by Sarah Biglow
“Tanner, honey, let’s get your shoes on,” she called.
“Where we going, Mama?”
“Mama has to go to the doctor for a baby checkup,” Shannon answered, scooping him up from the floor.
He wrapped his arms around her neck and held on tight as she carried him to the front hall and slid his feet into sneakers that had Velcro straps. Shannon grabbed her purse and keys from the kitchen, and together, they headed to the car. She buckled Tanner into his car seat and slid into the driver seat.
“Why we got to go to the doctor, Mama?” Tanner asked, kicking his feet against the back of the passenger seat.
“Because we have to make sure the baby in Mama’s tummy is growing big and strong.”
“Why?”
“Because we do.”
“When is the baby getting here?”
“Not for a long time.”
The rest of the car ride to the office was quiet, aside from the occasional thump as Tanner kicked the back of the passenger seat. She pulled into the parking lot and cut the engine. Tanner kept kicking the seat as she got out and walked around the back of the car.
“Come on,” she said and unbuckled him.
He didn’t move.
“Tanner, get out of the car.”
“No. I don’t want to.”
Shannon pursed her lips and kept calm. They still had a few minutes. Hopefully, it wouldn’t take long to settle his stubborn mood.
“You can’t stay in the car.”
“Don’t want to go.”
Huffing, she picked him up under the armpits, hoisted him to her hip, and carried him, kicking and screaming, all the way to the office. The temper tantrum continued while Shannon checked in with the receptionist. Several women sat reading magazines, acting as if the tantrum wasn’t happening. Tanner screamed as loud as he could, his cheeks red from frustration and damp with tears.
“Tanner, that’s enough,” Shannon scolded.
She set him in a chair and bent to his eye level.
“You are a big boy. And big boys don’t throw tantrums.”
“Don’t want to see baby,” Tanner whimpered through a hiccup and a sob.
His tiny fists pounded against her arms, each hit less forceful than the one before, until he finally slumped against the arm of the chair. She looked around, but no one seemed to notice them or say a word. Tanner sniffled beside her, and Shannon sat down in a chair. She picked up a magazine and leafed through it halfheartedly. The door to the office opened, and a young woman, maybe mid-twenties, walked in, followed by a guy about the same age. They didn’t speak, only stared at each other. Finally, he urged her to the reception desk.
“Name, please,” the receptionist asked.
“Erika Lind,” she said.
Shannon was close enough to hear the girl answer. As she took a seat beside the young man, Shannon saw that Erika, dressed in a baggy sweat outfit despite the warm weather, was pale and had been crying.
“Mama, I’m bored,” Tanner complained.
Shannon pulled out a small pad of paper and some colored pencils she always kept with her.
“You can draw.”
“Okay.”
She watched him for a few minutes as he scribbled on the top page. It kept him occupied for now. Erika and her friend started talking.
“I’ll figure it out,” Erika said.
“Like you figured out your last money problem?”
“It’s not October yet.”
“Can’t you just let me help you? I said you don’t have to pay me back.”
“You don’t have to help me, Dane. We went through this already.”
“Fine. But what about the doctor? They’re going to do tests and stuff. That costs money. How are you going to pay for it?”
“I have insurance. I’m still on my parents’ insurance until the end of the year.”
“Then what?”
Erika scrunched up her face and dug the heels of her hands into her eyelids. Shannon looked away, and heat crept up her neck. The room suddenly felt too small, as if she was being obtrusive, even from across the room. The pair continued to squabble until a nurse appeared and called Shannon’s name.
“Tanner, come on, sweetie.”
“I want to color.”
“You can. We just have to follow this lady.”
Tanner clutched the pencils and paper in one hand and held onto the back of her shirt with the other. They ended up in an exam room near the back of the office. Tanner finally detached from Shannon’s side and sat down in the chair near the exam table. Shannon quickly settled on the bed and waited.
A knock came a few minutes later, and a woman walked in. Tanner didn’t even look up from his paper.
“Hi, Shannon,” Dr. DeShawn said.
“Hi.”
“My goodness. This must be Tanner.”
“Yeah. He’s gotten quite a lot bigger since you last saw him.”
“Yeah. Gosh, how long ago was that?”
“Four years,” Shannon answered.
“And we’re here again.”
Shannon forced a smile. “Yeah.”
“Well, we’ll do your ultrasound and get you on your way.”
That got Tanner’s attention. He put down his colored pencils and paper, climbed out of the chair, and leaned against the table with his chin resting on the cushion.
“What’s that, Mama?” he asked, pointing at the ultrasound monitor.
“That’s where we get to see the picture of the baby,” Dr. DeShawn answered.
“Picture?”
Shannon tugged Tanner by the hand so he wasn’t blocking the screen. Dr. DeShawn squeezed the ultrasound gel onto Shannon’s stomach, and Tanner reached out to touch it.
“Don’t touch, Tanner,” Shannon said, swatting away his hand.
The doctor leaned forward and positioned the ultrasound monitor on Shannon’s stomach. The screen suddenly came to life in shades of gray. A sort of sucking sound echoed from the machine, which made Tanner giggle. He pressed his nose within a couple inches of the monitor.
