by Louise, Kara
Elizabeth's heart went out to Georgiana as she appeared to be so fragile and timid. She appeared to have such a difficult time coming up with words to say or she was terribly afraid to say them. She had a tendency to look down at her hands as she spoke, but Elizabeth was glad that she made an effort to look up and meet her gaze, as if receiving strength from it.
Elizabeth took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "I would try not to worry Georgiana. I am sure your brother will improve very soon. Jane and I were just discussing how strong he is. That must account for something!"
"I can only hope so. I trust that your presence here will facilitate that. Would you like to see him now?" she asked.
Elizabeth drew in a deep breath, looked at Jane, and then replied as her eyes turned back to the young girl. "Yes, I do believe now would be as good a time as ever. Would you be so kind as to take us to him?"
"Please follow me. We have him in the infirmary, which is back here to the right."
Elizabeth and Jane followed her and made their way toward the rear of the house. As they came to a closed door, Georgiana lightly knocked and it was opened by a nurse. When Elizabeth walked in, she first noticed a strong medicinal smell, along with a smell of cleansing fluid. She saw the bed on the left and a tumbled head of dark, curly hair resting on the pillow.
Elizabeth walked closer and gasped at what she saw. Here lay Mr. Darcy, very pale and still, dark circles around his eyes. Curls from his hair were matted down against his forehead, probably brought about by the slight fever from which he had been suffering since being brought home. As she came closer, that same fear she experienced earlier returned and gripped her. He looked as if he truly had died, but she quickly looked at his chest and was reassured when she saw it rising and falling very slowly.
Elizabeth looked back at Jane and saw that she had barely walked in the room. Jane's hand went over her mouth and Elizabeth noticed her face grow pale.
"Lizzy, do you mind if I do not come in? I really cannot…" With that she ran from the room.
Elizabeth looked at Georgiana. "Are you all right?"
"Yes. I suppose I have become accustomed to how he looks. But, how are you?"
"I must admit it is a shock. He looks so unlike himself."
"Yes. I wish so much for him to waken so I can see his warm smile and inviting eyes. You can imagine what an excellent brother he is." Georgiana paused and took in some deep breaths. "He is usually the one who is so generous and takes prodigiously good care of me. I cannot imagine what I would do without him." The tears came again to Georgiana and Elizabeth wrapped her arms around her.
Elizabeth found it hard to believe that Georgiana’s words were about the man that the whole society of Hertfordshire found proud and arrogant, aloof and uncaring. Could this really be the same man? She had to remind herself, though, that in his society he was most likely all ease and friendliness. It was the likes of her society that caused him to behave so abhorrently.
"If you will excuse me, I will leave you to spend some time alone with him. The nurse will be outside the door if you need her. Please talk to him, Elizabeth. Let him know you are here, by his side. The doctor says we really do not know whether he can hear us… but we can always hope that he can." The words from Georgiana, spoken through her tears, were passionate, imploring Elizabeth to try to get through to him.
"Yes, Georgiana, we can hope."
Miss Darcy left and the nurse stepped outside the door. Elizabeth looked compassionately at Mr. Darcy. How different was his countenance now. In his features there was no more pride and no arrogance. She felt utterly helpless seeing how frail he looked. She came around to the side of the bed and sat down upon a chair that had been placed next to the bed, most likely for Georgiana.
She wrung her hands, wondering what to do; what to say. She could not imagine he would want to hear her voice -- not the voice of the woman who had so harshly lashed out at him and so vehemently refused him. But she felt she had to say something.
"Mr. Darcy, I do not know whether you can hear me. It is… Elizabeth. Elizabeth Bennet." She paused, wondering what more to say. "You are probably wondering what I am doing here. Your sister is apparently under the mistaken impression that we are engaged." She laughed nervously. "She wrote to me telling me of your accident and asking for me to come. So here I am."
