When Nick left for his mother’s instead of looking for work, Kelsey set the ball in motion. She shivered. All that tremendous decision-making had happened just this morning. A shiver of fear tap-danced across her shoulders. This was the most dangerous thing she had ever done, but the mother bear in her had surfaced with a power she hadn’t known she possessed. No one was going to hurt her boys. No one. Still, she was scared when she sneaked to the phone by the hardware store, called her sister, and planned her little family’s escape. But she did it. Louise bought the bus tickets on-line. Kelsey and her sons just had to show up at the bus station tomorrow morning, climb aboard, and change their lives forever.
Tomorrow. The word had never terrified and thrilled her so much. What if—
She banished the thought. No. It would work out. Somehow. It had to. Think positive. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. It’s only what? Twelve hours away?
She hugged Tommy to soothe her nervous anxiety. With a lip-smacking, pacifier-sucking slurp, he pushed his face into her blouse while she carried him to bed. She wished she still nursed. There was nothing she loved more than the warmth of her baby boy in her arms, his blankie fisted against his plump baby cheeks while he nursed to his heart’s content. His droopy eyes closed in slumber before she made it into the boys’ room.
“Aw-w. How we gonna make a tent now?” Jackie’s lip protruded again as he jumped up and down on his bed. “Tommy’s a sleeping.”
“I’ll have to work one of my mommy miracles. Just you wait and see. Now stop jumping.” Kelsey laid the sleeping baby at the foot of the single bunk bed. She listened again for the diesel. Still nothing. Still good.
“Now let’s raise our tent, okay? Here it goes.” Kelsey stretched the double-sized sheet from her bed across the boys’ bed and tucked it loosely around the edges. Then she used the free yardstick she had gotten from the hardware store for the tent’s center pole. She actually smiled. The next homemade tent they made together would be a couple hundred miles away, and no one would be angry when he saw it.
Jackie’s eyes lit up with wonder. “Wow. You did it.”
“Okay now, where are you going to park your truck?”
He scrambled under his bed until he pulled his plastic red and green truck out with a big grin. “In the middle. It’s safe in the middle.”
She cocked her head at his answer. “Safe?”
“In case the tent falls down.”
“Hey, you little rascal.” She tickled his ribs as he wriggled away from her. “My tents don’t fall down.”
“Daddy might make it fall down. He might hurt my truck.” The simple joy of a homemade sheet tent disappeared. “I don’t want him to hit you no more. Not never.”
Kelsey ducked her head under the tent as she pulled her son into her arms and changed the subject. The lump in her throat hurt. “Let’s read a story.”
Jackie patted her cheek with grubby fingers in a tender gesture of a son’s love. “Daddy’s naughty.” he whispered. “He hurts you.”
Baby of mine, he’s never going to hurt me again. She brushed the sudden tear out of her eye and hugged him tighter. “Don’t worry. Mama’s going to be fine.” She hiked the leaning yardstick up straighter to distract her son. “I know. Let’s read about Herman the flying dinosaur. Do you remember his little brother’s name? Was it George?”
He flopped onto his back, giggling. “Brothers can’t be called George. Everybody knows that.”
“Then what was it?” She tickled his sock-covered feet.
He rolled away from her. “Sammy. And he had a magic purple rock.”
“And the magic rock turn him into a giraffe?”
“It made him fly.” He chuckled with boyish enthusiasm that he might know more than his mother. “And he and Herman flyed to the moon,” he crowed.
She snuggled the happy child in her arms. She had covered for their father’s lies and drinking long enough. Tomorrow and every day after would be about living the truth for a change, and nothing but bedtime stories and imaginary circus tents. She would get a job. They might be poor, but they would be happy.
“I love you so much.” He squeezed her in an extra tight hug. “And I gonna marry you when I grow up. I gonna find a magic rock, too. You and me can fly to the moon.”
“Just like Herman and Sammy?”
“Ah, huh.” Jackie rolled to his stomach to play with his truck.
