Jason laughed. “You’ll see.”
Mason gave him a look. “We do need to have a talk before we get there, Anna.”
“Um, okay.” I sipped on my protein shake nervously.
Jason sighed. “He’s right. When we get to the range, we are not Mason and Jason, or Mace and Jase. We are your instructors.”
I nodded. Images of basic training videos with army drill sergeants and marine drill instructors floated through my brain.
“So, Anna,” Mason said gently. “When we ask you to do something, we are serious, and we need you to just do it.”
“And reply, ‘Yes, instructor’.” Jason added.
I looked at them incredulously. Were they serious? This was more than a little weird.
Mason met my eyes in the rear-view mirror. “I know this seems strange because you have never been in the military, but we take training seriously. When we are in a life or death situation, we need everyone to be conditioned to follow orders immediately.”
I nodded. That made sense, but we weren’t in the military. Wasn’t this a little bit of overkill? I decided to go along with it for now, I needed to fit in the pack and prove myself. If this was what everyone else in the pack had to go through, then I would too.
“When marines go to boot camp, the first five weeks is probably what you think about when someone talks about boot camp, there’s a lot of screaming and knife hands.” Jason explained.
“During week six, you start the next phase; you start going to the range and things are a little more subdued. The drill instructors are strict and still expect discipline, but you are there to learn so they are a little more lenient.” Mason added.
I nodded along as they explained.
Jason took a breath. “The first week of phase two you learn the different firing positions: prone, sitting, standing, and kneeling. You also learn everything you need to know about handling your weapon; how to clean, maintain, and handle it safely.”
“You also practice breathing, trigger discipline and snapping in on targets.” Mason told me. “It’s not until the second week, when you have all of that down that you get to use live ammunition.”
“Of course, you have about fifty or sixty hours devoted to that per week.” Jason pointed out.
Mason sighed, “If you only practice for a few hours each week it’s going to take a really long time.”
That was reassuring to me in a way, I was going to learn slowly but surely.
“What’s your last name?” Mason asked curiously.
“It’s-“ I started to answer but Jason interrupted me.
“It’s banana!” He shouted.
“Banana?” Mason and I asked, both of us confused.
“Yeah, I’ve heard Caleb call you Anna Banana before.” Jason said with a grin.
I giggled, “Yeah, but my last name is actually-“
“Banana!” Mason and Jason both said together.
“It’s not-“
“Sorry, Anna. You should have spoken up before. Your last name is now Banana.” Jason told me seriously.
I just huffed and tried to finish my protein shake before we got there. This was one of those times when arguing would make it worse.
We pulled in a dirt driveway that led out to the range, nestled within a wooded area for privacy. Mason stopped the SUV and both twins turned back towards me.
“Don’t forget, Anna,” Jason reminded me. “When we step out of the vehicle we are your instructors.”
I nodded, and Jason got out and headed to the group standing off to the side of the range.
Mason was still looking at me, worry in his eyes. “If you feel like you can’t do this, you can go back to the car.”
“I can do this,” I told him, trying to sound confident.
He nodded, searched my eyes, and seemed satisfied by what he saw there.
“We’re getting out of the car now,” he warned me.
He stepped out of the car and his demeanor changed. His posture straightened, the sparkle was gone from his eyes, and he had a stern expression on his face.
“Let go, Banana!” He said in what I was assuming was his ‘instructor’ voice. It was enough to keep me from smirking at his use of Banana, and get me moving. I hurried out of the car and put my bag over on a picnic table with everyone else’s.
Jason was drawing a line in the dirt in a clearing next to the picnic area.
“Toe the line!”
Everyone immediately replied with, “Yes, instructor!” And ran to line up. I followed everyone else’s lead and mimicked them, trying to blend in.
Everyone stood straight, toes on the line and waited while Mason and Jason paced in front of the group, checking to make sure everyone was dressed appropriately. Finally, they were satisfied and stepped back.
“Do you know why you are here today?” Jason said in his scary, intimidating voice.
“Yes, instructor!” Everyone replied in unison.
I was starting to see why Austin had told me that I had never met Mason and Jason, the marines before. They were completely different people right now. I knew them and I trusted them, but loud voices and intimidation were starting to make my anxiety surface.
I had thought I had worked through being intimidated by those types of things, but I was starting to feel all of those old feeling of panic and helplessness start to trickle back in.
I tried to take deep, calming breaths and pay attention to what was happening here and now. I was here with Mason and Jason, surrounded by my new pack. I was here to learn how to protect myself. No one was going to hurt me.
“You are here because you are the worst marksmen in the pack!” Mason told us.
“We are here to make you better!” Jason chimed in.
“You can all be comforted by the fact that you know more than our newest recruit, Banana.”
I saw a couple eyes dart towards me and heard a faint snigger from down the line.
Jason headed right for the culprit. “Do you think that’s funny, Henderson?”
“No, instructor!” He replied.
“I don’t believe you! Six laps!”
Henderson immediately started running the circumference of the range. It looked like six laps was roughly a mile.