Her eyes were drawn to the matted curls against his forehead. Her thoughts went to the day he had come and proposed. These same unruly curls had fallen across his face. How silly that she suddenly thought of that. Finally she drew her hand toward him and with much uneasiness she lifted the curls and pulled them away from his face one by one. The last one, a longer curl stayed within her fingers and she held on to it, rubbing her fingers around it. Her heart pounded as she contemplated this man laying here. She suddenly let go of his lock of hair and pulled back, angry for letting herself be drawn to him in such a way.
"This is a fine state you find yourself in, Sir. Your sister is beside herself with worry; you are all she has. She looks up to you so dearly. If you are in there… somewhere…" She suddenly felt herself at a loss for words.
There was no response from him, his breathing remained constant, no flutter from his eyes. Georgiana had said that maybe he could hear voices. She could not believe he could hear her. She sat there quietly for a moment and finally decided the only thing she could do was pray.
She picked up his hand in hers, covering it with her other hand. "Almighty God, if you hear my prayer, please answer, according to Your perfect will. I pray that you might heal Mr. Darcy. I pray that there would be no lasting ill effects of his injuries, and that he would be up and around soon. Amen."
She found herself staring at his sturdy hand; now limp in hers. She thought of his hand as it had taken hers during their dance at Netherfield. It had been strong and firm. At the time she only associated its strength with his arrogance. Now she felt it was indicative of his very secure character. There on the dance floor she had tried to make out his character. How errant she had been in so many things. She had to admit when he asked her to dance, she ought to have recognized that as a sign of his regard for her. But she had been too adamant in her feelings against him to have even considered it. As her mind was engaged with these thoughts, he moaned and stirred. This caused her to start. She looked at him, but it was followed by silence and stillness.
"I know you are in there, somewhere, Mr. Darcy. I know that somehow you can pull yourself out of this. You must come out of this! You must!"
With that, tears filled her eyes. She put her hand in her pocket and pulled out her newly embroidered handkerchief. As she brought it up to wipe her eyes, she was grateful for the pleasant scent of the gardenia toilet water. "I am sorry, Mr. Darcy, for the very harsh words I lashed out at you at Hunsford; it was very unkind of me to speak to you the way I did. Of both yours and Wickham’s character I was deceptively mistaken, please forgive me," and then in a softer, firm voice, "yet do not think that I absolve you of everything I said there! There is still the matter of my sister and Mr. Bingley!"
She rested her head against the edge of the bed and gave in to tears, contributing them to fatigue and stress. After a while, she realized it was getting late, and opened the door to find the nurse waiting there. "I think I must get some rest, now. Will you be with him for the rest of the night?"
"I will stay here a few hours, and then another will come. If he were to awaken, we would want someone to be with him. This is the way it has been since the accident."
"When does the doctor come again?"
"He comes every morning. He is in Lambton, only 15 minutes away by horse, so we can send for him anytime if we need him."
Elizabeth thanked her and then walked to her room. This time, though, she walked through the great house taking no notice of the splendid rooms and halls that surrounded her.
When she had climbed the stairs and entered her room, Jane was grateful to see her, feeling embarrassed for her behaviour earlier. "Lizzy,
I am so sorry; I just could not stay in that room for the smells; the way he looked. It is good that you are so strong."
"I heartily understand. I was scarcely prepared for it. But what are we to do about Miss Darcy? She believes that I am engaged to her brother! No wonder she was so insistent that I come. I did not have the heart to correct her this evening. She has this hope in her that he will hear my voice and wake up. We should let her have that hope a while longer; at least until we know something more of his condition."
"I was thinking that perhaps we ought to tell Mr. Bingley about her incorrect assumption when he comes tomorrow. He can help us decide what to do."
"That is a good idea, Jane. He knows Miss Darcy very well and will know how best to handle this."
Jane was prepared for bed, and they talked as Elizabeth readied herself. "Tomorrow, Jane, you shall be united with your Mr. Bingley."
