by Abbi Glines
Leif stood up and took a step back away from me. He nor his father liked to get too close to me. They knew their place in the scheme of things. My power was never-ending; theirs was conjured by the beliefs of humans. The weight of power lay heavily in my court.
“Let’s just say, we’re even now. If you’re lucky you’ll figure it out, but the damage is done. Goodbye, Dankmar,” Leif glanced at Pagan’s dorm one more time before he vanished.
His solemn tone was the only thing that concerned me. He seemed worried about something. Unsure. He only had feelings for one person. No one else weighed on his conscious. Pagan.
I had to find her. Closing my eyes I sensed her soul. It was hurting. She was in the dorm. I snapped my eyes open to find Gee standing in front of me.
“You’re in a shitload of trouble. I can’t figure it out exactly but I know it’s all kinds of fucked up.” Gee shook her head and pointed back to the window of Pagan’s room. “She thinks you were doing the wild thing behind the library with some chick. She is positive it was you. The girl called your name out and you talked back to her. It ain’t pretty.”
Fuck.
“It ain’t like she is in love with you. Since she can’t remember who the hell you are but she obviously feels betrayed. She is spouting off about listening to her first instincts and how glad she is she found this out sooner. Rockers are shitheads and that you are scum. I think that about covers it.”
I sank onto the bench and buried my head in my hands. How the hell was I going to fix this? I’d made progress. When Jay’s soul started connecting with hers I was going to have the upper hand. I was going to have found a way into her heart again. But now? She thought I had screwed some other girl? Outside? When?
“When did this happen?” I asked Gee.
“She came slamming into the room about fifteen minutes ago. Calling you very colorful names I didn’t know she was aware existed.”
We’re even now.
Leif’s words replayed in my head. He’d been watching the window to her room. He had been acting as if something was bothering him. Pagan was upset. He knew why. He had done this. I’d taken Pagan from him and he’d returned the favor.
“Leif,” I said as I looked back up at her window.
‘What? You think that stupid voodoo spawn did this?”
I nodded, “ I know he did. He was paying me back.”
“Fuck that. I’m gonna go beat his ass,” Gee snarled.
“I need you up there with her, Gee. I need you to make sure she’s okay. Watch out for her. I’ve got to find a way to fix this but she isn’t going to let me near her right now.”
Gee sighed, “I want to go kick voodoo ass. Not listen to a bitching female.”
“Please, Gee.”
“Fine. I’ll go. But you need to think of something to tell her.”
I nodded, “I know.”
Gee left to do as I requested.
Chapter Seventeen
Pagan
Four days of dodging Dank and ignoring Gee when she attempted to bring it up was beginning to wear on me. This was stupid. I’d been on one real date with Dank Walker. I’d kissed him a few times and I’d fallen under the sexy charisma he had going for him. Every girl falls for a boy in a band at sometime. It happens. It’s life. You learn from it and move on. I was ready to do that. Why it had bothered me so deeply was beyond me. Except I’d never actually had anyone betray me. But was that really betrayal? We weren’t a couple. We’d made no promises. Dank could screw a girl outside of a building if he wanted to. I wasn’t going to be having sex with him. He was appealing. It was bound to happen. My pride had been damaged a little but I was ready to bounce back.
I had spent the weekend studying alone in my room. It was Monday morning and Dank would be in my next class. I’d smile and be polite and detached. No reason to act like anything happened. It wasn’t like he had called all weekend or texted me. I was sure he knew about my hearing his sex party outside because Gee knew. Unfortunately she’d been there right after I’d heard it so she had seen my immediate reaction. I really, really hoped she hadn’t shared that scene with Dank. I would have to pretend she hadn’t if I was going to face him today.
I’d gotten a little wrapped up in the romance of it all and that was my first mistake.