I watched the entire interaction with wide eyes and my breathing started to get more erratic as Mason headed in my direction. Somehow, I had caught his attention. Panic started to fill me, but I did my best to push it down. This was Mason, I told myself. You are safe here, you need to relax.
“Banana!” Mason shouted.
I started to tremble as his cold eyes focused on me.
“Are you a deer in headlights, or are you a wolf?” He shouted.
“Uh,” I stuttered.
“Six laps!”
I took off running, following the path that Henderson had taken. As I ran, I focused on my mantra: this is Mason and Jason, you trust them, you are safe here.
By my third lap, the anxiety was starting to fade, and I was glad that I had avoided full panic mode or having a flashback. Having a meltdown in front of my new pack members would be detrimental to my goal of proving to them that females could be a valuable part of the pack.
By my fourth lap, I was glad that I had worn sneakers and not the combat boots that Quinn had picked out for me. At the end of my fifth lap I had caught up to Henderson and we ran the last lap together. The run had helped me burn off my anxiety and I was feeling better.
I felt a little bit of it trickle back in when we ran back up to the group but vowed to stay strong. Mason realized we were back and started over to us. I realized I had taken a step back in response and forced myself to step forward again and stand straight.
“Banana!” He yelled. I flinched, and then cursed at myself silently. I knew he noticed and I hated myself for it.
“Have you decided?” He called out in his scary voice.
My mind went completely blank. “Uh,” I stuttered.
“Twelve laps!” he yelled. �
��We are going to keep doing this until you decide you are a wolf!” He shouted after me as I once again started running.
I was frustrated with myself, why couldn’t I just act like a normal person? Tears started to form, and I brushed them away angrily. This was not the time to get emotional. I needed to be in control.
I thought I was over all of this, why was this affecting me so much? I thought about it, I had gotten to the point where the sound of heavy footsteps coming towards me or a loud voice in the next room didn’t cause me to have a panic attack, but I never challenged myself with a confrontation.
I realized that I avoided confrontation at all costs. There were a lot of times that I let people walk all over me because I just agreed to whatever they wanted to avoid a confrontation. Had I really dealt with my issues, or had I just worked out ways to avoid my triggers?
I delved more deeply into it as I ran. I had never faced my fears, I just avoided them. Was it possible for me to conquer them? I doubted that it was healthy for me to live my life like this, cowering in corners and avoiding interaction with people in anything but superficial ways. I needed to get to the point where I could stand strong in the face of an angry voice. I needed to be able to express myself when I didn’t want to do something, or when something wasn’t fair.
Mason was right. I was a wolf, not a deer. I needed to stand strong in the face of adversity, not turn tail and run at the slightest hint of confrontation.
During my tenth lap I felt the shame burn into me. Austin knew that I wouldn’t be able to handle this. He knew that something was wrong with me. That’s why he wanted me to stay in the house where I would be protected and kept safe. That also meant that he didn’t trust me to stand strong in the face of danger, he didn’t believe that I could be an equal member of the pack.
Determination burned through me. I would prove him wrong. I practically sprinted the last two laps, letting the physical pain of my muscles burning sear all of my anxiety and self-doubts away. This time I ran directly back to Mason. He watched me come towards him with a raised eyebrow, “Well?” He shouted.
“I’m a wolf, instructor!” I shouted back at him.
He nodded, and I saw a faint smile before he quickly made it disappear. “Down to Alcott, he’s going to introduce you to the positions.”
I looked down the line of men in handling their weapons in front of the range in confusion. Who was Alcott?
My thoughts must have been obvious, because he clarified. “Rich Alcott.”
I nodded, I knew Rich.
I made my way down the line to where Rich was standing. He gave me a sympathetic look as I walked up to him.
“Hey, Rich.” I greeted him.
He gave a quick look around to see if either of the twins were close by. Deciding he was safe, he leaned close to me. “It looks like they decided to go extra hard on you to prove you’re not getting special treatment, huh?”
I shrugged. “I didn’t have time for a morning run before I got here anyway.”
He chuckled. “Are you ready to learn? I know they are going to mercilessly quiz you on everything multiple times today.”
I sighed, “I’m ready.”
He handed me a set of earplugs, “Trust me, you’re going to need these as soon as the instructors give the okay for live ammo.”
The rest of the morning Rich taught me everything about the different firing positions and safety rules. The twins checked in every once in a while to make sure I was learning correctly, and Rich was covering everything to their satisfaction. They were less intimidating now, but still in marine mode- very strict and serious.
They went up and down the line of guys on the range, helping them to adjust firing positions or giving suggestions on how to improve techniques for better aim. I was very impressed with how professional they were, they really knew what they were doing. It made me curious what they had been like while they were in the marines.
Finally, they announced a break for lunch and everyone headed to the picnic tables. I picked up my backpack and rummaged through it.
“Hey, Banana!” I almost jumped a foot in the air at hearing Jason’s voice right behind me.
“Yes, instructor?” I was a little dismayed, I didn’t want to miss out on lunch. I was already starving.
