She looked weird.
Her cheeks were reddish, and her hands were loose at her sides. Her hair was in a braid across her shoulder when he was sure she had left with it in a bun. The dark circles that were normally under her eyes were only gray smudges that were mostly hidden by her big smile.
Samuel was terrified.
"Mama, what did you do?"
She grinned more, and Samuel almost peed himself.
Nathan appeared in the doorway behind her. "We got married!" he shouted, also grinning stupidly.
Samuel felt himself stand, but then he could not move.
"Really?" he whispered, almost afraid that everything would suddenly change back to what it had been if he questioned it.
"Yes, really," his mother answered him.
And then he ran. He ran across the room and knocked his mother into Nathan with the force of his hug.
"Really really?" he asked, looking up at her.
"Really really."
Samuel jumped back and looked up at Nathan, feeling terrified again.
"That means you're my father now?"
Nathan nodded, probably because he was still smiling and could not really speak.
Samuel did not know what to do. How did one greet one's new father? So he went back onto what he knew. He straightened his shoulders and stuck out his hand.
Nathan stopped smiling, and Samuel's heart stopped. He had done the wrong thing.
But then Nathan grabbed him. Not his hand. Him. He was airborne with Nathan swinging him around as Nathan laughed. Samuel scrambled to grab a hold of Nathan's shoulders to keep from flying across the room. He felt like throwing up, but he felt more like laughing because Nathan was laughing. So he laughed.
Nathan stopped spinning and pulled him against him. Samuel had to stop laughing because breathing was suddenly hard with how fiercely Nathan was hugging him. But he did not care if he could not breath. He had never been so happy in his life.
Finally, Nathan set him down but did not let go of his hand. Samuel stood looking up at his new father and feeling very, very lucky.
~
"I get to sleep in this big bed all by myself?"
Nora giggled. She had been doing it all night, but it never seemed to get old.
It had been a long night of celebration. Nora had not expected the Duke and Duchess of Lofton to be so delighted with their son's sudden marriage. Nora was not sure how she even felt about it. But the Loftons were quick to order a cake be made for that night's supper. There was a feast and champagne. And then they all played charades and sang songs as Jane played the piano. It was a night unlike anything Nora had lived before.
Before she was married.
Before she had a husband like Nathan Black.
"Yes, you get to sleep in this big bed all by yourself," she answered Samuel.
She tucked the covers tighter around Samuel's chin.
"I might get lost."
Nora giggled again and felt a warmth spread through her limbs. Her son had never joked before. Nathan was so good for them.
"Try really hard not to."
"Okay." Samuel smiled but let it fade. "Mama?"
Nora felt her throat closing. "Yes, dear?"
"I really like Nathan. I am glad you married him."
Nora's throat stopped constricting. "I really like him, too."
"Good night."
"Good night, Samuel." Nora kissed his forehead and slid off the bed. She closed the hallway door softly behind her and turned to look at the door opposite.
Her husband was waiting for her behind it.
A feral smoldering began low in her belly and spread through her, licking at her emotions.
She loved her husband.
She knew that. She did not know how long she had known it. But she knew it now. She just did not know if she was brave enough to tell him. What would happen if she did? When they had faced each other in the church there had only been survival in mind. Perform the act to fool the enemy, so that big bloke of a fellow at the back of the church did not make the unbruised side of Nathan's face match the other.
But did Nathan really mean it?
When the priest had announced them man and wife and they had finally kissed, she had not noticed if the man was still at the back of the Chancel. She did not notice anything as Nathan had rushed them to the street and hailed a hackney. And once inside the hackney, she had not noticed anything except Nathan, and she suspected that had been Nathan's plot all along. They had not been kissing. Kissing was far too sedate a word for what they had done. True, she had not managed to get any of his clothes off, but then the ride had been too short, and really she had been a little distracted. They had lost all of her hairpins though, and she had had to resort to a braid for decency.
Surely, Nathan would not have done all of that if she had not mattered at least a little. And the way he had held her last night after...after...well, after she had made a ninny of herself. Surely, he must care.
But standing in the hallway looking at a door was not going to get her any closer to finding out if he cared.
So she opened the door to his bedchamber and strode inside.
To find her husband soundly asleep.
Nora felt the wind rush out of her.
Nathan lay on the bed, and his chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm. His very naked chest.
Nora looked around the room at the discarded clothes. It appeared as though he had been in a hurry to get them off.
And then he had fallen asleep.
She smiled sadly for him as she crept over to the bed. A single candle flickered on the table beside him, and she bent to pick it up before studying his calm face. The bruises were healing nicely, faint green patches along his jaw and one cheek. The light flickered off the smattering of hair on his chest, and Nora wanted to run her fingers over it. Of course, she did not dare. Nathan was likely exhausted and deserved the merits of good sleep. She walked to the other side of the bed, extinguishing the candle before climbing onto the bed.
