by Sarah Biglow
“What are you doing here?” Lisbeth asked.
“I came to see my sister.”
Lisbeth wrapped her arms around Elena before unlocking the door.
They walked in, and Lisbeth dropped her workout bag on the floor and threw her keys on the counter in the kitchen. She saw Elena out of the corner of her eye. Her sister looked a little different than she had the last time they’d seen each other back in June. Her hair was a little lighter and less curly.
“You want something to drink?” Lisbeth offered.
“No thanks. I’m fine.”
“Okay.”
Lisbeth walked back into the living room and lowered herself onto the couch. Elena stood in the middle of the room and looked around.
“You want to sit?”
“Uh, yeah. Sure.”
“You seem distracted, Elena. What’s wrong?”
Elena toyed with the zipper on her jacket before sitting down next to Lisbeth. They sat in silence for at least five minutes before Elena spoke.
“Mom is freaking out.”
“I know.”
“You shouldn’t have left them there like that.”
“She was being unreasonable. And they can’t deny who I am forever, Elena.”
“I…I know.”
Lisbeth turned to look her sister in the eye. “Do you accept me?”
“Of course I do. You’re my sister. Even if you did always steal my clothes when we were younger.”
Lisbeth laughed and laid a hand on her stomach. “I’m having twins, you know.”
“You’ll be a great mother. And honestly, I know Mom and Dad will come around.”
“No, you don’t. They never forgave me for dating a white guy in high school.”
“He was kind of creepy.”
“Shut up,” Lisbeth said and gave her sister a playful shove in the arm.
“This is just…huge,” Elena said.
“Thanks. Like I don’t feel like a whale already.”
“Not that. I think they’re happy about having grandkids. Means they can stop pestering me about it. But forcing them to accept the lesbian thing in such a public place? That was rough.”
“It’s not a thing, Elena.”
“Sorry, wrong word. Just give them some time to cool off.”
“Fine. Do you want to see the nursery?”
“Sure.”
They got up and went into the second bedroom. The rocking chair sat idle by the window. A wooden changing table lined one corner, and two bassinets sat against two of the other walls.
“Do you know what you’re having?”
Lisbeth smiled and nodded slowly. “A boy and a girl.”
“Guess it’s good you have someone to help you take care of them. I could never raise two babies on my own. Hell, I couldn’t handle one.”
“Yeah. I mean, ideally I’d only take a few months off and go back to work at the start of next year’s school term, but we’ll see. And I have a friend who is going to be a single mom. I have a lot of respect for what she’s doing.”
Elena pulled Lisbeth into a hug and held on tight. Lisbeth returned the gesture. They stood in the center of the room, and Lisbeth scanned every inch of the interior. They still had a lot to do before the babies were born.
“Thanks for stopping by,” Lisbeth whispered.
“Six months is way too long to go without seeing my baby sister.”
“You’re right,” Lisbeth agreed.
“When are you due? Maybe I can come down and be here to help?”
“You don’t have to do that. I know you’re busy.”
“It’s not every day your sister is having two babies at once.”
“I’m due in April. Of course, there’s always the chance that I’ll go a little early.”
“Keep me on speed dial, then.”
“Do you want to stay for dinner tonight? I know Candace would love to see you.”
“I don’t want to crowd you.”
“Don’t be stupid. You’re staying.”
“Just give Mom and Dad time. Once they hold those beautiful babies, they’ll forget all about everything they thought.”
Lisbeth gave her sister a forced smile, wanting to believe. But she knew her parents held grudges. That night, they shared a nice dinner together, just the three of them. Elena and Candace talked about their respective jobs.
“I told you she would be happy to see you,” Lisbeth said as Elena pulled on her coat to leave.
“You were right. I missed seeing her, too.”
“Get out of here. And call me later,” Lisbeth said.
“She loves you very much,” Candace said as they climbed into bed that night.
“She does. I think I feel a little better about all of this. I know she’s still on my side.”
Candace wrapped one arm around Lisbeth’s stomach and gave her a kiss.
“Have I told you how much I love you?”
“You just did,” Lisbeth said and returned the kiss.
23
December 10th
Renee raced up from the t stop and wound her way through the pedestrian traffic. Shannon and Lisbeth already knew the gender of their babies, and Renee had begun to feel left out. Groaning at the time, she bounded through the front door of the doctor’s office and nearly forgot to stop at the reception desk. She hated being late for appointments, and this one had been nagging her since she’d made it.
“Renee Blackwell. I have an appointment at two fifteen,” she said, gasping for breath.
“Great. Have a seat.”
Renee sat down in a chair and picked up a magazine lying on the table in front of her. She started to flip through it until a nurse called her name. Nerves sparking, she followed the nurse into a room. Pulling on the gown, she settled on the exam table to wait. Seconds ticked by at a snail’s pace. Every time she looked to the clock, it had barely moved. Renee tried to focus on her breathing, anything for a distraction until the doctor and nurse came. Finally, the door opened, and Dr. Kenneth walked in, smiling broadly.
“How are you doing today?” she asked.
