by daisy harris
Fucking A. Joe sounded like the world’s biggest asshole, especially since he had no knowledge whatsoever about Ethiopia’s climate. “I mean, I guess I’m assuming it’s a desert where your parents are. I don’t really—”
“They would never understand.” Elias’s hands were unsteady as he set his food on the coffee table.
“What do you mean?”
“About this.” Elias’s words were a whisper. “About me.” He blinked, and it was only then Joe realized Elias’s eyes were glassy. “They can’t know. They’d…” He shook his head, eyes closing. “I’d be dead to them.”
“Fuck, honey.” Joe grabbed Elias’s hand and pulled it into his lap. Joe had known guys whose families were religious or conservative or just plain ignorant and who didn’t accept their son being gay, but he had no way to understand Elias’s situation. Gay rights in Africa were something Joe only knew about via online petitions sent by well-meaning friends.
“Do you talk to them a lot?” Joe rubbed Elias’s palm gently.
“No.” Elias chewed the edge of his lip, his shoulders dropping slightly as Joe found a spot that must have eased Elias’s stress. “They’re busy with my middle brother’s new baby. He moved back with them and married someone from their town, so they’re content with that for now.” He paused only enough to take a breath, then rattled on. “I live with my oldest brother, but his wife doesn’t like it here.” He darted Joe a quick look, like Joe had asked a question that needed an answer. “The marriage was arranged. It cost her family and mine a lot of money, but she can’t stand the United States.”
“Oh.” Joe felt like he had to say something, though he had no idea what it should be. He’d been thrown off balance by the idea of an arranged marriage. “That’s not good.”
“No.” Elias shook his head. “She’s so unhappy in the winter. As soon as she gets pregnant, I think she’ll move back home to her mother.”
Joe nodded, hoping he sounded empathetic when in truth he was completely lost. “I suppose that’s for the best.”
“I’m not sure what I’d do without them in my life.” Elias eased closer so his leg was lined up with Joe’s, touching at the knee. “I should stop thinking about it.”
“You want to stay over again?” Joe stroked Elias’s knuckles, then the pressure points on the inside of his wrist. “Or do you need to go home?”
“No. I said I was staying out.” Elias darted a look at Joe’s beer. “Can I have one of those?”
“Sure thing.” Joe went to the kitchen and grabbed another bottle. For some reason, Joe had assumed Elias didn’t drink. Joe didn’t know whether it was polite to ask about it, especially since Elias was clearly torn about his family. “You sure you want this?” he asked as he handed over the bottle.
“Yeah. Why?” Elias took hold of the bottle and drank a long swallow.
“Oh.” Joe dropped onto the couch and pulled a blanket over their laps. Fuck it, he should just say what he was thinking. He didn’t want to go through this awkwardness every time they shared a beer. “I thought maybe it was against your religion.”
Elias shook his head, his face wincing on a swallow. “No. Drinking isn’t prohibited in the Ethiopian Orthodox church. You’re thinking Islam.”
Joe settled more fully on the couch, trying his best to let go of the weird tension he wished he didn’t feel.
“Alcohol is not really part of our culture, though. A lot of people don’t drink.” Elias gave him a frown over the top of his beer bottle. “But I grew up here.”
“Yeah.” Joe nodded, understanding the seriousness of Elias’s words. In so many ways, Elias was exactly what he seemed—a young, cute gay man happily living in Seattle. But there were other things holding him back, issues twinks at the clubs probably didn’t have to deal with. “I’ll try to remember that.”
Elias downed a large part of his bottle. No matter what he claimed about being part of American culture, Joe couldn’t shake the sense that Elias was trying to drown his anger.
“I want this.” Elias’s face grew harder until he looked like he’d aged several years. “I want it, I just wish it didn’t cost so much.”
“Yeah. I understand.” Joe didn’t. Not really. He remembered some article he’d seen in an online newspaper about a GLBT activist lynched in…was it Cameroon? Africa was a big place, and social norms must vary between and within countries. But one thing was for certain—while gays in America fought for marriage equality and the right to go to prom together, in other countries they risked imprisonment or worse.
“You done eating?” Joe glanced at their plates. He was in no position to be waiting on Elias, but it felt like Joe’s turn to clean up.
