by B. K. Rivers
“Thank you for today and for being there for me at the hospital. It means so much to me.”
Vic squeezes my hand and kisses my forehead. “I’m a little hungry, how about you?”
“I’m starving,” I say as we walk to the kitchen. “Can I help make something?”
“Sure,” he says, and opens the fridge for me. Inside is well-stocked with an assortment of vegetables, lettuces, some cold cuts, and other items. I scoop up the lettuce, some pears, and apples, and then search through his cupboards until I find some pecans. I throw together a quick salad and dressing and we sit together on his sofa as we eat.
“So, are you okay?” he asks as we finish our food.
“I think so. I’m a little overwhelmed with everything I guess.” I don’t know how to tell him I don’t just mean Jordan’s situation. I’m feeling confused about our date and what we did in the theater and what it all means. I don’t know how to tell him I can’t have sex with him because it scares me. Not the act itself, though I guess in a way it does, but the aftermath of the act. How can I sleep with him and not shatter all that I have placed in front of me to protect myself from that kind of hurt again? I’m not saying I’ll get pregnant again. In fact, I don’t even know if I can. Since I never went to the doctor after the miscarriage, I don’t even know if my female parts work correctly.
“What are your plans for tomorrow?” he asks, and sits back against the cushions.
“I don’t know. Jordan wants the papers I printed for him with the names of some rehab centers, but those are at Gran’s house. So I guess I can print them from a library or something before I go to see him.”
“I have a laptop and printer here if you want to use them.”
“It’s almost midnight and you have to work in the morning,” I say, and then remember I don’t have a car to get around. “Vic, I have to go back home.” I stand abruptly and grab our plates and take them to the counter. “You have to work and I need to be able to drive tomorrow.”
“Come back and sit with me. Don’t worry about me, I can catch a ride with my cousin and you can just use my truck.”
Joining him back on the sofa, I run through all the scenarios of borrowing his truck. I can’t think of any logical reasons not to borrow it, especially since he’ll be working for twenty-four hours. I can take care of Jordan tomorrow and go home to Gran for the night, then bring his truck back to him on Thursday.
“What time in the morning do you have to leave?” I ask as I nuzzle up to him, allowing his arm to drape over my shoulders.
“Around seven.”
“And you’re sure you’re okay with me staying here while you’re gone? I mean, it’s not like I’m going to stay all day. It would only be for a couple hours.”
“Jemma, relax,” he says as he drags his lips down my jaw, eliciting a shudder from me. “It doesn’t matter how long you stay. You’re welcome here. Hell, I wouldn’t be upset if when I got home on Thursday I find you lying in my bed. Naked, of course.” I slap his thigh playfully and his smile erupts into a hearty laugh. “Seriously, naked works for you, I can tell.”
“Vic, I’m scared,” I admit to him, and he only holds me tighter. “I’ve only ever been with the one guy and I’m terrified of what can happen. I don’t know when I’ll ever be ready to have sex.”
“You’ll know when you’re ready. It’ll feel right. Honey, don’t force it or let me rush you. We have all the time in the world, okay?” I nod against his chest and feel the rapid beating of his heart, and for the first time in three years I feel as though I’m not as lost as I have thought for so long.
Vic and I share his bed, and other than light kissing, he’s a total gentleman. He gives me one of his fire crew t-shirts to wear to bed, and it mostly covers my butt. When I wake in the morning, Vic is gone but there is a note on the nightstand next to me.
Thank you for an incredible evening. Stay as long as you like. Here are my truck keys, and the password to my laptop is 17172839.
P.S. I kissed you when I left.
P.P.S. You snore while you sleep.
P.P.P.S. I can’t wait to see you again—mostly naked.
My heart swells at his note, and as I glance at the clock, I’m surprised to see that it’s after ten a.m. I quickly call Gran and check in and then call Amy, who lives down the road from us, and ask if she can feed the horses again today and pop in to say hi to Gran. I enjoy a quick shower and throw on the clothes I wore yesterday, grab a glass of milk and eat an apple, and then wash the dishes that we left on the counter. When I leave his house, his truck is waiting for me along with a woman most likely in her sixties with long seal-brown hair with streaks of gray. She has a pleasant smile and calls to me by name.
