2
LARA got dressed in a pair of jeans, her black high heels and a silky halter-neck top in the prettiest cobalt, which matched her eyes. She only had to run a comb through her hair a few times to make it shine, and it fell down her back with a hint of a curl at the bottom. She’d decided to take advantage of Thursday late-night shopping and get a few things for Noah. One time she’d gone home, he’d worn a white shirt with fluoro squiggles to the pub, something he’d had since the late eighties. Just in case he still had that shirt, she thought she’d better get him a few others.
Within an hour, she’d bought him three T-shirts and two dress shirts. Noah’s size was easy. He was tall but had never changed from ‘scrawny’ so she knew she was safe with a medium. Noah could eat a horse every night and still look like he was starving. That was the Turner metabolism for you. His face came to mind, lean and tanned with brown eyes. She hoped he was getting his hair cut. Last time she’d seen him he’d resembled a shagpile rug. She’d forced him into a chair and cut it herself, horrified to find a few dreadlocks. ‘Surprised you didn’t get shorn at shearing time,’ she’d said.
Lara’s tummy began to rumble as she walked along the city streets; it was getting close to eight o’clock. The smell of sizzling steaks at a nearby restaurant wasn’t helping. She loved her meat, which she assumed came from her farm upbringing and her mother’s stews, roasts and barbecues. Tempted by the aroma, she headed into the restaurant with her bags slung over one arm and waited to be seated. It was cosy inside, with red and black bench seats along the wall. Low chandelier-style lights hung from the ceiling, giving the room a warm glow. Families were enjoying the start of their weekend time together. An elderly couple sitting in the corner held hands, and behind them a child dropped his fork on the floor. In the booth next to them was a tall man who caught Lara’s eye. She couldn’t mistake the way he tilted his head as he talked, and the immaculate style of his blond hair. Nic did love his hair products.
Lara looked for the clients he was taking out for dinner, but across the table were three kids, flicking peas from their spoons. She recognised them from photos Nic had shown her. He must have had a change of plans. Lara had heard all about his kids – how little Marcie was losing her teeth and Georgie was top in her class at maths, and not forgetting Tyler, who wanted to play football for the Eagles. She’d assumed one day the children would be a part of her life too and revelled in all the details Nic proudly shared. He hadn’t introduced her to them yet; he’d said he wanted to wait until next year, when they had got used to the separation. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t just say hi, as a colleague. She started to walk over to the table.
Another woman beat her to it. Lara stopped in her tracks. It was Emily, Nic’s wife. She was pretty, with long black hair like glossy silk sheets. Emily leant over as she sat down, and they kissed. It wasn’t so much the affectionate kiss that burnt Lara, but the way Nic lifted his hand to brush away Emily’s fringe. It was the same way he held her eyes in a caress for those few seconds, which felt like an eternity, and the way Emily gazed back at him with intense love. Lara felt the heat climb up her neck to her cheeks like the sting from an open-handed slap.
‘Excuse me,’ a waiter said. ‘A table for one or are you meeting someone?’
Lara felt herself tremble as she dragged her eyes away from the devastating scene. ‘Ah, no, I’m … fine. Thanks,’ she managed to squeak before pushing back through the door onto the street like a cat who’d been dunked in water.
In. Out. In. Out. She breathed heavily, her mind in a blur and her anger simmering below. To hell with him, she thought. Lifting her head and squaring her shoulders, she marched back into the restaurant, forced a smile onto her lips and stormed right up to his table.
‘Oh, why, hello, Nicolas. Fancy seeing you here,’ she said, as cheerfully as she could manage. She touched his shoulder, making sure to dig her nails in and get his full attention.
Nic coughed and reached for his wine glass while Emily glanced at Lara curiously.
‘Hi,’ Lara said to Emily and hoped the well-dressed woman couldn’t see the torment in her eyes. ‘I hope you don’t mind if I interrupt your lovely dinner, but I saw Nic and thought I’d better say hello.’
‘No, not a problem,’ Emily said warily. ‘How do you know Nic?’
Lara glanced at Nic, who’d been avoiding her gaze, perhaps hoping she might disappear if he didn’t look at her. Oh, how Lara would love to say exactly how well she knew Nic, but she couldn’t do it. Not to Emily and not in front of his kids. They deserved better.