“Yes.” There was something in Elias’s eyes. A hunger that was somehow sharper than it had been the other day. He moved closer to Joe, slowly, like he was going to kiss him.
“It’s not wrong, is it?” Elias asked it with their lips inches apart.
“No.” Joe wrapped a hand around the back of Elias’s neck, holding fast. “It’s not wrong.”
“Tell me again.” Elias pressed his forehead to Joe’s, the pressure firmer than how Elias normally touched and showing the depth of his pain.
Joe closed his eyes, and it was like Elias’s strain was flowing out of him and into Joe. He could handle it, though, maybe even take some of the weight. He had parents who’d always supported him and friends who could give a shit who he fucked, his own place to live and a psyche strengthened by all the years he had on Elias. Years where he’d learned things were seldom as bleak or impossible as they seemed in one’s youth. “It’s not wrong, honey. You’re not wrong either for wanting this.”
Elias sealed their mouths together like he had something to prove, but he deserved to get his nut on, to scrape Joe with his teeth. Joe deserved to get manhandled because he’d been stupid enough to let Dan’s dumbass remarks follow him home.
“Mmmfffhh.” Elias crawled over, his body held up so as not to hurt Joe’s thigh. With Elias kneeling across him, kissing proved impossible. Elias was too tall.
“Let’s take this to the bed.” Joe grabbed Elias’s thighs, urging him up. In a scrabble of crutches and getting the light turned off, they made it across the apartment. Joe was in no position to manage undressing while lying down, so he worked his shirt off standing. He smiled to notice Elias hurrying to do the same.
“You gonna keep them on again?” Joe nodded at Elias’s briefs. They were a color between blue and purple, and Joe imagined Elias had gotten them for their night together.
“I…” Elias thumbed his waistband, but Joe could tell from the tension in his shoulders he didn’t want to fully strip.
“You should wear ’em.” Joe reached for Elias’s hand, pulling it away from his briefs and tugging Elias to where Joe could kiss him. “They’re cute.”
Elias half-sighed and half-whimpered as he moved into a kiss. He gained urgency, his hands going to Joe’s belly.
“C’mon.” Joe positioned a couple pillows against his headrest and got on the bed. “Climb on, honey.”
“Okay.” Elias came, getting gingerly on top while Joe hitched his legs on either side to create a cradle.
Joe couldn’t tell if Elias was hovering because he was scared of hurting Joe or whether Elias was hesitant for their groins to touch, but Joe was having none of it. He grabbed Elias’s ass and held him tight so those cute little briefs rubbed and scraped Joe’s hard-on and Elias filled the space between Joe’s legs.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” Elias’s hips ached. Drums pounded in his head, and Joe’s thick weight was so hot Elias wanted it against his skin and on his lips and even in darker places he wasn’t yet ready to consider.
“You won’t.” Joe kissed Elias’s neck and shoulder. They were pressed too tightly to touch mouths, and Elias was glad because he wouldn’t have been able to breathe.
Joe was everywhere, all around him, holding Elias tight, one hand around his waist and the other on his rear end. In all the vague ways Elias had imagined being with another man, he had never pictured this, but it was perfect.
“You come when you want to, hon. Don’t worry about me, okay?”
“Okay.” Elias was done holding back, finding his pleasure with his heart filled with dread and his mind filled with shame. Joe was beautiful and strong and laid out under him, murmuring in Elias’s ear. Joe’s heart thundered against Elias’s, a quick tempo urging Elias faster.
Getting some leverage with his knees, Elias rubbed into the hot space between them. Joe’s hand slipped into Elias’s underwear, and suddenly Elias didn’t want to hide anymore.
Frantically, Elias pushed his underwear out of the way. His dick pressed long and perfectly against Joe’s, and his behind was naked to Joe’s hand.
“Mmmmmh.” Joe’s deep rumble moved the bed. Maybe it even moved the earth, and Joe’s fingers sank into Elias’s furrow to tease his hole.
The sensation was perfect, and Elias bucked in a way that must be hurting Joe. It must be, but Elias couldn’t stop.
