by Claire Adams
I sat back next to him, staring at Vince’s innocent face. I stroked his hair as I watched him sleep. This kid had been the sunshine of my days. He had grown close to my heart. Not just as a neighbor’s son, but rather as my own child already.
While I contemplated about how the father and son tandem had influenced my life, the door crashed open.
Hunter. He looked tense, his eyes glaring at me. Upon seeing his son, he ran toward his bed and held his son’s hand. The madness in his eyes was replaced by worry and fright. He kept his eyes on him, but he asked what happened.
“Why is Vince here?” His voice was suppressed, but I could tell that he was pissed.
“Hunter.” I stood up, turning toward the bed to calm him down.
I moved to hold his shoulders and tone his temper down; he shot me a threatening look. “Just tell me exactly what happened.”
His eyes were burning in a crazed fashion. He looked frantic and furious, like he would knock out anyone who got in his way. He did not care about whether it might be a male or female. He was close to hitting me. I could almost feel it.
I backed away, scared of his dangerous temper. I had never seen him like that before. He was usually a calm, gentle man with a good heart, but everything seemed to be wrong.
“Vince was helping me do some chores at the convenience store until he lost consciousness and fell. I immediately brought him here to have him checked by the doctors. The doctor just came in and said that he was just exhausted. Plus, his blood sugar got below the normal range. He was avoiding sweets too much and that resulted in his low level. Anyway, the doctor assured me that he was okay now and he could go anytime when he wakes up.” I looked at him, waiting for his temper to cool down a little.
I hoped he had just had a bad day and he was tired from work. I wished he would return to his old self, the one who was so kind and sympathetic to care about other’s feelings.
He failed to answer me and turned to look at his son instead as his voice broke. “Hey, buddy. Daddy is here now. I won’t let anything happen to you, okay? I’ll protect you from here on out.”
His words stung me as if I’d been slapped. “Hunter, I—”
Hunter raised his hand, and I thought he was going to hit me, so I closed my eyes, my heart beating out of my chest. Fear enveloped me as I stood, terrified of the man I loved with all my heart.
This was not the Hunter I knew.
When I opened my eyes, he gave me a disgusted look, grabbed my wrist, and half-dragged me into the hallway with people passing by, giving us odd looks.
“What have you done to my son? He’s a little boy, Kylie. You’re pushing him too damn hard. What’s wrong with you?” He raised his voice in front of the crowd. People had stopped and turned to watch us, seeing a couple argue about something important. My lips trembled, my heart breaking in two.
“I never wanted that to happen. I’m not pushing Vince. You know how much I love him. I would never do anything to…” My voice shook with emotion. I was mortified, numerous eyes were watching us. And the way Hunter looked at me was horrifying.
“Stop talking, for fuck’s sake. You put my son in danger! What if something else had happened to him? You should not let him work at your store! This is your fucking fault.” He was screaming at me, mocking how much I loved Vince.
I shook my head, my voice almost reduced to a whisper. “It’s not what I wanted, Hunter. I love Vince. I wanted nothing else but for him to be happy and healthy.” I kept my eyes locked on him, telling him everything inside my heart. Vince was like a son to me. He was the son of the most special person in my life.
But now, everything seemed to be melting in front of me. Desperation threatened to kick in and turn me into a blubbering idiot.
“What the hell are you talking about? You don’t know anything about being a parent. You’re not even his mother! Hell, you’re not a mother at all! You’re just a chick who lives next door to us!” Hunter was screaming at me, throwing those painful words like daggers.
I leaned against the wall as my legs wobbled. I was cold and empty on the inside as realization sunk in. I could have killed Vince because I wasn’t a mother and didn’t understand what happened. And on top of that… I was a nobody to the two people I loved most outside of my mother.
“How can you say that to me? I’ve done nothing but give up my life for both of you lately. I planned to do it forever.” I kept my eyes on the floor, my head all messed up. I couldn’t muster the courage to look up at Hunter. “Nobody loves Vince more than me besides you.” I glanced up as tears dripped down my face. “And this nobody loved you too.”