‘Well …’ Lara started, waving her hand and trying to think of a reply.
‘Lara works in our building,’ Nic cut in quickly and smiled reassuringly at his wife. He turned to Lara, his eyes full of fear.
‘That’s right,’ Lara said, smiling at Nic, knowing she had done her job and unable to bear it any more. ‘Look, I have to rush off, but it was nice to see you all. I hope you enjoy your dinner.’
She strutted all the way to the exit. Once out the door, she staggered around the corner and fell into a bus-stop seat, deflated. Traffic whizzed past along the city street as she gazed at nothing, trying to digest what she’d just seen. Her heart was thumping so hard it ached and throbbed in her neck. Damn him, damn him, she wanted to scream. Tears finally welled up in her eyes as the reality sank in. She felt so stupid. A total joke. She had believed him. He’d told her time and again that it was over with his wife, but that – what she’d just seen – wasn’t over. That was not a couple keeping it together for the kids.
He’d lied to her about that, and about the so-called meeting tonight. Nic would never leave Emily, never. Lara was just his entertainment, a bit on the side. Oh, God – how long had he planned to string her along?
Tears rolled down Lara’s cheeks. She felt dirty, cheap and used. Well, there was no way she wanted him either, not like this. She wouldn’t ruin a marriage on purpose. Lara dragged her hand across her cheeks, wiping away her tears with force. Damn him to hell. She pulled out her phone and managed to call Mel.
‘Hey, Lara,’ said Mel.
‘Oh, Mel,’ Lara sobbed.
‘Lara? Are you okay? What’s wrong? You sound terrible.’
‘Nic’s been lying to me,’ Lara said between shaky breaths, fresh tears lining her face. ‘I don’t know what to do.’ She was more distraught at being deceived than at the thought of losing Nic. Right now she was repulsed by him.
‘Hang in there, Lara. I’ll call Anna and we’ll meet you.’
They organised to meet at the coffee shop just around the corner from where Lara was sitting.
With one last look towards the restaurant, Lara got up and headed down the street. Tears ran silently down her face with each shuddering breath. She felt like a silly teenager who’d been taken advantage of and lied to. As her heels clipped unsteadily along the street, she thought of the waste and the humiliation.
Twenty minutes later, the girls arrived.
‘Hey, sweetie,’ Mel said as she entered the cafe with Anna. Mel’s round face was slightly flushed and a pen was lodged behind her left ear. Lara plucked it out and Mel squeezed her in a tight hug.
‘I’m okay,’ she tried to reassure them.
Anna hugged her too before they all sat down and ordered coffees and cheesecake. Lara glanced at her friends. She’d instantly connected with Mel in boarding school, and Anna and Mel had been friends since primary school. Mel had lost her mum when she was fourteen so she knew how Lara had felt when she’d lost her own mother seven years later.
‘Thanks so much for coming,’ Lara said. ‘It must have been hard for you to get away from the kids, Anna. I really appreciate it.’
‘Of course we’d come,’ Anna said, reaching out to squeeze Lara’s hand. ‘Paul’s home with the kids, so everything’s fine. Now, tell me – what’s up? It sounds serious.’
Lara looked to Mel for help.
‘Nic’s been lying to Lara about what’s g
oing on at home.’
Slowly and painfully, Lara filled them in on how she’d seen Nic in the restaurant. She felt the tears welling up again and smiled when Mel passed her a napkin.
‘You really thought he’d leave her?’ Anna asked.
Lara nodded sadly. ‘I wouldn’t have stayed with him otherwise. He assured me it was all over. When we first met, he told me that he was separated. I believed him. I really thought we’d be together one day.’
‘I wish I could have seen you face him. God, I wish I had your balls, Larz,’ said Anna. ‘Are you sure they hadn’t just made up, or were putting it on for the kids?’
Lara slumped forward in her chair. ‘From where I stood, they looked very much in love. And his face had guilt written all over it when he saw me.’
‘I’m so sorry, Lara,’ Anna said. ‘That really sucks.’
‘That’s bloody men for you!’ Mel said as the waiter unloaded a big slice of cheesecake, three forks and three coffees into the middle of the table.