“What’s that?”
“That’s the inside of Mama’s tummy,” Shannon said.
Tanner’s gaze widened. “Inside?” He looked at his own stomach.
“You used to be inside Mama’s tummy, too, before you were born.”
“How did I fit?”
“You were tiny.”
“Let’s see if we can get a clear picture, here,” Dr. DeShawn said and moved the device a little to the right. “There we are.”
She pointed to a tiny pulsing shadow in the center of the monitor.
“Do you see that right there?” she asked Tanner.
“Yeah.”
“That’s the baby’s heartbeat. That’s your little brother or sister.”
“It’s little.”
“It will get bigger,” Shannon said.
“Hi, baby,” Tanner shouted at his mother’s stomach.
Shannon laughed, but the sensation of the monitor pressed against her skin stopped her.
“Well, everything looks good, Shannon. I’ll see you back in a month.”
“Great.”
“I’ll get that printed for you if you want.”
“Sure. Thanks.”
Dr. DeShawn hit a button on the machine and left the room. Tanner backed up a few steps as Shannon swung her legs over the edge of the bed.
“Tanner, can you get Mama some paper towels over there?” she asked and pointed to a low counter.
He reached for the roll, his fingers barely able to reach it. After a bit of struggling, he managed to get the roll off the counter and handed it to her. She pulled off a couple of sheets and wiped the gel from her stomach. Pulling down her shirt, she got to her feet and checked the time. Her heart skipped a beat. They’d have to hurry if she didn’t want to be late dropping him at daycare.
“Come on, honey. Get your paper and pencils. We have to go.”
She led him out of the exam room
and back to the front of the office. Erika and her friend still sat in their corner looking sullen. Erika sat with her knees pressed to her chest. Dr. DeShawn stepped in and handed a picture to Shannon.
“Tanner, do you want to hold the picture?” she asked.
He took it and stared at it.
“Baby,” he said and giggled.
Shannon quickly made her next appointment. She glanced over at Erika again and opened her checkbook.
“Um…I have a question,” Shannon said and leaned closer.
“Yes?”
“What is that young woman here for?” She pointed to Erika.
“I’m sorry, I can’t discuss other patients. Do you know her?”
“No. I just thought she looked like she could use some help covering her appointment.”
The receptionist eyed her warily.
“I’m sure she’d appreciate that, but I still can’t give out any confidential patient information.”
“I understand. Thank you anyway.”
With that, she took Tanner by the hand, and they headed to daycare. All through the afternoon, Shannon wondered about Erika and whether she would be okay. She hadn’t meant to get involved in a stranger’s life, but just the sorry state she’d been in had tugged at Shannon’s heartstrings. Not being able to help made it worse. At two p.m., she picked up Christian and Megan from school and made them a snack.
“Mama, can I put baby on the fridge?” Tanner asked.
“Sure.”
Tanner stuck the ultrasound picture smack in the middle of the fridge with smiling flower magnets. Right in Meghan’s sightline.
“What’s that?” she asked and wrinkled her nose.
“Baby in Mama’s tummy,” Tanner answered proudly.
“That’s not a baby,” she told him.
“It is,” Shannon said and intervened before the pair got into a shouting match.
Meghan looked at Shannon’s stomach in surprise and then back to the picture.
“I thought babies were bigger. And looked like us.”
“They are. They have to grow. Just like you. Come on. Did you finish your spelling homework?”
“Yes.”
“Let me check it.”
Meghan handed over the paper, and Shannon scrutinized her daughter’s handwriting. A little shaky on some of the letters, but far more legible than Christian’s handwriting at six.
“Good job.”
“Can I watch TV now?” Meghan asked.
“For a half hour. And you have to share with Tanner.”
Meghan dragged Tanner off toward the living room, leaving Shannon in the kitchen alone. She looked at the ultrasound picture again. Sadness and almost overwhelming guilt clinched her stomach. Why am I not happy about this baby? She tried to shake off the uncertainty while she made dinner. She put on a brave face for Mike through the meal and let Tanner yammer on about the appointment. Even Christian seemed interested.
Around nine thirty that night, Shannon sat reading a book on the couch, when Mike stuck his head around the corner from the dining room.
“Hon?”
“Hmm?”
“You seem a little down. Are you okay?”
Shannon put her book down and looked at him.
“It’s nothing. Just a little tired.”
“I know you, Shan. It’s something. So come on and talk to me. Did something happen at the appointment?”
“Sort of. Nothing’s wrong with the baby. There was a girl there…couldn’t have been more than twenty-two or twenty-three, and she just looked so…”
“She looked what?” he pressed.
“Sad. And scared. I was going to pay for her appointment. I overheard her talking, and it sounded like she had money problems.”
Mike’s expression changed, and Shannon knew from past experience that an argument was brewing if she said much more. If he’d been the one trying to help a poor soul, he’d be the hero.
“She asked you to?” He walked into the room and sat down beside her.
“No. But it doesn’t matter anyway. I couldn’t help her. HIPPA and all,” she answered with as much calm as she could muster. It was decidedly very little.
