She was still doodling when her phone buzzed.
‘Graham’s ready to see you, Lara,’ came Amber’s voice.
Adjusting her cream jacket, straightening her matching pencil skirt and checking her hair, Lara left her office and walked through the cubicles. Amber smiled up from her desk and gave her two thumbs up.
Her knuckles wrapped against the large jarrah door on the boss’s huge office and a gruff ‘come in’ sent her nerves into a spasm.
‘Morning, Mr Lent.’
Graham Lent sat behind his huge desk. He was dressed in a black suit and his grey hair was trimmed short, emphasising his large cauliflower nose. Always so immaculate. She’d never really got on too well with Graham, as he was quite stiff and blunt. But there was no doubting he knew his stuff and for that she’d give him plenty of kudos.
‘Lara, please take a seat.’
She did, crossing her legs and resting her hands on her knee.
‘As you know, Patrick and I have been discussing the senior position that has become available, and after great deliberations we have decided to offer you the position.’
‘Oh, thank you, Mr Lent,’ Lara replied with an automatic smile. She tried to let his words sink in but for some reason her mind was blank; she couldn’t seem to feel anything about the news.
Graham leant forward and continued. ‘Lara, what you have achieved in your time here is quite remarkable, especially in the current financial climate. You were the obvious candidate for the job, and Miles and Lent would like to offer you the following promotion.’
Graham slid over some papers outlining the particularities of her new salary and role. He kept talking as she stared at the black print. But her eyes couldn’t read any of it. It still wasn’t sinking in. Why did she feel so empty? This was everything she’d worked for and yet she felt nothing. If anything, she felt bereft.
Graham stood up, and she mimicked him blindly with the papers still clutched in her hand.
‘Now, if you don’t mind, I have to notify the other candidates that they’ve been unsuccessful.’ He held out his hand. ‘Well done, Lara.’
‘Thank you, Mr Lent,’ she said again, still feeling slightly numb. Not wanting to seem ungrateful, she smiled and added politely, ‘Thank you so much.’
She walked out on autopilot and went back to her office – the long way around so she didn’t have to pass Amber. She shut her door, put the job offer on her desk and moved across to her large window. She stared out into the CBD. It wasn’t supposed to feel like this. She should want to do cartwheels and open a bottle of bubbly. Instead, she felt like she’d been given a demotion.
Lara rested her forehead on the window and glanced up. This was the only way she could see past all the imposing buildings to make out the sky. It wasn’t much, but there it was – a tiny patch of blue. She pressed her fingers against the cool glass, searching for more, inching closer and not caring about the smudges on the window. Why did she feel a lump swelling in her throat? Why was it annoying her that she couldn’t see the whole sky? She remembered sitting on the back veranda with Noah and Amanda, watching the last of the sun set over the horizon. They could see the sky all around them, from horizon to horizon, in all its colours – blues, yellows, pinks and reds. Here she could scarcely make out a dull square of blue no bigger than a shoebox.
She suddenly felt like she was starved of oxygen. Where had all the air gone? An emotional wave rolled through her and she felt abruptly sick. Homesick. She missed the sky at Erindale and she missed the land, and she missed those bloody sheep Noah hated, and the dogs. For the first time in her life she asked herself what the hell she was doing here in this concrete jungle. She allowed her heart to speak and for the first time she realised how much it didn’t want to be here. This had never been her dream.
Wiping away a tear, she tore her eyes away from the speck of sky, grabbed her bag, keys and phone from her desk and headed for the door.
Amber was on the other side about to knock. ‘Oh, I was just coming to see you.’
‘Sorry, Amber. I’m heading off early. If anyone needs me, they can call my mobile.’
‘But what about the meeting? Did you get the job?’ Amber called after her.
‘It’s on my desk,’ Lara shouted back as she headed for the stairs, picking up her pace. She had to get out.
8
LARA drove Millie out of the city and towards South Perth. She went past the zoo, past the turn-off to her own place and took the road to the vet practice where Mel worked. It was time to unload some baggage and Mel had the perfect listening ears.
‘Hi, Doreen. Is Mel busy?’ Lara asked as she walked up to the receptionist.