‘God, I hope not,’ said Anna, pulling up the sleeves on her mismatched tracksuit. She drooped over her coffee, wrapping both hands around the mug.
‘Sorry, Anna,’ said Mel. ‘Your Paul’s an exception.’
Anna sighed. ‘Probably not for long, the way we’re going.’
‘What do you mean?’ Lara asked.
Anna waved a hand over herself. ‘Well, look at me, for Christ’s sake. I feel like a slob next to you guys. I haven’t washed my hair in nearly a week, and my legs haven’t been shaved in months!’ She looked at Lara. ‘I still love him and I know he loves me but it’s just so hard these days. Paul used to have my undivided attention but now the kids get all that, and as for a sex life …’ Anna rolled her eyes and lowered her voice. ‘I’m just too exhausted. The last time we had sex was over a month ago and I was barely awake.’
Lara and Mel raised their eyebrows simultaneously.
‘It sounds scary, I know, but there’s nothing passionate about it any more. I’m just too tired. And men say they actually need sex …’
Lara leant in closer. ‘But Paul would never cheat on you, would he?’
Anna shrugged. ‘Who knows? I hope not. I should try to give him more attention, but it just never happens. Sex has become another chore that I feel like ticking off my list with the rest of them. But I still love him. I’m just hoping that once the kids are older, it will get better.’
Lara’s eyes were wide in shock. ‘Wow, and I thought the hard part was finding a partner. That it was all perfect once you got married.’
‘Sorry, girls,’ Anna said, laughing. ‘It’s not all doom and gloom. It’s also amazing and totally rewarding, and we love our kids to death. Gotta take the good with the bad, you know?’
‘Hmm, you two should get a babysitter and go out at least once a month to try to reconnect. I’ll come and watch the kids if you need me to,’ Lara offered. ‘I didn’t realise it was that hard.’
Anna squeezed her hand. ‘Well, then, I’ll definitely talk to Paul about it.’
Lara grinned at her friends but was distracted by the overwhelming shame that was still brewing in her belly.
‘Sweetie, what are you thinking?’ asked Mel, waving her hand in front of her friend’s eyes. ‘You’re staring off into space.’
Lara shook her head clear. ‘Oh, sorry. I just can’t believe it,’ she said. ‘Here I was thinking things were perfect for us. I’ve been so busy trying to get this promotion, but we did plan to spend more time together after that, so I could get to know the kids.’
‘Don’t worry about Nic. If he wanted to be with you already he would have found a way – wife or no wife. I’m sorry to be so frank, Lara, but you deserve much better. I always thought so, anyway.’
‘Me, too,’ said Mel.
‘Thanks, guys. Whatever would I do without you?’
‘Any time,’ Mel said, and Anna blew her a kiss across the table.
‘Hey, guess what?’ said Lara, remembering her other news. ‘I’m going home to Erindale for the weekend.’
‘Oh, wow. That’s great,’ said Mel. ‘Wish I was going with you but I’ve got another neutering to do on a dog.’
‘Mel, when are you not fixing up some cat or dog?’ Lara said, laughing.
Mel had been inspired to become a vet at the age of thirteen, when she’d come to the farm with Lara for a long weekend. She had been beside herself with all the animals – lambs and a pet kangaroo called Boing, chickens and Squawk the cocky. For a city girl, Mel took to them like a natural and declared before they left that she’d become a vet, especially after watching Lara’s mum save lambs all weekend. That was the first and last time Mel had ever come out to the farm. The following year her mother had died in a car accident and Mel had been the woman of the house ever since, looking after her younger brother and father.
‘So what’s prompted this visit home, then?’ Mel inquired. ‘Is work getting to you?’ She studied Lara like a protective mother. ‘You do work far too hard, you know.’
Lara let Anna’s last comment slide as she shook her head. ‘No, my brother wants to talk to me about something and it’d be nice to see my dog again. I should be back by Sunday night.’ Lara looked at them lovingly. ‘Thanks again, guys, for rushing to my aid. It was just a shock, you know …’ Tears prickled in her eyes.
‘You don’t need him.’
‘He’s so not worth it, Lara!’
‘You’re really better off without him.’
‘Shall we go on?’ Mel asked.
Lara smiled. Who needed men when you had great friends?
