“Wonderful.” Aileen spoke quietly. “Wonderful moments.”
Maeve prowled but snapped to proper focus. Her friend had completely bypassed Maeve’s slam of the media and homed right in on the situation with Josh. What a shocker—not.
Maeve fought for calm. “I enjoyed myself, yes.”
“No need for defensiveness.” Aileen grinned. “Frankly, I’m delighted you’re starting to own the fact that you still love him.”
“Aileen, please.” Maeve’s voice was a hoarse crackle.
“Sorry, Maeve, but I’m with KC. Despite media intrusion, why aren’t you rejoicing?”
“Because we had our chance, and we lost it.”
“And re-found it.” It was Siobhan’s turn. “What’s the problem?”
God, help me, please! They mean well, but—
There is nothing concealed that will not be brought into the open, My daughter. Remember, it is My great pleasure to offer you the kingdom—the love of My heart. Forgiveness. All you have to do is ask.
She ached to fall into God’s arms and the tender care of her friends; instead she resisted, cowering from the light.
“Would you rather be alone than embrace the love he’s offering? If so, that’s crazy, and that’s also not like the woman I know.”
“Ailee, I’ve missed him every day. I miss the way he’d hold me, the way we’d sit together and watch a movie, or just cuddle, and talk, and laugh. I realize now how much that kind of connection means.” The admission caused Maeve’s world to swirl into dizzying hues, her heart awash in the power of love…and her private battle against it. She resumed pacing.
“Then I repeat, what’s the problem?” Aileen blocked Maeve’s path. “Grab hold of him, and hang on tight.”
If only it were that simple…
Maeve yanked the paper from its spot on the nightstand and rattled it with a vicious shake. “Explain how I do that when we’ve stumbled all over again!”
An immediate silence crowded in.
“All over again?”
Three voices lifted as one and Maeve froze—froze clear through to the deepest channels of her spirit.
9
Oh, sure, there were millions of ways Maeve could have spun that slip of the tongue. Skilled acting might have allowed her to somehow brush past the faux pas—but she couldn’t. She wouldn’t. Not with her Sisters. Maeve could no longer stop or control the crumbling process. The past rushed and flooded, bobbing to the surface of her life, needing to be confronted and revealed. Hiding was no longer an option.
So, Maeve let go.
While she braved the elements of what had happened with Josh, the girls kept quiet. They listened and let her explanation spin forward into a much needed release. Though, in the end, her friends were understandably stunned.
“Do you mean to tell me that all the while the three of us poured our hearts out over man issues, love and romance, you played a game of I’ve got a secret? With us?”
Usually the cool, calm leader of their tribe, Aileen’s voice went sharp. Maeve wanted to cry all over again. She had hurt her most precious friends by executing a horrendous error of omission.
But she had seen no other choice.
“I never meant it that way. I…I wasn’t…I didn’t ever intend to hurt any of you.”
Aileen softened at once. “Oh, sweet Maeve, that goes without saying.” But then she frowned. “Still, you hid from us. You’ve never failed to be uplifting and supportive, yet you’ve always remained guarded when it comes to relationships. None of us understood why, and that’s because you didn’t trust us. Did you think we’d judge you or condemn you? Did you think we wouldn’t forgive you, or understand that we all come from the point of being fallen?”
“I didn’t know what to think, Ailee. Every one of you upheld the promise. You honored our vow. I didn’t, and even though it felt wonderful to be with Josh, the aftertaste left me ashamed. I loved him so much I became desperate. I gave it all away. After graduation, everything ended. I gave him my all, and there’s nothing left now, and God help me, I can’t escape that truth, but at the same time, I can’t escape him, either.”
“Why should you?”
Aileen’s blunt question made Maeve rear back.
“Maeve, don’t you of all people understand forgiveness, atonement and God’s love? God’s chasing you, my angel, and He’s using the man you’ve always loved to accomplish the task of opening your heart again. Pay attention, and stop running.”
