“Yes, you were being an ass,” I agreed.
“It’s just,” he went on, pacing left and right in the hall, “I... we... me and you... you and Singer... this whole thing is driving me nuts.” He took a deep breath and asked directly, “Are Singer and you, like, more than just friends or something? And what is this THING between us?”
I felt like the butterflies wanted to burst from my belly. I took my time answering, “Well... Singer wrote me a letter, he left it under my door yesterday. It was really sweet, actually. He made it very clear that he wants to be more than just friends... but I haven’t given him an answer yet. So, no, we’re not together. As for this THING between us...” I hesitated, “Look, I don’t know, okay? I have feelings for the both of you. I know that it’s egotistical of me and it’s not fair to either of you... That’s why I haven’t said or done anything about it. The truth is, I’m afraid... I’m scared shitless...” My heart was racing.
Ranger looked deep into my eyes and it was like he could see right through me, for the very first time. He took a step towards me, placed his hands softly on either side of my face and just... kissed me. And I kissed him back. It was my first ever kiss... and as lame as it sounded, it felt AWESOME. His lips were soft and warm. It felt so right... No, it felt perfect. But then I thought of Singer and pulled away. It wasn’t right at all, it was all wrong.
“Ranger,” I whispered confused, “I... I’m sorry, but I can’t... not like this... I...”
“You need to settle things with Singer first,” he noted.
I nodded.
He smirked and said, “That’s cool, I can wait.” He kissed my forehead. “Goodnight, Dana.”
He left and I went back inside. I wanted to scream, cry and laugh all at once.
Entry 11
March 17th, 47
A formal complaint
I’m starting to get the feeling that things are getting out of control here in Harptown...
There really is going to be an election after all. They set the date for April, 20th. People have been arguing all around town, in the streets and at the cafeteria. I heard a fight broke out yesterday, between some of the farmers and a group of hunters. No one got hurt, thankfully, but it looks like tensions are only going to get higher from here on in.
Mr. Harper has already started campaigning, going around talking with people, trying to gain their support. At least he’s fighting. But so is the head of the guards, Captain Godric. A lot of people seem to think he’s the man who should be in charge. And, by the look on his face, I think he agrees with them. To be fair, he doesn’t look like a complete asshole, but... looks can be deceiving. And we all know the guards have an agenda. They’re not talking about equal rights for everyone, they talking about rewarding the best contributors. It’s such bullshit, veiling their real intentions like that. I hate politics. I also hate having to have that talk with Singer, about his letter.
Yesterday, I meant to speak with him, but I lost my nerve every time. After breakfast, I told myself I’d get around to it by lunchtime. At lunch, I ended up pushing it back to dinner. The day went by and I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him... Truth is, I’m terrified. Will he really continue to be my friend, when he learns about Ranger? CAN he? Because, I think I kinda decided to give it a shot with Ranger... Or have I? I’m not even sure if it’s a good idea... I dunno... Singer’s great with Xandy and he’s been a real help in town... but Ranger’s a great hunter and was really helpful rescuing Stone... Am I overthinking it? Should I go with my gut? Or should I take a step back and think it through? I still don’t know... Today was more of the same, I dodged them both, whenever I saw them. I’m pathetic. I feel trapped, suffocated. I’m even having trouble focusing on the hunting trials.
At least, with all that political stuff going on, my hunting trials are going by pretty much unnoticed. This morning, we started the fourth and final round and took half of the guys on the list out on their first real hunting trip... Philly, Greg and the Flint brothers. Mouse and Lexa accompanied me as evaluators, but I had to tell Buba to stay in town. There weren’t enough bikes for everyone. Mouse had managed to get some older bikes into working order, but that got us up to seven. Buba was disappointed, but he understood. As for the entrants, everyone followed orders and kept out of trouble, even Greg. Actually, I was quite impressed with him, he was the most disciplined of the bunch. I had told them to call me Captain. As much as I hated it, I needed them to understand that I was the one in charge... I’m such a hypocrite, it’s embarrassing. Instead of paying attention to their hunting runs, I kind of spaced out a few times, thinking of Singer and Ranger. Lexa and Mouse both noticed it and covered for me. In the end, the entrants shot down two or three wild chicken each. Those stupid birds weren’t really that hard to hunt, but it was food on the table and that’s what counts.
