by Eden Summers
Chapter Seventeen
T.J. was pacing. Again. It seemed that was all he did lately. Each day, he walked miles in the same spot, trying to drive away the image of Cassie. Not only was she haunting his dreams, she was now terrorizing his every waking breath.
“You summoned us,” Leo drawled, his frame coming into view from the threshold of the Shot of Sin office.
“Again.” Brute shouldered his way into the room.
Shit. His heart was in his throat, his pulse a rapid beat, his palms sweating. He couldn’t stop the fear that throbbed through his veins, telling him he was making the wrong choice by continuing with the divorce. The apprehension increased with every passing second that neared the day he would legally sever himself from his wife.
“What’s the reason for the meeting this time?” Brute scowled. “Apart from the need to re-carpet the office due to you wearing down the pile.”
T.J. planted his feet, fighting the urge to keep moving. He’d kept track of Cassie every day since she’d found the lone email he should’ve deleted. Jan was keeping an eye on her, Shay too, and every spare second he had was spent doing drive-bys past his old house in an effort to feel close to her. He’d called a time or two, exchanged a few guilt-filled words, but she never wanted to talk. She was moving on, and doing a better job of it than he was.
“I think I’m making a mistake.” He ran a shaky hand over his jaw. He hadn’t been able to say the words aloud all week. Only the panic wouldn’t stop. His chest was pounding with each tick of the clock.
“Which one?” Leo raised a superior brow and sank into the sofa opposite the office desk.
T.J. shook his head. This was a mistake. It was nerves. Indecision. Obviously, he’d have to experience some form of chaotic regret as the time dwindled to doomsday. What he was feeling was only natural… Right? “Just forget it, okay?”
He had less than forty-eight hours to get through. Relief would come once the divorce was final. Cassie would start to drift from his mind once they were legally separated. She had to.
“Spit it out,” Brute grated. “I’ve got suppliers to call and wages to pay.”
T.J. closed his eyes and rubbed the tension from his forehead. His friends were going to be pissed. They deserved to be after what he’d put them through.
“I think going ahead with the divorce is a mistake.” He glanced at Brute, winced at his furious expression and then turned his focus to Leo. “She knows the truth now. There’s nothing left to hide. It’s only my guilt keeping me away, and I don’t think that’s enough anymore.”
“Are you fucking serious?” Brute stared at him, deadpan.
“I don’t know.” It was the truth. He couldn’t think straight anymore. His conscience was aware that leaving Cassie was the right option. But his heart? His soul? Every part of his chest that pounded all day long? They all told another story. They pushed him to go after her and make sure she was coping with the news.
“You’re joking, right?” Leo asked. “You’ve already dragged her to hell and back, and now you want to do it again?”
“I don’t know.” That was the problem. He couldn’t decide. “I don’t know what to do. I’m not sure if this is cold feet, or if it’s intuition telling me I need to change my mind before it’s too late.”
“It could be your menstrual cycle.” Leo crossed his arms over his chest and sank back into the sofa. “You’ve been majorly moody lately.”
“You’re one to talk,” Brute interrupted. “I seem to recall putting up with the same shit when you were having problems with Shay.”
“Point taken.” A grin stole across Leo’s face. “So, what do you need from us?”
T.J. shrugged. “Just tell me I’m doing the right thing. Tell me I can’t go back and beg her forgiveness.”
“In that case…” Leo cringed. “I think you’re right.”
“That case?”
“If the aim is to stop her from hurting, I’d let her go. She’s recovering better than you’d expected. She’s going to counseling, and Shay is always over there doing girlie things. She’s not dying without you.”
But he was dying without her.
“You’re wasting our time,” Brute grated. “You don’t want the truth. You want us to stroke your guilty conscience and make you feel better. You want us to placate you and come up with suggestions that will never be better than the option to cut and run.”
True. All of it was true.
“But if you’re looking to punish yourself, I’ll give you my honest opinion.” Brute’s frown increased. “You’re a fucking idiot for taking her to that club and leaving her alone. But most of all, you’re a fucking idiot for letting her go. I know it, Leo knows it and so do you.”