Kelsey paused. Once they were safely on the bus, she would tell Jackie about Aunt Louise’s big farm in the middle of absolutely nowhere. Together they would watch the pines of the Pacific Northwest transform into the desert and sagebrush of eastern Oregon. She planned to tell them stories about cowboys and cattle drives, rodeos and stagecoach robbers. She might even buy them cowboy hats. They would make darling little cowboys.
They were welcome to stay at her sister’s place indefinitely, but eventually she might find her own place. Phil, her brother-in-law, was as kind as the day was long. Raised in Pendleton, he had farmed all his life. He would love having the boys in his home for as long as Kelsey could tolerate her sister. That would be the challenge. Louise meant well, but she tended to think she knew everything on every subject under the sun. That made her bossy. Phil seemed able to tolerate it; Kelsey could not.
The first thing she planned to do though was to see if there was a woman’s shelter in Pendleton. She needed someone not family related with whom she could talk with about the changes in her life. And who knows? Maybe this fall she could go back to teaching kindergarten. The world was full of working mothers. She and her boys would be fine.
A surge of determination flooded her. There were a lot of maybes in her future and tomorrow would be scary, but every day after that would be better. Purple rock or not, the best part of her life was only a day away.
A diesel engine rattled at the curb. Her throat went dry.
Playtime was done.
Thirteen
Kelsey
Remembering hurt.
With one arm around Whisper’s neck, Kelsey sat on the edge of the Potomac missing her boys with her whole heart. There were other good times, but this one stood apart from the others. It had been the perfect night. Now it would forever stand as her last memory. She had come so close to saving them.
But what had pushed Nick over the edge that morning? What started the fight she couldn’t win? She had never seen it coming. There were no accusations or warnings this time, no lies or bragging. He had just snapped. When she came to on the kitchen floor, the apartment was empty. Her boys were gone.
As Kelsey thought about it now, she suspected Nick’s mother, Ethel Durrant had something to do with it. Ethel never cared for her son much less her grandsons, and the woman despised her most of all. Ethel lived for things that came in pints and fifths, not baby bottles. A mean alcoholic, she badgered and nagged to get what she wanted, but murder? Yes. Even murder. Kelsey’d heard the story of how Ethel had bludgeoned Nick’s father over the head while he was passed out drunk, robbed him blind, and took off for parts unknown with her son. Nick never saw his father after that. Yes. Nick had certainly learned from the best.
I should’ve left him then.
Nick hadn’t always been mean. There were times when she and he had been happy. Yes, her getting pregnant didn’t help, but for a while it seemed Nick loved his new family. She kept the house clean, and while they weren’t rich, they had enough. So what if they didn’t have a television? They played cards, walked to the corner gas station for an ice cream cone once in awhile, and they made do with what they had. It was Tommy’s birth that seemed to change everything, that and Ethel’s continual digging and nagging. Her eternal berating must have worn Nick down. And then he snapped.
Kelsey calmed as she combed her fingers through Whisper’s velvet fur. Alex had it right when he had carved this dog as a guardian angel. Whisper surely stayed close. He allowed her to use him as a pillow, teddy bear, and a wailing wall. Even now this gentle beast stood steadfast, watching the boats on the
Potomac while she finished her latest melt down.
Smoke was only an arm’s length away, but it was Whisper who sat nearly on top of Kelsey like he required her touch, too. She wondered what trauma he carried behind those intelligent, black eyes. He had been a military working dog. Was he hurt somewhere deep inside his canine psyche? Had he seen too much death like she had? Did he need her as much as she needed him? It seemed like it. He settled with a grunt onto her legs, his muzzle to his paws as he turned himself into a comfortable blanket.
“You think you’re a poodle.” She stroked his face from the top of his black nose to his one droopy ear.
He sighed as if in answer.
She took a deep breath. She was healing. She could feel it. Little by little, the truth Alex had taught her was becoming her reality. She was learning how to carry her awful burden. Want to or not, she was going to live.