Doreen glanced over her frameless glasses from behind the front desk and smiled. ‘No, she’s just waiting for her next appointment out the back.’
‘Thanks.’ Lara headed past the shelf of dog food and fancy pet collars to the back entrance. She paused by the door of the next room and headed inside. Dogs whined in their pens so Lara went to pat each one, talking softly to them.
‘You’ll get them all worked up,’ warned Doreen from the doorway.
Lara felt her cheeks glow red as she shut the door on a beagle’s pen, but she saw Doreen smile before she left.
Lara headed past the operating room and into the staff room. Mel was at the table dunking a chocolate biscuit into a coffee cup. Her auburn hair was back in a loose bun.
‘Is the kettle hot?’ Lara asked, causing Mel to spill her coffee.
‘Jeez, Lara!’ She shook the liquid off her hand. ‘Yeah, I’ve just made a cup. Help yourself.’
Lara went to the sink and put some coffee in a cup. ‘So, you’re not busy today?’
‘Nah. For some reason, Tuesdays are slow. Not that I mind. It’s nice to have enough time to scratch oneself, like the proverbial dog.’
Lara sat down opposite Mel, who slid the packet of biscuits over.
‘You’ve seen the dogs again, haven’t you,’ Mel said, pointing to the black hairs on Lara’s cream suit and shaking her head. ‘What the hell are you doing here at this time of day, anyway?’
‘Come to see you?’
‘Um … shouldn’t you be at work?’
Lara winced at her words.
Mel’s eyes bulged and her mouth dropped. ‘Oh my God. What happened? Didn’t they give you the job? But I thought you were a shoo-in!’ She rested her hand on Lara’s arm.
‘No, Mel. It’s not that. I got the job.’
‘Oh, good for you … I think. I mean, why do you look like you ran over a cat?’ Her eyes grew large. ‘You didn’t run over a cat, did you?’
Lara laughed. ‘No, Mel. I’m just feeling so out of sorts. When I found out I’d got the job, I was … I didn’t … I don’t know. Let’s just say I wasn’t as enthusiastic as I thought I’d be.’
‘Oh. So, what’s going on in your head, Larz? Are you okay?’
Lara searched her mind, body and soul for the answer to Mel’s question. Was she fine? ‘I don’t know. I don’t know what I want any more. I don’t think I want this life. I certainly don’t want that job.’ Lara gave half a smile. ‘I don’t think I really ever liked doing that job,’ she blurted and then took stock of herself. ‘Wow, now there’s a lot of truth I never realised before.’
‘Why the hell were you doing it, then, if you didn’t even like it?’ Mel’s brow creased with worry.
‘I don’t know. I thought it was what I wanted …’ Lara pulled a face of utter bewilderment.
‘Aw, Larz. It doesn’t matter. Your mum would be proud of you no matter what you did with your life. I don’t think she’d care if you didn’t have a flash career. She’d be more upset to know you weren’t happy.’
Lara rubbed her hand over her face, trying to clear her mind.
‘I know you probably feel like you’re letting her down – believe me, I’ve felt the same – but Dad made me realise that Mum would have loved me no matter what. We owe it to them to be happy. That’s a
ll they’d truly want.’ Mel bit her lip. ‘I think after your mum died you took it upon yourself to succeed for her, regardless of what you wanted,’ she said carefully.
‘I just feel so … lost. Like the last few years have been a waste,’ Lara said, playing with her biscuit.
‘You have your whole life ahead of you, Lara. It’s not the end of the world. You have so many options – you’re strong, determined, and I know you’ll succeed at whatever you do. You could pick up a job with another company in a second.’
‘Nah. Maybe you and I should go on a trip overseas together? A big holiday would help,’ said Lara dreamily.
‘Yes, but then who’d look after my brother?’
‘Come on, Mel. He’s twenty-three and believe it or not, he’ll survive without you. It’s time to cut the apron strings. Let him move out to his own place and let him deal with his own studies. He’s a big boy.’
Mel rolled her eyes. ‘I hear you, but —’
‘Just not yet,’ Lara finished for her. It was always the same reply.
