by Lila Rose
“Mena’s starting a day care at the compound for all the rug rats. She mentioned the other day needing some help.”
My eyes widened. Me and kids? That was a no go. Children and I didn’t mix. I was certain they knew I was scared to be around them. It was like a dog sensing when a person was frightened and got off by scaring them even more. Kids did the same with me.
I wasn’t sure what exactly it was about children that had me backing away quickly if they got close. Although, it could have something to do with snotty noses, smelly butts, and grubby hands. Hell, anyone would think after what I went through, I wouldn’t be so scared of little humans, but I was.
In fact, just the thought of being around them all day, every day had me swallowing hard.
Letting a nervous laugh free, I said, “Thank you, but no. I’d rather go back to stripping than work with kids.” I winced at my stupid joke. God, I wasn’t even sure why I’d said it. It just popped out and from the looks I was getting, everyone thought I’d lost it. Maybe I had.
“I’m not sure stripping would be a good idea right now with everything going on,” Lissa commented dryly.
That was true. There’d been a news article about the trouble happening at strip clubs around town. What I would call, from what I’d seen on the news, a madman was beating strippers as they left work. One had even been kidnapped, beaten, and then left for dead.
I certainly didn’t need or want to put myself in harm’s way again. Regret for letting the silly slip of my tongue filled me, causing my cheeks to heat.
“You ain’t strippin’” was bit out low behind me. My damn belly quivered from that voice.
However, I clenched my jaw. I hardly saw Handle, yet he apparently thought he could pop up unannounced and tell me what to do. It ticked me how I enjoyed it so much, hearing his voice, having him near. I’d assumed from him staying away from me that he was done having anything to do with me. I wasn’t ready to fully admit to myself how much that hurt. It was why I immediately took the offensive, so he didn’t see what I was feeling. Turning my head slightly, so I could just see him, I glared and snapped, “I will if I want to.”
He leaned down. His warm breath fanned the side of my face causing me to swallow hard and school my features. He snarled, “It’s a stupid thought. Don’t think it again, ’cause you won’t ever strip.”
My heart was frantic in my chest. I wanted to slap him, kiss him, and punch him all at the same time.
“Brother,” Dallas started, but I saw Handle’s hand come up and then heard Dallas sigh.
“You think it won’t bring up bad shit in your mind? You think—”
Standing abruptly, I turned to face him with my hands on my hips. He slowly ran his eyes up my body as he straightened.
“Handle, back the fuck off,” Lissa called from behind me.
Jabbing my finger in his chest, I said, “Yes, you need to shut the hell up, Handle.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “You got nothin’ to be ashamed of with what happened to you. Everyone here knows what went on. We all know you gotta be smart, and the thought of you strippin’ isn’t a good move.”
Fuck him. Who the hell did he think he was presuming to know anything about what I felt, what I went through. And to do it in front of everyone…. My fists vibrated in anger. I was aware they all knew everything. It pained me how they knew what I went through, but only because I didn’t want their pity. They’d saved me, helped me out of a messed-up situation. Still, it wasn’t right speaking about it in front of strangers.
My hands landed on his chest, and I pushed. Only he didn’t move. I lasered my eyes into his, hoping he’d suddenly combust. When he didn’t, I let out a growl, pulled up my hands, slapped them to his chest and shoved. The prick didn’t move an inch. So I growled again in frustration and stormed past him, shoulder checking him along the way. Only I was sure it hurt me more than him when once again his body didn’t move.
I made it halfway across the floor and chose to yell, “You can’t tell me what to do, Handle.” Next, my arm was gripped, and I was spun to find a fuming Handle in my face.
“I can when it’s a stupid fuckin’ idea. You ain’t doin’ it, Della.”
Stepping closer, our noses only inches apart, I felt Handle release my arm to once again take on the I-am-man-you-listen-or-else position by crossing his arms over his bulky chest. Glaring, I snapped, “No man, never again, has a right to tell me what I can and can’t do. Get it through your thick head.”