“Come back to the car.” He said, and abruptly walked away.
I sighed and trailed after him, bringing my bag with me.
I hopped into the backseat through the door that Mason held open for me. To my surprise, he followed me in.
Jason got in on the other side, so all three of us were sitting awkwardly in the back together.
I eyed them both nervously, not sure what was going on right now.
“Inside the car we’re Mason and Jason again.” Mason reminded me gently.
I looked at him suspiciously without saying anything. The abrupt personality changes were weird.
Jason chuckled, “It’s alright, Anna.”
Mason gave him a dirty look and laid his hand on my knee. “You aren’t afraid of us now, right?” He asked gently.
I bristled, “I’m not afraid of you,” I told him confidently. “But I am hungry.” I pulled a sandwich out of my bag.
“You have three of those, right?” Jason asked, sounding concerned.
“I don’t know,” I teased him. “Even if I did bring three, I might need them all. I had to run a lot of laps this morning.”
“Awww, Anna.” Jason said pathetically.
“Are you upset?” Mason asked, sounding concerned. “I know I was tough on you this morning, but I thought you were doing okay?”
“I’m fine,” I told him, taking a bite of my sandwich.
I couldn’t take having Jason’s sad puppy eyes on me much longer, so I pulled out the other sandwiches and water bottles that I had brought for them.
Jason took his happily into the front passenger seat and Mason and I spread out in the back.
“You did that on purpose, didn’t you?” I asked Mason quietly.
He raised an eyebrow at me.
I set my sandwich down and played with the cap on my water bottle. “Sent me to run, I mean. Because I told you that’s how I process my emotions?”
He nodded and swallowed the last bite of his sandwich before answering.
“In the beginning of a training session we need to set the tone and make it clear that there is no room for jokes or games on the range.”
Jason chimed in from the front, “We also need to make our dominance clear right away. We are younger than a lot of the other wolves, so they might feel the instinctual need to challenge orders that we give.”
Mason nodded, “Right away we shut down any of those urges and then we have a cooperative group of wolves, ready to learn. We decided it would be best if you missed most of that.”
“You need to learn to be less submissive, not more.” Jason told me.
I blushed, but I realized he was right.
“You have an inner strength,” Mason told me quietly. “You need to be more confident about letting it show.”
“We are here to help with that,” Jason added.
Damn, these guys were good.
“I pushed a little bit today, to see if you were ready to face your fears,” Mason confided in me.
“And you did.” Jason told me proudly.
I smiled. I did, didn’t I? I was making progress.
“Plus, it’s going to help you get a tough reputation in the pack.” Mason told me with a sly look in his eye. “They need to know that we are not going to go easy on you just because you are a female.”
“More of the pack would give you a hard time if they thought you got special treatment.” Jason told me seriously.
I gave them both a small smile. I hadn’t realized that they put that much thought into it.
The rest of the afternoon went quickly. Rich was sent back to the range to help with a demonstration while Tony sat down at one of the picnic tables to teach me.
&nbs
p; We started with a glock. Jason had told me that a handgun would be more useful to me than a rifle because if I had to defend myself with a weapon, it would probably be at close range.
Tony showed me how to take it apart and clean it. He assigned me to practice disassembling and assembling it before leaving me alone to go back to the range.
I sighed, today was not nearly as fun as I thought it was going to be. Now that it was heading into the late afternoon, I doubted I was going to even aim at a target. I would not be using live ammo today. I fumbled around with the pieces of the gun, trying to remember where they all went.
I caught motion out of the corner of my eye and frowned. I thought all the guys were on the range, why would someone be in the trees? I stood up to take a closer look. Was that one of the guys trying to sneak up on me to play a prank?
I took a step closer to the wooded area but stopped. I didn’t want to leave my weapon unattended and have one of them steal the firing pin or something.
Suddenly, there was an explosion from the parking lot. Shouts came from the range and Mason came running to where I had been partially hidden at the table behind some trees.
“Oh, thank god.” He exclaimed before wrapping me in a hug.
“What’s happening?” I asked, wiggling my way free from his arms. “Is anyone hurt?”
He cocked his head to the side. “Jase and Rich are counting heads now. I need you to come over with the rest of us.”
I followed him back to the group at the range. I tried to see if anyone was missing, but I hadn’t been paying close attention this morning, so I wasn’t sure exactly how many people had been here earlier.
I stood next to Tony as the guys finished the headcount and started giving assignments. I raised my hand hesitantly.
Jason’s eyes met mine in surprise. “Banana? Do you have something to add?”
I cleared my throat. “Right before the explosion went off I saw something in the woods and was walking over that way to investigate.” I pointed in the general direction where I had seen movement.
Jason gave me a nod and stalked over to where Henderson was still sniffing around. Jason spoke with him and a few of the other guys before they started stripping down to change. Apparently, they wanted to be in wolf form to track down whatever was in the woods. I was going to feel stupid if it turned out to be nothing.
Finding the Fire Within Page 20