Hunter stopped talking for a moment, his eyes going wide as he sucked in a deep breath. “Look, I’m sorry. I’m just…I don’t know.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I think it’s best if we take a break from each other until I figure out how I feel after this.” His voice was resentful.
I couldn’t have cared less about what he felt at that moment. He’d crushed me with his abusive words. I stood up from my seat on the floor, staring at his eyes with a blank expression. “I couldn’t agree more. Tell Vince where I am when he asks. Tell him that your nobody neighbor has gone back to her own life, and not because she wanted to, but because you forced her to.”
I turned and walked out of the hospital, not daring to look back. My heart was torn in two as I pressed my hand to my lips and tried to hold back the scream beating against my teeth. Mine never was a fairy tale story with a happily ever after. Hunter wouldn’t be running and chasing me down the hall. He wouldn’t stop me from walking away from the hospital by taking me into his arms and professing his undying love for me.
That shit didn’t exist. Not for anyone I’d ever know, and certainly not for me.
My mother and Bailey had known exactly what would happen. They were right about Hunter. I should have listened to them before it was too late, but I didn’t. I gave love a chance, and she fucked me over good, turning me into a slut who got used by a man who was emotionally unavailable.
Excellent.
I turned to the parking lot and ran to my car. I got in and attempted to put the key in the ignition. For some reason I couldn’t, my hands shaking wildly. I threw the keys instead and buried my face on the steering wheel. It was not the most comfortable place to stay, but it would do for now. I could weep inside of my car without anyone seeing. I could scream and shout in pain all by myself for as long as I needed to.
I couldn’t believe how things had turned upside down in a blink of an eye. Everything was just fine that morning, but now there was nothing left of my beautiful budding relationship with Hunter.
Hunter was the best man I had known before this happened. I still could not believe why he had changed in an instant. He was a completely different man.
It might have been my fault. I had neglected his son, and I had to face the consequences. I’d screwed up without knowing it, and now I had to pay the price.
My chest contracted tightly as I screamed again, my world dissolving before me. It was bad enough to love and lose someone, but to feel like the center of someone world meant everything to me.
And now I’d gone from being everything to being the thing that scared me most.
Nothing to no one. A nobody.
EXCESSIVE PART 4
Chapter 31
Hunter
We had to go back to the hospital the next day for observation. Something was a little off with Vince’s blood sugar, and I wasn’t taking any chances. I’d forced myself not to think about Kylie and the way I’d treated her the day before. It hurt way too much to consider what I’d done.
“Good boy, Vince. You’re doing great.” The nurse had closed the syringe and cleansed the portion where she had injected. The doctor was staring at Vince’s other test results, scrutinizing for any discrepancies and problems in his health.
Vince opened his eyes slowly as the nurse pressed a cotton ball to his arm. “All done, buddy. Great job.”
> They left for a few minutes, and Vince turned his attention on me, worrying his eyes. “Dad. Where’s Kylie?”
“She’s working, little man. Nothing to be concerned about.” I forced a smile and held his hand. “We’ll see her soon. I heard you were helping her yesterday when your sugar went low.”
He smiled and nodded. “I love helping her. I would do anything for her, Dad.”
Fuck me. Thankfully, the doctor walked back into the room, saving me from the conversation.
“Vince is doing well today. We’ll do a three-month test to make sure he’s good unless you have a concern and need to bring him in. Don’t hesitate to do so, or just call if you need to. Diabetes takes some getting adjusted to.” The doctor extended his hand, and both Vince and I shook it before I helped my boy off the table.
“Thanks. We appreciate you.” I gave the doc a sincere nod.
“No problem.” He knelt down and looked at Vince. “Good job on taking your shot, Vince. You’re a pretty strong kid. Just start resting a little more often when you feel dizzy, okay? And make sure someone else knows that you’re not feeling so good next time. As soon as it happens.” He patted Vince’s head, applauding his superb job and cooperation to keep himself safe.