Precisely what Josh had said. But how? Fear—of happiness, of love—had become so deeply ingrained she didn’t know how to escape it any longer.
Kassidy unfolded from her spot on the nearby sofa. “Maeve, did you ask for forgiveness?” She tucked next to her on the bed.
“Of course.”
“Did you mean it?”
“Of course.”
“Have you ever stumbled like that again?”
“No, it only happened once.”
Straightforward, yet soft as a feather, Kassidy folded her arms across her chest and waited. A brow drifted upward in emphasis.
Silence prompted Maeve forward, into deepest revelation. “Josh was…is…the only one who ever touched me body and soul.”
Kassidy nodded conclusively, as though that settled matters quite succinctly. But it didn’t. Not at all.
“What you fail to see is that love and remorse will never change the end result,” Maeve said.
“What end result? Punishing yourself? Denying yourself a chance at happiness because of sin? If that was the way God wanted us to live, we’d all be miserable. My sins might be different from yours, but they’re still sins. Got it?”
“Amen.” At last, Siobhan spoke up, voice quiet. “And there was no need to hide from us, Maeve. We love you, and we’ll always stand by you. You should have never doubted that. Don’t hold back anymore. Refusing God’s love and forgiveness is as damaging as the sin itself because to do so is debilitating.”
Siobhan’s words took Maeve straight back to that cramped brightly lit powder room in the basement of Josh’s parents’ house, when she had looked into the mirror and come upon the knowing eyes of a woman rather than purity and innocence. Her friends were right. The result of her failure was an attempt to hide and wear a protective cover over her heart. But nothing—and no one—was hidden from God. Hadn’t that been her first realization after making love with Josh?
Maeve couldn’t hold it together any longer. She broke down in tears sinking onto the corner of the bed, mindless of her friends, her heart, her life. All she could absorb was a bone-deep sorrow that left her body to ache.
But then, like sentinels in God’s army, her three nearest and dearest surrounded her, wrapping her in the loving embrace of a group hug brimming with rock solid support and tender assurance. Next came quiet, peace-restoring prayers for her comfort and wisdom.
She wept all the harder, quaking. “I’m so sorry. I love you guys so much, and I’m the one who let us down.”
“You did no such thing.”
Aileen was so earnest, so gentle. Maeve could almost believe in renewal and second chances. She disengaged from the hold of her friends just long enough to reach for the ring on her right hand so she could remove it for good and for all. The ruse was over now.
Aileen stilled her attempt. “No. Leave it on. Maeve, purity wears many faces, and we catch glimpses of it in many forms. We’ve all come close to that ideal, but we’ve all fallen short of it, too. You’ve been pure to Josh. Find out for sure what’s meant to be with the one true keeper of your heart.”
That said, Aileen stroked her fingertips with gentle care against the silver band, her eyes loving and kind as she then touched Maeve’s flushed, tear-dampened cheek.
****
Following a wrenching start to performance day, Maeve found no way to communicate with Josh or anyone else who had chimed in on the media escapade. Her meeting with the girls had stretched time constraints to the maximum. After that
, the day took off at blinding speed. The gala was just hours away, its preparations consuming the entirety of Maeve’s world.
Except for thoughts of Josh.
She had wronged him then pushed him aside in an epic fail meant to guard her emotions. Meanwhile, until yesterday’s explosion, he had given nothing but patient care, love, and the hammer strike of God’s presence in their lives and their relationship.
The realization unlocked a prison for Maeve, shoving rusted gates wide.
A last minute blitz of meetings with producers and performers would occupy the bulk of her day. Late that afternoon, Maeve and the girls were driven to Lincoln Center and a fire kindled deep in her chest. She needed to talk to Josh. She needed to apologize for the way she had lashed out.
While she savored the pampering and restorative effect of a full makeup and hairstyling session, Maeve continued to think things through. Josh deserved much better than she had given, and time was running out. She needed to mend the rift before life pulled him back to Detroit.
Away.
Amazing how a solitary four-letter word could shatter her heart.
