by Carys Jones
Tilly did her best to focus when the bell would ring. Then she would pack away her things swiftly, and hurry out with everyone else.
‘Those who fail to prepare should prepare to fail,’ her mother would advise. Tilly was prepared. She was managing to navigate around the concrete maze and she was achieving her goal – she was surviving.
It was a Friday morning, which meant that everyone was in high spirits.
‘We’re going to the cinema tonight,’ Kate gushed to her sidekicks.
‘My dad said he can give us a lift,’ Claire gloated.
‘How nice of him to take an evening off from being bitter and divorced,’ Kate chimed in. Claire grew red and opened her mouth, but Sophie interrupted.
‘I heard Michael Daniels is going to watch the new Transformers film.’
‘Then it’s settled, we’ll see that,’ Kate declared.
‘Really?’ Claire whined. ‘I don’t like those movies.’
‘Whether or not you like them doesn’t matter,’ Kate told her sternly. ‘What matters is that guys like them and will be there. Got it?’
‘Got it,’ Claire mumbled.
‘You should be grateful you’ve got plans on a Friday night,’ Kate told her, ‘you could be stuck home like Matilda, and wouldn’t that be tragic?’
Tilly vaguely heard the insult, but didn’t react. She was too wrapped up in her own thoughts to care.
On a Friday, Tilly had Geography followed by French. Her first class had finished and she was heading towards the language block but she’d slipped up. When her Geography teacher, Mr Stanton, had started discussing far off continents, Tilly’s mind had begun to drift. She imagined distant lands with vast mountain ranges, the tips of which looked like they’d been sprinkled with icing sugar.
In these lands, the people were rugged and wore thick furs to ward off the harsh, cold winters. In their weather-beaten homes they would crowd around fires to warm their frost-bitten fingers. But against this unforgiving backdrop a hero would emerge – a princess who could tame the weather. With one flick of her wrist she could bring the sun. Some thought she was a witch. She had golden hair infused with light and her skin was radiant. She was the princess the inhabitants of the icy land had been waiting for, yearning for...
The bell screamed through Tilly’s thoughts, evaporating the winter world to mere vapours.
‘Focus, Tilly,’ she berated herself as she began to quickly shove her notebook and pencil case into her backpack. Around her, desks were already emptying. ‘You should always focus,’ she reminded herself under her breath as she pulled on her backpack and hurried out of the door. Even though there were no familiar faces in sight, Tilly was confident she knew the way to the language block. She darted down the nearest flight of stairs and crossed the yard.
The wind had grown sharp and scratched against Tilly’s cheeks as she hurried to the other side of the building. She scurried up two more flights of stairs and reached the language block – only it wasn’t. She was in the science building. She was suddenly skewered by despair, lost and running out of time. Soon, a second bell would sound, the one that meant all students should be in their seat. If Tilly was late she risked another detention. The thought made her dizzy.
She stood on the spot and tried to imagine the school map tucked away at the bottom of her backpack. She didn’t have time to reach for it. She tried to think where was the science building in relation to the language block, tried to see the route but the princess of the sun was lingering on the edge of her thoughts, demanding attention.
‘Come on.’ Tilly pressed a hand anxiously to her temple. She could do this.
The blue double doors ahead of her opened and a group of girls headed her way. They walked with their heads held high. A sweet-smelling cloud quickly reached Tilly’s senses. She was about to turn away from the girls when she spotted Maria walking in the centre with a pretty blonde and a stern-faced brunette.
‘Maria.’ Tilly tumbled over towards her sister, her face lighting up with hope. ‘Oh, thank goodness. I’m lost. How do I get to the language block?’
The blonde snickered. The gesture reminded Tilly of Kate.
‘Please,’ Tilly insisted, gazing up at her sister’s eyes, which were framed by too much eyeliner.
‘Oh dear, are you lost?’ the brunette mocked. She wore an unflattering shade of purple lipstick which made her cheeks seem deathly pale.
‘Maria,’ Tilly addressed her sister. ‘Please help me out.’
