by Ciara Cole
“But you took so long to get yourself all pretty,” Leila said on a sigh and firmly shook her head. “Nanna will take care of me. I want your friend to see how beautiful you look today. Who knows, he might be the One.”
Rachael gasped and let out a chuckle. “What?” And just shook her head. Sometimes Leila surprised her with how wise she could seem for a kid. Finally caving, Rachael gave a nod and told Leila she’d go to the café. “But only for your sake.”
Which was kind of the truth, Rachael added silently.
***
“There you are,” Sean said with a smile, that husky Irish accent laced with silk and honey as he greeted the newly arrived Rachael. “You look amazing.”
“Well, thank you. How long have you been here?” Rachael asked as she took her seat beside him in the packed yet serene interior of the coffee bar.
“Not that long. Place seems busy today, so I did some people watching while I waited,” he replied.
“It’s a nice spot from what I read online,” Rachael said, glad that she seemed to have made a right choice.
Sean had them at a nice table, which was the farthest from the counter and had the outside view from the window, which allowed the sun to illuminate beautifully onto his fair skin. The white of the coffee table looked extremely delightful and stood out against the brown brick walls.
“I’m happy you decided to ring me up and arrange this,” Sean began. “Especially after the way you disappeared on me—again.”
Rachael quelled a blush and shifted on her seat. “I wish we could simply put that first episode behind us. You know, make a fresh start.”
“Whatever you say. Today is absolutely your day.”
Oh, he was laying on the charm already. Rachael liked to think she was immune to it by now, but she still couldn’t help that little flutter.
She gave her order, orange and cream topped with espresso. Sean asked for an iced black, and when the server left, they faced each other. They began to talk, first about work, and Rachael made an effort to provide a lively contribution to the topic. She talked about taking up more responsibility at the museum where she worked, and her plans for taking time off to earn her Masters. Sean told her about his restaurant and his new endorsements. Somehow, they were able to flow without friction or angst. They seemed almost chummy.
Today was…different. Sean’s crooked grin, even somewhat bashful; the striking tone of his voice, and the soft texture of his hands when they unintentionally brushed against hers… His physicality still enticed her, which made her glad for the public place. And yet there was none of that rampant carnality that had clouded their last encounter. It went a long way to calm her.
Rachael only knew about glamor and extravagance from people’s lives on TV. Waking up in a huge, luxurious apartment, shopping at expensive stores and travelling the world—that had never been her life at all. Never had she pictured Sean would be a chef so high up in his culinary career that he owned not one but three restaurants and always traveled around the world showcasing his recipes and picking up new ideas.
Rachael decided she hadn’t come here to wonder about Sean becoming so rich and famous. Somehow, they’d found each other after seven years, and seeking the truth about what had really happened, and why Sean had really changed, was topmost on Rachael’s agenda.
Her heart was beating a mile a minute as Sean watched her every move. He must have sensed something in her demeanor, because he looked her in the eyes and said, “Is there something wrong?”
Rachael paused, feeling a bit unsure of what to do next. It was so long ago, and they’d been so young. She’d blamed him a lot for many things for many years, and now she could tell them to his face.
“Nothing’s wrong,” she finally let out, berating herself for being a coward. They’d already broken the ice with small talk, so she didn’t have to be so timid about confronting him. And yet…
“Good, because I would hate to be unable to tell what’s behind those beautiful brown eyes,” Sean said thickly. “There was a time I could easily read your every emotion, but with all that’s happened in the past, there seems so much we need to clear up.”
“I couldn’t have put it better,” Rachael said, heaving a breath. This was her perfect opening. “Sean, I’ve always been curious—and it’s been eating at me for way too long. Just why did you never reply to my email? Did you really not care about what happened to me?”
“Email? What email? And what happened to you?”
The instant he asked, Rachael felt like a fool. Why was she even doing this? She was too grown up to be trying to pin Sean with any kind of blame. She’d mended her wounds and found her way back onto her feet. She really shouldn’t bring up some petty stuff from seven years ago.
“You know what, I don’t want to go over it. It’s done. Life chose different paths for us, and there’s no point rehashing what’s already done.”
“I think we do. You didn’t ring me up yesterday out of nowhere to make this appointment if you didn’t have a few things to get off your chest. Like maybe why you had to leave Dublin seven years ago without even telling me first,” Sean said tersely, which had Rachael doubling back. What?
His eyes only got darker and darker with anger. “I was so off my nut with missing you the first few months, I almost couldn’t function,” Sean rumbled, his Irish accent now thick and heavily tinged with crossness. “We spent two glorious days together, and none of it even mattered. I still haven’t even a baldy notion why you’d disappear like that, and now you bring up some shite about an email?”
“Yes, Sean, I need to bring it up!” Rachael said, equally heated. “Look, I know I shouldn’t have simply left. I felt bad about it once I did it and would have done anything to change it back. But was that the reason why you chose to ignore my news about the baby?”
And just like that, it all came pouring out. Rachael watched Sean’s face go from anger to bewilderment as she went on about finding out she was pregnant when her family got back to America.