3
LARA clung to the bar on the back of the ute with her brother beside her. The wind rushed past her face, teasing her hair, and it brought the strong smell of eucalyptus in the warm evening air. Together they screamed the words to Alice Cooper’s song ‘Poison’. Lara was twelve and it was their favourite.
The ute slowed down as her dad began to drive through the sandy gully. Her mum poked her head out of the window, yelling, ‘Encore!’ Mum’s laugh was light and infectious. Lara watched, entranced, as her mum’s long, honey-blond hair swirled around her face and her green eyes sparkled like emeralds under sunlit water. She was the best mum in the world, who’d always have fun with them, whether they were out riding their motorbikes or playing games in the dirt outside the house. She’d help them build cubby houses in the bush and leave them to play, only to be back in twenty minutes with a picnic feast, and they’d light a fire and boil the billy and roast marshmallows.
Lara didn’t move or open her eyes as she lay awake between the cotton sheets, clinging to her vivid memories. She could still remember so much. The brightness of her mum’s green eyes and the smile that had always held Lara captivated. So alive and so real. Her heart ached with what it could no longer have. It was only at night that her parents came to her so lifelike and vibrant. She hated to admit it, but during the day they were harder to remember. In the city with her busy life it was almost possible to forget that they were gone. At times, she almost believed they were still running the farm back home. Sometimes it was easier just to pretend they were.
When the last wispy vision of her mum had floated away, Lara groaned and threw back the covers. She caught her naked self in the full-length mirror on the other side of her room. She didn’t look too bad for twenty-eight, in her opinion, considering she had a sweet tooth for Skittles and chocolate logs. Lucky her parents had been lean and tall. But sometimes her legs were annoyingly long and it could be hard to find a decent pair of jeans.
She shook out her blond hair until it unravelled down her back, almost to her waist. Her mum had had long hair and Lara had always envied it. She couldn’t bear the thought of cutting it off, as it felt like she’d be cutting off a part of her mum. Silly, she knew, but it helped her to remember her mum and she felt closer to her because of it. Lara squinted at the mirror. Her eyes looked puffy, their bright blue now resembling an overcast day. Too much crying made her
look like she’d been stung by a bee. ‘Looks like I’ll be wearing make-up to the farm today,’ she said to her reflection.
It was a few hours into her trip before the swelling began to fade. She couldn’t help the tears that had sprung up as she’d tried to fall asleep last night. Images of Nic’s tender touch on Emily’s face swirled around in her dreams, causing her to wake often. She’d been on the road by six and now, three hours later, after a bacon and egg toastie at the roadhouse for breakfast, she was just minutes from home. She felt butterflies in her belly and tingles on her skin, and the hair at the back of her neck prickled as the surroundings became more and more familiar.
Her blue Holden Commodore, Mildred – or Millie, as she was affectionately known – drove over the rough corrugated gravel with ease, as if she’d been driving here every day of her life. She was the car her parents had bought for Lara when she’d turned eighteen. Her mum had picked the name and it’d stuck. They didn’t get her a small city car as they wanted her to return to the farm as often as possible. So Millie it was, and she’d never missed a beat.
As much as her friends moaned about old Millie, Lara didn’t want to part with her. Maybe they expected a much newer car because of Lara’s job and salary, but Millie was simple and Lara knew how to check her oil and water. She had seen under the hood of the newer cars and had no idea where to even find the dipsticks.
The farm entry came into view. A rusty old yellow fridge was the only indication that the side road led to a farmhouse, but to Lara it meant so much more. It was the road home. The fridge had ‘Turner’ painted on it in red and was used to collect the mail and milk twice a week.
Lara’s stomach flipped as she turned Millie down the road. She could remember waiting by that fridge for the school bus to arrive when she was a kid. She and Noah would always play in the large salmon gum nearby until her mum yelled that the bus was coming. When they got older, they were allowed to ride their bikes the two kilometres to the bus, and when they were older still they’d take it in turns to drive the old red Mini. Driving down this road brought back so many memories, and such clear memories too – as if it were only yesterday that she’d done a hand-brake skid in the Mini down the driveway, causing Noah to hit his head on the dash. Lara smiled to herself. She missed her childhood. She sure missed having parents.
The Road Home Page 2