But night times were harder.
Kelsey woke with a start. Not again. What on earth would Alex think if he had to listen to this racket one more night? In frustration, she pulled the pillow over her face, hoping it would smother the scream that wouldn’t stop. What’s happening to me? I’m going crazy. She pressed it firmly over her mouth until the panic attack subsided. That’s all it was, another panic attack. It had to be. The nightmare faded as usual, but not until she had rent the night with the shrieks of a crazy woman. He must be thinking he’s brought a lunatic into his home. At this rate, he would pack her off to Washington before the two weeks were over.
The nightmare always started and ended the same. She was playing with her two boys, the feeling peaceful and sweet, almost heaven on earth. Sometimes she was just telling them a story or baking cookies with them. Other times, it was nothing more than the feeling of them warm and alive in her arms. It always ended the same. A truck door slammed. She stood drenched in blood as her children sank in dark water. The panic of not being able to reach them strangled her every time. The terror in their eyes stabbed her. Gut wrenching screams crawled up from her heart until they made their way out of her mouth like some horrific siren she couldn’t shut off. Every single night, her boys died all over again.
Am I going insane?
She pushed herself off the bed and to the window, staring at the streetlight on the corner. With her heart racing a thousand miles a minute, it felt like she was falling apart. Only the pressure of the window against her forehead offered cool solace. I can’t go on like this. I need help.
A gentle knock at her door startled her. How long had he been there? She didn’t know, the noise in her mind too loud.
“Are you okay?” he called kindly to her. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Yes, ah, I’m fine. Everything’s okay.” Her voice quavered. Kelsey wanted to die from embarrassment. She was an awful houseguest, crying, needy and stark-raving crazy.
“You’re sure?”
She envisioned the worry in his blue eyes, and yet, she repaid him with nothing but screams every night.
“I’m fine. I’m fine.” She panted, her forehead pressed against the cool glass of the windowpane. Maybe it was time to leave. Maybe she would call her sister first thing in the morning. Louise would help, just like before. It was always a double-edged sword asking for anything from Louise, but she would always help simply because she knew better.
At last Kelsey’s heart resumed a semi-normal rhythm. Her prayer came fervent and sad. Please God. If you want me to stay, help me get through tomorrow. Just one more day.
“Room service.”
“What?” The bed creaked as she rolled herself to the edge of it.
“Are you still in there? Do you know what day this is?” Alex sounded too chipper for such an early hour, especially since she had kept him up half the night.
Of course I’m here. Where else would I be? She pulled her robe over her shoulders and opened the door. “What day is it?”
“This will help.” He pushed a cup of coffee in her hand as he steered her to the kitchen table where a plate of breakfast and a glass of orange juice waited for her.
“I have to go to the kitchen for room service?”
He grimaced as he pointed at her coffee. “That was room service. This,” he pointed at her plate, “is an old family recipe. It’s how I impress folks around here.”
She stared at the breakfast sandwich on her plate and took a seat. “You impress people with an egg sandwich?”
“Yes, ma’am. Now eat. We don’t have all day. When you’re done eating, go take a shower.”
“You’re very bossy this morning.” She took a bite of her sandwich and gulped it down with a swallow of juice. It was actually good.
“I’m bossy all the time. You should know that by now. Eat.”
Alex stood at the open back door watching his dogs. Instead of his usual business suit, he was dressed in navy jeans with a matching golf shirt tucked in at his narrow waist. Broad shouldered, always immaculately groomed, the man knew how to dress. For the first time, she noticed how his jeans hung off his hips, and how angular those hips were to begin with. He had long legs. She shook her head to scatter her errant thoughts, but he had turned and watched her. She blushed. He had caught her looking.
“You know, now that I think about it, I’ve never seen you this early in the morning. Don’t tell me you’re one of those grumpy morning types,” he teased.
“I am if you’re one of those annoying type A personalities.”
