by Ann Omasta
I knew that I was hiding from my problems and that I would eventually have to face the two of them again. I just wasn't ready yet––especially if they were one big happy family, thanks to my sperm donation. The part that bothered me the most was that Dirk had been right. I wouldn't be able to sue them for custody of the child because I couldn't stand the thought of hurting Cassie like that. They had used me, and toyed with my emotions, but I still couldn't do that to her. I must be insane.
The weeks went by, and I actually started to become quite proficient on the grill. It wasn't a difficult job, but I took pride in making food for others to enjoy. It wasn't a stressful position, except when Jamie barked orders at me in quick succession during the noon-hour. Even then, she always made sure to send a quick smile or wink in my direction.
One thing that I discovered about myself was that I loved sweet tea. I don't mean that I enjoyed it, like most people would savor a favorite beverage. I mean I LOVED it. I don't know how much sugar Jamie dumped into that stuff, but it was absolutely divine.
I immediately realized that I had gone too far when I said to Jamie, "You could win a man's heart with that tasty brew." I had just sucked down a giant glass of her freshly brewed sweet tea in giant gulps, and I was basking in the feeling of having it flow through my veins.
The look she gave me before shying away let me know that my fears were true. She had a bit of a crush on me. She and I had started to become closer. After all, we lived and worked together. She was really my only friend, since our other coworkers had yet to accept me as one of their own.
Usually, I tried to keep my interaction with Jamie light and teasing because I didn't want to lead her on. Once in a while, though, I got the distinct feeling that she was falling for me. She was a lovely person, and I sure as hell didn't want to hurt her. She deserved better than me.
I could now officially be called damaged goods. I had tasted the forbidden fruit, and I liked it. I'm fairly certain that I will never again feel what I felt for Cassie. It wouldn't be fair to another woman to put those kinds of impossible-to-match expectations on her, but how would I ever be able to think of anything else? My night with Cassie was incomparable, and it had likely ruined me for all other women.
It was a vicious vortex of hopelessness that I was spiraling into. I desperately wanted to move on and forget about the woman of my dreams––and one incredibly real night––but I didn't think it was possible.
Jamie stayed late, puttering around in the front of the restaurant, while I cleaned the grills. She liked for me to walk her home when we worked the dinner shift together, and I didn't mind the company.
I watched her refilling the salt shakers and quietly singing the song "Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira. Her singing was terrible and adorable all at once.
Her face lit up when I joined her at the booth and belted out my own horrid version of the song. When I shimmied my hips, she giggled at my antics. I smiled down at her, wishing for the millionth time that I could forget the belly laugh that made my heart stand still.
If I had never met Cassie, Jamie would be exactly the kind of woman who could have stolen my heart. As it was, my heart had already been ripped from my chest.
After we placed the newly filled salt and pepper shakers on the tables, she hooked her arm with mine and asked, "Shall we?"
I nodded in response and suggested we walk home along the beach, even though it was a little farther.
She quickly agreed and we set off, arm in arm––probably looking very much like a couple. I steadied her as she leaned on me to take off her shoes. "The sand is nice and cool on my tootsies," she revealed, smiling up at me and looking adorable. "Besides, it's a great loofa."
"A loofa, huh?" I teased her. "Well, who could resist that?" I asked her as I removed my own shoes. "Oh, yes," I groaned, pretending to get what she had meant. "I feel it loofa-ing me."
"You big oaf," she smacked at my shoulder, and we both chuckled.
When she turned her face up to mine, suddenly serious, I looked out towards the inky water. "I can't be what you want me to be," I told her sadly.
"You're exactly what I want," she said openly.
Her words were wonderful, but they were coming from the wrong person. I wanted to desire her. I wanted her to shove Cassie out of my mind and heart, but it didn't seem like that was a possibility.
I didn't know how to respond to her. She gazed out at the water too as if trying to discover what I was so mesmerized by.
"Look," she finally broke the silence. "It's a gorgeous night," she waved her hand to indicate the clear sky with what seemed like a billion twinkling stars. "I'm not asking for anything more than a kiss," she tilted her face up towards mine, silently demanding that I comply with her request.
It was the perfect setting and she was an amazing woman. Deciding that she was probably right, I leaned down to brush my lips lightly across hers. It felt surprisingly good. When she opened her mouth to deepen our kiss, I delved my tongue into her mouth. Her groan of approval had me yanking her up next to me. Our fronts pressed together with yearning.
I hadn't imagined that I would ever want another woman after Cassie, so my body's firm reaction to Jamie was both surprising and pleasing. When Jamie suggested that we take it inside, I gladly followed her into her side of the house.
She led me to her small, feminine bedroom. It smelled like lilacs and fabric softener. Suddenly feeling uncertain, I held back. The last thing I needed was to ruin my friendship with the one person who had been kind to me in the last few weeks.
Sensing my apprehension, Jamie took matters into her own hands. She reached for the snap on my jeans. Kissing my neck and loosening my pants, she worked her way down. She made short work of lowering to her knees and freeing my cock. It sprang away from its confinements and jutted out toward her.
