by Olivia Gates
She plucked Leo from his high chair, hooked him on her hip and smiled at him indulgently as he yammered in his usual gibberish, enthusiastically pointing out things all the way to the door.
Though she walked very slowly, feeling if she went any faster she’d fall flat on her face, Maksim didn’t ring the bell again. She could imagine him, patiently waiting for her to answer the door. Maybe even expecting her not to. And with every step the temptation rose. To renege on her word, to ignore him until he went away for good.
But she couldn’t do it. She only hoped he’d quench his curiosity, or whatever it was that made him want to see Leo. In a worst-case scenario, if he asked for a role in Leo’s life, what he’d discarded before Leo was born, she’d be willing to negotiate. She really hoped he’d end up wishing not to be involved.
Drawing a breath, she smiled down at Leo once more, holding him tighter as if to prepare him for this meeting that she feared would change his life forever.
Then she opened the door.
Maksim towered across the threshold, his sheer physical presence and size overwhelming her as it always did. He looked as if he’d had as sleepless a night as hers, haggardness making him even more hard-hitting to her senses. He was wearing light clothes for the first time ever, light beiges and cream, and it only made his gorgeousness overpowering.
She felt his agitation, but not because he was exhibiting it. He was containing it superbly, emanating equanimity, to observe Leo’s acute response to moods. His eyes met hers briefly. Resignation at her rejection tinged their gold, along with the intensity that always made her every nerve burn. Then his eyes moved to Leo. And what came into them...
If she’d thought he’d looked moved when he’d beheld the sleeping Leo, now that he met his son’s eyes for the first time, what stormed across his face, radiated from him was...indescribable. It was as if his whole being were focused on Leo, every fiber of him opening up to absorb his every nuance.
And Leo was looking back. As rapt, as riveted.
He wasn’t used to other people, seeing even her family infrequently. With strangers, he usually buried his head in her bosom, watching them like a wary kitten from the security of her embrace. Leo had been his most uncertain around Aristedes, the most intimidating person he’d ever seen, until he’d gotten used to him. He should have reacted most unfavorably to Maksim, as he was even more daunting than Aristedes.
But it was just the opposite. His fascination with that huge, formidable, unknown being who was looking at him as if nothing but him existed in the world was absolute. It was the first time he’d reacted this openly, this fearlessly to anyone. It was as if he felt Maksim was different from everyone else. To him. She could almost taste their blood tie. It emanated from each of them, its influence instant and inextricable.
Suddenly, Maksim moved closer, intensity crackling from his eyes, making her instinctively press against the wall. When this squeezed a high-pitched gurgle from Leo, she rubbed her son’s back soothingly and opened her mouth to tell Maksim not to test Leo’s uncharacteristic acceptance.
Next second Leo squeaked again, but it was an unmistakable sound of delight this time. Then his six-toothed smile broke out.
Her nerves fired in surprised, agitated relief. But that was nothing to that smile’s impact on Maksim. He looked as if a breath would blow him off his feet as he looked down at Leo’s rosy-cheeked grin.
Then, as if touching priceless gossamer, he reached a hand that visibly shook to feather a caress down Leo’s expectant face. Though he’d touched him before, it had been while Leo had been unaware. Now that same gesture, with Leo’s sanction, became momentous. She watched it as it was given, received, felt as if a bond was being forged right before her eyes, felt caught in its cross fire, in the density of its weave, tangled in its midst.
“Bozhe moy, Caliope, how did I never notice how astounding children are? Or is it really because he’s our son that I think him such a miracle?”
Her heart quivered at the ragged wonder in his voice, the agonized delight gripping his face. The hushed reverence in which he’d said “our son.”
She had no words to answer his question, which wasn’t one really, just this spontaneous venting of wonder she’d so many times longed to share with him. He was doing it with her now.
“Can I hold him?”
The rough, tentative whisper had tears squeezing out from her very essence.
It was as if he was asking for something so huge, he had little hope he was truly worthy of it. Yet he still braved asking, even as he looked as if he feared it was tantamount to asking her to relinquish a vital organ to him.
She shook her head as he turned his eyes to her. “It’s not up to me. If he allows it, you can.”
Maksim nodded as his reddened eyes tore from her face to Leo’s, asking his baby for the privilege of his trust.
“Can I hold you, moy malo Leonid?”
My little Leonid. He talked to him as if he’d understand, at least the gentleness in his entreaty.
Next second, Maksim’s sharp inhalation synchronized with hers. Leo held out his arms, hands opening and closing, demanding him to hurry and do what he’d asked for.
Maksim looked down on his hands, as if not sure what to do with them, before he swallowed audibly, raised his eyes to Leo and reached out to him.
A shudder shook through Maksim’s great body as Leo pitched himself into his arms, as he received the little resilient body with such hesitancy and agitation.
A whimper escaped her. Leo hadn’t hesitated, hadn’t needed her encouragement before he threw himself at Maksim. Leo had recognized him. There was no other explanation.
