by Penn Cassidy
Sitting back on my heels, I let the mangled tube of lipstick clatter to the floor. The veve I’d created was a mess, but it was as good as it was going to get.
Annette Henrietta Duboise Laveau…
I said her name in my head, trying to keep sounds to a minimum. I had no idea how far Theodore’s awareness actually reached, so I had to be careful. Besides, Bael could still be nearby as well.
What we’d done last night was a mistake…
I think.
I mean, it didn’t feel like a mistake and I didn’t exactly regret it, but it showed me one thing—just how much power these men could have over me. That couldn’t stand.
If Theodore found out what I was attempting, he would be furious. He’d made me promise not to cause trouble while I was here. No running, he’d said, in exchange for getting to the bottom of what happened to me. Breaching the crossing was wrong in so many ways. There was a reason the living and the dead were separated so absolutely.
This was risky and I didn’t have any of the necessary materials, but I was feeling desperate. I was counting on the fact that I already had some kind of weird connection to the crossroads, therefore, a connection to my grandmother. Our blood bound us together. I just hoped it was enough. Still, this had the potential to go very, very wrong.
With the candle lit, I began to sing, eyes closed tightly as I pictured my grandmother’s face. My words were Haitian—an old song Grandma Anne taught me when I first started my lessons. It was the only song I was willing to use in order to reach her.
In my mind’s eye, I pictured her face, so similar to my own. I pretended to hear her husky laugh and the way she gently guided me through prayer and practice. I tried to pretend she was here next to me, as if her spirit filled the room.
The wagon rocked, and it was a struggle to remain upright on my knees. Thunder crashed, and even through my closed eyelids, I saw the bright flash of lightning illuminating the room through the windows. The storm outside was still raging, and I wondered how long I’d been asleep. After my night with Bael, I’d collapsed immediately and lost consciousness.
Everything about the night before was crisp and clear, despite my panic. I knew for a fact that Theodore had watched me fuck Bael and then disapeared. What had he been thinking at the time? Was he pissed? At me or Bael? Had I broken some kind of rule?
Eyes so tightly shut it was painful, I sang faster, trying to get the words out before repeating them again. I begged the veve to do its work. I needed it to—
My world went silent.
The storm was suddenly gone, along with the wagon and the floor under my knees. Darkness encroached, as if I were floating in a void. It happened in a matter of heartbeats, and a sudden sense of peace enveloped me. Peace…but also emptiness.
Blinking through the cloying darkness, I tried to search for anything I could hold onto. A scream in the distance sent my blood running cold.
I knew that voice. But it wasn’t my grandmother.
No… I knew that voice because it was my own.
I started running as fast as I could through pitch darkness, frantic and aimless. All I knew was that I needed to get…
Where? Where did I need to go?
The screaming wouldn’t stop. In fact, it grew louder as I ran. It was guttural and choked, and so full of pain and fear that it made me stumble.
For a moment, I considered that I might be dreaming. Maybe I’d never actually woken up, and I was back in my wagon, tucked in my bed next to Bael, sound asleep.
I wanted to believe that so badly, but the moment I considered it, I tossed it aside. This was real. My screams just kept coming, and soon they were so loud, it was as if they were coming from all around me, inside of me.
I fell to my knees, clutching my head in my hands as I covered my ears to keep the screams at bay, but nothing was working. Hunching forward, I was soon crouched into a small ball, as if I could somehow protect myself from…myself.
There was a crashing noise, sounding like thunder, then arms wrapped around me and lifted me from the ground. I went to cry out, but before I could take a single breath, we disappeared.
With another crash, I was thrown onto the floor of the wagon, tumbling into the bedside table, sending everything on top of it crashing to the floor and shattering. Shaking violently, my head swam and a scream was trapped in my throat. It felt like I couldn’t quite get a breath of air in.
It took a moment for my head to start to clear, and I blinked through the dark room as lightning continued to flash every few seconds.
A dark shape loomed over me.
“Do you have any idea of the damage you could have caused?” Theodore snarled.
His voice was like gravel—as close to a growl as I could imagine. He stood over me with eyes as black as the void I’d been trapped in.
“You broke our agreement, Moria.”
Righting myself, I tried to wipe tears off my cheeks. “Maybe you should have been more specific in your terms,” I gritted out through clattering teeth.
My blood was cold. Everything was cold. Where had I gone? What was that horrible place?
Theodore surged forward, lifting me from the floor by the tops of my arms before he tossed me on the bed. I fell like a limp noodle, having zero strength left in me to fight him.
“I said no mischief!” he shouted. Lightning flashed again, illuminating him in all his rage. “No running, and I would assist you! All I asked of you was a month of your time, and you couldn't keep your promise for a week.”
In a flash, he was inches from my face, hovering over my body and caging me in against the mattress. “Do you know what happens to those who defy me?”
Terror surged through my whole body as I once again realized exactly who I’d made a deal with. Met Kalfou wasn’t known for his forgiveness.
“Tell me why I shouldn’t sever our contract here and now.”