“When I left Ireland the way I did, I was thinking of you,” she said softly, her composure slowly returning. “I didn’t want to have to put you through a long-distance relationship. I felt you were young and good looking, and you could move on easily without me. If you were just angry at me because I left, I could understand you to a point. But what about being a father? Didn’t that at least warrant a conversation with me?”
Seeing disbelief and confusion turn Sean’s face pale had Rachael beginning to have certain doubts. What if she’d been wrong all along? What if, by some chance, it was all just a huge mistake and she’d blamed him all these years for nothing?
“Father? I’m a father?”
Sean looked like the ground had disappeared from under his feet. He reached out quickly and seized her hand in a hard grip. “Tell me the truth. Do I really have a child?”
Drawing a deep breath, Rachael fought for calm. Carefully, she retrieved her fragile fingers from his almost crippling hold. As she began to tell him about Leila, his now seven-year-old daughter, he seemed to become overwhelmed with emotion. She could swear his eyes began to water, and she couldn’t decide if his jaw was clenched so tight out of fury, or out of pain.
To her surprise, once she finished, he seemed turned to stone for a full minute. And then suddenly, he grabbed his coat with rigid movements. “I think I need some time to process all…this. I’ll call you.”
Chapter Eight
Rachael stared wide-eyed in amazement as Sean exited the café in such swift, rigid strides he almost overbalanced a waiter brushing past him.
It took her a few moments to gather her wits, but then she was snatching up her things, settling the tab and rushing right out of the exit’s wide double doors.
When she got out and looked to the left and right of the street, she began to feel foolish. How could she have gone after him when she wouldn’t likely figure out which way he went? And yet, she couldn’t help but be worried about him aft
er his strange reaction. If only she…
Just then, she heard some pounding sounds coming from just around the corner of the café. Following her instinct, she went in the direction the sounds came from, and sure enough, she saw it was indeed Sean. He’d picked the dimly lit alley to vent his rage as he punched into the wall over and over.
She’d never seen Sean so violent, and it made her heart pang. Without even thinking first, she rushed to him as fast as she could and gripped his punished fists. “Sean, please stop.”
“How the hell could I not have received that email?” he growled almost to himself, eyes like dark slits of self-incrimination. “Just how did I miss something like that? I still have that same fecking email address, for crying out loud!”
“We both need time to sort things out. Just please, stop hurting yourself,” Rachael said gently. She was ready to forgive and forget. She had already planned not to hold the past against him, for Leila’s sake. They simply had the figure out what options were open to them for the future.
That was, if there was any kind of future in store for them.
Rachael realized how much her heart ached at the possibility that they didn’t. Sean had it all—would he really want to disrupt his untroubled life with the responsibility of a daughter?
In that moment, all the fury seemed to seep from Sean’s body. He turned to her and closed the gap between them, just as Rachael froze in surprise. What was going on? Without a word, Sean simply leaned close and slowly placed his cheek against hers, his body going limp.
Was he drunk or…no, Rachael decided, they’d only had coffee. So why—?
He wasn’t even touching her, and only seemed to be resting on her shoulder. She’d never pictured Sean as vulnerable, and she suddenly realized he was human too. He just might need someone to lean on, even for a moment.
Her arms hovered slightly in the air as she wondered if it would be wise to give him a hug—or just pretend she didn’t notice the chink in his armor. Before she could decide, he straightened from her shoulder with a ragged sigh.
“Sorry,” he said hoarsely. “Everything you must have been through is hard to even imagine. What right have I to seek even an ounce of comfort when I—”
Sean cut off, shaking his head with a thin, rueful smile. “I’ve always been a man that was so certain, so decisive of what direction I want to be pulled in. For the first time, I feel caught in a storm. Gobsmacked.”
Rachael’s heart missed a beat. How was she supposed to take that? Was this all too much for him, finding out he had a seven-year-old daughter? What if he didn’t want to be a part of Leila’s life?
And if he did—what was Rachael going to do? How would it work?
So many question emerged out of nowhere, making Rachael’s brain clang. Would Sean apply for joint custody…could they be a family? Most important of all, was if she could truly forgive him for not even making an effort to find her during all these years. Or even trying to reach her by email—even though he maintained that he never got that email?
“Despite everything, my mind only sees possibilities,” Sean suddenly added, as this time his smile was calm, almost boyish as it grew warmer. It was almost as if he’d read her own haphazard thoughts. “Even with how confused and astounded I feel, one thing I know for sure is that I want to be involved in Leila’s life. I need to be. More than I thought I’d ever need anything.”
Sweeter words couldn’t have passed his lips, Rachael thought as she gave an expansive smile. It brought the dimple to her right cheek as her eyes glowed. For some reason, it had Sean fixated on her face as he seemed unable to look away.
“Since this dark alley is far from the safest place to hold any kind of conversation, why don’t we take this to my place?” Why did she sound out of breath even to her own ears?
She wasn’t quite sure how Sean would take that invitation, especially with the sudden spark of physical awareness in the air. The last thing they needed was to complicate matters with more sex, but—
Just like calm after the storm, maybe they could ride this through together, easing their way back to each other. And what better way than through the most intimate and binding of acts that two deeply connected people could share?