Opening the door to Calculus, I realized that last week Dank had carried my books inside for me. He’d brought me to class on the back of his motorcycle. I’d walked on the wild side for two weeks. It was time for me to focus. I didn’t scan the room to see if Dank was already there. I found an empty seat and focused on getting in it to keep my eyes from roving over the room. If he was sitting with this weeks flavor; I may have difficulty paying close attention to the professor.
Dropping my books on my desk, I pulled out my pencils and a notebook. I’d given his laptop to Gee and told her to make sure he got it back. I no longer needed it. That was of course untrue but I had been pissed.
Then a tingling sensation ran down my spine and I knew without looking that the shadow that had fallen over my desk belonged to Dank. Dangit.
“Can I sit here?” His voice was husky and free of humor.
We were surrounded by people and the professor was walking to the front of the room. It wasn’t like I could tell him no without making a scene. Not to mention the fact I would be alerting him that his sex-capade bothered me.
“Sure,” I replied, forcing a smile and focusing on the numbers the professor was writing on the board.
Did he have to sit so close? I could do without having to smell him. I was already aware he smelled delicious. I didn’t need to be reminded.
“Are you going to look at me?” He asked
No, dammit. I didn’t want to look at him. I forced my head to turn and meet his gaze. He looked sad. I hadn’t expected that. Why was he sad? I couldn’t ask him that though. I wasn’t going to let this thing go any further. I’d drawn my line. He would have to stay on his side. Which was as my classmate and friend of my suitemate. Nothing more.
“Can we talk about it?” His voice was soft. He didn’t want anyone else to hear him.
“Nothing to talk about. I need to listen to this if I’m gonna pass this class,” I replied with the same fake smile.
“Pagan,” he began and I held up a hand to stop him
“If you want me to continue sitting here then you’ll stop now.”
He nodded, “I’m sorry.”
I hated the way he flinched when I spoke to him harshly. I just wanted him to go away. I didn’t want to feel anything where he was concerned.
Class crept by at a snail’s pace. When it was finally over I didn’t look at Dank. I’d successfully ignored him the entire class. Which had been easy considering he didn’t say a word. I shoved my notebook into my bag and stood up. Dank was still sitting in his chair staring straight ahead with a deep frown on his ridiculously good looking face.
I should not care that he was upset. I should not care. I should not care; I kept chanting to myself as I walked down the aisle and toward the door. I would not look back. There was no reason to. The ache in my chest as I stepped out of the building leaving Dank sitting there alone like that bugged me. I rubbed the ball of my hand over my ache and kept going. I had a study group in thirty minutes.
***
I hadn’t expected to see Jay sitting on the steps of my dorm today. I wasn’t really in the mood for it either but perhaps he was here to pick up the redhead. I still didn’t know her name. Could have been whom Dank was screwing in the dark.
I smiled at Jay when his eyes met mine. He was a nice guy. At least he kept it real. He didn’t act like he was just interested in you. He let you know he wasn’t a one-woman kind of man. I had to respect that.
“Hello, Jay,” I said as I reached the steps. I didn’t figure I had to stick around for small talk.
Jay stood up blocking my path up the stairs, “Pagan, hey.”
Okay well we’d said our polite greetings. I had assignm
ents to work on. I started to step around him but his hand reached out and took my hand. “Wait. I wanted to talk to you.”
Well, crap. “’Bout what?” I asked looking back up at the entrance so that he got the hint I had other things to get to.
“I know I screwed up things last week. I was an idiot. But you are all I’ve thought about for two weeks. I can’t get you out of my head. Please, just go have coffee with me. At least let’s be friends. I miss you.”
Miranda was busy with Nathan all the time and now that I didn’t have Dank hanging around I was lonely. A friend would be nice. With Jay I knew where I stood. He was easy for me to read. No secrets, no sexy smoldering looks to give me the wrong idea.
“Friends would be good. I need a friend. Miranda spends more time on the UT campus with Nathan than she does here.”
The big goofy grin I used to love broke out on Jay’s face. “Can we go have coffee now? Or do you have plans with a textbook?”