At lunch, all the entrants went to eat with us. I used them as shields, keeping the boys away. Meanwhile, the table was full of friendly provocations. The first four knew they had done well and made a point of letting the others know. Thankfully, no one took it the wrong way. Somehow, they had all grown quite close, even if they were competing against each other. At the back of my mind, I was already dreading having to crossing out names from that list. I think the truth is, with a little training, they could all become efficient hunters. In the afternoon, we went out with the other half, Mimi, Nelly and Lennard. Before we could head out though, Mr. Harper showed up at the hut... as if I didn’t have enough on my place as it was.
He was very kind, inspecting our hut and inquiring about our needs. I didn’t even ask for anything, but he promised to improve our situation, should he be elected. He was a politician after all. His visit gave me hope though. Mr. Harper is giving it his all. I was more than ready to support him anyway, but now I feel like he could really win. Captain Godric hasn’t come by to ask for our support. Of course, the hunters, who support him, must be trying to get bowhunting banned altogether. When Harper was gone, we geared up and went to out hunting again.
- - - - - - - - -
If anything, lunch time had sparked a rivalry between the morning team and the afternoon team. It wasn’t just Mimi. Lennard and even Nelly looked like they were out to destroy the morning team’s performance.
“Now remember,” I warned them, as we got to the front gates, “while on duty, you will address me as Captain. This outing is all about following orders and keeping safe. It’s not about beating the morning team. If you go out there looking to hunt more chicken than the others, you’re already losing points in my book. Am I clear?”
“Yes, Captain!” the three cried in unison.
I felt silly barking orders like that, but at least I could see they were taking me seriously. I wasn’t really looking for ace hunters, I was more focused on finding people I could trust. Speaking of focus, I was feeling a little better, managing to get the boys out of my head.
When the gates were finally opened, we rolled out together. I led them out. Mouse and Lexa kept an eye on the entrants, observing their every move. I had allowed Buba to come along that time, since there was one less entrant to look after, and an extra bike. Also, I figured it’d be nice to have him along with Mimi and Nelly. The girls exchanged an excited look, as they followed me. It was their first time outside the town walls since they arrived at Harptown.
Nelly came up next to me and said, “Captain.”
“Yes, Nelly?” I asked, studying her face.
She looked happy, nervous and serious all at the same time. “I just wanted to thank you,” she said, “you know? For giving us this chance. Even if I don’t make it in the end... I just wanted you to know, I’m very grateful.”
I smiled at her and said, “I know you are, sweetie. But don’t let your mind wander. Just focus on what you’re doing now. Keep your head on straight and you’ll be fine.” I kind of wondered if I was telling her that... or myself.
“Yes sir,” she replied, falling back in line.
; Lexa had picked out a spot really close to the town, atop a small hill. From up there, we could see all of Harptown. And if any demented showed up, we had a good vantage point, with an easy escape route back home.
“Whoa!” Mimi noted, “That’s funny. The town looks so tiny from up here.”
“That’s because it is tiny,” Lexa pointed out.
Mimi looked up at her in wonder. No doubt, Lexa had told the girls all about the cities we used to have back in the day. Compared to them, Harptown was just a speck, really. And it looked even smaller than it was from the hilltop. We had allowed the morning team to take in the scenery for a while, so I figured it was only fair we do the same for the others that afternoon.
“Come on,” I told them, after a short wait, “We have work to do, guys.”
There was a weird shaped clearing on the other side of the hill. There were slopes and small crevices. For some reason the chicken gathered there, making it even easier to hunt them. It was probably the weather. Even though it had gotten a bit chilly again, the animals hadn’t quite gone into hiding again. We all hid in the bushes at the top. From there, we could see most of the clearing.