He mouthed Joe’s shoulder, licking his way over stubble and masculine heat to Joe’s jaw. He found Joe’s mouth and tasted the smoothness of Joe’s tongue.
Eyes clamped, Elias tried to hold on to that moment right before… “Oh God,” he broke away to gasp. His hips took on a mind of their own, pumping so hard Elias gritted his teeth. Joe’s finger forced its way inside, a rude invasion and yet the ultimate foil to the aggression running through Elias’s body. Joe wanted this roughness, wanted to get rougher still. And Elias wanted more than he’d ever thought he could handle.
“Ah, ah, ah…” The edge of pain tipped Elias over, made his muscles clamp tight. His whole body tensed, sensation everywhere, more complete because Joe held him through it, working and grinding while Elias shook helplessly in his arms.
Lights danced behind Elias’s eyes. Maybe for the first time in his life, he felt safe with the feeling. Joe had him, was holding him. Joe told him it was okay, and that made it so.
Joe’s cock nodded against Elias’s belly in hard insistence. As tired as he was, Elias smiled. Joe needed him too.
Slithering lower, Elias kissed his way down Joe’s body. The bitter taste of Elias’s seed mixed with their sweat and the softness of Joe’s chest hair. Elias got his underwear from where it had been and used it to clean up.
“What are you gonna do to me, hotshot?” Joe shoved another pillow under his head.
The calm power in Joe’s expression made Elias wonder if he’d go fully soft before getting hard again. Joe waited like a king—hand relaxed on his belly and cock erect between his legs. Elias would happily spend all night at his feet.
“This…” Elias covered Joe’s cap with his lips. The girth stretched Elias’s jaw, especially when he tried to take Joe deeper.
“Fuck, that feels so good.”
Elias assumed that was flattery. He’d seen this done online, knew what it was supposed to look like when a man got it right. What he was doing was a pale imitation, but Elias kept to what he imagined felt good, licking up the bottom of Joe’s cock, laving Joe’s balls and catching the occasional taste of spent come. The flavor served to make Elias more excited. Soon he was pumping his hips into Joe’s sheets. Good thing Elias had washed the others the night before. He’d need to change them again tonight.
“Yeah, hon. Love that.” Joe spread his legs wider. “Get that tongue down there.”
Elias had been keeping to the roundness of Joe’s sac, but Joe’s directions were obvious enough. Elias remembered the feel of Joe’s fingers toying behind his balls and even farther back, and the needy, aching sensations that caused. Though Elias had always thought touching that part of a man was disrespectful in the extreme, he wanted to give Joe as much pleasure as possible.
“Here. I’ll do that.” Joe took control of his cock, leaving Elias free to focus lower.
The taste of Joe grew stronger as Elias moved farther down. Joe was saltier there, rougher. He tilted his hips so his puckered flesh was under Elias’s tongue.
“Fuck, yeah. Get in there.” Joe led Elias with a hand on the back of his scalp.
He lapped up the length of Joe, loving how he got his hand out of the way to allow Elias access to his thick crown. It was wet with Joe’s juices, sweet and savory.
“Good, honey. Fuck, just like that.” Joe worked his base, so Elias only had enough for a mouthful, which was perfect because Elias could lick and suck and taste and even tongue the opening without having to worry about taking Joe deeper.
“Don’t want you to swallow, okay? Not without a condom.” Joe lifted Elias off by the chin. He stared down at Elias, eyes burning with emotion. “Now be a good boy and lick my ass while I come.”
Elias whimpered, unable to move fast enough. His cock caught under him as he got to the right spot, but Elias loved the twist of pain. It made him feel trapped as he pushed his face into Joe’s crease and kissed every bit of skin he could reach.
“Fuck. Yeah.” Joe’s butt cheeks tightened, pushing against Elias’s tongue. “God. Yeah…”
Unable to still his hips, Elias bucked into the sheets. He spilled a second before Joe did, rutting in his own wetness while he felt the splatter of Joe’s pleasure hit his cheek.
No, there was nothing wrong about this. Nothing could possibly be bad or evil about what he and Joe were doing because Elias loved Joe. Elias knew it now beyond a doubt, and all he could do was hope Joe loved him back.