“Shannon, I thought we were trying to save money. Hasn’t that been the concern with this pregnancy? Isn’t that why you took on more work?”
Taking a deep breath and mentally counting to five, she said, “We are. But like I said, it doesn’t matter because I didn’t. Just forget I said anything.”
She got up and headed for the stairs.
“Where are you going?”
“To bed. I’m tired.”
Shannon stormed upstairs and climbed beneath the covers. She and Mike rarely fought about anything. Not that there weren’t times she’d love to tell him how underappreciated she felt. Confronting conflict wasn’t her style. But maybe this time, he was right. They would have to save up to have enough to buy formula and clothes and all the other accessories a baby required. She rolled over and tried not to think as she fell asleep.
14
September 29th
Lisbeth checked herself in the mirror in the women’s bathroom at school. She patted her hair down with a dab of water before stepping back to get more of her figure in the reflection. Even though she was only at the end of her first trimester, she was starting to show. Resting one hand on her stomach, she couldn’t fight the smile that crept onto her lips. There were concerns with having twins, but she and Candace would find a way to make it work. She was so absorbed in admiring her form that she didn’t hear the door open.
“You’re starting to show already,” Ellen said.
“Oh, you startled me,” Lisbeth replied, clutching her chest.
“Sorry, hon.”
“Yeah. I guess I am. We did an ultrasound a few weeks ago. We’re having twins.”
“Wow. Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” Lisbeth grabbed her jacket and purse from the sink and eyed her watch. “Listen, I have to run. I’ve got yoga class in about half an hour.”
“No problem. See you tomorrow.”
Lisbeth raced out of the bathroom and through the hallways to the teachers’ lot. She climbed into her car, and her phone rang as she buckled the seatbelt. She checked the display; Candace. Lisbeth picked up the Bluetooth attachment from the center console and slipped it into her ear.
“Hi, honey,” she said.
“Hi. I hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time,” Candace said.
“No. I’m just getting ready to head out to yoga. What’s up?”
“I wanted to let you know I’ll be home early today. There’s something I wanted to talk about.”
“What?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“You know how I feel about surprises.”
“I’ll see you soon, sweetheart,” Candace said.
Fearing she’d be late for class, Lisbeth ended the call and weaved through traffic at a manic pace. Finally, she pulled onto Boylston and spotted the studio on the left side of the road. Parking behind a now-familiar car as the driver got out, Lisbeth grabbed her change of clothes from the back seat and followed suit.
“Hey, Shannon,” she greeted as the other woman headed for the front door.
“Hi. You look out of breath.”
“I didn’t want to be late.”
Shannon gave her a smile and held the door open. Lisbeth walked in and waved to the receptionist before heading back to change. She saw Shannon duck into the stall next to her.
“You’re showing already,” Shannon said.
“That happens with twins.”
“Oh, right. I forgot you said you were having two. Are you prepared for that?”
“Not in the least. But we’ll find a way to make it work. We always do,” Lisbeth answered.
They walked out at the same time and headed for the studio. A woman Lisbeth recognized as Renee walked in as they entered the lobby.
“Hi, Renee,” Lisbeth said.
Renee
looked distracted. “Oh, hi.”
“Are you all right?” Shannon asked.
“Yeah.”
Lisbeth could tell by Renee’s voice that she was far from all right. She’d been fairly quiet the week before, too. Lisbeth watched Shannon guide the girl to a chair.
“What’s wrong?”
“Everything just sucks,” Renee answered.
Shannon wrapped Renee in her arms like a seasoned mother comforting her child. Lisbeth smiled at the gesture. A few of the other class participants skirted around them and into the studio to warm up.
“My boyfriend just left me a couple weeks ago, and I can’t afford my apartment.”
“Did he say anything?” Lisbeth asked.
“No. He won’t take my calls. None of his friends will talk to me. He just disappeared. I know he wasn’t thrilled about the baby, but we were moving past it. I mean, he wasn’t happy I said no to an abortion or adoption, but I thought he’d gotten over it. I thought we were going to get through it together.”
The corners of Shannon’s mouth turned down as Renee explained the situation.
“Do you have family you can stay with or ask for help?”
“Yeah. But I don’t want to burden them, you know?”
“Have you thought about a roommate?” Lisbeth asked.
“Who would want to room with a pregnant chick?”
Before Shannon could say more the front door opened again, and Lisbeth watched a girl who seemed younger than Renee walk to the reception desk and pick up a preliminary form.
“Why don’t we find some tissues in the bathroom,” Lisbeth said, and she and Shannon led Renee back to the changing area.
A short time later, after blowing her nose and splashing water on her face, Renee thanked Lisbeth and Shannon.
“He’s not worth all the tears,” Lisbeth said.
“Thanks, Lisbeth,” Renee said.
Shannon seemed distracted by something.
Lisbeth tugged on her arm. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I just know that girl. Well, I don’t really know her. I saw her at the doctor’s office a few weeks ago.”
“She looks pretty down, too,” Renee said.
“Yeah, she does. Are you two going to be okay?” Shannon asked.