"Lizzy, he is not my Mr. Bingley. But I am rather looking forward to it. I scarce believe I will be able to sleep at all tonight!"
"I am sure you shall, and you shall have very sweet dreams." Elizabeth went over to Jane and kissed her goodnight.
Elizabeth then walked over to the candle and blew it out, leaving the room in darkness, but for the light from the moon that came through the window and the embers that burned softly in the fireplace. She slipped into bed and from there she could see the moon. It was full, but there were dark clouds that obscured it as they occasionally drifted by. She shivered as she thought of the light that had been Mr. Darcy's life, and how it had now been obscured by this accident. How she prayed that this too would pass, as the clouds above passed in front of the moon and moved on; finally giving way to its luminance again.
*~*~*
Elizabeth slept fitfully through the night, images from the evening resurfacing in her dreams, but more bizarre. Mr. Darcy's lifeless body sometimes appeared like a skeleton, or very white and ghostly. She awakened once, fearful that it was a sign of what was to come. Had she cried out? She looked over at Jane, who did not stir, so she felt most likely she had not, but she feared closing her eyes again and of sleep, knowing that the same images were lying just beyond, waiting to assault her again.
Chapter 4
As morning broke, Georgiana was up early and at her brother's side. There was still no change. She had been hoping that Elizabeth's presence would make a difference, but it had not. He lay still; the only sign of life was the very faint sound of his breathing.
Elizabeth came down and decided to spend a short time with the young girl at Darcy's side. She could not say much. What more could be said; what further encouragement could she give? She was beginning to wonder if it was now too late to still hope for any improvement, but she would not let herself give in to this despair, so as not to worry Miss Darcy.
After sitting with her for a respectable amount of time, Elizabeth left her to visit the dining room. She determined to bring something back for Miss Darcy and when she entered the dining room, she filled a plate with a variety of foods, not knowing what the young girl would be inclined to eat. She poured a cup of hot water and set some tea in it to begin brewing, and then carried it to Miss Darcy herself.
Georgiana spent most of the morning by her brother's side, barely touching any of the food that Elizabeth brought in, although sipping occasionally at the tea. Feeling somewhat weakened by the stress of late, her lack of sleep and appetite, Georgiana crumpled over Darcy's lying form in tears.
The doctor arrived soon after and upon entering, saw Miss Darcy crying upon the bed. He walked over to her and gently patted her back. How difficult it was for him to see her thus! She lifted her head, acknowledged him, and gave a mumbled apology for her lack of composure.
"Please do not apologize to me, Miss Darcy. It is to be expected. You have been under much stress the past few days, getting very little sleep, and your concern for your brother is very great." He looked over at the plate of food in the room. "It appears you have not eaten very much. Am I correct?"
She shook her head.
"I think you must eat something. Go down and get a fresh plate of food and give me some time to examine your brother. Will you do that for me?"
"Yes, thank you, Dr. Brisby. I believe it might do me some good. Let me know as soon as you have finished."
"I will give him a thorough going over. I will also make an attempt to get some liquid down him and give him a good bath. Give me an hour or two."
Georgiana nodded, looked over to her brother, and then back to the doctor with a pleading look. "Thank you. My prayers are with you, Doctor."
Georgiana went down to the dining room and found Elizabeth and Jane visiting in the sitting room. They were grateful to see her; concerned for her well being. Georgiana tried to express a greeting, but words would not come.
Elizabeth noticed immediately that she had been crying, her eyes red and swollen. She instantly went to her side and put her arm about her, escorting her to the dining room. She suddenly felt all the young girl's weight fall upon her as Miss Darcy collapsed in tears again. Elizabeth supported her and brought her to a chair and helped her sit.
"Here, Georgiana. Let me get you something to eat and drink." Elizabeth promptly addressed one of the maids to bring some tea and she began filling a plate with some breads and fruit. "Please try to eat a little bit."
Georgiana looked up with grateful eyes and whispered a genuine, "Thank you."