“I’m a little nervous. I mean, the baby’s healthy, but…finding out if it’s a boy or a girl. It just makes my stomach do somersaults.”
“That’s completely normal. You’ve been keeping up with your diet and exercise?”
“Yeah. Yoga every week.”
“Good. So we’ll check the baby’s heart rate and growth, and then we’ll find out what we’re having.”
Renee settled back on the table and let the doctor set up the ultrasound machine. She glanced from the screen to her stomach and back again, hoping the butterflies in her stomach would settle.
“Let’s see what we’ve got here.”
Renee shivered as the gel hit her skin. The steady thump-thump of a heartbeat echoed on the screen, and Renee grinned. The image changed, and she could see her baby. She reached a hand out and touched what she now knew was the baby’s head on the image.
“The baby looks good.”
The image changed, and Dr. Kenneth pressed the scanner firmly against Renee’s stomach. She watched the doctor squint at the screen.
“Well?” Renee asked. Her voice sounded hoarse.
“It looks like we have a girl.”
Tears of joy trickled down her cheeks as she leaned closer and looked where the doctor pointed. It looked like a tiny gray blob, but she trusted Dr. Kenneth.
“I’m having a girl.”
“I’ll get this printed for you, and we’ll see you back in a month.”
“Oh…okay.”
Determined not to move until she had the new ultrasound picture in her hands, Renee stayed where she was when the doctor left. My little girl. My perfectly healthy daughter. All the pain of the last few months melted away as Renee wrapped her head around the idea.
“You can get dressed now,” the nurse said, laying the ultrasound print at the foot of the bed.
“Thanks.”
Rene
e got dressed, one hand clamped to her belly as she went to make her next appointment.
“Guess I’ll see you in the New Year,” Renee said, barely able to look away from the image in her hand.
“Yep. Have a great holiday,” the receptionist said.
“I will.”
Renee stepped into the cold December air and exhaled, breath condensing, hanging in the air. She’d gotten the afternoon off from work and didn’t want to go home and do nothing. Instead, she pulled out her phone and hit speed dial number four. The line rang on the other end a few times before someone answered.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Dad.”
“Nee. How are you, honey?”
“I’m good. Really good. I just got done at the doctor.”
“What did they say? Is my grandbaby healthy?”
“Yeah. She is fine.”
“It’s a girl?”
“Yeah. I…I can’t believe it. It probably sounds stupid, but it kind of makes all the craziness of the last few months not matter.”
“It’s not silly or stupid at all. Listen, I hate to cut this short, but I have a meeting I have to get to.”
“Okay, Dad. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Do you want to tell your mother, or can I?”
“You can tell her if you want.”
“Okay. I love you, Nee.”
“I love you, too.”
Renee ended the call and started down the sidewalk, toying with the phone keypad as she walked. She thought about texting Max but didn’t want to interrupt him at work, so she continued to wander until she came to the Chinatown T stop. Looking up Boylston Street to the Common, she smiled and took off up the street. Walking the Common would use up some of her nervous energy. It was fairly deserted and looked somewhat sad, with prickly brownish-yellow grass and barren trees flanking the pathways. She walked from one corner all the way to the other end at Beacon Street and back again. The wind picked up, tugging at her hair and the edges of the ultrasound picture in her hand.
“We’re going be just fine,” she whispered to the picture.
Renee started to shiver a short while later and ducked into the Outbound Boylston station. Unsure of where to go, she waited until an E line train to Heath Street pulled in. That made the decision easy. Getting off at Prudential, she strolled into the warm air and gazed at the sign for the Cheesecake Factory. What I wouldn’t give for a piece of cheesecake right now. She walked up the stairs and headed for the center of the mall. She found a directory and took off for the clothing stores. She made it to the baby-clothing store and started to browse. All the fabric felt extra soft to the touch, and she couldn’t help but pick up something from every rack. A sales person spotted her and met her as she moved to a table with tiny shirts and pants.
“Can I help you find anything?” he asked.
“I’m just looking. Not really sure what to get. I’ve never done this before.”
“Well, do you know how old the child is?”
Renee smiled and pointed to her stomach. “Twenty weeks.”
He smiled back and nodded. “Got it.”
“It’s a girl,” Renee added.
“Well, if you’re shopping for a newborn, I’d say your best bet is one-pieces. We’ve got some new designs in the back.”
Renee followed him through the tables and racks to the back of the store. He pointed out a couple of pale pink and yellow one-piece outfits. She held a couple up for inspection and nodded.
“You’re right. These are cute.”
“I’m pretty sure they are on sale this week, too.”
“Great.”
She added them to her armful of items and wandered through to the baby accessories. Bottles, sippy cups, and baby utensils.
“You wouldn’t happen to know where I could get a car seat or a stroller, would you?”
“We have an online catalog that has more than just clothes. I’ll get the address for you.”
“Thanks.”
Renee examined the bottles and added two to her pile. She knew she shouldn’t buy too much. After all, her mother was throwing her a baby shower soon. But she couldn’t resist getting things ready for her little girl.
“Here you go,” the sales guy said.
“Oh, great. I think I’m ready to check out.”
“Follow me.”