“Jemma, I’m Vic’s mother, Jane. Come on inside and eat a proper breakfast,” she says. “My son never eats breakfast at home and I’d love to get to know you.”
“Hi,” I say timidly. All of the sudden I feel like a deer caught in the headlights as I’m taking the walk of shame, which is funny because technically I’m not. “It’s nice to meet you.” I follow her into her house and to the kitchen where a pot of tea is steaming and an assortment of muffins is waiting on the table. We sit and chat while I eat a muffin, and when I’m finished Jane gives me a hug and then has some parting words.
“I hope you know how much your grandmother loves you,” she says. “Vic told me about her health and your situation, and, well, I just want to say that we’re here for you if you ever need us.”
“I appreciate that so very much. And I want to thank you for the muffins, they were delicious.”
“I expect to see you on Thursday for lunch, okay?”
I offer a smile and nod in response. As I climb into Vic’s truck I find myself wondering how much Vic has told her. I shoot him a text thanking him for our date and let him know I met his mom. I receive a quick reply from him:
Uh oh.
I arrive at the hospital around one p.m. and sign in like last night. The woman behind the counter makes a phone call and while on the phone she looks like she’s seen a ghost. She hangs up the phone and then stands up to face me.
“I’m sorry,” she says in what sounds like her bad news voice. “But I’ve been told he checked himself out of here this morning at ten.”
“He did what?” My voice is probably louder than it should have been, as some of the people in the waiting room turn and look at me.
“He checked out, I’m sorry. Those are all the details I have.”
“I’m going to kill him. Isn’t it, like, protocol or something that when a patient overdoses you keep them for twenty-four hours?”
“Yes, that’s typically what happens. But he was cleared by the police and for the sake of privacy, if you know what I mean, we allowed him to be discharged.”
“But he’s an addict!” I whisper to the receptionist.
“I’m really sorry, but there are other people behind you that I need to help. I’m sure he’ll be fine.”
“Right, because an addict who just overdosed is thinking rationally.” I leave the hospital with a harrumph, and back in Vic’s truck I break down into tears once again. What is it about my life that always brings me to tears? I text Vic, letting him know that Jordan is gone and he responds with the address of his fire station, telling me to swing by. Not that I want him to see me in the same clothes as yesterday, but I could really use some reassurance.
The station is larger than I would have guessed. It has three large garage doors, all of which are open like the large mouths of hungry giants. Inside there are three fire trucks, two smaller ones and one really large one. There is a door on the side of the building that Vic told me to go in, so I round the corner and see him outside, wearing a navy blue t-shirt that hugs his frame and a pair of navy sweatpants. When he sees me, he spreads his arms out wide and engulfs me in a huge hug. It’s all I can do not to cry into his chest as he holds me once again.
“God, I feel so needy,” I say as I breathe in hi
s scent, his musky cologne mixed with a little sweat.
“Needy, nah. Not you.” He smiles down at me, kisses my nose, and leads me through the door. We walk into a small waiting room with a call desk and we’re buzzed through to the station’s common room. There are two long tables butted up end to end with chairs lining both sides and ends. Seven smiling faces beam up at us from their seats and a wave of self-consciousness washes over me.
“Jemma, meet the guys,” Vic says as he waves his hand in their general direction. “Guys, this is Jemma.”
They reply in unison, like the first day of school, “Hi, Jemma.” I can’t help but laugh as my nerves relax. Vic introduces them all and then walks me around the building. There is a gym in the back, where he had been working out when I called, the sleeping rooms, the kitchen, and the engine room where the trucks are kept. In the back of the building, outside, four other men are playing basketball. We retrace our steps and Vic brings me to his sleeping quarters and closes the door. The room is small. It has a twin-size bed, a nightstand, and a small closet—barely enough room for him and me to stand together.