“Okay, who wants to go first?” I asked.
Mimi was the first one to raise her hand, so she was also the first to go down the clearing. I gave her some instructions... walk slowly, chose a good shooting spot... just the basics. She was really good at keeping quiet, moving around almost like a ghost. Lexa followed her down, but Mouse and I stayed to watch her performance for above. She found a good spot and took aim rather quickly. It was one for one, as the chicken fell dead. Lexa gave her some further instructions and then she took another shot, and another. Three for three.
“Showoff,” Nelly mumbled, at my side.
Lennard chuckled at her comment. I glanced curiously back at the both of them. I didn’t really meant to reprimand them, but they both shrank away from me as if I had. Trying to lessen the tension, I smiled and shook my head at them.
Mouse nudged me and commented, “That Mimi girl is pretty good, huh? She struggled a bit with the tracking round, but I think she’s the best hunter... potentially.”
“Yep,” I agreed, “she’s definitely a motivated young lady.”
As Mimi came back up, she smirked proudly at us.
“Nice work,” I told her, “Don’t get cocky.”
She went serious and sat down next to me. Next one down was Nelly. On her way to the bottom of the clearing, she slipped and fell on her ass, scaring off the nearby birds. She shook it off and got back up.
“Ooh,” Mimi lamented, rooting for her adoptive sister.
That clumsiness worried me a little. If there were demented around, she’d be in trouble. As it was, it only made for a harder time finding a good target. She eventually came back up with two chickens in her bag, so I guess it was a successful hunt. Lennard did okay as well, three chickens. It was really going to be hard evaluating them. Some were easy picks, like Mimi, but Others, like Nelly... she hadn’t gone bad enough to get crossed out. None of them had. We headed back home and called it a day. That was the end of the hunting trials... at least for the entrants. Mouse, Lexa and I had our work cut out for us.
Back inside the town walls, we dismissed everyone and informed them we’d have a new list posted at the front of the hut the next morning. Singer and Ranger both showed up at the gates, but I avoided them. Just like that, my mind went “loose” all over again. Mouse and Lexa headed to the hut to get ready for the evaluations. I darted away to Bibi’s, to fetch my brother. On my way there, I was so flustered and distracted, that I didn't even notice Flavian following me.
“Dana, hi,” he called out.
I didn’t quite know what to do. He had caught me completely off guard. I turned and kind of stopped, allowing him to catch up to me. Why I didn’t just walk away, I’ll never know. At least there were people around us, so he’d have to watch himself.
“How’re the hunting trials coming along?” he asked.
I tried to be as natural as I could, “We actually just wrapped it up a minute ago.”
“Oh, that’s nice,” he went on, “So, you’re finally going to see your little squad grow, huh? It’s funny that. We’re both growing in this town. You see, I just got my promotion. Remember, the one I told you about. I’m a captain now... kind of like you, right?”
Captain Flavian? It sounded like a nightmare to me. To be honest, at the time, I didn’t really remember him saying anything about a promotion. I had to go back that night and read my journal again. But he had actually mentioned it. It was part of his plan, I guess, whatever that was. And I didn’t like that he had called my team, “little squad”. But I kept quiet, looking for the right moment to turn and leave... or run away...
"Listen, Dana," he went on, "I just wanted to apologize. I know you've been keeping your distance since... since we last spoke... alone."
“Apologize?” I echoed in amazement. Slowly, it all started to come back to me. He had kept away for so long that I kind of forgot he had threatened me. “Whatever,” I said, finally gathering the courage to walk away.
"Hey," he insisted, "wait a minute, won't you?" He didn't touch me or stand in my way. He just followed me.
Surely, the presence of all the people around was keeping him civilized. I decided to stop again and hear him out. I crossed my arms and glared at him.