Then she saw what snapped her control. Tears filling Maksim’s wolf’s eyes, accompanying a smile she’d never thought to see trembling on his lips, one of heartbreaking awe and tenderness. Her tears wouldn’t be held back anymore.
They arrowed down her cheeks as she leaned against the wall so she wouldn’t collapse, watching this meeting unfold between the two people who made up her world. Both father and son were so alike, so absorbed in their first exposure to each other, she felt her heart would shatter with the poignancy of it all.
Maksim held Leo with one arm, his other hand skimming in wonder over him. Leo allowed it all, busy exploring his father in utmost interest, groping his face, examining his hair and clothes. Maksim surrendered to his pawing, looking more moved with every touch than she had thought possible.
In the past, she’d never imagined this meeting would come to pass, so had never had any visualization of it. Even when she’d promised to let Maksim see Leo last night, she’d refused to anticipate his reaction, let alone Leo’s. Any projection would have created dread or expectation, and she hadn’t been able to deal with either. But this surpassed anything she could have come up with, couldn’t be as transient as she’d hoped. It certainly wouldn’t end here, at her door.
So she whispered, “Come in, Maksim.”
* * *
Caliope had given Rosa, Leo’s nanny, the day off in anticipation of Maksim’s visit. Not that she’d thought he’d stay more than an hour or two. He’d again defied all her expectations.
In those two hours, he’d lost his inhibitions around Leo, made himself at home in her private domain and slotted effortlessly in her routine with her baby. The rest of the day flowed in a way she couldn’t have dreamed of, in increasing ease and enjoyment.
There were many moments of tension throughout the day, seething with suppressed sensuality, but Leo’s presence relieved those, his avid delight in Maksim drawing both of them back to the unit they formed around him.
Every now and then, Cali realized she was bating her breath. Expecting something to go wrong, to fracture the harmony that reigned over their company. But nothing did.
Maksim was at first uncertain what to do excep
t let Leo do whatever he pleased with him. She soon had to warn him that he should firmly yet gently stop Leo if he went too far or demanded too much. Her son was still testing his boundaries, and he must be taught the lines he should never cross. Even with Maksim passing through their lives, she wouldn’t have him upset the balance she’d gone to so much effort to establish, even if he didn’t mean to.
Expecting Maksim to argue, he surprised her by bowing eagerly to her directive and doing everything to implement it.
She found herself looking at him so many times during the day, wondering how he could have ever feared himself. She couldn’t imagine him being anything but that stable, indulgent, endlessly patient entity. Had his father ever possessed any of those qualities, and then lost them?
She couldn’t believe that. Someone so volatile could never feign or experience such stability even for limited times. With every moment that passed, she became certain of one thing: whatever else he was, Maksim was not his father’s son.
Leo on the other hand, was that and then some. She began to see even more similarities than those that had tormented her during the past year. Facial expressions, head tilts, glances, even grins— Now she saw actual ones from Maksim.
And Maksim was something else, too. An incredibly quick study. In doing anything for Leo, he obeyed her instructions to the letter and carried them out meticulously. Then came diaper-changing time.
He insisted on accompanying her for the unpleasant chore, stood aside watching her intently. A few hours later when that chore had to be repeated, he insisted on relieving her of it. Believing he’d balk at the...reality of Leo’s diaper, she was again stunned as she watched that force of nature changing it without as much as a grimace of distaste, and with the earnestness and keenness that she’d seen him employ in negotiating multibillion-dollar business deals.
In between, he’d jumped into the fray to do everything for Leo. Even when she started doing something for Leo by force of habit, it was Leo who stopped her, demanded that his new adult slave do it instead.
She more than once began to tell Maksim to temper his enthusiasm, that he’d soon burn out at this rate. But every time she had to remind herself that it wouldn’t hurt to let him indulge the novelty. Which wouldn’t last long...
After feeding Leo the dinner she’d taught him how to prepare, he sat down on the ground with his son and let him crawl all over him, like a lion would let his cub.
Soon, Leo started to lose steam until he climbed on top of Maksim and promptly fell asleep on his chest.
Maksim lay there unmoving, unable to even turn his eyes toward her as she sat on the couch inches away from him.
Her lips twitching, even as her throat closed yet again, she took pity on him. “You can move. Nothing could wake him up now.” When he didn’t answer, she talked in an exaggeratedly loud whisper, “You can talk, you know?”
His whisper was barely audible. “Are you sure?”
“Certain. After six months of sleeping in fifteen-minute increments, until I thought I was destined for the insane asylum, he started sleeping like a log through the night.”
He still whispered, “You mean I can rise and take him to bed and he still wouldn’t wake up?”
“You can juggle him in the air and he wouldn’t wake up.”
It was still a while before he risked moving, and he still did it with the same caution he would employ defusing a bomb. It was so funny—especially since it seemed beyond him to do anything else—it had her dissolving in laughter.
He at last did rise, but still walked in slow motion all the way to Leo’s cot, with her giggling in his wake.