“She never asked for this lifestyle or the depravity that skirts the boundaries of what we do. And what if I hurt her again? What if I fuck up?”
“You’re worried about making another mistake?” Brute scoffed. “Don’t. If you fuck her over again doing some stupid, irresponsible shit, you won’t have time to deal with her pain, because I’ll fuck you up myself.” Brute spoke without a hint of humor. Not even a glimpse.
His friend would do exactly as promised and not spare a thought.
“You fucked up once, give yourself a break,” Leo added. “But if you fuck up twice, I won’t save you from Shay. I promise she’ll be more of a threat than Brute.”
“I’ll never hurt her again,” he promised. He’d die before he caused her more tears.
“No.” Brute raised his voice. “Hurting her is inevitable. It’s how relationships work. Don’t even think you can go rekindle your marriage and treat her like glass. If you do go crawling back, do right by her. Treat her exactly the way she wants to be treated, not the way you think she deserves. Her fragility is your issue, asshole, not hers.”
Asshole. That was as close to an endearment as T.J. would get from Brute.
“You both know I love her more than life,” he murmured.
Brute smiled, all teeth, no charm. “And you know I’ll gladly take her off your hands the next time you mess up.”
T.J. rolled his eyes and focused on Leo. “Any more words of wisdom from you?”
“Yeah, you’re running out of time.”
“Don’t you think I know that? Tomorrow’s the last day before the divorce is finalized.”
Leo winced. “Yeah, tomorrow’s also the day Shay takes your wife out for a night in the city to help her move on.”
Goddamn it. That kick-started his heart into next Tuesday. “Are you serious?”
Leo inclined his head. “Deadly serious. And from the look of the outfit Shay picked out for Cass, she won’t be going home alone.”
Chapter Eighteen
“You look edible.”
Cassie blushed at Shay’s compliment and gave a halfhearted smile in thanks. The Bodycon dress was too tight, the material barely coming to her knees, accentuating every curve…and she had many.
“It isn’t too much?” She pulled at the hem in a vain attempt to hide more skin. “Don’t be silly. The aim of the game is to regain your confidence and put a smile back on your face. Now get in the damn car.”
This wasn’t a game, it was torture. Shay had spent days consoling her through grief and guilt. Along with Jan and a newly found counselor. Sleep was still illusive, and the pain wouldn’t ebb, but for tonight, Cassie wanted to paste on a smile and pretend like her life wasn’t going to be irrevocably changed tomorrow.
“Come on. Come on. Come on.” Shay strutted toward her car parked in Cassie’s driveway, swaying her perfect ass. “I’m dying for a drink.”
It was already approaching nine o’clock when they slid into the small hatchback.
“So where are we going?” Shay hadn’t given specifics. A club on Crockett Street had been mentioned once or twice. A club that was currently in the opposite direction to where they were headed.
“I made an executive decision and changed our plans.”
Cassie sighed, now
all too familiar with Shay’s chipper tone that announced she was up to something. “You know what? Don’t tell me, just turn the car around and drive me home. I always seem to get myself in trouble when I’m with you.”
Shay snorted, ignoring her request. “And that’s my fault?”
“Ah, yeah. I was trouble-free before we met.”
“Sounds kinda boring,” Shay said around a chuckle.
Boring but safe. There was no more desire for fun or depravity. Without T.J., none of it really mattered. Yeah, she planned on having a fling or two in the future…maybe…if she gained the courage to go home with a stranger. But that would take time, and determination she currently didn’t have. “Why don’t we go to my place and have a few drinks instead?”
Shay shook her head. “I know what you’re doing, and I’m not going to let you. The first step is the hardest. Once tonight is over, you’ll find it easier to go out next time. And then the time after that, and so on and so forth. The longer you put it off the harder it will be.”
“Fine.” Cassie sighed. “So where are we going? And don’t think I haven’t noticed that you distracted me for long enough to take me out of walking distance from my house.”
