by Nikki Duncan
“You saying I started out rough?”
“I’m saying adversity makes us stronger. You’re getting stronger every day.” He kissed her temple and leaned back into the corner of the couch. “Now, do you like action movies?”
“They’re okay.” Love them.
He lifted the DVD remote and pressed play. “Then you’ll have to suffer through Captain America for the sake of humoring me.”
“Big words from the interloper who invited himself over for a movie.”
The Marvel cartoon-esque pages flicked across the large screen. Ryland returned the remote to the table, set his wineglass down. Her question about what he was doing died in her throat as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. He pressed his lips to her temple.
“The movie, while great, is second string to your company.”
“You’re just being nice because of what today is.”
“Yeah. That’s it. I don’t really enjoy your company.”
Intellectually she knew he was kidding. He was too kind to speak so abruptly even if it was true. Intellectual insight couldn’t be seen when the glare of emotional wounds kicked up.
Kris had been sweet in the beginning. Like Ryland. He’d used sarcasm as humor. Until it had become a truth. He’d been packing his bags the last time he’d spoken to her. That he didn’t enjoy her company had been the nicest thing he’d said.
On TV, a scrawny kid was getting beat up in an alley. For Jennalyn, each punch landed with the knuckle smack of pain. Each fist was a striking memory leaving a fresh mark. Then the would-be hero was rescued from his hell.
A year had passed since Kris walked out.
A year had passed since Sabrina passed.
A year had passed before a hero came to rescue Jennalyn from her hell.
Ryland.
Settling deeper into his warmth, she drew on the closeness of his compassion. He’d listened to her, talked with her, joked with her. Now, ignoring her arguments that she was fine, he’d stayed with her.
Her cheek rested on Ryland’s chest. The softness of his sweater was a caress as tender as his fingers moving rhythmically over her arm. Tears lodged in her throat. The TV blurred until she no longer saw the movie. Then shapes blurred into colors that faded.
On a level clouded with dreams and swelling music, she floated weightless and secure. Then she was no longer drifting and a feather touch brushed her forehead. Awareness dawned slowly.
She was in her bed. She’d fallen asleep. Ryland had tucked her in.
She could still feel his sweater beneath her cheek and smell the scent of pine tree on him. She still sensed his strength. Half afraid to find him gone, hoping she wouldn’t, Jennalyn opened her eyes. Ryland sat at the edge of her bed watching her.
“You’re still here?” It was a ridiculous question, sort of like calling someone at home to ask if they’re home. It was obvious, but also the only thing that popped into her mind.
“I couldn’t leave you alone.”
“Why?”
His eyes never left hers. “Didn’t want to.”
“How long ago did…”
He shrugged and kept watching her. Instead of feeling awkward she somehow felt right with him watching over her. And that was a strange idea because she’d never been the kind to accept emotional support. She always gave it.
It had been one of the things Kris had twisted, saying she was cold and impossible to get close to. She was realizing the biggest reason for her broken engagement had not been because of her. For the first time she was genuinely happy that Kris had walked.
Having left the week before Sabrina died, his timing had sucked. He’d handled it badly and resorted to unkindness. The when and how no longer mattered because he had done her a favor. The favor she’d been given by Ryland though, the generosity of himself, showed her the depth of a real man.
“I should go.” Ryland’s words pulled her from the quagmire of her thoughts.
“Why?”
“Because if I stay I’ll want to kiss you.”
“Okay.”
“I shouldn’t kiss you tonight.”
“Why?”
“Kissing you,” he continued as if she didn’t speak, “while you’re in bed would be too strong a temptation.”
“I’m okay with temptation.” The distraction from life promised to be pleasurable. Surely they couldn’t regret pleasure.
“You’re vulnerable.” His hand moved from his thigh to hers. “Feeling lonely.”
“Vulnerable. Maybe.”
“Definitely.”
It was her turn to shrug because she couldn’t dispute her vulnerability. “I may even be lonely but that doesn’t mean I have to be alone.”
“Jennalyn.” He leaned down, tightening the grip on her thigh. His lips pressed against hers, setting her belly to fluttering. Just when she thought he’d lower more, melt into the pleasure, he pulled away.
Her hand covered his on her thigh. “I’m not sure why I’m going to admit this.”
“What?”
“Your company was exactly what I needed tonight.” Pressure squeezed her hand and moved up her arm to her heart. Her chest shrank. “You’ve made this day bearable when I was dreading it.”
His gaze had held hers since she’d opened her eyes. Now he dropped it to their joined hands. A sigh shook his chest.
“You weaken a man’s will.”
Her heart hammered her ribs, haunted her with the fear that he’d walk out. “You weaken a woman’s.”
“I’ll stay with you. I’ll hold you.” He pulled the cover back and lay beside her fully clothed.
“You’re a noble man, Ryland Davids.” She snuggled into his arms, wondering if in the light of morning she’d regret her vulnerability.
Two steps into the Indianapolis Children’s Museum was all it took to have Diamond, shortened affectionately to Di, bouncing. And to have Ryland, Jennalyn and Di’s mom Ashley laughing. Though Ashley’s laugh was a little tense.