‘Is that your sister?’ the blonde asked, as a long-nailed hand fluttered up to her chest. ‘Oh my God, she’s a geek.’
Tilly couldn’t tell if Maria was blushing. The concealer she eagerly applied to her face each morning meant she was always the same orange-tinted shade of beige.
‘Just point me in the right direction,’ Tilly pleaded. ‘I’m going to be late.’
‘Oh no, and the world will end!’ the brunette said with an overly dramatic gasp.
‘Why are you being mean?’ Tilly finally looked away from Maria. She instantly felt the sting of the cruel gaze her sister’s friends regarded her with.
‘Get lost, squirt.’
Tilly recoiled and looked at her sister in stunned surprise.
‘You heard me, get lost,’ Maria repeated.
Shaken, Tilly moved aside so her sister and her friends could stroll past. She could hear them laughing as they moved further down the corridor. Tilly leaned against the wall, feeling like she’d been pierced by an arrow to the chest. Why had Maria been so nasty? Why hadn’t she defended her? Why was everyone at Dullerton Secondary School so impossibly mean? With a trembling hand, she had no choice but to search for her map at the bottom of her backpack. She was going to be late; there was no escaping that now.
‘Bonjour, Mademoiselle Johnson!’ the slim French teacher exclaimed as Tilly skulked in through the door. She sensed the rest of the class swivel in her direction but she didn’t look at them.
‘Why are you late to my class?’ the teacher demanded, her words still holding a trace of her French accent.
‘I got lost,’ Tilly admitted. It was the truth, after all. She expected her teacher to laugh at her, taunt her for being so stupid. Instead, she waved a hand in Tilly’s direction, indicating for her to sit down.
‘It’s a big school,’ the teacher noted. ‘It takes some getting used to.’
Tilly sagged with relief. She’d been certain that she would receive another detention. She was so thankful not to be in trouble that she almost forgot about her unpleasant interaction with Maria.
‘So next week you’re going to start walking to school, is that OK?’ Tilly’s dad asked.
‘Yeah,’ Tilly nodded as she gazed out of the window. ‘That’s fine.’
‘I’m going to be on a different shift next month.’
‘It’s OK.’
‘I got something today that I think you’ll be excited about.’
‘Oh?’ Tilly shifted to look across at her father. He was smiling from behind the wheel. He hardly ever smiled to the point that when he did, it didn’t seem to suit him.
‘A guy at work was selling his old one off cheap,’ her father explained, still wearing an unfamiliar grin.
‘His old what?’
‘Computer.’
‘A computer?’ Tilly was smiling too. Computers were in schools, libraries, and other people’s homes. But now they had one! It meant she could actually type out her homework instead of writing everything out by hand.
‘Yep’ Her father’s smile widened to reveal teeth which were always slightly yellow due to years of chain smoking. ‘You girls have been begging me for one for ages! Well, your sisters have. Don’t get too excited. It’s an old model so it’s not that great, but I figured we’d be able to use it just the same.’
‘Dad that’s … that’s awesome!’ Tilly gushed.
‘Yeah,’ he was nodding in satisfaction. ‘I thought you’d be pleased.’
That evening, th
e computer received its grand unveiling. The family gathered in the dining room and stood around the table where a portion was concealed beneath a faded gingham cloth.
‘You can’t keep it here,’ Ivy told her husband sternly.
‘It’s just for the time being,’ Clive explained. Tilly could see the bulk beneath the table cloth and the dark cables which led from it towards the socket in the wall.
‘Yeah, Dad, we want it in our room,’ Monica said.
‘Yeah!’ Maria agreed. ‘It should be in our room.’
‘No!’ Clive snapped. ‘This computer is for everybody. Besides, I don’t want you sat up there in your room on face chat all the time.’
‘Facebook,’ Maria corrected.
‘The computer is primarily for homework.’ Clive was gesturing towards the bulge beneath the fabric, relishing his moment as ring master.
‘Well, can we at least see it?’ Ivy pressed him.
With a dramatic flourish, Tilly’s father pulled back the table cloth, revealing the aged machine.
‘What do you think?’ he asked his family.