Before he could say or grab me again, I quickly spun and stalked off, right out the front door. It was there I ran to Lissa’s car. When I realised I didn’t have the keys, I kicked the tyre then threw my head back and screamed into the night. Jesus, Ashley, who does he think he is? Can you help me work out the fool because I can’t?
He had no right.
No right to tell me what I could or couldn’t do.
Shit.
Tears prickled my eyes. I wasn’t going to cry. God, why did I want to cry?
That man turned me crazy.
I should have just told him I’d already come to the conclusion I wasn’t going to strip, but I didn’t. Instead, I snapped and ranted in his face. He deserved it, but I didn’t want to be that person.
Grumbling to myself again, I kicked at the dirt, throwing my hands to my hips.
Why did he have to be a dick and say that stuff in front of everyone? Or even say anything at all. He had no damn right.
“Del,” Lissa called. I looked her way to see her walking towards me. Dallas stood on the front steps to the bar, watching her every move. He didn’t like to let her out of his sight when they weren’t either in the compound, house, or outside of the bar. Unless there was another brother around who he trusted completely.
Why couldn’t I find someone like that? Of course Handle popped into my head. There was a time I’d thought he’d be it for me, but since we’d moved and I hadn’t seen him, I was second-guessing my choice.
I scoffed to myself. I didn’t need anyone right then anyway.
Hell, he’d probably be like Handle and try and tell me what to do. Then again, Dallas seemed to do the same to Lissa, only she told him where to go after it.
Melissa stopped in front of me, and before she could say anything, I got there first. “I’m sorry.”
Her brows rose. “Why?”
“We’re here to celebrate. I shouldn’t have ruined the night by letting him get to me.”
She shrugged, hopping up onto the hood of her car, patting the spot next to her. Once I was seated, she bumped my shoulder and quietly said, “I think you scared him.”
A laugh left me unexpectedly. “Scared? Handle? Why would he be scared?”
“I think the thought of you stripping when there’s been trouble around scared him.”
Scared Handle? No… what? Could he? Maybe?
Oh shit, there went my heart flourishing with hope that Handle did care and not in a protective guard type of way.
“It wasn’t like I actually said I was going to do it.” I shook my head. “He didn’t have to go off like that in front of everyone.”
“I know.”
“He’s such a… pain in the arse.”
“A good-looking one at that.”
Snorting, I shrugged, acting nonchalant. “He’s not my type. There’s also the fact I never want to get involved with another man anyway.”
She bumped my shoulder again. “At least not yet.”
Smiling, I admitted, “At least not yet.”
“You want to come back in? I’m sure he regrets how he acted by now.”
“No, thanks. I think I’ll head back and get some sleep.” I smirked. “Before you and Dallas get in and start rocking the walls.”
I also needed to get away from Handle before he drove me crazier, to a point where I’d end up jumping him to just shut him up.
Lissa busted out laughing. “I promise once I’ve renovated the master bedroom and we’ve moved into
it, you won’t be able to hear a thing.”
“Praise the Lord.”
She sobered as she studied me. I knew what was about to come out of her mouth before she even opened it. “You okay?”
That question.
That damn question. I was tired of hearing it or getting asked it every day. I knew she, even Julian and Dallas, asked me all the time because they worried, and for that, it warmed me, but I was over it. I could only pray if they saw more smiles, laughs from me, with time that question wouldn’t pass their lips again.
When I eventually found a blissful life.
Sighing, I realised I might have to move away to someplace new to not hear the question. I was sure bliss and I didn’t, and never would, know each other.
Nodding to Lissa, I told her, “I’m okay, but eventually, one day I’ll be more than okay for the rest of my life.”
“Damn right you will.”
I smiled at her confidence, and I hoped I hadn’t just made a liar out of myself.
Chapter Two
Handle
Shit. That could have gone better, but fire shot straight to burning bright inside me when she’d mentioned stripping. I’d never let her do it again. She deserved more in life. She deserved beauty and peace.