“You want to talk about Jordan?” Vic asks as he pulls me down beside him on the bed. It’s softer than it looks and we sink in together, sitting side by side. “Sorry, these beds really aren’t made for two.” We laugh and sit holding hands until Vic stands, gathers me in his arms, and lays me down on the bed and comes crawling in close behind me. Our bodies lay together like spoons in a drawer, legs bent at the knees and hips, bodies curved in toward one another, and Vic’s arm drapes over my waist.
“Don’t you need to be working or something?” I whisper, hoping he will stay right where he is.
“Nope, when I’m here I’m working even if I’m sleeping. And right now, there is nothing I’d like to do more than sleep next to you.”
“And you won’t get in trouble for having me here?”
“Well, let’s just hope there isn’t a fire. Then I may get a little grief from the captain.” He breathes deeply against my neck and kisses my shoulder as he exhales. “You took a shower using my soap.”
Biting my lip in embarrassment, I nod. His lips curve into a smile against my neck, and he says, “That is so sexy. Why did I have to go to work today?”
Chapter 36
My drive home is filled with giggles and girl talk as I chat on the phone with Trish. Everything comes spilling out and my cheeks flame with the memory of Vic’s kisses and his hands and fingers. Something has changed, and I don’t know if I’m quite ready for it. It scares me thinking about what Vic and I did in the theater. Granted there wasn’t anything necessarily wrong with it, and no one saw, but if we had been at his house, we would have ended up having sex. As much as I’m terrified of sex, I’ve never experienced anything remotely close to an orgasm and I’ve never felt as though I could let myself go with anyone, let my guard down enough to come so close to sex. Just thinking about what he did with his fingers makes my stomach swirl and heat pool between my legs. I find myself wondering what sex would feel like with Vic. If he can bring me to orgasm with just his fingers outside of my pants, what could he do with—no. I can’t let myself wonder these things. No matter how much my body wants me to.
“Jemma? You still there?” Trish asks on the other end of the call.
“Yeah, sorry. I think I just had a Vic-induced daydream complete with all the trimmings,” I say, laughing at myself.
“That is so stinking hot,” she says. “Just drive safely, and keep your mind away from Vic while you drive. Got it?”
“Got it.”
I find a note from Amy in the kitchen when I arrive home saying she fed the horses and they all looked good and that when she visited with Gran she was fed peanut butter cookies and milk. Laughing at the note, I decide to saddle up Ranger and go for a little ride. There is just something about sitting on the back of a horse that helps to clear my mind.
An hour into our ride my phone vibrates in my back pocket.
It’s a text from Jordan.
Jemma, thank you for coming to see me yesterday. I can’t believe how incredibly beautiful you looked. I’ve checked into the Brower Rehab Clinic in Warner and have to leave my phone with the people at check-in. I guess they don’t want me to be able to contact any of my friends. I hope you’ll forgive me for checking out of the hospital before seeing you, but I thought it would be best. You have no idea how much you mean to me, and I hope we can see each other when I’m sober. Yours, Jordan.
I pull on Ranger’s reins, asking him to stop so I can dismount. This is just too much to process while riding a horse. I tie Ranger to a nearby tree, sit down at the base, and fold my legs against my chest. For so many years I was certain that somehow I would marry Jordan Capshaw. Call it a silly childish fantasy that a girl should marry a rock star, but when I found him all those weeks ago, a part of me thought my wishes were being granted. If that weren’t the case, why would I run into him at all? If he and I weren’t destined to be together, then why put him in my path?
And then there’s Vic. Oh my gosh, Vic. He’s the variable I never considered. Everything about him seems perfect, but surely he has flaws. How could someone like him still be single? What could he be hiding from me? I know we’ve only known each other for a short time, but he seems so open and giving. A person with these qualities couldn’t hide their flaws for long, could they? But then, why am I looking for flaws? I should be embracing the fact that someone like him is interested in me. I’m the one who is flawed and damaged. I’m the one who for so long hid her flaws. Maybe both Jordan and Vic should run from me.