The books could wait. “Let me go drop this thing off in my room and I’ll be right back. Please feel free to ask out anyone who walks by that interests you,” I teased.
Jay’s frown appeared and I realized he didn’t think it was funny. “It was a joke. If we’re gonna be friends then you have to relax,” I said before opening the door and heading up to my room.
Once I reached my door the sounds of moaning stopped me from turning the knob. I pressed my ear against the door and I heard Miranda cry out in obvious pleasure. Oh, wow. She was actually having sex with this guy. Backing away from the door I went over to Gee’s door and knocked softly.
Gee opened the door and reached up and pulled a cotton ball out of her ear. “What, you don’t want to walk in on the porn show over there?” Gee asked.
“Not really, no. Could I leave my bag in here? Jay is waiting for me to go have coffee.”
Gee scowled and nodded her head. She reached out and took the bag from my hands. “Yeah, fine.” What was her problem? It was just my bag.
“How long have they been over there?” I asked looking toward my room where a grunt made me cringe. I could have done without hearing that.
“Long enough. They’re rabbits. Fucking rabbits.”
Poor Gee, stuck in here listening to them. “You want to go have coffee with me and Jay?”
Gee cocked her pierced eyebrow and shook her head, “No thanks. I’m good. The cotton balls work.”
“Okay, if you’re sure.”
Miranda’s “Oh God,” echoed down the hall. The girl was crazy. She was going to get caught. I walked over to our door and banged on it, “Put a sock in it, Miranda.”
Gee shook her head and closed the door as I walked back by.
Jay was standing just outside the door waiting for me. He was also alone. Surprising. “Sorry that took so long. Miranda and Nathan are in our room…” I trailed off.
Nathan laughed, “Yeah, well I’m just glad they moved it over here. I was getting tired of it.”
“What? You mean this isn’t the first time?”
Jay shook his head, “Nope. Not by a long shot.”
I couldn’t believe she was having wild loud sex with a guy she’d just met. No wonder she was gone all the time. She was in over her head way too fast. We were going to have to talk about this. The first relationship she has after Wyatt and she jumps into the physical part in less than a two weeks.
“I had no idea.”
Jay shrugged, “It happens. They are really into each other. Nathan talks about her nonstop. It may be a little early for the sex but they both seem to be unable to keep their hands off each other.”
“Yeah, I heard that. Several times,” I mumbled.
Jay bumped my arm with his, “Don’t worry about it, Pagan. Just be glad she’s finally found life after Wyatt. And honestly I’ve never seen Nathan that into someone before. He’s normally disinterested.”
That made it a little better but still, in just two weeks?
“You still seeing Dank Walker?”
I rolled my eyes, “I was never seeing Dank Walker. We went out on one date. One. Then he was ready to move on to a new girl.”
“Are you okay with that?” Jay asked watching me for my reaction.
“Yes, I am. Like I said it was one date. No big deal. I wasn’t his type. You and I already knew that.”
We reached Jay’s little fancy sports car he’d gotten when he graduated from high school. I couldn’t remember what it was called. I just knew he was in love with it. He walked me to my side and opened the door for me. I slid inside and he closed the door.
This was comfortable. I knew what to expect.
Chapter Eighteen
Dank
She wouldn’t talk to me. I couldn’t force her. I needed to win her trust. Dammit I needed her to remember me. Remember us. Standing across the street I watched as Jay bought her coffee and they sat down. They were like two old friends. It had been over a year yet there they sat laughing and talking like no time had passed. She’d forgiven him for being an ass but she refused to talk to me. Was this what I’d been warned about? Was this when Pagan began to get feelings for Jay?
“She doesn’t feel anything more than friendship and affection for him. You can see that from here,” Gee said as she appeared beside me.
“I can only hope. She was so close to remembering. She was feeling things for me. Now, nothing. I can’t get her to even speak more than one syllable words to me and that’s if I’m lucky.”