She made an appreciative noise deep in her throat, ran her tongue along my length, and wetted her lips before taking my dick inside her mouth. Her warm, wet mouth felt so good as she sucked. She lightly fondled my balls, sending thrilling chills up my spine. The woman knew how to give a blowjob.
Flashes of Cassie appeared in my vision as Jamie moved her mouth over me. I tried to force them out of my mind, but the more I focused on not thinking of Cassie, the more she invaded my brain.
I could feel my erection waning. Keeping it up wasn't generally a problem––especially not during an epic b.j. Not wanting to go flaccid in Jamie's mouth, I reluctantly gave in to my Cassie fantasy.
"Oh, yeah, baby," I said, working my fingers through her hair. I attempted to ignore the fact that Jamie's poufy hair didn't feel like Cassie's silky brown locks. I watched her mouth sliding over me and imagined that it was Cassie's luscious lips and tongue working their magic on me.
When Jamie looked up at me, I closed my eyes and pictured Cassie gazing up at me. Cassie was tonguing me, sucking me, fondling me. Cassie was here blowing me. My hips began pumping into her mouth as I became lost in the oblivion of how good she felt.
"Cassie!" I cried out loud, very near climax.
She froze, my manhood still deep in her mouth.
Immediately realizing what I had done, I felt horrible, but it was too late to take it back or deny. She had obviously heard me. It wouldn't surprise me if she clamped her teeth down on my sensitive skin. I definitely deserved it.
Jamie pulled back, without biting me. I was certain that she must have been tempted to do so, but she took the high road. She lowered herself to rest her rear end on her heels. Looking down, she swiped the back of her hand across her mouth.
"Jamie," I started, feeling unbelievably awkward. "I'm so sorry." Realizing that my dick was still hanging out, making the scene even more uncomfortable, I quickly yanked my pants into place, tucked away my privates, and closed my fly.
"You should probably go." The shaky tone of her voice let me know that she was beyond upset––likely mortified.
"I would give anything to take that back," I revealed honestly.
<
br /> "It's okay," she said wanly, still looking down and away from me.
I couldn't leave like this. Jamie had been nothing but kind to me since my arrival, and I had just embarrassed her and made her feel inferior. It was the last thing in the world that I had intended or wanted to do.
Kneeling down beside her, I tentatively reached out to lift her chin. "You are an amazing woman. What happened just now has nothing to do with you."
She flashed an angry expression at me, so I clarified. "I care deeply for you, but I am damaged goods. My heart has been broken and trampled upon," I revealed. Her expression immediately softened, and I fervently wished that I could give this kind-hearted, caring woman the kind of love and attention that she deserved.
I tried to explain my confused feelings. "You are a desirable and wonderful woman." At her scoff, I added, "Any man would be lucky to have you. I could kick myself for being so stupid."
"You're not stupid." Even in her hurt and rightfully angry state, she was quick to lift my self-esteem.
"I don't deserve you," I told her, meaning it.
"Apparently, no one does," she chuckled, sounding sad, and I realized then how lonely she must be.
"You'll find someone," I promised, even though I had no idea if my words were true. "I wish it could be me, but I'm obviously not ready to move on."
She turned to face me then, "I hope she knows how lucky she is."
"Yeah, right," I said sadly before I kissed the top of Jamie's head and quietly left.
12
Things were understandably awkward with Jamie after that fateful and dreadful night. Neither of us spoke of the incident, but it hung––silent and heavy––in the air between us making every interaction uncomfortable.
We both worked hard to keep things light and friendly, but the extra effort made our relationship feel strained and false. It was an about-face from the open and easy-going way things had felt before when we were together.
It felt like I had lost my best friend. Again. I was going through them as if they were easy to find.
Realizing that I needed a project to take my mind off my own miserable love life, I decided to find a man worthy of Jamie's love. If I couldn't be the man for her, I would help her discover him. I'd never played matchmaker before, but how hard could it be?
After spending the entire day quietly watching Jamie, I concluded that playing Cupid might be a little harder than I originally thought. The good news was that when I was focused on finding Jamie a suitable partner, I wasn't spending all of my energy missing Cassie.
Jamie was natural and friendly with everyone. I was the glaring exception to her easygoing kindness, but that was my own fault. A few times, I thought I saw her flirting with a customer who might make a suitable partner for her, but each time I studied the potential love interest for her, I found a problem.
The tall guy in the business suit was wearing a wedding ring. That was a definite no-go. The preppy guy who came in for coffee every morning winked at Josiah, the diner's busboy, so I scratched him off my mental list of potential suitors for Jamie. On my way to the restroom, I caught a whiff of the hipster in the grungy clothes and decided he was not an option.
Even though men surrounded us, not one of them was available and worthy of a fantastic woman like Jamie. I had never looked for an eligible bachelor, but I was starting to see why women complained about a lack of options for dating.
Jamie's flirtatious and friendly manner served her well for earning tips, but it made it hard to discern who she might have a real love connection with. Manning my usual spot at the grill, I peered through the pass-through window, watching her for several days––only when she wasn't looking, of course. Sadly, I failed to come up with any viable suggestions for a potential love interest for her.