Fully costumed right down to sparkling hair accessories, haute couture jewelry and that dazzling chiffon gown of turquoise and sea shades, Maeve followed her team to the wings, awaiting their entry cue.
Since Josh would kick off the gala with a welcome speech, he initiated proceedings. As Maeve tiptoed into the wings, she noticed he stood center stage, bathed in the circle of a spotlight, holding true to established blocking and timing patterns as he detailed the history and impact of Goal to Go.
While she waited for Josh to conclude, Maeve gave AJ Cooper a smile and a wave. He had just arrived backstage and now stood next to Siobhan who positively glowed in his presence. He had flown in for the event and would be a front-row VIP of the Sisters. Maeve had no doubt their ballerina girl would be buoyed by his presence and soar to incredible heights tonight.
Amazingly enough, that thought stirred no loneliness, no sting of longing, just happiness. Pure, transcendent happiness.
Josh wrapped his opening segment by introducing the first performer, a comedian, who bantered with him for a few seconds before starting his act. When he returned to the wings, Maeve moved his way, but he was converged upon by the production manager as well as a small crowd of well-wishers and folks who seemed to be acquaintances.
Sisters in Spirit followed the comedian. Since they headlined, theirs would be the first act to put heavy emphasis on production and timing elements, so she needed to stay alert. Meanwhile, time ticked by.
At last, enough space cleared that Maeve could squeeze forward while bodies moved past. “Josh—Josh, can I talk to you for a minute, please?”
When he paused and turned, Maeve cast a quick glance toward the stage. She was about to be called into place, so she didn’t want to waste a second. “I want to apologize for yesterday. I—”
“Don’t worry about it.”
Though he cut in, he remained polite and kind, yet withdrawn. Not that she could blame him. Panic built. “No…please hear me out…I behaved badly, and I’m so sorry about the way I treated you. It was wrong—”
“Maeve!” Clipboard in hand, urgency cresting his features, Drew delivered the verbal prompt and a nod toward the stage.
She lifted a hand. “Hang on a sec, OK?”
Josh reached forward as though on impulse, but stilled the motion before touching her. “You have to go.”
“Josh…no…I need to explain.”
“Maeve, it’s OK.”
Her desperation escalated in time to a fast-pounding pulse. “You were right about there being no time to breathe once this event gets going.” He nodded, deliberately remote, deliberately fighting for distance. She knew him too well to be fooled by a masked struggle against love.
If she could pour years of wanting him into a rushed couple of sentences, what would they be?
She rested her hand on his forearm, drawing his gaze, beseeching him. “I really want to talk to you, privately, when all of this is over. Please?” The orchestra tuned up and he watched her in quiet speculation. Maeve wanted to grab hold of the clock hands and force them to go still. “I talked to the girls and it helped so much, just like you said, and I want to be able to tell you—”
“Maeve, now!”
This time, Drew wouldn’t be denied.
Josh released a sigh, and she saw the questions that danced in his eyes, the doubts, the reluctance. All the same, something rich and deep rode beneath the moment.
Maeve had no choice but to drift away, but as she did, she found the sentences. “Please forgive me, Josh. Please give me this one chance.”
Her chin quaked. The longest ever pair of seconds beat by before he nodded, and something cleared in his features—like the gentle burning away of fog, or the subtle evaporation of dullish gray smoke wisps.
Striving for calm, Maeve took to the stage. What would come next? She had no idea, and she couldn’t afford to dwell in the land of what-ifs, over-analyzing the future when before her loomed the most important performance of her life.
10
“Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to historic Avery Fisher Hall! Tonight, Lincoln Center is proud to celebrate the vision of Goal to Go. Through your generous support, this charity continues its mission to assist children in need.”
The announcer’s voice boomed through a packed theater just gone dark. Performers gathered in the wings. As always before a performance, Maeve’s stomach danced with the swarming beat and tickle of butterfly wings.