Tilly looked at the computer, which did seem to be an older model than the ones she used at school. The base unit was on the floor and already omitting a low hum. On the table stood the large monitor and a keyboard where some of the keys had fallen off. But still, it was a computer.
‘Daddy, it’s great!’ Tilly clapped her hands excitedly.
‘Thanks, princess.’
‘Dad, it sucks,’ Monica pouted. ‘It’s so old. Does it even get the internet? What’s the download speed like?’
‘It’s all set up,’ her father told her proudly, ‘and password protected,’ he quickly added. ‘So don’t think you can go looking up anything inappropriate.’
Monica rolled her eyes and sighed.
‘Dad, we’re girls, we’re not going to jerk off to porn on it!’ Maria declared fiercely.
‘Language!’ Ivy snapped, casting a protective glance in Tilly’s direction.
‘She hears far worse at school, trust me,’ Monica stated.
‘You might want to show your dad a bit of gratitude,’ Ivy told her daughters, tentatively reaching for one of the chairs to lean against as though she were at risk of losing her balance. ‘This was an expensive investment for this family and he was thinking of you when he bought it.’
Monica was already walking out of the room but she turned briefly.
‘It’s a guilt gift, Mum, and you know why. You think buying this makes what’s happening OK?’
Tilly looked between her sisters, about to ask what a guilt gift was when Maria spoke up - ‘Thanks, Dad.’ but her words sounded forced.
Monica scowled before disappearing through the door.
‘At least someone’s excited.’ Clive tenderly placed a hand on Tilly’s shoulder. ‘Want to have a go?’
Tilly bounced up and down on the spot.
‘Yes please!’
‘I’m going first,’ Maria interrupted, placing herself down on the chair in front of it. ‘I’ve got homework to do,’ she explained with a sickly smile.
Tilly felt the air leave her lungs like a deflated balloon.
‘You can have a go later,’ her mother said softly, still leaning against the chair. ‘For now, why don’t you go and watch a DVD in the front room?’
‘I’m not grounded anymore?’ Tilly wondered warily.
‘No,’ Ivy smiled. ‘You’re not grounded anymore.’
‘Yes!’ Tilly bounded out of the room and sprinted up the stairs. She couldn’t wait to watch her movie.
The smell of dinner travelled through the house. They would be having lasagne. Tilly’s belly rumbled as she sat in front of the television, her head gazing in adoration at the film that was playing.
She was singing along with the inhabitants of the castle, who were welcoming their newest guest. The rumbles in Tilly’s tummy grew louder as she sung about the different delicious kinds of food. She was so preoccupied with the film that she didn’t hear the door from the dining room open.
‘Hey,’ Maria called out to her.
Tilly turned in surprise.
‘Sorry, was I being loud?’ She fumbled for the remote and lowered the volume on the television.
‘No.’ Maria shook her head. Most of her eyeliner had been rubbed away during the day so she looked fresh-faced. In the doorway, backlit by the dining room lights, she looked her age. There was only a year’s difference between Maria and Monica, which accounted for them being so close. Monica was fifteen and would celebrate her sixteenth birthday before the end of the year.
‘Come here, I want to show you something.’ Maria nodded towards the dining room. Tilly paused her movie and untangled her legs so she could follow her sister into the other room.
‘OK, sit down,’ Maria ordered, pointing at the chair in front of the computer. Tilly glanced at her but didn’t move.
‘Seriously, sit down. It’s all right.’
Silently, Tilly sat down. The computer was humming loudly like a rocket ship preparing to launch. Was that it? Maria had programmed it to go to the moon and take Tilly with it?
‘Right, look here.’ Maria came behind her to use the mouse. She clicked on a few icons and the screen became blue.
‘This is Skype,’ Maria explained. ‘I downloaded it.’
‘What does it do?’
‘It lets you chat to people who are far away. People like Josephine.’
Tilly blinked and pushed back her chair. She spun around to look at her sister.
‘Why would you want to help me chat to Josephine?’
Maria’s mouth drooped as she looked towards the kitchen where their mother was preparing dinner.
