by Carlos King
“Understood.”
“Rule two, stealing or borrowing someone else’s personal possessions without asking isn’t allowed. And rule three, there are many activities we do here in groups. These activities are used to help you build your social skills and to help alleviate any trust issues you may have. Now, aside from the many other things I’m responsible for, helping you guys find out what it is you want to do with your lives is my biggest task. A lot of times people abandon the things they’re naturally good at in order to better focus on a job they hate doing.”
“Just because you think you’re good at something doesn’t mean you could do it for a living,” Alexis dimly professed to Mrs. Hobbs.
“Honey, when you do something you really enjoy, and you do it well, there’s always somebody willing to pay you for it.”
“If you say so.”
“Don’t worry, Alexis, we’ll have plenty of time to discuss this matter. For now, why don’t you go in there and introduce yourself to the rest of the girls? I’ll take your bags up to your room. I’ll come back for you in about an hour. I have some paperwork to catch up on.”
“Okay,” said Alexis, heading back into the karaoke room.
Just as Alexis enters the room she hears Mrs. Hobbs calling out to her. Alexis peaks her head from around the door frame and sets her sights on Mrs. Hobbs. Mrs. Hobbs smiles at Alexis and says, “I’m glad you’ve decided to stay. I promise I’ll try my best not to let you down again.” Alexis smiles and reenters the karaoke room.
CHAPTER 23
REDISCOVERED LOVE
A considerable amount of time has passed since Alexis first walked through the shelter’s doors. She has now been a resident of the shelter for a couple of months and has bonded with nearly every woman that resides. She’s even formed close friendships with most of them.
One day, Alexis and a few of her friends are in the kitchen cleaning and joking about events that happened earlier that day. While Alexis is washing the dishes, one of the other women hears her favorite song come on over the radio and alerts everyone else to the classic tune. She rushes toward the radio and turns the volume all the way up. Every woman in the kitchen, except for Alexis, sings along.
An older women named Nikki playfully says to Alexis, “Come on, girl. I know you know the words to this, youngsta’.”
Alexis responds in a disinterested tone, “No thanks. I’m not in the mood.”
“You’re never in the mood, Alexis,” Nikki came back. “It’s about time you start participating in some of the partying around here, girl.”
Another woman named Marie cuts in. “Yeah, Alexis, it’s about time we initiate you into the singers club.”
Another woman lightheartedly states, “Singers club? Bitch, please! I’m the only one who can sing around here.”
“Please, Yolanda. You sound just as bad as the rest of them,” Alexis joked.
“Is that right? Well let’s see what you working with then, Alexis. It’s easy to judge, but can you take being judged?” Yolanda asked.
“Sounds like a challenge to me, Lexi,” Nikki instigated.
All of the women have now taken their attention off the radio and onto Alexis. They are trying to convince Alexis to sing. They promise her that they won’t make fun of her and that it’s all about having fun. What Alexis’ friends don’t know is that her problems with singing are deeply rooted in the back of her mind and it’ll take a little more than friendly encouragement for her to get over it.
Overwhelmed by the pressure of her peers, Alexis snap, “I said I don’t wanna sing! Damn! I wish y’all would leave me the hell alone!” Alexis storms out of the kitchen. Not use to seeing her lose her temper in such a manner, her friends are left wondering what would make such a quiet and polite person erupt in the way she did.
Alexis is lying in her bed listening to her MP3 player, writing in her notepad. Her concentration on her writing is only disturbed when someone knocks at her door.
“It’s open,” she said, sliding one of the headphone speakers away from her ear.
Mrs. Hobbs enters. “Can we talk for a second?” Mrs. Hobbs politely asked. Alexis puts her notepad down and removes the headphones.
“May I?” Mrs. Hobbs asked as she gestured to sit on Alexis’ bed.
Alexis sits up and moves her things aside, clearing a spot for Mrs. Hobbs to sit.
Mrs. Hobbs takes a seat. “You want to talk about what happened in the kitchen?”
“Ain’t nothing to talk about. I didn’t feel like singing.”
