by Sarah Biglow
“Sure.”
Renee returned from the bathroom with an empty bladder and found Bryce sitting in a chair. He stared straight ahead, but it was clear he wasn’t focused on anything in particular. Sitting beside him, she brushed her hand against his knee to get his attention. He blinked and turned to face her.
“You okay?” he asked, his voice betraying only the faintest hint of emotion.
“Yeah. Just had to go. And you could act like a human being instead of a zombie. It’s not that early,” she answered.
“Just tired,” he mumbled.
“Renee?” a nurse called.
“Guess we’re up,” Renee said and took Bryce’s hand.
They followed the nurse back to the first exam room. Renee looked at the ultrasound equipment and squeezed Bryce’s hand. A paper gown waited on the exam table.
“You’ll need to undress from the bottom down. The doctor will be in shortly.”
Renee waited until the door closed before picking up the gown. She shook it open and looked from it to the table and back again. This isn’t the kind of exam I read about in the book. Gingerly, she pulled down her pants and underwear, folded them on the nearby chair, hoisted herself onto the exam table, and stared at the blank screen to her right. Bryce sat in the chair next to her, expressionless.
“Can you look less like a zombie when the doctor comes in please?”
“Sorry. Just had a late night.”
Renee wiggled on the table, trying to get comfortable. She hoped the butterflies flapping around in her stomach didn’t have any adverse effect on the ultrasound. A knock on the door lessened her anxiety for a moment. The door opened, and a woman in her late thirties walked in.
“Hi, Renee.”
“Hi, Dr. Kenneth.”
“So, first of all, congrats on the pregnancy.”
“It wasn’t something we were planning, but thanks.”
“So we’re going to do a transvaginal ultrasound today. It will be the first picture of your baby.”
Renee looked at Bryce. “Isn’t that cool?”
“Yeah.”
“He’s not a morning person,” Renee said, not understanding his mood change.
“That’s okay. Now, this is going to be a little uncomfortable,” Dr. Kenneth said and pulled a tiny wand from the side of the ultrasound machine.
“What is that exactly?” Renee asked.
“Since you’re so early in your pregnancy, the normal ultrasound technique of going through the abdomen isn’t as accurate. This will give us a clearer picture,” Dr. Kenneth answered.
“Oh. It won’t hurt, will it?”
“No worse than an exam. You’ll feel some pressure, though.”
Renee settled back with her feet in the stirrups and tried to relax. Her hands wrapped around the edges of the gown as Dr. Kenneth inserted the wand. Renee needed a distraction.
“When am I supposed to start showing?”
“Around twelve to sixteen weeks. But some women, depending on their frame, might start showing a little sooner.”
“Oh. Okay.”
Renee took slow breaths as Dr. Kenneth maneuvered the wand around for a few minutes until she found what she was looking for.
“There’s your baby.”
Renee struggled to see the image. “What’s it look like?”
“A gray blob in some other gray stuff,” Bryce answered.
“I’ll print it out for you so you can see it better,” Dr. Kenneth said.
“Thanks.”
She removed the wand and tossed the cover in the trash.
“Do you have any questions before I do that?”
“Yeah. I was reading in this book that yoga is good during pregnancy.”
“Prenatal yoga, yes.”
“So I should do that?”
“It can be very beneficial. Exercise is essential for preparing the body for labor. And since you’re a first-time mom, it would definitely be a good idea.”
“Would you recommend any place in particular?”
“Let me check my literature. I’ll be right back.”
“You want to spend money on yoga?” Bryce asked the second they were alone.
“If it helps with the baby, yeah,” Renee answered and pulled on her underwear and pants.
“Do we have money for it?”
“I don’t know. I’ll handle it.”
Bryce huffed and crossed his arms. She mirrored his gesture. He could be such an ass.
“I’m just trying to do the right thing, here. Make the best of the situation,” she said.
“Okay. Fine.”
Dr. Kenneth walked back in and handed Renee a pamphlet and a picture.
“This is for a studio up on Boylston. They have very good prices, and their classes meet once a week.”
Renee looked at the brochure and stuck it in her purse. She focused her attention on the picture. Dr. Kenneth pointed out a circle in white.
“That’s your baby.”
“It’s so small.”
“It will get bigger. Why don’t you schedule another appointment for twelve weeks?”
“Okay. Thanks. I guess I’ll see you in a month.”
Renee climbed off the table and picked up her purse. Bryce trailed after her. She made her appointment and pulled on her jacket. She said nothing to Bryce as she dropped him off and headed for the aquarium. It didn’t matter if he was still grumpy. All she could think about was the baby growing inside her. She put the sonogram picture on the inside of her locker at work and went to meet the first tour group of the day.
That night when she got home, Renee found Bryce sitting at the kitchen table in the same clothes he’d worn that morning. She checked her watch. He had fifteen minutes before he needed to be at work.
“Bryce, you’re still home,” she said.
“I called in sick.”
“You’re not sick.”
“I know. We need to talk Renee.”
The look on his face and the tone of his voice sent shivers down her arms. Setting down her purse, Renee settled in the chair opposite him and waited. He stayed silent.