Then doctor turned his attention to me. “Your wife made the right decision. If it weren’t for her, your son would have been in terrible shape. You better thank her a lot when you take Vince back home. I know she was sick with worry. Tell her that she just needs to watch his coloring a little.” He touched his heart. “I felt horrible for her when she came in. She was crying and almost in shock.”
I crumpled my brows in confusion. Then I realized he was talking about Kylie.
He continued, pulling me from my thoughts. “She remained focused the whole time, speaking to her son while Vince was twisting in pain. I’m amazed how she managed to keep calm, which of course helped a lot. You’ve got two fighters in your family, Mr. Yonnie. You’re a very lucky man.”
“Pardon me, Doc. Kylie is not my wife. She’s just a friend.” I bit my tongue in response to his thorough explanations on what had happened. A pang of guilt pierced my heart, boring a deep, huge hole in my hollow chest. I felt so dumb speaking to her poorly out in the hallway the day before. And seeing her cry? My chest ached.
“Oh, is that so?” The doctor turned his attention on Vince. Vince looked away, his cheeks turning red. “Your son seemed to like her a lot. I must say, he wishes for her to be his mom.” The doctor was smiling at him, but Vince was avoiding our eyes altogether. “Well, enough of the chit-chat. Just keep in mind everything I have advised you to do for Vince. We better not delay if things turned for the worse. But right now, your son is doing great, and you can check him out of here in just a few minutes.”
The doctor waved his hand at Vince, but my son was still avoiding his stare. I watched him leave the room together with the nurses, giving me and my son privacy to talk about a few things.
“How are you feeling now, buddy?” I asked him, although his eyes were still slanted downward. He looked mortified and ashamed. As if his deepest, darkest secret had been revealed in front of a crowd of people who would gossip about it for ages. He was exposed, and he was timid to talk more about it, even with me. I hated it.
“Yeah, Daddy. Sorry for telling the doctor that Kylie’s my mom.” He raised the topic himself.
My heart contracted painfully as if his words struck my most vulnerable area. I pursed my lips and nodded, truly uncertain of what to say at that point. I sat on the side of his bed as I stroked his hair away from his face.
“You know that lying is a bad thing to do. You shouldn’t do it again, buddy. But, I understand why you did it.” I was disappointed in myself as well. I had been blinding myself over my own feelings. I was lying about what my heart was really telling me to do. I wasn’t a good example for Vince to follow.
I wasn’t practicing what I was preaching in the slightest form. He was telling people that Kylie was his mother, and I was pretending she wasn’t my lover or anything of importance to me. We were both lying. She meant everything to me.
Sickness filled my stomach as the scene in the hallway played in my mind’s eye. She would never forgive me.
“Sorry, Dad. I won’t do it again. I don’t want you and Kylie to be mad at me.” I watched as his eyes sparkled, tears collating at the sides.
I held his hand tight and offered him a loving smile. “It’s okay, buddy. Just don’t do that again.”
He grasped my hand in return. A trickle of a tear flowed down his cheek which I wiped away. “But first, tell me why you told the doctor that Kylie was your mom?”
“I want her to be my mom, Daddy. Kylie’s the best; I like her and Nana a lot. They love us so much, and I love them too. I’ve always wanted a mom. Everyone has one, but me.” His lip quivered as another set of tears flowed from his cheeks.
Fuck me for messing things up with Kylie. Vince’s happiness meant the world to me, and I’d found the perfect woman to complete us both, and I’d already messed it up.
Guilt raged inside of me. And I hated myself at the moment.
“Don’t think about all of that right now, buddy. It’s okay.” I clutched his hand tightly. Vince was the only constant I had in my life. I could not afford to lose him too. He yielded a forced smile, looking silly. I laughed at his expression and pulled him in for a hug.
After we had squeezed the stuffing out of each other, he moved back and glanced up at me. “Daddy, what are you thinking?” He reached up and massaged the space between my eyebrows, his little fingers cold, his eyes filled with far more wisdom than he should have had at five.