Whether Sean felt the same way about it remained to be seen. Would he make the move, or should she?
“You could show me pictures of Leila, and fill me in some more,” Sean said, nodding in reply.
His suggestion sounded just as innocent as Rachael’s had been, or so she told herself. She was glad that at least the day wasn’t going to end on a sour note with all the revelations and hurtful recollections. For now, all they needed was to start on the path of healing, and getting father and daughter to meet and, hopefully, form a bond. Maybe Rachael was wrong to dare to even ask or think of more.
***
Rachael couldn’t say the past few years of her existence had been all that and a bag of Lay’s. Financial-wise or even relationship-wise, come to think of it. Obviously, she had grown to lead a very different life from Sean’s.
Sean, being a successful billionaire chef with three renowned restaurants, had beautiful women consenting to his every whim and men in his shadow, daily filled with envy. Rachael, on the other hand, was just a woman trying to raise her daughter and make ends meet working at her museum job. She had high expectations, of course, in terms of getting her Masters and making it as curator someday. In her plans for the future, she’d just never dreamed of meeting Sean again or getting him involved in the world where she and Leila existed. Now she saw how wrong she’d been.
At her place, Sean was engrossed looking through photos of Leila and Rachael. “There’s no doubt in my mind—I can see myself in Leila,” he said, awe and pleasure filling his voice. “Her bright blue eyes, that O’Hare forehead…”
Rachael smiled. “I agree.”
With reluctance, he finally set down the albums and numerous other memorabilia of Leila from when she was born. He then took the time to look around him. “I like your place. It’s small but quaint.”
“A far cry from your palace on the hills, though,” she teased.
“I wouldn’t say that. Here feels more like a home, while over there it’s just a collection of display rooms for objects, which have no bearing on what brings true happiness. I’m not trying to knock it, but I have no illusions about what it means to really be rich. And it has nothing to do with material things.”
As he spoke, he looked at her in a way that strummed her heartstrings. She wished she could go back to being that eighteen-year-old Rachael filled with innocent adoration for him, and yet…conversely, it made her a little pissed off. Where was he when she’d needed him? When she’d been so alone and feeling rejected, while heavily pregnant and confused?
Sean reached out to grasp her fingers with his, but she stiffened in his hold.
“What do you want, Sean?” she asked on an angry, somewhat unsteady whisper.
His eyes bored into hers. “To show you that I’m more than willing to make things right. In fact, I’m willing to do anything to make you forgive me.”
Oh God. Springing up, she peeled her hand from his and backed away. How could he know that was the one thing still holding her back? If she couldn’t forgive him, how could she trust him, his eyes seemed to ask?
Sean rose and took a step closer, closer...until he was enclosing Rachael’s private space, taking up all her oxygen. Refusing to step backwards, she poked a finger into his chest and then nearly doubled back with a grimace. Ow. She’d forgotten about all that muscle Sean had gained over the years, and how he’d buffed up in ways that shouldn’t even be legal on top of being a damn good chef. Why couldn’t he have been overweight and balding, maybe even working at a boring job like project management, or finance control, or…
“And trust me, I do mean anything,” he said throatily, cutting through her aimless musings. Rachael in no way mistook that smirk of his, that wicked gleam in his eyes she could only describe
as his ‘baby maker” look.
“Bribery is really low, Sean,” she said, blushing like a girl. Was she really going to be so stupid and let him have his way again?
Seven years ago, she’d spread for Sean O’Hare and given him her virginity, only for him to step on her heart. Was it worth the risk to let him walk over her again?
“All those years we lost,” he said thickly, so easily in tune with her thoughts as ever. “Didn’t you miss me, even a little bit?”
That had Rachael’s anger rising fast to the surface once more. “Did I miss being knocked up, you careless oaf? And did I not weep for weeks when you opted not to reply to my email? That’s why I swore never to let you find me.”
“That’s low, Rachael. What about if I blamed you too? I always felt like you practically seduced me, knowing you were about to leave the country for good. Can you imagine what it felt like to have to find out from your friends that you’d gone and returned to America with your family?”
“Did you just use the word ‘seduced?’” Rachael gasped. “Okay, sure, maybe you never did plan to have sex with me and keep to your oh-so-mighty morals. And yes, when I found out I was going to leave, I got desperate and thought sharing that special gift with you would somehow make the separation feel less wrenching. I really thought I was saving you so much heartbreak in the long run. I just wish…”
She broke off, and Sean sighed. “I am sorry, Rachael. I will never hurt you again.”
“I don’t need your apologies or your promises.”
“Then what do you want from me?” he asked gruffly as his face lowered closer to hers.
Rachael took on the challenge and tilted her chin to Sean’s until their noses almost touched. She could just catch the subtle hint of his sexy cologne, and her folds slithered together wetly.
“You,” Rachael admitted and nearly groaned out loud when Sean’s eyes took on a purposeful, predatory shimmer. His features softened as a cocky grin formed on his face.