"Why are you watchin' her like a crazy stalker?" Manny's question pulled me out of my revelry.
"I'm not a crazy stalker." I emphasized my words by giving the dishwasher's shoulder a friendly shove.
"You better not be," he warned me, but the wide, toothy smile he gave me removed the harshness from his words. "She's too good of a woman for the likes of you." He snapped a dishtowel at my arm in response to the shove I had given him.
I turned to look at him then. He was gazing at Jamie like she was a hot fudge sundae with a cherry on top. "You like her?" I don't know why I hadn't seen it before.
"Of course." He said it like I was the densest person alive. "Jamie's the real deal, man."
"You should ask her out," I suggested.
Manny moved back to the stainless steel industrial sink. "What would an amazing woman like her see in me? I'm just a dishwasher, man. She deserves better than that."
I pondered that for a moment, then said, "I think Jamie should get to decide about that." He raised his shoulders as if it was a forgone conclusion that she wouldn't be interested in him.
"Besides, she likes you," Manny added.
"Nah." I sure as hell would not reveal the details of why she was no longer interested in me.
Manny went back to work spraying off dirty dishes, but I had a burr in my ass about it now. I had clear line of sight into how I could make both of their lives better. They were fantastic people, and I wanted to do whatever I could to guide them to each other. Besides, it would do me good to get outside my own head, which seemed unwilling to do anything but bask in sadness over Cassie.
I had seen firsthand that Manny was a hard worker who was reliable and took his job seriously. I hadn't realized that he found his dishwashing position to be in any way inferior. I was a strong believer that everyone should take pride in a job well done, no matter what the skillset. Not wanting to insult the man or his profession, I chose my words carefully. "Have you ever thought about doing something else for a living?"
"Of course," he answered briskly as he scrubbed and sprayed, not looking in my direction.
The silence dragged on long enough that I realized he wasn't going to expand without prompting. "Like what?" I asked, flipping some burgers on the grill.
"Well," Manny hesitated then shut the water off and turned to face me. "I was going to apply to be grill man until you showed up."
I suddenly felt guilty for not thinking about this before. I had been so selfishly consumed by my own situation that I hadn't thought about how my sudden appearance had affected the others who worked here.
From Manny's perspective, I had swooped in and taken the job and woman he secretly desired. Somehow, he had managed to be nothing but kind to me. He was a true-blue, stand-up guy, and I planned to do everything in my power to make sure he got the life he wanted.
Jamie deserved to have someone who not only appreciated how wonderful she was, but also who gazed at her like Manny just had.
Pleased at having found a selfless project to keep my mind occupied, I turned back to look at Manny. "Come take over on this spatula and show 'em what you got."
My idea earned me one of Manny's signature beaming grins. "Thanks, Reed!" He patted my shoulder as he took over flipping the burgers and chicken breasts on the griddle.
13
My plan to elevate Manny's self esteem worked brilliantly. Manny worked the grill flawlessly. He sang and danced as he sprinkled spices onto the meat and flipped it high into the air. Over the next few days, word traveled around town about the entertaining new griller at the diner. He became a bit of a local celebrity, and he loved the attention.
The only problem with my brilliant plan was that I talked myself right out of a job. The only opening at the restaurant was the dishwashing post that Manny had just vacated. It's not that I was too proud to be a dishwasher, but if there was one chore on earth that I hated more than any other, it was washing dishes. Besides, it was hell on my hands and rubber gloves were too girly for me to be taken seriously.
I despised my new post, but I tried to bask in Manny's happiness and not let my displeasure show. When I caught Jamie smiling and shaking her head as she watched Manny doing his thing at
the grill, I knew that I had done a good thing.
I couldn't hide out in this town forever, but at least I had accomplished something worthwhile during my stay here. I wasn't quite ready to go home and face Dirk and Cassie, but once I was, I could leave knowing that I had done something other than wallow in sadness while I lived in this lovely beach-side town.
That night, I retrieved my cell phone from my car’s glove box and plugged it in to charge. It had been irresponsible of me to leave it off. If something had happened, no one would have been able to reach me. The diner had been paying me in cash under the table, so there really weren't any records of where I had gone. While I wasn't ready to head home yet, I knew that I would need to return someday soon. The first step was checking my messages.
Once the phone had been charging for a while, I pushed the button and waited for it to boot up. I wasn't sure if I was ready to see what Dirk and Cassie had to say, but I refrained from chickening out and turning it back off.
It seemed like the phone took forever to come to life. During that time, I couldn't keep at bay the overwhelming bubble of fear that they might not have reached out to me at all. Even though I had been a prick by leaving the way I had, the idea that they might not have tried to find me was suffocating.
When the phone finally sprang to life, I was pleased to receive numerous notifications of missed calls, texts, and emails. My mother had left a simple "You okay?" message. I was certain that Dirk had shared his side of the story with my family. Knowing how things normally were with them, I was also sure that they would take his side and find some way to blame me for what had happened. My family prided themselves on being charter members of Dirk's biggest fan club––especially my mother.