“That’s understandable. I don’t feel like doing certain things at certain times. Nonetheless, you’ve been here long enough for me to know that it’s not in your character for you to go off like you that. Not unless it’s a sensitive subject for you.”
“So because I raised my voice I need to be psychoanalyzed?” Alexis questioned with an attitude.
“Listen to yourself…You’re probably the most intelligent women in this shelter. You use words that half of the other girls in here never even heard of before. You’re super clean and you’re always willing to lend a helping hand to anyone who needs it. If it weren’t for your stubbornness during group therapy sessions you’d be the perfect occupant.”
“No one’s perfect,” said Alexis, tossing her notepad on her pillow.
“Forget about group therapy, okay? It’s just me and you now. I won’t you to talk to me, alright? I want you to tell me how a girl, who once went in front of a hostile high school crowd and sung her heart out to win them over, could grow up into someone who hates music so much?”
Alexis replies, “I don’t hate music.”
“I’m sure you know what the word denial means, right?” Mrs. Hobbs asked. “It’s not something you want to put yourself in.”
“I’m not in denial.” Alexis gets up from her bed and walks into her closet. She reaches into the far corner of the closet and pulls out a box full of notepads. She takes the box over to Mrs. Hobbs and sits it beside her. Mrs. Hobbs flips through the notepads. “This is everything I’ve done since I’ve been here.”
“What are all these?”
“Remember when I was a kid and you told me how you use to write down things that use to bother you?”
“I remember,” said Mrs. Hobbs, flipping through the notebooks.
“Well, I took it a step further. I advanced to writing about not only what I’ve been through, but stuff other people might go through, too.”
“I’m glad I could help. But these are a lot of problems, honey?” Mrs. Hobbs states. “How is this helping you?”
Smiling, Alexis responds, “They’re songs, Mrs. Hobbs. I got bored writing down ordinary thoughts. I wanted my words to pack a punch. Being that music can be both powerful and touching, I decided to put all of my thoughts into songs.”
“I don’t get it. You obviously wrote all of these songs to be sung at some point of time, yet you hate singing. It’s kind of confusing, Alexis.”
“It’s not that I hate singing, I just hate the memories associated with it,” Alexis explained.
Mrs. Hobbs nods. “I think I’m starting to understand now. It’s not the music that bothers you, it’s the idea of singing that takes you back to a place where you don’t want to be.”
“I guess you could say that.”
“Sweetie, you can’t look at things that way.”
“I don’t have a choice,” Alexis replied. “When all that shit was going on with my mom, her bitch boyfriend, and that fuck Ellis, I started to lose my passion for it. I guess writing songs was my way of compensating for the void that singing left behind.”
Mrs. Hobbs asks, “Can you recall the last time you sung?”
“I think it was a couple of weeks after I ran away. I was trying to relieve some of the stress and tension I was feeling so I forced myself to sing. It was horrible. For the first time in my life I actually had to force myself to sing. When the words came out there was nothing behind them. It was completely emotionles
s. I remember thinking about how people use to say God gave me a great voice and how I better use it and not waste it.”
Alexis turns to look Mrs. Hobbs square in the eyes. With watery she says, “I prayed to that same God every single night for help. You know what I got for those prayers? I got the courage to walk into a counselor’s office so he could extort a blowjob out of me. And if that wasn’t enough, I was given the blessing of being a hooker, who was beat to shit and raped not just once, but three times.”
Mrs. Hobbs wipes tears from her eyes as continues to listen to Alexis.
“Now, why would God give me such a great voice and then turn around and give me such a tormented life. The way I figure it, God either doesn’t exist or he’s one extremely twisted being. Whichever way, I didn’t want anything to do with what people called my Divine gift,” Alexis declared.
Heartbroken by Alexis’ testimony, Mrs. Hobbs tries to give Alexis a better outlook. “You can’t go on believing that way, sweetie. Sometimes God tests us to see how strong our faith is in him. Even though it may seem that He’s either forgotten about us times or simply punishing us, you have to keep believing in your heart and soul that He would never give you more adversity than you can handle.”