Jane looked on with great sympathy, amazed at how Elizabeth handled the young girl. She smiled to herself as she saw an attachment growing between the two and was content to let her sister handle the situation. They both sat themselves down with the distraught girl and encouraged her to eat, with futile results.
"I saw the doctor come in. Does he say anything?" asked Elizabeth.
"No, at least… there were no words of… hope. He is examining him now as he has every day. All I can do now is to wait."
"Georgiana," Elizabeth offered, "I find that a walk outside does much to exhilarate me and give me strength. Please try to eat a little more and then, would you join me outside whilst we wait for the doctor to finish?"
"Oh, I do not know if I should leave…" Georgiana picked up some bread and took a few bites and then began sipping at her tea.
Elizabeth was encouraged that at least she was eating something.
"Let me assure you it will do you so much good. Besides, it will make the time go faster while the doctor is in with your brother. Jane, would you care to join us?"
"No, Lizzy, I would prefer to stay close by the house." The look Jane gave Elizabeth implied her impatience to see Charles and her determination to be there as soon as he arrived.
Elizabeth gave her a knowing smile and gently reached for Georgiana's arm. "Shall we go?" she asked, as her brows lifted in encouragement.
"Thank you," Georgiana delicately said.
Elizabeth contemplated this young girl. Last night she had spoken timidly but very satisfactorily about her brother. This morning she was reserved and shy, quite affected apparently, by another day of little hope. Elizabeth felt a very strong sisterly type of affection that she would like to help her through this.
The day had dawned bright and sunny. The clouds had moved on and the air was fresh and clear as they stepped outside. Elizabeth escorted Georgiana, with her arm through hers, as much for strength as for comfort. Elizabeth inhaled sharply as she took in the beautiful prospect around the house; one that she had not seen last night for the darkness. Her heart swelled with admiration for the beauty and natural order of this place, but she felt it would not be wise to dwell on that subject with Georgiana at the moment. So they walked briefly in silence as Elizabeth's eyes looked around taking in the splendour.
Georgiana finally, cautiously, broke the silence. "I do not know how to thank you. My brother, in his letters, spoke highly of you; of your charm, intelligence, and wit. He assured me that I would… that I would truly like you. I must agree with him… that I do."
Eliza
beth felt herself blush and was somewhat discomfited by her words of praise. "Thank you, Georgiana. I am quite fond of you, as well."
"Pray forgive me for my stammering. Oftentimes, I feel as though I do not know how to… speak with others… in a way that is expected. My brother is so good, but he is often gone. Miss Annesley, my governess is very competent in teaching me my studies… but," she paused.
"You wished you were not so reserved?"
Georgiana nodded.
Elizabeth quickly thought about how best to approach the subject with this tender girl. "I certainly do not possess all the answers to your dilemma, but let me tell you what I have observed." She took in a deep breath and silently prayed, "Lord, please give me the right words."
"I have found, in my observance of people, that being reserved can be for one of two reasons. There are other reasons, of course, but these are the most common. The first is that there is a fear of saying something wrong, a fear of being misunderstood or judged ill by something you say or do. So to prevent that, you hold yourself back. The second is not desiring to impart oneself to others due to one's own feelings of superiority and having no inclination to converse with someone you feel beneath you. I believe the former may be your case."
"I believe I am afraid of what people may think. But what can I do about it?" asked Georgiana.
Elizabeth took her hand and looked directly in her eyes, holding her gaze. "Well, you must realize that what you have to say is very important, whether you are simply stating a fact or your deepest feelings about something. I believe, from what I have seen, you are very mature and would not say or do anything improper. But you must gain confidence in yourself and not put so much consequence on what you think others may be thinking."
Upon hearing this, Georgiana looked down and blushed. "Miss Elizabeth, I have done some things recently that I am… very ashamed of. I… let… my brother down unimaginably. What I did was… very wrong and immature. It caused William much grief and consternation. My greatest fear is that I may let him down again."