‘So, what are you going to do now?’ said Mel, steering the conversation back to Lara. ‘Wanna be my assistant?’
‘Ha. I don’t think Doreen would like that. No, I’ve realised I don’t want to be in the city any more. Being back on the farm made me see what I’ve been missing. I think I want to go back, and besides, I have some stuff to sort out for Noah.’
‘Oh, yeah?’ said Mel, taking a big breath. ‘Tell me how that all went? How’s Noah?’
‘Still getting married,’ Lara replied sympathetically.
‘Bugger.’ Mel grinned. ‘Find any other guys worthy enough for me?’
‘Jack.’ Lara said his name before she thought about him.
‘Noah’s mate?’
‘Yeah. How’d you know?’
‘Come on, Lara. You told Noah to ring me with any vet problems. Don’t you remember pimping me out after I graduated? He rang late last year, when Jack’s dog had been run over.’
‘Really? What happened?’ Lara sat forward, grasping her nearly empty cup.
‘His dog was in a bad way. Jack ended up putting him down.’
‘Oh, how sad.’ Lara thought of Roy and Dippa and longed to see them again.
‘So, is Jack as sexy as he sounds on the phone?’
‘Yeah, he’s all right. All dark and mysterious. Got a real badboy look about him,’ said Lara. A flush ran under her skin to her cheeks as she remembered his electric winter-green eyes.
‘Jeez, he’s certainly got you all flustered.’
‘Ha ha. The coffee’s hot, you know. Why don’t you have the aircon turned on? Its thirty-eight degrees outside.’
Mel smiled. ‘So, what did Noah want to talk to you about? It sounded important.’
Lara felt her body tense with a weird sense of sadness. ‘He wants to sell the farm.’
‘What! Oh, no. That is big news. He can’t do that! What are you going to do?’
A bird flew past the window and Lara’s mind went back to Erindale and all the wildlife, the space. ‘I don’t know, Mel. I don’t want to lose the farm but I can’t see myself coming up with a way out of it unless I run it myself,’ she said with a snort.
‘Why not do that, then?’
‘I’d love to, but it’s ridiculous. As if I could.’
‘Sure you can. You grew up on that farm. God, I’d kill for an opportunity like this. If that was my farm, I’d never have left.’
Lara tried not to let Mel’s words irk her. She knew Mel wasn’t having a go at her, just stating the truth. ‘Yeah, well, I never really had a choice. That’s just how it was. Anyway, it’s all too hard at the moment. I need to go back to my house and unwind.’ She wondered if Noah would even let her come back and run the farm. Would he think it was a stupid idea?
‘What about Nic?’
‘Nic who?’
‘Poor Lara. You’ve just copped the bloody lot, haven’t you?’ Mel took their empty cups to the sink before putting her hands on Lara’s shoulders and giving them a rub. She had long, strong fingers, pale like the rest of her, with the odd freckle. But it was Mel’s round face that Lara cherished the most, with her massive smile and two little dimples.
‘Go home, have a long hot bath and open some wine.’
‘Hmm, now that sounds like a plan,’ Lara murmured, starting to relax at last.
Nic’s Holden Statesman came into view as Lara pulled up at her house. The long hot bath was looking like a fizzer.
She headed for the door with her key at the ready, all set to barge past him, get inside and shut the door without speaking a word. Simple as that, she told herself between deep breaths.
She found him sitting against the cream bricks by the door, his head resting in his hands. Not looking like such a hotshot now.
‘Lara! Oh, God. Where have you been? Why haven’t you returned my calls? I’ve been worried sick,’ he said, springing to his feet.
She opened the door and tried to shut him out, but he pushed inside and shut the door for her. He reached out and held her by the arms.
‘What’s going on? Where have you been? Just let me explain, please.’
‘What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at work?’ Her voice was flat.
‘I went to see you at work and Amber said you’d left. What the hell is going on?’
Lara tried to keep her emotions in check. She tried not to look at his handsome face, the one that had deceived her.
‘Lara, look at me!’ he demanded.
She regretted it as soon as she saw his eyes, so full of hurt and confusion. She wondered if she saw love there too.