“It’s Bumblebee.” Di’s ringlet curls danced along her back. “I love Bumblebee. And holy cow, look at the dinosaurs coming through the wall. That big one is a brontosaurus.”
The seven-year-old’s voice cracked with a squeal about the dinosaurs even as she raced in circles around the Transformer that stood proud in the main lobby. After two laps she slowed down to keep pace with the turning base that kept the robot circling.
Jennalyn took everyone’s coats. “I’ll stow these in a locker and get our tickets.” She handed Ryland her camera before moving to stand in line. “You handle the pictures.”
Ashley relaxed a bit when she left. Her tension, though unnecessary, in regard to Jennalyn, was second nature. She was warming up though. “I can’t believe you picked Di for today.”
Ryland looked at Ashley, her height matching his to the inch. The woman who’d been seen as intimidating when she found her daughter injured had been beaten down by circumstances. Her trust was fragile; especially toward women she barely knew. Ryland hoped to help her overcome that just as he hoped to make the day special for Di.
“I explained it when I called,” he said while taking pictures of Di. “Di suffered enough. She deserves a day of fun.”
“You did.” Her gaze darted to Jennalyn, who stood in the ticket line, while Di chatted up a museum employee near Bumblebee. Ashley, always wary of adults she didn’t know, moved a little closer. “And though you know how appreciative I am I can’t help feeling hesitant.”
“Which is why you’re with us. Nothing bad is going to happen to your angel today.”
Di had lain in a hospital bed covered with third- and fourth-degree burns. In the grips of agony, she had worried more about the feelings of her mom and dad than her own comfort. The jovial child with kindness in her core wouldn’t experience so much as the sting of a no on his watch.
“Thank you, Ryland.” Ashley’s shoulders stiffened.
With his back turned and even without the shift in Ashley’s postur
e, Ryland felt a vibration move the air around him. Jennalyn was back. He’d never bought into the whoo whoo kind of stuff, but the only way he could explain it to himself was that it felt like his aura shifted to make room for her. It was equally creepy and exciting.
“Are we ready?” Jennalyn rested her fingers on his arm. Only the tips for the briefest moment. It was enough.
His breath caught. His pulse jumped.
The restraint he found to behave civilly, to not drag her into a corner of the nearby hall amazed him. It had been the same way every time she’d touched him since waking in his arms that morning. Fully clothed and with the barrier of her ridiculously cute and fluffy robe, he’d been struck by the simplicity of being with her. She was a complex woman full of grief and layers of intrigue, but being in her company made perfect sense.
“I’m more than ready.” Eager for more of her, he took Jennalyn’s hand and linked their fingers.
Ashley took Di’s hand and together they went to hand over their tickets.
Jennalyn smiled at Di. “I hear you like science.”
“Yes.”
“Do you have a favorite science show you watch?”
“Nova.” Di’s answer was high pitched and immediate. “My dad watches it. He recorded bunches for me when I was in the hospital.”
“What was your favorite episode?”
Jennalyn shifted so she was walking beside Di. Her hand brushed the little girl’s bangs from her forehead. Ashley stiffened. Ryland waited.
Jennalyn was either unaware of Ashley’s discomfort, or she was ignoring it in an attempt to keep things low stress. If Ashley would open herself up to the possibility of trust she would see that the only thing Jennalyn had to offer was goodness.
“Well, the one on the twins who were joined at the brain was cool. And the one where they mine for elements. I think it would be fun to go mining. Oh, and there was one about tornadoes and another about mastodons like in Ice Age. I really like the ones about dinosaurs though.”
Jennalyn didn’t laugh or appear surprised at the rushed thoughts of a child. She followed along perfectly. “Do you think you would like to meet a paleontologist who used to be on Nova?”
“Oh my gosh. Yes! That would be so cool.” Di’s words raced over the top of each other.
“Then let’s head this way.” Jennalyn steered them toward the right. They rounded a corner and before them, suspended in flight, hung several pterodactyls.
Di grew more animated as she launched into a lecture about how the name meant winged finger, which she thought was pretty weird because it looked nothing like a finger. Before they could agree with her, she proceeded to tell them that the wingspan of the pterodactyl, which was really a flying reptile and not a dinosaur, could be over forty feet long.
“That’s ten of me!”
“You didn’t learn all of that from Nova, did you?” Ryland asked.
“Of course not.” She chuckled as if he were truly silly. “I have books too.”
“Books upon books upon books,” Ashley joked. Wrapped up in the joy of her daughter, she’d loosened up enough to release her grip on Di. Her regard of Jennalyn had softened a tiny bit too.
“My sister, Sabrina, was the same way with books.” Ryland hadn’t heard Jennalyn talk about Sabrina without sadness. Until now. The only thing in her tone was pride and a fond memory.
“Di would read the Encyclopedia Britannica cover to cover if we had them.”
“But we don’t so I have to settle with what I can get.” Di pulled the attention back to her as only a child could. “At least I have a computer at home. I can look stuff up on that.”