His eyes slipped momentarily down at my hunting knife, but then he smiled at me and said, "Thank you. It'll only be a sec, then I'll leave you to your hunting trials or whatever." He held his chin, as if putting his thought in order. "Ok, so, Dana, I'm just trying to tell you how very sorry I am about all that stuff I said about your friends. It's clear to me now that I misjudged how close you all are. And even if I hadn't, I was out of line that day."
"Understatement of the year," I said, feeling stupidly brave for whatever reason.
"Right," he said, chuckling awkwardly, "I deserve that."
"Is that all?" I asked impatiently.
He hesitated.
"Of course not," I concluded.
"Dana," he said, taking a step towards me.
I instinctively stepped back away from him. I thought he might try to grab me or something, but he raised his hands as if to say, "I'm not going to touch you."
Slowly, he continued his line of thought, "Dana, I meant it when I said I cared for you. I know we barely know each other... and God knows I've given you every reason to hate my guts, but... Can't we start over?"
Since we were having such an honest conversation, I figured I'd ask him directly, "Why, Flavian? Why do you care for ME so much? There're plenty of other girls in town, girls your age and who'd probably love to go out with you."
He thought about it for a moment and then answered calmly, "We're only three years apart, you and I. You'll be eighteen soon. And sure, there are others, but... no one like you. You're smart, independent... beautiful..."
"What?" I gasped, suddenly embarrassed.
No one had ever called me that before, other than my dad... "beautiful"... I fucking hated that Flavian, of all people, had to be the first. Why not Ranger or Singer? Why Flavian??? I wanted to end that conversation right then and there, but I just... didn't know what to say. Flavian could tell I was struggling with words and smiled victoriously. I felt my cheeks blushing wildly. I wanted to die.
"You don't even realize it, do you?" he noted, "how beautiful you are..."
"STOP IT!" I screamed furiously. Suddenly, I was sick of it. All of it. Ranger, Singer, Flavian... I gathered all my courage and started mouthing off, "Flavian, you’re fucking DELUSIONAL! Whatever it is you think there is between us, it’s NOT REAL! It's NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. Not now, not EVER! So just leave me the fuck alone!"
But then, I saw that look in his eyes again, full of raw, uncensored rage. I had forgotten who I was talking to. I tried to pull back, away from him, but ended up just bumping into the wall behind me. He slammed his fist into the wall, just inches from
my face. From where I was, his shoulder blocked out the sun. The false politeness was totally gone and his true self resurfaced.
He spoke between his teeth, "So, what is it? You're above me? Is that it? I'm the best offer you'll get in this God damn town."
He had forgotten about the people walking down the street. But I hadn't. I glanced around at them, just to remind him. No one was really looking at us, but it worked. He looked over his shoulder and stepped back.
He took a long, deep breath, recomposing himself and then warned me, "I tried being nice, Dana. I tried giving you time. I’ve tried talking... but you just won’t listen, will you? Maybe it's time I changed my tactics."
My heart sank in my chest, as I realized he would never give up. He would never leave me alone. Somehow, he had convinced himself that I simply "belonged" to him. And no one, not Bibi, not Stone, not anyone, would stand in his way. He was crazy... and, if he was telling the truth about being promoted, I was fucked... big time.
He was about to speak again, but another voice cut him short, a man's voice, "Hey, Dana, aren't you running a bit late?"
Flavian and I both whipped our heads to the side, startled. It was Ranger. He was at the corner of the street, leaning against the wall like he didn't have a worry in the world. He didn't look at us, he just scratched his chin and kinda gazed into the horizon. He must have been hiding. I hadn't seen him when I glanced around. Had he overheard the conversation?
"What do you want, Ranger?" Flavian demanded, containing his anger, "Can't you see we're having a private conversation here?"
"Private conversation, huh?" Ranger repeated, finally looking at us. He gave Flavian a long, fearless stare. Then he pulled out his hunting knife and started cleaning his fingernails with it. He had overheard for sure.
Dead End Chronicles (Book 1): Dead End Journal Page 13