‘Tell me – are you ever really going to leave your wife, Nic? You’ve been lying to us both.’
‘Baby, I love you. It’s not like that.’
She laughed and it sounded sinister, even to her own ears. With a deadpan look she asked, ‘Do you still love Emily?’
Nic drew in a shaky breath.
‘Don’t lie to me, Nic.’
He opened his mouth, then closed it again. He nodded slowly. ‘Yes, I still love her, because she’s the mother of my kids. For that reason I will always love her.’
Lara wanted to yell ‘not good enough!’ but deep down a part of her wanted to believe him. Nic touched her face. She flinched.
‘Lara, baby, I love you passionately. You can’t tell me that what we have isn’t special.’ His hands moved to her shoulders. His thumbs rubbed gently as the heat in his eyes melted her heart. ‘I will leave Emily; I need to be with you. When I couldn’t get in touch with you, it just about killed me. I didn’t know if you were dead, hurt or missing. You need to understand how much I love you.’
Nic wrapped Lara in his arms. She let herself relax while he kissed her neck up to her ear, remembering the way he could make her feel. Nic pulled back and planted a passionate kiss on her lips. She felt her fires ignite and kissed him back.
‘We need each other,’ he murmured against her lips. ‘You can’t fight what we’ve got.’ He brushed her hair back with his finger. It was a gesture she’d once loved, but seeing Nic do the same with Emily had ruined its meaning. It now made Lara sick. She went rigid and Nic pulled away, confused.
‘We haven’t got anything,’ she told him. ‘You have a wife and until that ring is legally off your finger, don’t bother coming here any more.’
‘Lara, come on. Don’t do this,’ Nic begged, trying to caress her face, but she slapped his hand away.
‘Actually, just don’t come back ever. It’s over, Nic. I can’t trust you now and I’ll never trust you again.’ All of a sudden, Nic looked ugly to her. The way he’d used her and then tried to win her back with a kiss. She felt repulsed by him and repulsed by her own reaction to him. She couldn’t believe she’d just kissed him. ‘You need to go,’ she said, reaching behind him and opening the door.
Nic stood firm but Lara latched onto his arm and pushed him out the door. ‘Go, Nicholas. You’re not wanted here. Don’t come
back again or I will tell Emily everything.’
His face flicked from anger to fear just before she slammed the door shut.
‘Come on, Lara,’ he said through the door. ‘What we have is love.’ Lara locked her door as the tears began to overflow. ‘Lara, please.’
‘I will ring her, Nic. Don’t push me. Now leave,’ she growled.
The door shook as he kicked it. A moment later, she heard his car start up. With a wail, Lara slid down the back of the door to the floor. Tears dripped onto her skirt and her shoulders shook with more sobs. Today had been the worst day ever.
A few minutes later, she pushed herself up, made it to the tissue box, and blew her nose. Now what was she going to do? She wanted to be anywhere but here. Lara sat on her couch and stared out the window into the backyard. The leaves from the lilac tree swayed with the breeze. Her mind whirled and the minutes ticked into hours. In all that time, one thing stood out in her mind.
Erindale.
Home. Big blue skies welcoming her. Those thoughts warmed her heart.
Would it kill her to attempt to run it? It couldn’t be that hard, surely? The more the idea ran in her head, the more it seemed like the right option. Erindale was calling to her. The thought of going home began to fill her with a sense of pride and peace as well as a nervous energy that picked her heart up out of the rubbish bin. Without realising it, her hand reached for her phone and dialled Noah’s mobile.
‘Hey, sis!’ His voice was bright and bubbly, and she struggled to hear him over the shed music and hum of the motors.
‘Hey, Noah,’ she shouted down the phone. ‘We need to talk.’ ‘Lara? What’s going on?’ Noah headed outside the shed where it was quieter.
‘Noah, what would you say if I said I wanted to come back and run the farm? I can sell the house in Perth and give you all that money towards the farm if you like. It will be a substantial amount. And after a while, if I can manage, will you put my name on the title deeds? Erindale means too much for us to give up and sell it. I just can’t let that happen, Noah.’
The Road Home Page 6