Renee swiped her card and watched as he artfully folded and packed the clothes into one bag.
“You’re very good at that.”
“Lots of practice. Besides, it’s really compactable.”
“Good point. Well, I might see you again in a few months.”
“We’ll be here. Good luck.”
“Thanks. Bye.”
Renee headed home. Erika sat at the kitchen table, flipping through a magazine and drinking tea.
“Hey. You’re home early,” Renee said.
“Oh, hey. Yeah. Slow afternoon. I thought you had a doctor’s appointment today.”
“I did.”
“What’d they say?”
Renee pulled out the top outfit from the bag: a pink floral print one-piece. She couldn’t keep from squealing in delight as Erika set her magazine down and examined it.
“A girl. You’re having a girl?”
“Yeah. Can you believe it? I know I shouldn’t have gone on a buying spree, but I just couldn’t resist.”
“Did you get an ultrasound picture?”
“Duh.”
Renee pulled the picture from her purse and showed Erika.
“Supposedly, that’s the vagina,” Renee explained.
“If you say so,” Erika said with a smirk.
“That’s what I said. But yeah…my Dad was really excited about the news.”
“I bet. I’m nervous about finding out what I’m having.”
“The nerves go away. I promise. Besides, you’ll have pictures to give the people who adopt the baby.”
Erika just nodded. Arlene hadn’t called in a while, and Renee knew the radio silence increased Erika’s anxiety about the whole process.
“I’ m going to put this stuff away and call Max.”
“Okay. I was thinking of making pasta and salad for dinner. You want some?”
“Sure.”
Renee headed into her bedroom and dropped the bags on the floor in the spot she’d designated for the crib. Not that she actually had one yet. She pulled out her phone and dialed Max’s number. His voicemail picked up after the fourth ring.
“Hey, Max. It’s your sister calling. Just wanted to tell you that in April, you’ll be having a niece. Call me later.”
Renee crawled onto her bed and lay on her side. She rubbed her stomach and could have sworn she felt a kick. Her first big movement.
“Every day is going to be like this, little girl,” she said to the empty room. “I promise. We’re only going to have good days, you and me. We don’t need anyone else.”
Half an hour later, Erika stuck her head in. “Dinner.”
“Coming.”
They shared a quiet meal and went their separate ways for the night. Renee settled into bed with a new book and fell asleep before she got more than five pages in.
24
December 23rd
Snow fell outside the window as Erika sat in a cold metal chair and listened to her fellow AA goers detailing their holiday plans and resolutions for the New Year. She watched the snow absently, trying not to think about Christmas. She’d told her parents she couldn’t get time off from work to go home. Not a total lie—she was working more. But going home and telling them she was pregnant and giving up the baby was unimaginable right now. She just couldn’t do it yet. Maybe she never would tell them.
“Erika, what are you doing this weekend?” Amanda asked.
“Uh, I’m not really sure. Probably hanging out with my roommate and her family. They invited me for Christmas Eve.”
“Sounds fun.”
“Yeah.”
Diane, the group leader, cleared
her throat and brought them back to attention. She stood up and after a quick holiday blessing, dismissed them. Erika pulled on her coat and hat and started for the door. She got as far as the threshold, when someone flagged her down. At first, she didn’t recognize him in his big puffy coat and cap.
“Hey, you,” the guy said, pulling off his hat.
Nate.
“Hi,” Erika said and met him halfway down the hall. “What are you doing here? Thursdays are women’s meetings, remember?”
“I know that. I just wanted to see you.”
The heat of a blush crept into her cheeks. She’d been avoiding him since their kiss back in November. It was safer for everyone involved if she wasn’t tempted to start something.
“I thought we talked about this,” she said, leaning against the wall.
“I didn’t mean like that. I just…I’m leaving on the twenty-eighth, and we aren’t going to have any meetings next week, so I wouldn’t get to say goodbye.”
“Oh. Right.”
He joined her against the wall. She squirmed under his gaze and started to melt when he gave her his little half-smile.
“You’re a mystery. You know that?” he said.
“Yeah, because it’s so normal to just go halfway around the world for four months.”
“You don’t let people get close to you.”
“That’s not true. We were pretty close that one time.”
He took her hand in his. It was warm and a little sweaty, but she didn’t pull away. Her stomach did a little flip at the touch—not an unpleasant sensation. Erika let him hold her hand while the rest of her group filed out of the room. None of them seemed to notice what was happening, and Erika was glad for it.
“So, what are you doing for Christmas?” he asked.
“Just hanging out with Renee and her brother probably.”
“That sounds fun.”
“Yeah. What about you?”
“Packing mostly. Hey, do you want to go grab some coffee?”
“I don’t know…I really shouldn’t drink coffee.”
Another half-smile. “Hot chocolate, then.”
After a minute of waffling, Erika nodded. “Sure.”
They headed out into the cold and snow. Flakes stuck to Erika’s nose and hair as they raced along the sidewalk and into the nearest Starbucks. They ordered and took a seat at a table near the back of the shop, letting the heat warm them. For a Thursday night, it wasn’t crowded. Erika and Nate sat in silence, enjoying their drinks for a bit.