“I can’t slip anything by you, can I?” Shay shot her a grin.
“So?”
“So…we’re going to the Vault.”
Oh, no. Hell, no. “Forget it. Stop the car. Right now. I’m not going anywhere near there.”
Shay waved away her protest. “Calm down. T.J. won’t find out. And besides, you can’t back out now. I arranged the whole night for you. Vault of Sin doesn’t usually open on Thursday nights, so I’ve invited a few regulars. I picked them out specifically to ensure you have a great time.”
The innuendo in Shay’s tone turned Cassie’s cheeks to flame, the heat expanding all the way to her chest. “I don’t want to sleep with anyone—”
“You don’t have to.”
“I don’t want to cause trouble the night before the divor—”
“You’re not going to. T.J. doesn’t work tonight. He won’t even be there.”
Damn it. This woman couldn’t take no for an answer. “Leo and Brute wouldn’t approve either.”
“Actually,” Shay drew out the word, giving her a pointed look. “Leo’s the one who suggested it.”
“Bullshit.”
Shay turned her focus back to the road and nodded. “I’m not lying. He’s worried about you. If you’re going to get laid, he’d prefer you do it at the club, with someone who has gone through the vetting process. It’s a safe environment. You won’t have to contemplate taking strangers back to your house, or be enticed to go home with someone.”
“I’ve already said I don’t want to get laid,” Cassie grated. This was ridiculous.
“Believe me, I’ve heard you. But it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind. It’s just an option. If you want to sit at the bar and talk all night, we can. There won’t be loud music or sleazy guys annoying us. And if you start having fun and don’t want to stop, I’m sure being in the Vault will be of some comfort to you.”
Cassie kept her mouth shut, not willing to admit going to a quieter, more familiar club was reassuring. It was still the Vault—a place she’d been to twice, yet it held palpable memories she wasn’t sure she wanted to be reminded of.
As they turned into Shot of Sin’s street, her heart pounded. “If I want to leave, are you going to try and convince me to stay?”
Shay shrugged. “That depends.”
“On?”
“If you want to leave as soon as we walk in the door. You need to give it time. At least three drinks minimum.”
“Three drinks?” Cassie gaped. She hadn’t had more than a drink or two in a damn long time. Shay knew it, too. Three would have her dancing on the bar. “How about two?”
Shay smirked and flicked her indicator to enter the club parking lot. “Four.”
Damn her. “Three it is. But I won’t promise to enjoy myself.”
“Doesn’t bother me, honey.” Shay pulled into one of the few remaining parking spots and cut the ignition. “As long as I stay out long enough to work Leo into a jealous frenzy, I’ll be happy.”
“Stop pacing.” T.J. wasn’t comfortable telling someone else to stop doing what he’d been doing all week, but the way Leo huffed back and forth was filling the now empty Taste of Sin restaurant with cloying apprehension. “Why the hell are you pacing, anyway?”
“Just anxious.” Leo checked a text message on his phone. “That’s all.”
“With good reason.” Brute smirked.
“Do you mind filling me in on what’s going on?” They’d been seated at the bar for an hour, yet T.J. felt like his friends had spent the whole time having a secret conversation without him.
Brute reached over the bar and poured himself another beer. “It’s nothing.”
Leo groaned and flung back the remaining bourbon in his glass. “Can’t we just go? Shay and Cassie will be out by now.”
“No.” T.J. was adamant. He wanted Cassie to have a few hours to herself. Besides, alcohol would calm her nerves and make it easier for him to approach her later. He’d get her brutal honesty after she’d had a few drinks, and he didn’t want to risk arriving early. Timing was everything. “We’ll leave soon enough.”
Leo pulled his cell from his back jeans pocket. “I might give Shay a call th—”
“Fuck off.” Brute snatched the device from Leo’s hand. “Don’t you trust your woman?”
Leo scowled. “Of course I do. I just think it would be best if we get a move on.”