‘I’m just trying to do you a solid,’ she shrugged. ‘I was a jerk earlier. I should have helped you out.’
‘Why didn’t you?’
‘Because …’ Maria pushed a hand through her dark hair. ‘Because you don’t make it easy, Tilly. It’s like you’re dead set on not fitting in.’
Tilly’s eyes remained scrutinising.
‘Most people, all they want is to fit in.’ Maria crouched so they were at the same level. ‘They listen to the music everyone else likes, cut their hair in whatever style is fashionable. But you – you don’t care about that crap. You like what you like.’
‘What’s wrong with that?’
‘Nothing.’ Maria sighed and bit her lip. ‘It’s just … that’s not the way to be popular. It’s not the way to make friends. At school, it’s better to be part of the herd. Am I making sense?’
‘Like a sheep?’
‘Kind of, yeah.’
‘But I don’t want to be a sheep.’
‘I know, Tilly, I know. Look, maybe I’m not explaining myself very well. I’m sorry about today. I hope being able to talk with Josephine will make up for it. I know school has been tough. We’re just … we’re all going through some stuff right now.’
‘Are you a sheep?’ Tilly blinked at her sister.
‘Argh, see I didn’t explain myself very well. I’m not … well … maybe.’ Maria coughed and stood up. ‘I don’t make waves, Tilly, I put my head down and fit in. That way I don’t end up alone on a Saturday night.’
Tilly looked away, back towards the blue screen of the computer. What was so important about having plans on a Saturday night? It made no sense.
‘So, if you want to talk to Josephine you click here.’ Maria moved the mouse to the relevant button. ‘And if she’s online then boom! You’re talking.’
Tilly eyed the screen uneasily. It was difficult to believe that with the click of a button she could be looking at her best friend who felt a million miles away.
‘Thank you.’
‘It’s no problem, just … I’m going to be there for you more.’ Maria gave her shoulder a squeeze before leaving the room.
Tilly had to wait until after dinner to Skype Josephine. As everyone ate their lasagne her father interrogated Maria about what the pro
gramme actually was.
‘How do you know Tilly won’t be chatting to anyone?’ he demanded.
‘It doesn’t work like that, Dad,’ Maria assured him.
‘I mean, she might start being … what is it? “Made over”?’
Monica snorted.
‘Dad.’ Maria fought the urge to laugh. ‘You mean groomed. And anyway, Skype isn’t like that. You know who you’re talking to.’
‘Oh.’ Clive didn’t sound convinced.
‘I’ll sit and do some sewing while they chat,’ Mum offered helpfully.
‘Thanks.’ Tilly smiled but noticed that most of her dinner was still untouched.
‘Aren’t you hungry, Mum?’
Ivy blushed as she looked down at her plate. She caught her husband’s steely gaze and shook her head.
‘I’m just feeling a bit sick. It’ll pass.’
‘OK,’ Tilly said brightly as she finished off her lasagne.
It was almost eight o’clock when Josephine finally came online. This surprised Tilly as she knew her friend had her own laptop as well as an iPad. It felt surreal to have the computer ring out as though it were a telephone. At the other end of the table Tilly’s mother sat quietly, darning a few pairs of socks and pretending not to listen.
After several rings the blue screen was replaced by a close up of Josephine. Tilly felt her stomach twist in bittersweet joy.
‘Hi!’ Tilly waved enthusiastically at the black orb attached to the top of the screen which served as her webcam. Maria had advised her to talk directly into it instead of at the screen.
‘Tilly, hi!’ Josephine gushed.
‘I’ve missed you so much!’ Tilly told her.
‘Aw, I’ve missed you too.’
Tilly was smiling so much her cheeks were starting to ache but then she noticed something different about Josephine. At first she thought it was just the computer but now she was certain something had changed.
‘What happened to your hair?’
‘Oh, do you like it?’ Josephine was smiling, revealing the little dimples in her cheeks as she pulled on a strand of her long, dark hair. Previously she’d had such tight curls that she looked part poodle. But now all her hair was smooth and straight, like how Monica and Maria wore theirs.