The mattress dipped only a little, and she settled carefully beside him, wrapping the cloth of her nightgown around her legs. His breathing remained steady as she laid her head on the pillow beside his. She curled as close as she could get to him without actually touching him.
He slept.
And so did she.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
It was raining.
Nathan heard it pattering against the windowpanes. The grandfather clock in the hall was a distant pulse. He listened to their battling beats and the sound of his own breath going in and out. He finally opened his eyes.
And his breath stopped going in and out.
His wife was lying beside him.
And she was asleep.
Nathan stared at her. Her face was right next to his on the pillow, her breath softly brushing his ear. One hand was curled under her chin. She was so beautiful. Nathan carefully rolled onto his side to get a better look at her, but he did not touch her. He just watched her sleep.
And fell totally and completely in love.
When he had gotten into his bedroom that night, his last thought was that his wife would be joining him. He had merely stripped off his clothes, not caring where they landed and fell into bed, exhausted and frustrated as hell. He had married Nora, but that did not make her any closer to him, any more comfortable with what it meant to be together. Frankly, it just made everything worse. And yet he had not been so happy in his whole life.
He could still see her face, the way her mouth tilted up, and how she struggled to keep from smiling hugely when he had been saying his vows. He had been shaking while he had said the words, but he had forced his hands to be still as he held hers. He did not want her to doubt that he meant what he said. And he did not doubt that she meant what she said. She had grabbed the license and signed it before Nathan realized what she was doing. She had shoved it at him with the quill, pointing out exactly where he was to sign. And she had watched him carefully as h
e did it. He had scrawled his name next to hers and dragged her up to the altar.
He had completely forgotten that they were being watched.
And now she slept soundly beside him. Absolutely at peace, and he hoped happy.
And then he did have to touch her.
He slid his arms carefully around her, cradling her against him. Her head rested just below his chin, and he breathed in the scent of her. She made a little noise and wiggled closer, her arms pushing to get around him. He obliged, and he felt her settle back into sleep, content. He held her as the rain struck the windows and the grandfather clock chimed the hour. He held her as his heart pounded against his ribs when he thought about being able to do this every night for the rest of his life.
And then she stiffened, all at once and suddenly.
He felt his happiness dissolve.
"Nathan?"
He stroked her back hoping to restore the calm, contented mood he had just been in. "Shh, it's all right."
She pulled her arms away and pushed against his chest, bringing her head up to stare at him in alarm. His faltering happiness turned to icy hot anger.
"I didn't wake you, did I?" she asked.
"No."
She let out a rush of air that ended on a small sigh, and then she smiled softly.
"Good."
Nathan felt the anger sloshing back toward happiness, and he was getting very confused.
Then Nora squeezed her arms back around him, tighter this time, and put her head back under his chin. She wiggled once against him, for her pleasure or his, he did not know, and then sighed again before going still in relaxation against him.
Nathan stared at the untouched pillow beside them and tried to figure out what the hell was going on. His wife had clearly just snuggled up to him. His wife, who by all accounts should have been terrified at the thought of getting anywhere near him and a bed at the same time.
But there she was, quite firmly pressed against him and holding on like she expected to do so for some time.
"Nora?"
"Hmm?"
"I didn't wake you, did I?"
It was not what he had meant to ask, but it was what came out of his mouth.
"No. Yes. I don't know. I just suddenly woke up." She wiggled back a little to look up at him. "I was a little scared, you know, waking up. I'm not used to waking up in a bed. I'm still a little confused when I do. But you were there, and I knew I was all right. And I am." She smiled and returned her head to its place under his chin.
Nathan wondered if Nora realized he was completely naked under the sheets and that in fact the only thing separating them was her nightgown. He hardened instantly, and he sucked in his breath. He thought about moving his hips away, but then wondered if it might be too late. He closed his eyes and waited.
"Nathan?"
Should he pretend to be asleep again?
Did he have to answer her?
"Yes?"
"Nathan, do you...do you...want me?"
Her unsteady voice made his teeth grind.
But he had to be honest with her.
"Yes, Nora, I do, but I don't want you to think that I will do anything that you don't want. So if you don't want to...do anything, I won't. I promise."
He kept his eyes shut, willing his tormented senses to stop their torrent. But it really was no use, not with Nora plastered against him.
"And what if I do want...to do something?"
Nathan's eyes shot open.
"If you do want?"
"Yes."
He eased her away from him, so he could see her eyes.
"Do you want?"
"I think so."
She thought so? "Nora, I-"
"I get this weird feeling when I'm around you. Down here." She took his hand and put it low on her stomach almost-
He pulled his hand away.
"Nora, I-"
"Would you light a candle, please?"
A candle? She wanted to light a candle now?
He rolled over and got the flint out of drawer of the table beside the bed and lit one of the candles on the tabletop. It's light flickered faintly, barely casting an orange glow beyond the tabletop.