But with the click of the door of Leo’s room, she was dragged back to the terrible reality. That Maksim was here temporarily, that she had refused anything more with him for the best of reasons. And that she was on fire for him...and he clearly felt the same. She could feel his eyes boring into her back, his hunger no longer kept in check by Leo’s presence.
And she had to deny them both.
He followed her in silence to the door, not even saying good-night as he exited her apartment.
She shook with relief and disappointment as she started to close the door, but he turned, his eyes the color of cognac as they brooded down at her.
“Can I have another day, Caliope?”
Her heart jumped with eagerness. But she couldn’t heed it. She had to say no. It was the sane thing to do.
Today had come at a bigger price than she’d expected, the day’s perfection the worst thing that could have happened to her. Another day together would definitely compound the damages.
But this man, who stood imploring her for another day with his child, had already lost so much—and continued to live with such pain and uncertainty. She’d always known Maksim could be trusted with her, and he’d proved that he could be trusted with Leo. She’d already told him a final no to anything between them. But Leo was his child, and he hadn’t abandoned him as she’d believed.
Anyway, the perfection was bound to falter. Leo was a handful, was bound to wear him out. Maybe not in another day, but soon. And when Maksim pulled back to the position he’d originally wanted to occupy in his life, Leo would be too young to remember his transient closeness for long.
She’d be the one wrestling with need and dread. But how she felt wasn’t reason enough to deny him his child, for as long as he needed to be close to him.
Fisting her aching hands against the need to reach out and drag him back in, she nodded in consent.
He still waited, needing a verbal affirmation.
Knowing she was going to pay for this in heartache but unable to do anything else, she whispered, “Yes.”
Five
Cali had given Maksim the day he’d asked for.
But there had been one problem. He’d asked for another.
She’d granted him that, too, promising herself it would be the last. But she’d ended that day by agreeing, breathlessly, to let him be with them yet another day. Then another. And another.
Now it was ten weeks later. And Maksim had become a constant and all-encompassing presence in her and Leo’s lives.
And with every passing minute she’d known she was causing them all irreparable damage by letting this continue. But she hadn’t been able to put a stop to it, to go back to her status quo before Maksim’s return.
She hadn’t been happy, but she’d been coping well. But with Maksim sharing in Leo’s day-to-day life with her, shouldering everything she allowed him to and offering more than she’d ever dreamed possible, she realized how much she’d been missing out on. She feared that his...completion was already indispensable.
She knew she’d always have the strength to go it alone if need be. But she no longer wanted to be alone, couldn’t bear to think how it had felt when she had been, or to imagine how it would be again if she lost Maksim.
And she had to face it. She was insane. For letting him invade and occupy her being and life again. And now that of Leo, who woke up every day expecting to see Maksim, and more often than not going to sleep in his arms. She kept placating herself that no matter how dependent on his presence Leo had become, he was far too young to be affected in any permanent way if Maksim was no longer there for any reason.
But where she was concerned, it was already too late.
Even if Maksim was gone tomorrow, she had dealt herself an indelible injury with these ten weeks in his company.
Though she hungered for him with a ferocity that had her in a state of perpetual arousal, without the delirium of their sexual involvement, she was levelheaded enough to appreciate so much more about him than ever before. She constantly discovered things about him that resonated with her mentally, commanded her respect for the man and human being, when previously she’d only had esteem for the businessman. He’d told he
r he was discovering those things about himself right along with her.
He, too, hadn’t imagined he could possibly be with her without touching her, that he could be satisfied with just talking to her, discussing everything under the sun, agreeing on every major front. Even when they argued, it was stimulating and exhilarating, and he never tried to browbeat her into adopting his views or attempted to belittle hers. He listened more than he talked, seemed to like everything she had to say and admired all her choices and practices, whether in business or with Leo.
And she regularly found herself wishing he didn’t, wishing he antagonized her or exasperated her in any way. How could she break free when he was being this all-around wonderful? She’d rather he started overstepping his limits and infringing on her comfort zones. It would be so much better if he became obnoxious or entitled. Or just anything that gave her reason to fear his existence in her life or to instigate a confrontation where she could cut him off.
But damn him... He didn’t.
Worse still, it was no longer only her and Leo who’d been snared in his orbit. Her family and friends had entered the unsolvable equation, too.
Yeah, she’d told them. She’d had to. There’d been no hiding his presence in her life this time.
When pressed for details, she’d only said that they’d had an affair, he’d been involved in a serious accident and the moment he was back on his feet he’d come to see Leo.
Even with this dry account, their reactions to unmasking Maksim as Leo’s father had been varied and extreme.
The women were stunned, delighted—not a little envious—and confused. They considered Maksim the catch of the millennium and couldn’t imagine how she wasn’t catching him, when he seemed to be shoving himself in her grasp.
The men thought she was plain bonkers that she wasn’t already Mrs. Volkov, or at least putting the Volkov tag on Leo.
Selene, who had her own millennial catch and a similar history with him, thought it was only a matter of time before Maksim and Cali reached their own happy ending. It was Kassandra who had the most astute reading of the situation, convinced that there was so much more to the situation than her friend was letting on.