I let out a heavy sigh and smiled. “Nothing. I’m good. How about you?”
“Nothing really. I just don’t want to feel that pain again. It scared me a lot. Kylie made me feel like it was going to be okay. I just wished that she was here with us.” His lip protruded as his eyes filled with tears again.
I held his hand as I smiled at him. “Don’t you worry about anything right now, buddy. It’s all going to be great. We’ll figure it out like we always do. Together.” I kissed his forehead and smiled at him. “
“Thank you, Daddy. I have the best dad in the world. I’m too lucky to have you and Kylie.”
“I have the best son in the world too. The best superhero that ever lived.”
He held my hand tighter before and gave me an innocent look, which I was coming to understand wasn’t so innocent. “So, Kylie’s at work at the store with her mom today?”
I fidgeted with my fingers in his tiny hand. “Yeah, she needed to be at the convenience store. Mrs. Tomms called, and they needed to do a lot of work there lately. She will probably be very busy in the upcoming days. She might not come around at the house much from now on.”
He looked worried, but still, his face was cheerful and glad. “We should visit them sometime then. I bet they would love to have me work at the store.”
“Sounds great.” I got up and offered him my hands. “Let’s see if we can get out of here, hm?”
Vince smiled. “We’ll bust out like superheroes do.”
“I think that’s a great idea, little man.”
Sadly enough, he was the only hero in the room. Overnight, I found myself feeling far more like a villain.
We walked down the hall and found the doctor had approved our request for checking out. I settled the bill and signed all the paperwork as the doctor spoke for the last time to Vince.
“You can eat sweets, but not too many. Eat everything in moderation, okay?” Vince nodded, listening fervently to the doctor’s orders. He smiled at my son upon seeing his energy return, being the gleeful kid he had always been.
“Okay, this kid’s ready to go. Visit me for your regular checkups. But in the meantime, you can now rest and go home.” The doctor turned his attention to me. I held my son’s hand and thanked the doctor before we left.
As we walked out of the hallway, I recalled the awful
things I had said to Kylie. Was I really that guy? One who would hurt someone as beautiful and sweet as my girl?
She used to be your girl.
The drive home was long and gave me far too much fucking time to think. Vince had fallen asleep on the way, the little guy still trying to get used to this new way of life.
When we got home, I carried my son to his room to rest. He was still asleep, regaining his strength from his latest incident. He looked so gentle and sweet, but also a little fragile. The thought scared me.
I walked out of his room with a heavy heart. My chest was aching so badly I put my hand on it and rubbed softly. Something deep inside of me turned into a hollow, gaping hole. What the fuck had I done?
Walking outside of the house, I turned to look at Kylie’s place. The lights inside were turned on, suggesting that Kylie was home. As I stared at her room’s window, I smiled over the light that shone inside. My smile turned into a frown when I watched the room turn dark again.
Just like everything we had, things vanished into the dark. I rubbed my chest a little harder, as an indescribable darkness swelled inside of me. I grabbed a chair and sat on the back porch, keeping my eyes on her bedroom, praying I would see her.
I could not have been more upset with myself. Everything I did was a childish act, a selfish move. I shouldn’t have yelled at her. I shouldn’t have said those things to her. She never deserved to be treated that way. She deserved so much more than I was giving her even when things were good. I told her she was just a nobody, but I guess the joke was on me. It was me who was a nobody. Only Vince saw me as someone worth loving, and Kylie had, but surely not now.
Vince had always admired me for being the most courageous superhero in the world. But I was the opposite of that. I was born a simple man with a coward’s heart. I was never the daredevil who explored things without any hesitations. I was just somebody who stuck around the comfortable zone, where emotional dangers rarely came to visit.
I was a coward to push her away rather than trying things out. And there it was. My overreaction was a protection mechanism, and it had served me in the past well, but tonight it had me feeling two inches tall, alone and miserable.