Instantly, a smile flashed across his face. “Think about it, Kelsey. I work till midnight most nights. What kind of personality do you think I have?”
As quick as a wink, she was lost in those blue eyes. Her brain stalled in low gear. Say something. Anything.
“Why are you still home?” She stuffed another bite of sandwich into her mouth.
“Because we have places to go and people to meet. Now get your butt moving.” With that he was out the door to feed the dogs.
It didn’t take her long to finish breakfast, shower, and get ready to go. Her limited wardrobe made choosing her attire for the day simple. She decided on her navy blue capris with a simple white blouse. As they exited the front door, Kelsey remembered what day it was. An American flag flapped proudly from the flagpole in Alex’s front yard.
“Oh.” She smiled to see the flag. “It’s July Fourth.”
“See? I knew you’d remember. Now come on. We’re catching the metro.”
“The what?”
“The metro. It’s like the subway in New York, only safer.”
Alex set a quick pace, which she matched easily. The morning was bright, and the warm Virginia sun felt pleasant on her shoulders. Before she knew it, they had walked the few blocks to the metro station. The weather was warm, but pleasant.
Alex purchased two fare cards from the vending machine, and ushered her through the ticket gate to the platform. She stood amazed at the busyness around her, people rushing off and onto trains, one train coming and another departing. It was confusing until Alex leaned into her and explained the schedule and the different routes. And then it got worse. She couldn’t think with him standing so close. The whiff of soap and his aftershave in her nose made her light-headed and dizzy. He might as well have been explaining a tangle of blue, green, and yellow spaghetti as the different train line routes.
“Does that make sense?” he asked, like she had any idea what he was talking about.
“No,” she admitted as she snagged her own metro schedule. “I need to study this. Then, I’ll let you know.”
“Good idea.” His eyes lit up like she had just impressed him or something.
Thankfully, the blue line train roared into view, and he ushered her onboard. That simple action calmed her, but the touch of his hand at the small of her back set off a tremor in her legs. When she sat, she gripped her knees to stop the shaking, and hoped he hadn’t noticed. She seemed to be falling apart for an entirely different reason this morning. She smirked to herself. What was in that sandwich?
&
nbsp; “We have a dozen or so stops before we get off, so sit back and enjoy the ride.” He seemed so at ease. She took a deep breath, prepared to absorb herself in the sights along the metro track, but then he put his arm across the back of their seat. The hair on his arm brushed against hers. He didn’t seem to notice, but tucked against him with his arm almost around her, she could scarcely breathe.
His cell phone chirped. He tensed as he withdrew his arm and pulled the phone off its hip holster.
“Stewart.” He listened for all of two seconds. “No, I said Lennox, not Hudson. Two weeks, not four. Write it down next time.” He stowed the phone brusquely back into its holster without so much as a good-bye to whoever had just called.
“Trouble at work?” she asked timidly.
“No more than usual.” Instantly, his smile reappeared. “I thought you’d like another option to walking or riding the bus. The metro will take you anywhere in the DC area.”
She looked up at him, and wondered what it would feel like to lean into him, but the journey ended before she got the nerve. Before long they were off the metro and had explored the beautiful Smithsonian Information Center, the castle as Alex called it. They lunched at the National Museum of American History, and walked through some of the museum’s numerous halls and exhibits when his cell rang again.
His eyes darkened. He turned away, but she heard restrained aggravation on his side of the conversation. “I told you once. No. Read the fine print. Eight percent sucks. Their offer’s no good.” Without another word, he snapped the phone shut, his lips pursed in thought. He looked like he was a million miles away.
“You’re a busy man.” Kelsey eyed him. Whatever the phone calls were about, they had effectively dampened an otherwise happy day.
Alex ran a hand through his hair. He turned to her with a frustrated glint in his eyes, but it passed quickly and he resumed his cheerful tour guide persona.
Alex (In the Company of Snipers) Page 14