“Bryce, say something. What’s going on?”
“We can’t do this.”
“Do what?”
“You know.”
“No, I don’t. So just tell me what’s bothering you.”
“We can’t be parents. There’s just no way it can happen.”
Renee jumped to her feet and said, “This is happening, Bryce. You saw the ultrasound. We are having this baby.”
“No. We need to get rid of it.”
Color and heat drained from Renee’s cheeks, and breaths came in shallow gasps as she stared at Bryce. He did not just say that. He wouldn’t say something so cruel. He’s just joking, right? Clammy chills peppered every inch of exposed skin, and her legs turned to JELL-O.
“What did you say?” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
“I said we need to get rid of it.”
Renee gripped the table to steady herself and stared at his chin. If she looked directly at him, she might reach over and rip off his face with her bare hands.
“I am not going to get an abortion.”
“It’s not just your decision,” Bryce said.
“It’s my body. You can’t tell me what I can and can’t do with it. So don’t you ever say something like that again.”
“You can’t want this kid, Renee. You weren’t ready.”
“Not being ready and not wanting it are two different things. You’ve known since we started dating that I wanted kids.”
“That still doesn’t change the fact we can’t keep this baby. We make enough to support ourselves but can’t handle a baby, too. There’s got to be someone out there who would want it.”
“No. I’m not giving this baby up.”
“This isn’t fair, Renee. It’s my kid, too.”
“Life isn’t fair, Bryce. And let’s face it. We’re not kids anymore. It’s time to be a grown
up and accept what’s happening.”
She turned away and started for the bedroom. She needed to be alone and calm down.
“Why are you so sure you can do this, Renee?” Bryce called.
“Because I have to believe I can. For this baby’s sake. Because I could never just cast it aside.”
She slammed the door closed and curled up on the bed, ignoring him as he came in and pulled on his uniform. She pretended she didn’t hear him slam the front door a few minutes later.
8
September 7th
Erika dragged herself out of bed just before eleven. She had a shift at the restaurant that she couldn’t miss because she was already in deep shit with her boss for skipping out so often in the last few weeks. Routinely drowning her sorrows in alcohol until passing out made the time since getting the news nothing but a blur. Dane probably thought she was dead. Erika just wanted to forget. Forget she had a baby growing inside her. Forget she had no idea about the father. She’d looked into getting an abortion, but she wasn’t exactly conscious enough to remember what she’d found. And for all she knew, it would just go away on its own. That happened sometimes. Erika stumbled into the shower and let the warm water wash away her hangover. A loud buzzing noise filled the apartment as she wrapped herself in a towel.
“What the hell?” she mumbled.
At last, she found her phone buzzing along the table by the couch and scooped it up. Dane’s number flashed on the caller ID, daring her to answer.
“Hello?”
“Erika! Jeez, where the hell have you been? I’ve been calling for weeks, and you don’t answer.”
“Sorry. I’ve just been really busy. And I’m kind of late for work. Can I call you tonight?”
“Yeah, sure. But you better call.”
“I will. Bye.”
Erika tossed the phone on the couch and headed into her room to find clothes. She slipped into her work pants and shirt and checked herself in the mirror. The reflection showed nothing different: bloodshot, red-rimmed eyes. Eyeliner and eye drops would take care of that. After running a comb through her hair, she leaned in close to get the eyeliner just right. By the time she finished, she looked normal again. Maybe a little too much blush, but she needed the color. In the living room, her phone beeped, reminding her she had twenty-five minutes to get to work. She tugged flats on and downed a cup of day-old coffee before running out the door. She danced from foot to foot while the elevator slowly climbed to the third floor.
“Come on.”
“You late?” a voice asked.
“What?” Erika asked and turned to see an older guy in a track suit.
“You look like you’re running late,” he said.
“Oh. Sort of. I just hate how slow the elevators are in this building.”
“Don’t we all?”
The elevator dinged, and the doors slid open. The man held out his arm to let her get on first. She gave him a half smile and stepped on. The elevator stopped at every floor on its way down. Why the hell is it so busy today? Stuck in the back corner of the elevator, Erika fiddled with the Internet on her phone, skimming the search results on abortion. She gulped down fresh—or as fresh as city air can be—air as soon as she stepped outside. She checked her phone for the time.
“Damn.” Twelve minutes to walk four blocks. No time to surf the web now.
Speed-walking down the sidewalks, Erika arrived as the lunch crowd started filtering in. She sneaked in the back, tossed her purse on a hook under some jackets, and pinned her nameplate to her shirt before her manager appeared.
“Nice of you to show up, Lind.”
“I lost my phone charger, and it died, so I couldn’t call.”
“Just get out there. You’re working tables twenty-seven through forty.”
Erika bit back a comment about the huge section, grabbed a stack of place settings, and set the tables. Just my luck. Every old person or mom with whiny little kids in the whole damn city ended up in her section.
Perfect.