“Fuck.” Joe rubbed Elias’s head, scrubbing rough fingers through his hair. “So damn good.” Joe straightened his legs so they lay in a V on either side of Elias’s shoulders.
He could have slept the whole night like that, with his face resting on Joe’s hip and waiting for Joe to wake up and talk to him, or ask for something.
“We should wash off.” Joe chuckled. “You especially. I think I got some in your hair.”
Elias smiled a kiss into Joe’s skin. His thigh was strong and hairy, twice the thickness of Elias’s, and for some reason Elias found that contrast more arousing than he could explain. “Yes. I’ll shower.” Elias pushed up to standing.
Joe watched Elias with a strange expression. Joe’s forehead was creased and his eyes assessing. His lip tugged up in the corner, and it was only then that Elias realized Joe was looking at Elias’s cock.
“Come over here.” The slant of Joe’s gaze made it clear what he wanted. “Let me look at you.” He propped himself on an elbow so his face was at the level of Elias’s hips.
Joe reached slowly to Elias’s cock, giving him every opportunity to say no. If Elias asked, Joe would have stopped, and that was why Elias only closed his eyes when Joe tucked two fingers under Elias’s softened shaft.
“Look at me.” Joe’s voice was a tease. He pressed the gentlest of kisses to Elias’s cap. If Joe minded the flavor, he didn’t show it. He gave Elias a wink. “Go take a shower.”
Joe must not have known what he’d done with that kiss or not understood why Elias had stopped breathing. He’d put a brand on Elias, made a mark deeper than the cut of a circumcision blade.
Elias started the shower with shaking hands. Henri’s admonishments to go slow, to play hard to get, rang horribly true.
It was too late, though. Elias had already fallen.
Chapter Eleven
“Hey! Joe!” One of the younger officers opened the door so Joe could enter the building.
“Hey.” Joe waved him off, not having the energy to deal with every person who wanted to pat his back or say hello. He swung, lurching forward with each step to get to Sergeant Mainer’s office. At a clip, he could move as fast as Elias. If it was starting to sting Joe’s shoulder and give him carpal tunnel, then…fuck it. He had a few painkillers stowe
d away in case of emergency.
He rapped on Mainer’s door, hard enough to rattle the frame and show his boss he was ready to be a useful member of the force again.
“Come in.” Mainer opened the door right when Joe had grabbed the handle, making him stumble.
Joe ground his teeth. “Hey, boss.” He noticed his partner Wade in the corner sitting on a folding chair across from Mainer’s desk. “Wade.” Joe wished he didn’t need to do this with an audience. Begging to get back on the job would be embarrassing enough without Wade and his opinions.
“Hey, Joe.” Wade offered a big smile. He and Joe hadn’t seen eye to eye when they first started working together. A cop and a registered counselor were a weird mix for a team, but Joe’d learned a lot through working in Crisis Intervention with Wade. Unfortunately, one of those things was that Wade couldn’t mind his own business.
“I thought I’d come in on this, since it affects me.” Wade crossed one ankle over the opposite knee. His smile said, Welcome back, but his posture said, If you thought you could weasel out of talking to me first, you can suck it.
“No problem.” Joe gave his most casual shrug. He wished he had Elias’s grace, because he dropped the last couple inches into the chair and winced at the way it twisted his knee. Wade and Mainer studied him like they were taking notes.
“Thanks for coming in, Joe.” Mainer went to the back of his desk, his steps light and making Joe envious for no good reason. “I wanted to talk to you about your recovery plans and figure out how to work your schedule around that. What days are you in physical therapy?”
Joe shifted in his seat. “I haven’t had a chance to call the guy yet.” Sure the doc in the ER had told Joe he’d need PT and had even given him a few numbers. But they told that to everyone, didn’t they? Unless a guy was some kind of elite athlete, PT seemed unnecessary. “I’m sure I’ll be back on my feet in a few months.”
Mainer shared a knowing glance with Wade. “I have your discharge report.” Mainer picked up a fax Joe’d had the hospital send the station when he’d filed for sick leave. “It recommends starting PT as soon as you’re no longer in acute pain.” Mainer gave Joe’s leg a meaningful glance. “And you don’t seem in acute pain anymore.”