While the announcer continued, detailing performers and highlights of the show to come, she stuck close to her team. A nervous falter lasted only a few seconds because once everyone gathered, Liam called matters to order by saying, simply, “Aileen, send us to Christ.”
The summons initiated a traditional, pre-performance group prayer; Maeve’s chest swelled and she drew strength from the fact that ever since the start of this extraordinary journey their mission had been about serving—and honoring—God.
Shoulder to shoulder, arms wound snug and a circle of eight was formed. Heads lowered and Aileen began in her smooth, sweet voice. “Lord, we’re filled with gratitude. We’re filled with the joy of sharing Your love through song and dance. Be with us. Keep us in Your hands as You use tonight to bring people ever closer to You. Amen.”
Tears stung. Maeve’s lips trembled as she took stock of the people who surrounded her. Ailee and Liam, KC and Drew, Siobhan and AJ.
Josh.
He needed to take the stage in a few seconds, but he had paused to stand within their precious ring—where he belonged. With that, the battle Maeve fought against sin and past regrets fell into a quick and silent death.
All that remained was her love for Josh, the beauty of wanting to come home to him for good and for all. The very last fragments of Maeve’s resistance dissolved.
Before leaving, Josh bent to give her cheek a quick, soft kiss and whispered, “Dazzle them, Maevie.” He stepped back to briefly search her eyes, the gesture tentative but warm. “I’ll see you after.”
Just like that, fresh roots of hope burst to life. Her smile flowed straight from a spirit radiant with joy. “I’ll see you then.”
“…And so, we invite you to sit back, relax, and enjoy tonight’s performance. To kick things off, please extend a warm greeting to Detroit’s all-star quarterback and two-time pro-bowler, Josh Andrews!”
The announcer’s call ended the moment, and Josh strode onto the stage. Maeve nipped her lower lip, admiring him from a fresh perspective. He wore a black silk suit touched by a deep blue pop of color that came from his tie and pocket square. He offered waves and ready smiles as he lifted his hand-held mic and kicked off the night’s festivities.
“He’s completely delicious.” Kassidy snickered then danced light fingertips against the airy fabric of Maeve’s gown. “Hmm…blue accents for him, blue chiffon for you—what a God-incidence.”
>
Jarred from girlish fantasies, Maeve shot Kassidy an exasperated look but her gaze tracked inexorably to Josh. Filling the stage, he moved from point to point, ramming home the importance of his philanthropic arm in a brief snapshot of its history and victories. He was charismatic and classy—and his passion for the underprivileged filled the venue.
Kassidy gave Maeve’s waist a quick, loving squeeze. “Are you ready, sweet thing?”
“Absolutely.”
****
For a while, Maeve’s world centered on music—music that awakened a fire, fulfilled a calling, bathed her in a blessing. It didn’t matter that she had rehearsed the pieces time and time again. Here and now, they felt fresh. It didn’t matter that every step she made appeared spontaneous and full of easy grace. In actuality, every move had been artfully but painstakingly arranged. It didn’t matter that somewhere, in the farthest reaches of her mind, she knew Sisters in Spirit delivered the performance of a lifetime. All that mattered was the music that poured through her in an anointing cascade.
Especially during the debut of “Nothing to Hide.”
Maeve hit her mark at center stage then launched into her solo verse. “Nothing to hide. No one to blame. Public and private remaining the same. Don’t just watch your own life go on by, you will be free if you try…”
The girls surrounded her and their three voices blended while Siobhan spun past and sank to a graceful bow. “Take away the superficial, Make up is blind, love is inside, nothing to hide. Take away the artificial. Make up your mind, leave it behind, nothing to hide…”Through it all, Maeve couldn’t pull her gaze from Josh. Echoes of the past swelled upward from his spot in the front row. Everything about tonight embodied the Josh and Maeve of before, of purest, richest love—not the Josh and Maeve of after, of struggles, pain, and loss. He delivered a simple yet eloquent tip of the lips that entered her bloodstream and flowed with exhilarating vibrancy.
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