“This is the test Dankmar. You knew it was coming. Her soul must have an opportunity to decide. When she is with you then she doesn’t have a chance because her feelings for you consume her even if she can’t remember why. Her heart reacts to you. Her soul knows you.”
My eyes burned. Pain sliced through me. She was mine. She owned me. But she hated me. How was I supposed to function like this? Right now I had no chance at winning her heart or her soul.
“Stop standing around and being all wounded and shit. Go do something about it. You’re Dank Walker. You’re fucking Death. He’s a human soul. You got this. Go figure it out.”
Gee was always good for a pep talk. And she was right. I needed to get it together and find a way to get her back. I’d come to her like a human. Just another guy. I hadn’t invaded her soul. I could reach places Jay couldn’t.
“What if she never remembers?”
“Then you better make her fall in love with you, again.”
“How did I do it the first time?”
“You let her in.”
I let her in. She’d seen the real me. I hadn’t been scared to show her who I was. I’d never hidden from her the fact that I wasn’t human. She might not have known I was Death but she’d thought I was a soul. This Pagan no longer saw lost souls who roamed the earth. The Voodoo Lord of the dead’s hold was no longer on her. That was forgotten. I’d treated her like someone else. Someone who could break. My Pagan was strong. She didn’t hide from anything.
You’re mine, Pagan Moore. You will always be mine.
I watched as she stopped listening to Jay and looked around her. I stepped forward out of the shade from the trees. Her eyes found me. I could see the confusion in them from here.
You own me. Once you knew this. I’m going to make sure you remember.
Pagan’s coffee cup fell from her hands and the boy jumped up from the hot liquid now running off the side of the table. This was what I should have done all along. It was time I made sure Pagan understood I wasn’t here for any other reason but her.
Pagan
Dank was talking in my head. How? I wasn’t going crazy. I watched him across the street. He stood there and talked in my head. I couldn’t concentrate on anything Jay said on the way back to the dorm. We both had coffee-stained clothing. We may even have some burns. All I’d been able to do was apologize. I couldn’t manage more than that. Because Dank had talked in my head; he had spoken over my thoughts. It was his voice. I heard him loud and clear.
I stopped at G
ee’s door and knocked twice but she didn’t answer. Frustrated, I went to my room and started to open it then changed my mind and knocked first. I did not want to see Nathan’s bare ass. No one answered. I unlocked the door and went inside. Miranda’s bed was a mess and I decided I didn’t want to think about that. I would focus on Dank Walker talking in my head. Was he a wizard? That sounded stupid even saying it. Was he into Voodoo because I’d heard Gee say something about voodoo more than once. No, that didn’t make any sense.
The door swung open and Miranda came in smiling from ear to ear.
“I am so freaking in love,” she said with a happy sigh and closed the door behind her. Leaning back against it she turned her bright, very pleased face my way.
“I’d say you were in lust since you just met the guy,” I decided to be honest. She was delusional if she thought she was in love.
“Lust, love it all goes together,” she replied with a wave of her hand.
I knew for a fact that it did not all go together. I had experienced lust with Dank but I’d never loved him.
“Sorry about earlier, but Pagan you have no idea how good he is.”
“Please stop right now. I do not want to hear the details of your sex life. I could hear it. I am very aware that you were enjoying yourself.”
Miranda giggled and skipped over to her bed and fell face down on it and began smelling her pillow. “He is wonderful and he smells so good.”
“Good to know.” I replied.
“Oh, I heard you went to coffee with Jay. How’d that go?” Miranda asked, hugging the pillow to her chest.
“It went good until I dropped my coffee and spilled it all over both of us. I think I may end up with a blister on my hand. It burned me good.”
Miranda covered her mouth, “Oh no! Did Jay get mad?”
I had no idea how Jay reacted because all I could think about was Dank… in my head. I couldn’t exactly tell her that though. “He was startled and then he laughed. Not much else to it. We had to leave so we could both go home and change.”