“Excuse me, miss? I asked for iced tea. This has no ice in it,” a woman said, flagging Erika down. She waved the glass of tea around so vigorously, Erika was surprised its contents didn’t slosh all over the floor.
“I’ll get you some ice,” Erika said and took the glass.
She wound her way through the tables and booths back to the kitchen. “I need some ice in this,” she called. “And you might want to dump some of the tea before you do it.”
Someone snatched the glass away and put it back seconds later. Ice cubes floated on top of the tea. Good enough. Erika returned the tea and checked on her other tables.
“Hey, Erika,” Jessa, one of her coworkers called.
Erika was bent over an empty booth, trying to retrieve the shreds of napkin from the floor. As she wiggled from under the table, she saw Jessa propped against the booth.
“Yeah?”
“You’ve got someone waiting at table thirty-six.”
“Can you handle it for me? I’ve got to get this ready for a family of four.”
“They asked for you by name.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Nope. If I were you, I’d take it. I’ll cover you here.”
Erika handed the cleaning rags to Jessa and then wiped her hands on her apron. “Thanks.”
“Go get ‘em,” Jessa called, whipping the towel at Erika’s butt.
Erika wound her way through tables twenty-six through thirty, took a left at thirty-one, and ended up at a table in the back: thirty-six. She nearly turned tail and ran. Dane sat at the table.
“What are you doing here?” she asked as she approached.
“Waiting for the waitress to tell me the special of the day and take my order.”
Erika glanced around the restaurant and, once sure no one would notice, slid into the seat opposite him.
“I’m serious. Why are you here?”
“I am, too. Take my order, and we can talk.”
“I’m not on break for another hour.”
“Well, take my order. I’ll order an appetizer and something that takes a long time to make. That way, by the time I get it, you’ll be off.”
“Fine.” Erika stood up. “What can I get you?”
“I’ll have a strawberry milkshake and an order of onion rings.”
“What else?”
“I’ll have one those really big hamburgers with pepper jack cheese and double bacon. Oh, and can I get extra pickles?”
“Sure. I’ll be back with your shake and rings.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
Erika stopped by the kitchen to drop off the order before tending to a couple of other tables. She ran into Jessa on her way to deliver drinks for table twenty-seven.
“So, that guy’s cute, right?” Jessa whispered.
“Don’t go there.”
“Oh, come on. It’s not like you’re seeing anyone.”
“I’m not seeing him, either.”
“What’s wrong with him?”
“He’s my ex. That’s what’s wrong with him.”
Jessa made a pained face. “Ouch. Feel the burn.”
Erika shook her head and waited by the kitchen for Dane’s order to come up.
“Thirty-six. Order of onion rings,” the cook shouted.
Erika grabbed the plate and finished making Dane’s shake. She weaved through running children and other waitresses to get to the table.
“God, why’d you pick a table all the way back here?” she complained, setting the drink and rings down.
“So people wouldn’t think I’m weird, eating alone.”
“Enjoy. Your burger will be out soon.”
“I’ll save you some,” Dane said, pointing to the onion rings.
Erika’s stomach grumbled louder than she expected. “Thanks.”
By the time she brought out his burger, her break was five minutes in. She slid into the booth and pulled the half-eaten basket of onion rings over. She munched on them
while Dane tried to take a bite of his burger.
“That thing is bigger than your mouth,” she said with a laugh.
“It’s a manly burger. I will conquer it.”
Another giggle slipped out as she licked her fingers and pulled his shake across the table. The cold hit her too fast, and she scrunched up her face.
“There’s some karma for you.”
“What the hell?”
“Didn’t say you could steal my shake.”
She massaged her forehead until the discomfort subsided. They sat in silence for a while, Dane slowly making the burger more manageable. Erika started tearing a paper napkin to shreds.
“So, why are you here?” she asked. “Besides for lunch.”
“Because you disappeared from the face of the Earth for like two weeks.”
“I was busy.”
“You barely work. And I came by here a few times, but they said you weren’t here.”
“You stalking me or something?”
“No. I just…we were supposed to hang the day after the party, and I never heard from you.”
“I guess I was just kind of out of it, sorry.”
“Erika, we’ve been friends since freshman year. I think I know by now when you’re lying.” He reached out and took her hands in his. “So, spill. What’s really going on?”
Erika wrenched her hands away and started to finger comb her hair. If I tell him about the baby, it’ll make it real, and I’m not ready to handle that. But Dane was persistent. He’d keep bothering her until she fessed up. Maybe he’ll be willing to help me get rid of the problem. Unsure if she really wanted to tell him, she sat in silence.
“Erika. Come on. You can tell me anything.”
“I don’t know. It’s just been weird between us.”
“I know things haven’t been great since graduation, but I’m still your friend.”
Erika smoothed her apron, tugged at her hair. Anything to keep her from blurting out the ugly truth. Dane tossed some cash on the table and got up. He pulled on his coat and had it halfway zipped up when she bolted to her feet.
“Dane, wait.”
“No. I get it. You don’t want to tell me. It’s fine.” He took two steps away from the table.
She followed him and grabbed his wrist. “I…I’m pregnant.”