Ranger nickers at my knee and I pat his velvety nose. “Why can’t we all be like horses, huh, Ranger? You guys don’t care about flaws and hurt feelings. As long as you are fed and groomed and loved on, you’re happy. Right, boy?” He nickers again and pushes against my thigh. “Okay, let’s get going.”
***
Just outside of Torrance, I gas up Vic’s truck and drive down the highway back to his house. We are supposed to eat lunch with his parents today and I am a mess of nerves. I’m wearing a flowing, knee-length navy and white polka dot skirt with a gauzy yellow top and a green belt, hoping I’m dressed nice enough for lunch. Since Vic and I plan on going out again today and tomorrow, I brought a small overnight bag with me.
Parked outside his parents’ house are three trucks, one minivan, and a four-door sedan. I didn’t realize lunch with his parents meant lunch with a whole bunch of other people. I’m supposed to meet Vic at his place, so I climb the stairs and knock on his door. He opens the door, pulls me inside, and presses his lips to mine. I fall against his chest and savor his lips and his hands, how they roam my back. When we break apart, we’re both breathless and smiling.
“God, I’ve missed you,” he says, and then kisses me quickly on the lips once again. “How long has it been?”
“Less than twenty-four hours, you goof.” I know what he means though. As much as it hasn’t been long since I saw him, I’ve missed his scent, his smile, and the twirling in my stomach that only comes from his every touch or sidelong glance. “So, you didn’t tell me your parents invited an entire party for lunch.”
“Holy shit,” he says, and rushes to the window. “What the hell?” Vic pulls his phone from his back pocket, presses a button, and puts it to his ear. “Mom,” he says sharply. “What the hell are you doing? This was supposed to be an informal lunch…uh huh. Yeah, but…promise they won’t embarrass her or me.” He hangs up the phone and walks back to me, pauses, and then kisses my forehead.
“So, I gather you didn't know about this?” I tease, running my fingers up the front of his shirt. His muscles are taut beneath my fingers.
“I had no clue, and I’m really sorry. But she’s invited all my siblings and their families.”
“How many brothers and sisters do you have?”
“I have two brothers and two sisters. Oh and I should mention my cousin is here too. But my mom promises everyone will behav
e themselves.”
Doubts and nerves settle in and I feel more than a little apprehensive. “Why would your mom invite all your family over for lunch?”
Vic wraps his arms around me, kisses the tip of my nose, and then says, “Well, if I had to guess, it’s because you’re the first girl I’ve ever loaned my truck to. I guess she thinks I’m pretty serious about you.”
My cheeks flush and my heart speeds up in my chest. “Are you?”
“I’ve never been more serious in my life.” Then his lips are on mine and my breath hitches in my lungs. The kiss takes away my fears, throws them out the window, setting me free. His hands smooth away the worries, the doubts, and hurts from everything before. The kiss undoes me in every way and I become terribly aware that this is it. He’s the one.
My fingers run up his neck and settle at his hairline and I kiss him feverishly. My tongue twirls around his, my teeth softly nibble his lower lip, and as my hand moves from his neck to his chest, it stops just above his heart, which is beating in rhythm with mine.
Vic’s phone chimes suddenly and we break apart and try to catch our breath.
“It’s my brother asking where we are,” he says with a dimpled smile. “We should probably get down there.” He runs his hands over my hair, kisses my cheek, and takes my hand in his.
We’re greeted on the porch of Vic’s parents’ house by a smiling blonde girl with a sprinkling of freckles along her cheeks and the deepest blue eyes I’ve ever seen. Her small hand grabs Vic’s free hand as she jumps with excitement.
“Unkie Vic, Unkie Vic!” she says as Vic bends down, scoops her into a massive hug, and plants a kiss on her cheek.
“Lily Lou, how are you?” She beams up at him and his affection for his niece is obvious.