“I’m not keeping you here.” They were making him nervous with their bullshit attitudes. Leo didn’t stress often. He did moody and irrational, but he didn’t do anxiety. And Brute… Well, that fucker was smiling, which was an anomaly all on its own. “If you want us to meet you in the city, go ahead. It’s no big deal.”
“It’s fine,” Leo grated. “I’ll stick around.”
The large dining area fell silent. Brute continued to smirk to himself as he topped up his beer. Leo’s fingers kept tap, tap, tapping against the bar, while T.J. tried to think of what he was going to say to make Cassie forgive him for all the heartache.
“You know what?” Leo shoved from his stool. “I’ve got something to say.”
Brute swiveled in his stool, still smirking as he crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Leo. T.J. followed, leaving his scotch on the counter to turn and face the man who appeared ready to make a Hulk transformation.
“Before we find Cassie and Shay,” Leo started. “I want you to know something.”
“Is this the something that’s had you jittering and snarling all night?”
Leo let out a bitter laugh. “No. We’ll get to that next. What I want to discuss is how you got in this fucked situation in the first place.”
T.J. raised his chin, trying to steel himself against the punch to his pride. “What of it?”
“It’s about all the guilt you piled on yourself that could’ve been eased if only you’d spoken to us. It’s about you, and your inability to let us help.”
“I didn’t think I needed it.” Cassie was his wife. His love. His responsibility. He cleaned up his own messes…well, usually he did. Only this time, he’d left a trail in the form of an email.
“Yes, you did. You’ve just been kidding yourself for so long you started believing your own lies.”
“Fuck you.” T.J. slid to his feet. The last thing he needed was a guilt trip. He’d had enough guilt to last a lifetime.
“Don’t get defensive. I’m just trying to tell you, you’ve gotta realize, no matter how much you want to, you won’t always be able to protect her. Sometimes you’ll need to rely on us to help. Sometimes she’s going to be fine all by herself. And then there’ll be other times when no matter what any of us do, she’s still going to get hurt, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
T.J. winced. This was what it all c
ame down to. His issues. His guilt. “I know.”
“Do you?” Leo raised a disbelieving brow. “Because you fucked up in Tampa and didn’t bother telling us. How could you keep that a secret? How could you quit sleeping in your wife’s bed for six months, killing yourself with guilt, and not breathe a word of it to either of us?”
“It wasn’t something either Cassie or I wanted to share.”
“Yeah, well, it says a lot about our friendship, doesn’t it?”
Whoa.
“Hold up.” T.J. raised his hands in surrender. “Cassie’s everything to me. I didn’t want to share information that would upset her.”
“And if you had shared that information, I would’ve kicked your ass to next Tuesday. Brute, too. Aren’t I right?” He jerked his chin in question.
“Yeah.” The sadistic grin vanished from Brute’s features. “Everything would’ve been out in the open. We would’ve made you pay for your mistakes and you would’ve moved on. None of this would’ve happened.”
“It wouldn’t have stopped the guilt.” They didn’t know what it was like to deal with the what-ifs.
“No, it wouldn’t.” Leo inclined his head in acknowledgement. “But we could’ve helped with that, too. It didn’t have to be like this.”
T.J.’s chest constricted, squeezing the air from his lungs. He couldn’t look back now. He couldn’t admit he’d done the wrong thing by her again. There was too much blame already. That night in Tampa had changed him. She’d been so scared. Her beautiful skin pale as a ghost when he’d slammed into that bathroom.
“It wasn’t your mess.” The shame at placing her in that position, the fear of it ever happening again, had been his burden to bear.
“It fucking was,” Brute raised his voice. “That’s what Leo is trying to tell you. You’re like a brother to us. And you know what? You’ve always had Cassie, and now Leo has Shay, but I’ve only ever had you guys at my back. We’re not meant to go through shit like this on our own. So, next time, quit being a fucking tool and ask for help.”
T.J. swallowed over the dryness in his mouth. “I don’t like relying on other people when it comes to Cassie.”