Christ, she hadn’t even been in town long and I was already fuckin’ things up.
It’d been over a month since I got back before them, and then when they’d arrived, I only caught a glimpse in passing at the compound. It was then I discovered those glimpses weren’t enough to satisfy me. No chance.
One night of her riding my cock and I was fucked up to a point my mind wouldn’t let me forget anything about it. Her. Forget about Mardella Kent.
“Brother, you good?” Vicious asked. He was sitting at a table with his woman on his lap and another brother, Muff. Christ, even Nary looked worried for me. Those two had been through hell and back; it was good to see they’d worked it all out and not let the past mess them up.
The thought of having that kind of happiness in my life seemed unreachable. Snorting, I nodded. “Yeah, brother. Great.”
“Angel, give us a sec.”
Nary smiled softly and leaned in to kiss her man. His eyes heated and I looked away briefly, not sure I could handle seeing that type of love when I didn’t think I’d get the chance for it to touch my life again. Nary then got up and made her way to the bar, where Josie was sitting talking to Nurse and his woman, Starr.
“Take a seat,” Vicious said, kicking out the chair opposite him.
Muff quickly stood. “Get the feelin’ you two are gonna talk all emotional and crap. I’m outie for it.”
“You do know no one says outie except twelve-year-old girls?” Vicious teased.
“Whatever, dick. At least I ain’t gonna be holding hands and talk about feelings with another brother.”
“Hey, if you can’t show you care, then I won’t be swapping tampon stories with you.”
Muff’s head reared back. “What the hell you goin’ on about? Actually, I don’t wanna know.” He stormed off.
“I love you, Muffikins,” Vicious yelled across the bar. Brothers laughed as Muff flicked his middle finger up. Never thought I’d see the surly brother, Vicious, sitting around making jokes. It was amazing how a good woman could change a man.
Grabbing the chair, I turned it and straddled it, leaning my arms across the top. The shit Vicious was saying was funny as fuck, but I wasn’t in a laughing mood. He saw it when his eyes came back to me.
“What was that shit about?” he asked. I shrugged, causing Vicious to glare at me.
A beer landed on the table, and Nurse gave me a chin lift. “Nary said you could use one.”
“Thanks, brother.”
“Not a problem. Take it easy.” With that, he walked away.
“Handle, what went down with Della?”
“Fuck,” I clipped and took a pull on the bottle of beer. Nary was right. I did need it. “She’s thinkin’ of strippin’. I told her no. She didn’t like it.”
His brows rose. “Della strippin’? Can’t see that happenin’, brother. Sure you didn’t hear her wrong?”
“Nope.”
“Maybe she was just playin’,” he suggested.
If that was the case, then I’d been way in the wrong for chewin’ her out in front of everyone. Christ, she probably had been, which meant I owed her an apology. One she’d get after I spoke with Melissa to confirm it.
“What’s the deal there?” Vicious asked.
With another pull of the beer, I met Vicious’s stare down. “What you mean? You know the deal. I was their protection in Sydney. Came back, now they’re back. The end.”
“Bullshit.” Vicious planted his elbows on the table, his hands playing with his beer.
I shook my head. “No bullshit.”
“You get in?”
Fuck. I knew what he meant. I could lie since it was none of his business, or I could tell him straight and maybe have him sort out my head since I couldn’t.
“Yeah, back in Sydney.”
He studied me. “She was down with that?”
My upper lip rose. I snarled, “You seriously askin’ me that shit? I didn’t—”
“Cool it, brother. Knew you’d never take advantage. I just didn’t understand… she’s been through a lot.”
“Know that, but never’d say no to a stunnin’ woman who came to my room askin’ for it.”
He whistled. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, wanted to take back control. Offered it to her.”
“And now?”
“That was two months ago, and now we’re like it never happened.”
“You want somethin’ to happen?”
“Christ.” I ran a hand over my face and took another gulp of beer. “We seriously are talkin’ feelin’s and shit.”