He went to roll back toward Nora, but she was moving. She had her arms and most of her head under the covers, pulling at something. He lay on his back and waited, suddenly terrified that he knew what she was doing.
Her nightgown came up over her head, and she flung it off the bed.
Nathan could not move. He wanted to reach out and...and...touch. But he did not know where his hands were or if his fingertips would be able to feel anything.
Nora was sitting up, and she pulled the braid of her hair around to untie the ribbon holding it. She shook back her head, and the strands loosened, spraying around her shoulders in straight trickles that barely touched her breasts. The candlelight flickered over her pale skin and the brownish tips of her nipples. Her ribs stuck out a little as she twisted to throw away the ribbon. He sat up then and touched the lines of her ribs, skimming his fingertips over them. She twisted back, and the lines disappeared. She looked up at him, her eyes shadowed as he blocked the candlelight.
"I want to take care of you," he said, his fingers still on the place where her ribs had been visible. The skin under his fingertips moved as she breathed.
"I want you to take care of me," she said in response.
He kissed her, bringing his other hand up to hold her head. She leaned into him, her small breasts crushed against his chest.
And then she pushed him away, hard. He fell back against the pillows, his heart thundering erratically.
She was smiling.
Impishly.
His heart almost came out of his chest, and the room spun. Or maybe it was just his head.
She leaned over him and nipped his lower lip before moving to his jaw, then his neck, and then lower. She pressed her lips in a searing line down his chest, her hands kneading the muscles along the way. He thought she would stop at his stomach, but she kept going lower. And lower. And-
He grabbed her shoulders and hauled her up. She squeaked, and he loosened his grip on her.
"What are you doing?" his voice was scratchy and sounded not at all like himself.
Her eyes grew wide, and her voice came out feebly, "Am I doing something wrong?"
"Not wrong. Just dangerous."
"Dangerous?" She had the nerve to smile at him.
And then she licked her lips.
He growled, actually growled, and flipped them, so Nora was pinned underneath him. He took her mouth, plunging his tongue inside, no longer caring if he was being gentle or not. It appeared his wife was more ready than he had thought. Nora rose up against him, and he used his hands to push her back down, smoothing his hands down her sides and back up, coming painfully close to her breasts only to pull away and make her groan. He liked that sound.
She pulled on his hair, and he tilted back his head, surprised.
"This isn't fair. I started this," she said, gasping for air.
"Fair?" He raised his eyebrows.
He was making love to his wife, and she wanted to discuss fairness?
"Yes, it isn't. I had an agenda here, Mr. Black, and you are seriously deviating from it."
"Is that so?"
"Yes. It is."
She reached down and grabbed his fully erect penis. He sucked in his breath and tried to pull away from her. Her hand slid down the length of him, and his eyes rolled back into his head. His arms gave out, and he fell down, just avoiding crushing Nora. She came up on her elbow over him, her hand still stroking him slowly.
"That's more like it," she said and disappeared out of his vision.
Nora had never done what she was about to do before, but she had seen it done. Accidentally, of course, but she had seen it. That was all that mattered, was it not? And the man had enjoyed it; at least he appeared to enjoy it. And she wanted Nathan to enjoy himself.
So she took him into her mouth.
<
br /> Nathan neither moved nor made a noise, and she was afraid she was not doing it right. She noticed the fistful of sheets he was attempting to shred and felt much better.
But then Nathan grabbed her again, pulling her up the length of him, which really felt pretty good, so she was not going to complain. He rolled on top of her, taking her mouth again before settling himself between her thighs. She felt a tiny spasm of fear and resolutely pushed it away. There was nothing here to be afraid of. This was her husband, and she loved him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his hips.
The pleasant pain began to throb again in that place that she never touched, not even in the bath. It started as a low hum and built to a swirling crescendo. She pushed on Nathan's shoulders to get his mouth off of hers.
"It's happening again," she said, heaving in gulps of air.
"What's happening?" Nathan's eyes had grown wide and frightened.
She shook her head furiously. "Not that. The pain, it's there, and it's getting bigger, and I don't know what it is."
Nathan's face relaxed into a smile.
"Oh, that's happening again."
His hand slid down her side, across her stomach, and between her legs. He touched her, and her hips came off the mattress, pushing harder against him, a tiny pulse of air escaping her lips.
"That's supposed to happen, sweetheart," he whispered against her ear and then entered her.
The pain stopped all at once, and she dropped her legs from around his hips. Now she just felt full and not the least bit thrilled at the idea of continuing.
She tapped Nathan's shoulder.
"Could I have a moment, please?" she said once Nathan stopped nuzzling her neck.
He nodded and stayed still above her, watching her face.
"What?" she asked.
"I'm giving you a moment."
"Oh."
She took deep, slow breaths, willing her muscles to relax. Nathan kept watching her.
"You know I don't believe I've ever talked this much while making love to a woman," Nathan said, making himself comfortable above her. He framed her face in his hands, skimming his thumb along the outline of her lips and over her cheeks.
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