“What contract?” I asked in a confused whisper. “I didn’t agree to any contract.”
His lips stretched into a smile, but there was nothing pleasant about it.
“Verbal contracts are still valid in the crossroads. You should know this already. Tell me, what were you running from that you could not seek me out to protect you?”
Crawling backwards and out of his reach as quickly as I could, I got across the mattress and climbed to my feet on the other side to stand opposite him. My heart was racing, but I couldn’t tell if it was from what just had happened in that void or if I was terrified of the ancient spirit closing in on me.
Hands suddenly rested on my hips, and I jolted forward. Then something furry swirled around my ankles. Yelping, I leapt into the air but stifled a scream. Lafayette jumped onto the mattress and sat on his haunches, casually licking his paw.
“Don’t be afraid, blue girl. I won’t let the boogeyman get you,” Bael whispered in my ear.
I pulled away from him, suddenly finding myself between both men at the foot of my bed. There was nothing I could do and nowhere I could go that they couldn’t find me.
Betrayal slashed through me, knowing that in the end, despite what had transpired between us last night, Bael would always take Theodore’s side.
“Enough with your riddles and your goddamn deals!” I shouted at them both. “I’m done! I’m done with these games. Tell me why I’m trapped here, or I’m leaving one way or another.”
A low laugh rumbled from Theodore. “And how do you plan to accomplish that?”
“I don’t know, but I’ll find a way with or without you,” I said matter-of-factly.
Because I would. I wouldn’t rot in this cage with them.
I turned, looking into Bael's eyes, pleading with him to understand. “I can feel something inside me.” I clutched at my chest, feeling an ache in the very center. “Something isn’t right, and ignoring it only makes it worse.” I stepped closer. “Bael, please help me…”
There was a gnawing urgency building in my chest again—somewhere I needed to be, someth
ing I needed to do. I couldn’t put my finger on it, and it was driving me crazy.
Theodore came closer. His steps were solid and slow, as if he were purposely letting me know he was right here and there was nothing I could do about it. Soon, he was at my side, sinking his fingers through my hair until he cupped the back of my head.
Avoiding his eyes, I kept my attention on Bael, who watched with a face devoid of emotion. It hurt deep, but I couldn’t let it make me crumble.
“Are you ready for the truth then?” Theodore asked, whispering against my ear. “It’s not going to make this any easier.”
I whirled on him, knocking his hand away. “You already know why I’m here, don’t you?”
Seething anger filled me with the feral need to scratch his eyes out. I should have known the moment he made that deal with me that he was only using me for his own gain. There was something he wanted from me, and he’d get it no matter how many lies he had to tell me. I was an idiot for trusting them.
“I know why you’re here,” he said with a wicked grin. “I’ve always known.”
Staggering in disbelief and hurt, I was once again caught by Bael. He caged me in between his arms and held me tightly.
“Then you’re the one who broke your own contract, Theodore. I’m done playing by your rules. Tell me the truth or—”
He was in my face in a flash, and I found myself sandwiched between the two men, barely able to pull in a breath. Theodore tipped my face up until our eyes met.
“You do not get to make threats in my crossroads. You are not the one in control. I am. I said I would help you, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Even if it ruins you.”
“I don’t know what that means,” I whispered.
“You will.”
Casting a look over my head, Theodore nodded curtly. I felt Bael’s arms tighten around my body, and I went to jerk out of his hold when the world disappeared around us.
I found myself standing in a familiar room. I was alone in the darkness, only a single light hanging from the ceiling, illuminating three massive mirrors.
Somewhere in the distance, there was music. It was carnival music, but it was slowed down so much that the notes stretched out eerily. There was no sign of Theodore or Bael in the room, no line of grey faces behind me. I was alone, staring into the middle mirror with my heart in my throat.
I approached it slowly, trying to breathe through each step I took. All I could make out was blackness beyond the glass. I stopped so close to the mirror that my nose was almost touching the surface, my breath fogging it up.
Then a shape began to take form.
I was standing in the bathroom of my apartment, or at least peering into it from the vantage point of the bathroom mirror. I could see my claw-foot tub in the corner of the room and the little stool I used to paint my nails on. A lilac robe hung from the hook on the door, just where I’d left it.
Why was the mirror showing me this?
I was about to turn away when something moved out of the corner of my eye. I paused, heart sinking at what I saw.
It was Austin.
He was sitting on the floor of the bathroom with his back pressed against the wall, clutching his palm to his chest. He was shirtless, his normally tan skin starkly pale, and there were hollows in his cheeks.
I called out to him. It was a reflex, and I’d done it before I could tell myself not to. He didn’t respond. I should have known he couldn’t hear me.
It took me a moment to realize why this looked so wrong, but when I did, I wanted to vomit. Austin was saturated in sticky blood. It was matted into his hair, soaking through his pants, and smeared all over his bare chest.
This was what Theodore had been trying to keep from me.
This was why I was so desperate to find him that night, and I’d never even thought to check the bathroom before fleeing my apartment.
But then, something occurred to me. Something wasn’t quite right with this picture.