“So? Not many I would, ’cept you.”
I knew that. He didn’t want to open when he was hunting Nary. It wasn’t until recently that he came to me and shared everything that was in his mind. He’d finished with how he wanted the same to happen for me, finding my soul, my heart. I told him mine died the day my wife’s life left the earth. Had said it, even though I wasn’t sure it was all true because one woman popped into my head at that time, and it hadn’t been Jenny.
“Know what you told me, brother. But the way you’re with Della, I see something could grow.”
“Don’t want it to,” I clipped.
“Why?”
Because she deserved more.
Shaking my head, I snorted. “Don’t worry about it. I ain’t built for anything serious, not since I lost my own angel.”
Again, the fucker studied me, then grinned. “Right.” He nodded.
Rolling my eyes, I told him, “Think what you want, Vicious. Now, we gonna talk about somethin’ else or do you wanna get your dick out to make sure you still have one?”
“Know I got one and know it’s way bigger than yours, ’cause I’m man enough to talk about feelin’s and shit.”
It was then I finally laughed. A bit of the tension left my body. That was until I heard the door open, and I turned to see Dallas and Melissa walking in. She was giggling about something he’d just said, but then I noticed there was no Della following.
Finishing my beer, I stood and started off. “Where you goin’?” Vicious called, humour making his voice light. He knew where I was going, to make sure Della made it home safe. That was after I spoke with Melissa.
Stopping in front of them both, I demanded, “Well?”
Melissa glanced up—since she was so goddamn tiny—cocked her hip to the side and stated, “That approach was way not cool, Handle.”
“Know that, woman, but need to know if she’s still thinkin’ it.”
“Dude, she was totally messing around. No way would she go back to stripping.”
“Good,” I bit out and started around them.
“Brother,” Dallas called.
Glancing back, my eye
s landed on his. His gaze was stern and clear: Be smart and don’t fuck Della over. She means something to my woman. If you do, I’ll take you down. So I sent my own back: Mind your own fuckin’ business.
Storming outta the pub, I made my way to my Harley and straddled it. She hadn’t been gone long. If I sped, I’d probably catch her, and then I’d follow her the rest of the way back to Melissa’s.
In the end, Della must have driven like a madwoman because Melissa’s car was already parked in the driveway when I pulled up out front of their neighbour’s house. Like a stalker, I just sat there watching the house, wondering if she was already in bed or getting ready for it. If she wasn’t in bed, then I had my chance to apologise. Or maybe it’d be best to leave things as they were. She’d think I was a dick, which I was a lot of the times, and then I’d go about my days not thinking of her. We wouldn’t exist to each other.
Yeah, and then I’d start shooting dollar coins outta my arse. I was full of shit. She’d never not be on my mind. I just didn’t know if I factored to her at all.
Knew Della was seeing someone new to talk to. Someone Elina had suggested. Could only hope the new person would be as good as Elina since she got Della to breathe and feel again. If they weren’t, I’d find her someone else…. Hell, there I went again, wanting to get involved.
She did that to me.
Somehow, she got inside me so much I was consumed by her. At first the distance helped, when I had that month or so to myself, but since she got into town, I was enthralled all over again. It had gotten to the point, I was acting like a moron sitting out the front of the house.
My eyes caught a light switch off in the house—Della’s room actually—so I knew she’d gone to bed. Time to move on, I started my ride and took off down the road, heading to my own bed at the compound, where I’d probably rub one out while picturing Della astride me.
Fuck, did she ever think of that night?
Shaking my head, I had to back the hell off and get laid or some shit.
Needed her off my mind. Maybe I could ask Dodge for a job outta town, take a trip down to Ballarat and stay there for a while. Never been to the main compound. Heard they didn’t have club pussy floating around, but there was nothing wrong with that. In fact, I respected that decision since it was Talon’s, the big head honcho, choice; he loved his woman that much to get rid of all tail in the club.