Alexis shrugs. “If that’s true then I guess I failed that test a long time ago.”
“Honey, do you know what God’s most beautiful attribute is? He’s very understanding and even more forgiving. He understands that human nature is flawed and He’s always willing to forgive us. All you have to do is accept Him into your heart.”
“And how do I do that?”
“There are plenty of things you can do to set yourself in the right direction. We’ll talk about it a little later, though. As for now, the best thing you can do is show God your appreciation for all the gifts He’s given you.”
“Gifts?” Alexis asked, puzzled.
“The way I see it,” Mrs. Hobbs started, “you have an amazing talent for singing and a passion for writing. You do enjoy writing, right?”
“I love writing. And I use to love singing.”
“Don’t you know that if you were ever in love with something once, you’ll have love for it for the rest of your life? And let me ask you this, who do you think would be the best person to bring those words you’ve written to life? No one could ever bring the full emotion of what you were feeling at the time you wrote those songs better than you could. Sometimes it’s not just the words in a song that inspires people. Sometimes it’s the pain and passion in the person’s voice singing the song.”
Lowering her head, Alexis confesses, “I haven’t sung in years. I don’t even know if I still can.”
Mrs. Hobbs gently grips Alexis’ chin and raises her head back up. “There’s only one way to find out.”
Alexis and Mrs. Hobbs make their way to the karaoke room where all of Alexis’ friends from the kitchen and a few other women are located. Sounds of the women talking and playfully joking can clearly be heard out in the hallway. However, these sounds come to an abrupt halt as soon as Alexis and Mrs. Hobbs walk into the room.
With all eyes on her, Alexis takes one last look at Mrs. Hobbs before heading towards the karaoke machine, located at the front of the room. Once she’s near the machine she proceeds to pick up the microphone and selects a song to sing. Every women in the room silently watches Alex’s every move, eagerly anticipating what she’s about to do.
Before she starts the machine, Alexis looks back at her roommates. “If it’s okay with y’all, I’d like to finally get in on all the fun y’all been having around here.”
Some of the women begin to clap, others cheer for Alexis, while some playfully tease.
“About time, Lexi!” one woman yelled.
Another called out. “Show us what you got, girl!”
Alexis responds by saying, “I knew y’all wouldn’t mind. And before I start, I just wanna say I’m sorry for being a bitch in the kitchen earlier. Y’all know how I get when my sugar drops,” she joked.
She turns back toward the machine and takes several deep breaths, attempting to control her anxiety. After clearing her throat, Alexis presses the start button and waits for the music to cue. The music begins to play. Alexis has chosen Heaven Sent by Keyshia Cole.
When Alexis starts to hum, her singing voice briefly demonstrates the effects of atrophy due to a long period of inactivity. As she begins to sing, all of the women embrace her despite how off key she is. It becomes apparent to Alexis and Mrs. Hobbs that the talent she once possessed vocally may have gone unused for too long. But as her voice begins to warm, her talent becomes evident to everyone listening.
“Get it, girl!” someone called out.
“There you go, Lexi!” shouted another.
Gaining more and more confidence the further she gets into song, Alexis directs all of her energy and passion into her performance. All of her friends are completely stunned to hear the increasing power and range of her voice. Just as she reaches the part of the song that requires the singer to bring their best efforts to bat, Alexis steps up to the plate and delivers. She impressively belts out a note that is so powerful that it makes everyone in the room stand up cheer. Everyone applauds her.
Once the song is complete, all of her friends rush towards her. Alexis’ rendition of the song was nothing less than spectacular. With all of her friends huddled around her, hugging her and congratulating her, Alexis looks through the crowd of women and spots Mrs. Hobbs. A teary-eyed Alexis spots an emotional Mrs. Hobbs still standing by the door. The two exchange heartfelt smiles with one another as Alexis mimes, “Thank you.”
