Tate was still sleeping by my side.
“Sophia, are you up?” A deep voice rumbled. It took a moment for the voice to register, but I soon recognized it as Aaron’s. “Sorry to call so early, but I didn’t want you boarding that plane without me being on it with you.”
“Wait, what…I’m sorry…who is this?” I flew up out of bed, scratching my head, not sure if I heard right. Where was Tate, I wanted to shout. His empty side of the bed taunted me. He left without even saying good-bye.
Aaron laughed—a wiseacre tone attached to it. “Why, Sophia, did you forget our kiss already? This is Aaron. I’m going home with you.”
I gulped. “You are?” Grogginess and too much Tate filling my mind had me scrambling to remember what we had talked about last night. “Is this the plan we made?”
He laughed again. “It is now. Look, I can’t let you go home by yourself. I couldn’t stop thinking about you last night. You filled up every nook and crevice of my mind, and I couldn’t sleep, so I had to call you before you left. You said you had an early flight, but I couldn’t remember what time.”
“What time is it?”
“Four-thirty.”
“Oh, I had my alarm set for six. My plane leaves at nine.”
“Great, I’ll be up to your room to get you at seven.”
“Wait…I don’t know…” I said into a buzzing dial tone.
I got up out of bed and paced, stubbing my toe on the bedframe. Hopping around on one foot, I mumbled to myself about what a klutz I was. Aaron was the last person I wanted to be with, and I didn’t want him coming along. I tilted my head back, focusing on the ceiling, hating myself for falling asleep and not spending every waking second with him. “Why did you leave so soon, Tate? I never had a chance to say good-bye.”
Another worry crossed my mind. Symphony. What about her? I called information and then dialed Aunt Bethany.
“Hello?” Aunt Bethany’s endearing voice asked into the phone.
“Hi, Aunt Bethany, this is Sophia.”
“Oh, Sophia, how are you? It’s good to hear from you again. Did you get a chance to talk to Marrian?”
“Yes, I did, and I believe she’s going home. She began to talk again, and Steve was ecstatic. It seemed like they were getting along well, but I can’t make any promises.”
“Oh, goodness, that’s just wonderful! As long as Marrian is better and out of that place, that’s all I care about. It’s their own business whether they get back together or not. The way that Steve has treated her, I’m hoping she doesn’t take him back.”
“I didn’t realize he treated her that way, but after I got there, I could see it.”
“Oh, yes, Steve’s always been a womanizer, little by little demeaning Marrian with each new fling. He always thought he was outsmarting everyone, but we all knew. When Marrian became incapacitated, this gave him the green light to have as many women as he wanted. To him, he was doing no wrong, Marrian didn’t know what was happening anyway.”
“That’s horrible.”
“It is, but Marrian knew what he was like, and she married him anyway.”
“What I called about, Aunt Bethany, is to ask a favor of you.” I bit my lip, taking on a pet could be a lot of work for most people.
“What is it, dear?”
“Well…I told you how Tate and I had been dating.”
“Uh-huh.”
“He needs someone to care for his dog, and he doesn’t have any family left to care for her. I decided to take her for him, but I’m flying out this morning, going back to Montana, and I can’t take her with me. Would you mind going to get her? She’s at two-twenty-two Seashell Sands. It’s a house that’s for sale, and we left her there yesterday. I’m sure Tate has been back to care for her, but he doesn’t have much longer. She needs a real person taking care of her. I’ll send for her in a couple of weeks. Could you do that for me?” I winced, biting my finger.
“I don’t think it would be a problem as long as my Jinxy wouldn’t mind. I’ll go get her for you but only for a couple of weeks. If there’s any problem with her and Jinx, I’ll let you know.”
I exhaled. “Thanks so much. Promise it won’t be any longer than two weeks. Her name is Symphony.”
“Symphony, huh? What a delightful name. It’s the least I could do for you after you helped out my Marrian.” Her hitched laugh held a hidden sob inside.
A rap at the door made me jump as soon as I hung up the phone. I looked at the time, already seven and time to take off for the airport. A stunning smile greeted me, gleaming white teeth flashing in front of my face. “Hello, beautiful.” Aaron leaned in for a kiss.
I backed away shyly, ducking, avoiding his lips. “Good morning.”
He pushed his way in. Just before I closed the door, a Livid slipped through a door across the hall—his trident gleaming in the recessed, fluorescent hall light.
“What’s the matter, no good-morning kiss?” He checked his hair in the full-length mirror as he went by, adorned in his lawyer attire—a black three-piece suit, shiny black shoes, white shirt, and a silk necktie.
“Just in a hurry, that’s all. Ended up falling back to sleep after you called, and overslept.” I brushed on a dab of beige powder to cover the shine on my nose.
“There’s always time for a kiss.” He crowded in close beside me by the mirror to steal a quick one.
I couldn’t avoid him this time, so I gave in. It lasted way longer than it should have, and I pushed him away, glancing at my watch. “We better be going. I don’t want to have to rush to get there.”
We walked toward the door, and I grabbed my purse off the sink counter. My gaze roamed, and I gave a quick look around the room, giving it a final inspection. “Oh, wait…I almost forgot something.” I went to the bed and pulled out the full briefcase from underneath.
“What’s that? I didn’t think you had any bags with you last night when I dropped you off.”
“The front desk rang me last night, telling me I had a package. My grandmother had bought something and had it dropped off here for me to bring back to her.” To avoid letting him see my evasive eyes, I turned away. “It saves her on shipping.” I nodded, patting it with my hand.
He shrugged. “So…what is it?”
I stammered, trying to think quickly, not wanting him to know about Tate’s money. “It’s some oversized genealogy book that she had a company here in Denver make up for her. It goes way back to everything you could possibly want to know about your family tree. They can dig up all kinds of crap about you.” I shifted from one foot to the other, hoping to sound believable.
“Oh, I don’t need them digging up anything on me. I have enough problems with family.” He gulped and rolled his eyes, reaching toward me, pulling on the briefcase.
“I’m only trying to be the gentleman and carry it for you. Please, let me help?”
“No thanks. I told Grandma I wouldn’t let it leave my hands. Sorry.”
He coughed and brushed the hair from his eyes, walking toward the door. “Suit yourself. We best be going now.”
Just before we went out the door, his phone rang. He glanced at it, then turned away, hiding something. “Wait right here, Sophia.” To stop me from going any farther, he held up his hand. “I need to take this call, but I’ll be quick. It’s business.”
I shrugged and nodded, uninterested. “That’s fine. Do what you need to do.”
He stepped out into the hall, giving a short pull to the door to close it. It didn’t close all the way, so his conversation carried through. “Stuart Law Firm, Aaron speaking. Hi…you got the job? That’s great…. You start tomorrow, already? Wow, that was fast…. Alright, see you in a few…bye.” I stepped away from the door when he said his good-bye, pulling at the collar of my blouse. “Okay, you ready to go?”
My tongue played along the side of my cheek. “Sure, as ready as ever.”
My feelings mimicked the weather when we stepped outside into the gloomy, rainy day. At every turn I thought I saw Tate, and I missed him terribly, but staying apart would be for the best. My lot in life was to now go home, finish school, go on to law school and maybe become a lawyer.
I didn’t know what role Aaron would be playing in all of this or whether I even wanted him by my side. I also didn’t know what to do with all of this money lodged under my armpit. It was my only true carry-on for the trip home, making me more than a little nervous.
Needless to say, security gave me plenty of funny looks but sent me on my way.
Chapter 21