Austin’s head fell forward, and he cradled his face in his palms, shoulders shaking violently. He wasn’t quite as deathly still as I’d previously thought. He only appeared that way because he moved so slowly, as if time were running at a different pace. It almost appeared as if he were moving underwater.
The shock was beginning to wear off, and I started noticing things I hadn’t before. There was blood all over the bathroom walls in handprints and smears.
He looked up and raked his bloody hands through his hair, making it stick up in every direction, the movement taking three times as long as it normally would. Then he got to his feet, staggering until he toppled sideways before clutching the marble countertop by the sink.
He stared straight into the mirror with bloodshot eyes—eyes that were so familiar to me that my whole chest ached with both longing and dread. He couldn't see me here on the other side of the mirror, even though we were practically eye to eye.
There was a presence on either side of me, and I didn’t have to look to confirm that I was flanked by both Theodore and Bael. They watched with me as I watched Austin. He turned the faucet on and frantically splashed his bloodied face with water, letting it turn to pinkish droplets that pooled on the countertop.
“I—I don’t understand,” I whispered shakily.
Someone grabbed my hand and squeezed tightly. Somehow, I knew it was Bael. He didn’t say a single word, just held me in his firm grip, and at the moment, it was the only thing anchoring me to the spot.
Then Theodore said, “You wanted to see, so see.”
Austin reached for something behind the faucet, his hands and shoulders violently shaking, as if he had no control over them. His breathing was labored, and his eyes were wild and frenzied.
He lifted a large kitchen knife up in front of his face. The blade was covered in blood that still dripped, running down the length of his arm. I sucked in a breath as he brought it down under the faucet and began washing it clean.
Understanding hit me like a bolt of lightning, then pain radiated through my body, filling me with a blinding heat.
I staggered backwards, and Bael let go of my hand. Looking down, I realized I was once again dressed in a long white dress. One I thought I’d thrown away forever. One I’d never planned on wearing again.
Blood flowed from an open wound in my abdomen, and I clutched at it, frantically trying to stifle the flow. It gushed through my fingers and onto the floor. Panic filled me, and the pain was so sharp that I began to reject it, my limbs feeling cold and numb.
Looking back at the mirror, I realized I was no longer looking into my bathroom. Austin was gone, and instead, I peered into a familiar dark bedroom with flowing white curtains. Loud music, laughter, and the sounds of the city emanated from the open balcony doors.
And in the very center of the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling with wide, terrified eyes, clutching the bloody wound in her stomach, was…me.
Telling someone that they were dead was a tedious thing. I’d done it so many times, I didn’t care to count anymore. Moria called them the ‘grey faces’—the souls of the dead, who were indeed grey, lifeless, and hollow.
But not her. No, my blue girl was still full of so much life that I couldn’t keep myself away. There was a desperation inside of her, a yearning. She was intoxicating, and I was selfish enough to use every trick I had to convince her to stay.
Three hundred years was a long time to be alone in a sea of souls, and I’d had enough. What used to thrill me had dulled to a dim spark in the recesses of my mind, and for the first time, I was beginning to touch it again.
Even now, I could taste her on my tongue—that sweet yet salty flavor. Her skin was like perfection, and her lips made me want to do unspeakable things.
Fucking her had been wrong of me. I knew that, yet I didn’t care, nor did I regret taking her hard and fast, listening to her moans that sung my name. After all, she’d been the one to make the choice, and who was I to deprive her of pleasure?
M
y cock strained as I imagined the feel of her pliant body writhing on top of me, of grasping her thick hair between my fingers, eliciting sinful noises that rung in my ears even now. The cigar between my lips wasn’t nearly as sweet, but it gave me an anchor.
A chill swept the tent. It was my personal lounge, and the only being besides myself who had access was Theo. He poured himself a drink at the bartop before wandering over to the chair across from the chaise lounge I was sprawled out on. A small fire burned in the cast iron stove next to us, and Lafayette was snoozing on the back of a sofa. Theodore was scowling, as per usual.
“You’ll get wrinkles that way.” Puffing a ring of smoke from my lips, I watched it sail across the space between us. “What’s eating at you, Theo?” My tone was just short of sarcastic.
He sighed, sipping from his crystal glass. “She hasn’t moved. It’s been long enough, and the souls are waiting.”
Something like agitation soured my stomach, picturing her there, sitting in front of that mirror, unable to tear herself away from the image of her own lifeless body, simmering in a pool of blood.
Time didn’t pass here the same way it did in the living world. What took days in the crossroads was mere hours out there. Moria refused to leave the fun house, refused to step away from the mirror, and it meant that in that time, the crossing was backed up and souls were growing agitated.
The crossroads worked like a machine. Souls came in, and we funneled them out. I was but one of three ushers who guided them through, but with Moria glued to that mirror, the machine had come to a grinding halt.
Still, I didn’t like the idea of forcibly removing her. Even now, the image of her haunted, mismatched eyes flashed in my head like the saddest painting.
“Perhaps we pushed her too hard too fast,” I mused. It wasn’t the first time I’d broached the topic.