CHAPTER 24
SOMEONE YOU SHOULD MEET
With her passion for singing revitalized, Alexis has become quite the songbird around the shelter. Everyday Alexis is singing and humming out tunes virtually nonstop. Her voice continues to improve with every passing day.
One day while some of the women were out at a movie, Alexis is in her room, finishing up on a song she’s been perfecting. Believing she’s alone in the house, Alexis looks around one last time to make sure the coast is clear before she begins to vocalize her latest writing. Alexis’ precise pitch perfectly brings out the beauty and heartfelt emotion she put into writing the note. Even without the aid of music, the song sounds perfect.
In fact, it is this perfect sound that seizes the attention of Mrs. Hobbs, who’s in her office downstairs, working. When she hears the striking vocalizations she goes upstairs to investigate. Mrs. Hobbs follows the melodious voice through the house and to its source. She already knows Alexis is the one who’s singing, but nonetheless, she still persists on seeing the vocalist in person. When she reaches Alexis’ room she silently stands in the doorway, ensuring Alexis remains unaware of her presence.
Alexis continues singing until she observes Mrs. Hobbs reflection in the mirror. Startled by her being there, Alexis immediately stops singing.
“I’m sorry, sweetie,” Mrs. Hobbs told her. “I didn’t mean to intrude. I heard you singing from downstairs. Your voice is getting pretty powerful.”
“So other than loud, how did I sound?” Alexis asked with a smirk.
“You sounded great.”
“Thanks. For some reason it doesn’t feel the same to me. When I was younger I would sing and the words would just flow out. When I sing now it’s like every word I say seems a little raspier.”
Mrs. Hobbs takes a seat next to Alexis on her bed. “That’s because you’re not a kid anymore. Although you’re still pretty young, you’ve gone through a lot of trials and tribulations. When you sing songs like the one you were just singing, your voice is relaying the pain and sorrow you felt from having lived through it and writing about it. And by doing that, you’re relaying that exact same pain to the ears of anyone who’s listening. That’s a gift that a lot of professional musicians wish they had.”
“You always know what to say to instill someone with confidence, don’t you? I hope you know that your ability to uplift p
eople is a gift, too.”
“Trust me…I know. You know there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about, Alexis. I was just waiting until the right time to bring it up.”
“What’s up?” Alexis asked.
“Well, my husband has a friend, who has a brother, who just so happens to be an A&R Rep for a large record label. I forget which one, but I know it’s a big one. If you want, I can have my husband schedule a meeting between you two?”
Stunned by the offer, Alexis isn’t sure how she should respond. “Are you saying you could get me an interview with someone from a recording company?”
“That’s what I’m saying,” Mrs. Hobbs answered. “I could’ve actually gotten it scheduled a while ago, but I wanted to wait until you got your voice in peak shape. And from listening to you just now, not only have you gotten your voice in top form, you’ve gone a few miles higher. So what do you say?”
“You think I’m ready for something like that?” Alexis asked, rising to her feet and walking towards her dresser.
“I think you’ve been ready,” Mrs. Hobbs told her, walking up behind her, gently placing a hand on Alexis’ shoulder. “You just never knew it.”
Alexis turns to Mrs. Hobbs with a vibrant smile and gives her former teacher a hug. Still amazed over Mrs. Hobbs proposal, Alexis finds herself cheesing uncontrollably.
“I guess I’ll take that as a yes,” Mrs. Hobbs happily stated.
Moments after making a phone call to her husband and asking for his help in scheduling a meeting between Alexis and his friend’s brother, Mrs. Hobbs waits by her phone with Alexis for the update. Both women are extremely nervous.
The two begin chatting about irrelevant issues in a desperate attempt to get their minds off of their nervousness. The two are startled by the loud, blaring rings of the telephone. They exchanged worried glances with one another before Mrs. Hobbs reaches out for the phone receiver and lifts it off its base. She answers the call and it soon becomes apparent to Alexis that it was indeed the call they were waiting for, but the expression on Mrs. Hobbs’ face leads Alexis to believe that they’re getting an answer they weren’t prepared for.