Jennalyn and Di continued their discussion, with occasional additions from Ashley and Ryland, about dinosaurs and research sources as they made their way through the dinosaur exhibit. It took them close to an hour, with Di quizzing every museum employee she met. Finally they made it to the lab where a paleontologist worked on recreating a T-Rex skull.
Di started to race to the open window. Jennalyn stopped her plunge into questions with a quick hand on her shoulder. Ashley tensed, but the moment passed quickly.
Ashley followed with Ryland as Jennalyn spoke to the scientist. It was another sign of Ashley’s growing trust that she hung back.
Whatever Jennalyn said had a smile splitting the paleontologist’s previously dour face. Placing his paintbrush on the table, he motioned Jennalyn and Di over to the large glass doors. Just inside, he presented Di with a white lab coat that had her name embroidered over one pocket.
Ryland and Ashley moved to the lab. Ashley joined Di as the paleontologist gave her a tour and explained what all the tools were for. Jennalyn appeared at peace as she leaned against a counter to watch from a distance. An easy smile rested on her lips as she watched the science-loving little girl explore a dream come true.
“You continue to amaze me, JJ.”
She shifted her gaze to him. Her smile slipped into a shadow that thankfully passed quickly. “Just doing the job.”
“You do more than that.” He leaned against the counter, bumping his shoulder to her. “You’ve made that girl’s year.”
“She deserves it.”
“And you’ve shown her mother that it’s okay to trust her child to other women.”
Curiosity crinkled her brow into a tiny up and down line on her forehead. “Why wouldn’t that be okay?”
“Because the last woman she allowed near Di without her supervision set her on fire.” He kept his voice low, but volume control had no softening impact on such brutal words.
Jennalyn controlled her gasp, but the horror sat ripe in her eyes. Rage and sorrow also showed themselves.
“What the hell is wrong with people?” She turned her stare to Di, shook her head. “Maybe someone should have set her on fire. As if kids don’t have a tough enough time. Why make it harder?”
“I second that thought, even if I couldn’t condone it. That’s one of those life questions that will never be adequately answered.” He slipped the camera into a pocket and wrapped an arm around her waist. Touching her casually became easier all the time. After she’d trusted him with the honor of holding her in a moment of vulnerability it felt like something he’d been born for.
“Every experience leads us down a new path.” His experiences had led to her. “Di suffered agonizing pain, both from her burns and skin grafts, but maybe the joy of today makes it worthwhile.”
“Nothing can make that kind of abuse worthwhile.”
“Why not? Because of that abuse Di has already seen beauty in its purest form. She’s seen the truest meaning of a giving spirit thanks to a donor. And thanks to you for setting up this tour.” For all they knew Jennalyn had just set a little girl onto a path that would lead to an amazing and fulfilling career.
Chapter Nine
Jennalyn pulled her legs up under her and wrapped the thick robe around her legs. It was a little cold to be outside, but being inside felt a too stifling. Cocoa steam rose from her mug as she sat in a padded chaise on her front porch. Beyond the covered perch, thick and fluffy flakes of snow tumbled to the ground, covering it with a thick blanket of perfection she always appreciated. A crisp, fresh aroma that came only with a new snow filled the air.
It had snowed the night Sabrina passed away. Deep inside, so deep she hadn’t been able to pinpoint the thought, Jennalyn played with the idea that the snow was Sabrina’s way of saying she was in a better place. Only God and angels could create such perfection and Sabrina had definitely been an angel.
Her DVD messages hurt. They tore at Jennalyn’s heart even as she craved the next one. Every one reminded her that the best way to honor Sabrina and their parents was to start fresh. Her heart had been broken, but it had been time to pick up the pieces. It was a lesson she’d been hesitant to accept, but she’d been doing that with Ryland and A Month of Miracles. She found herself looking forward to each outing more than the last.
She even found herself anticipating the small
gifts Ryland left her with. Her hand slid into her pocket and her mind drifted back to them standing in the museum gift shop.
Ryland placed a large pink rock—a rose quartz—into her palm.
“You keep giving me rocks. Why?”
“You collect them.”
“Sabrina did.”
“But you encouraged her. You helped her find new ones, and you always knew their meaning.”
“So you’re trying to keep that memory alive?”
“That.” He pressed the pink stone into her hand. “And they’re pretty. Like you.”
“You said that before.” The smile couldn’t have been held back if she’d wanted it to be. Not that she could’ve thought of a reason not to smile. The other times he’d given her a rock he’d had an explanation on why he’d chosen it. Curiosity called for one now.
She was sure he’d say he’d have to look it up, so she asked, “Do you know what makes this stone special?”
“It’s the love gemstone. The love you had for your family, for Sabrina, and the love you gift these kids with is transcendental.”
She rolled her eyes in her mind, but she wanted what he said to be true. She wanted him to really see her that way, because it sounded simply wonderful.
“It also brings optimism and healing, sometimes happiness.”
“As a medical professional you’re giving a rock credit for healing people?”
“Not all wounds are medical in nature. The rose quartz helps balance emotions and can spark the energy to heal broken hearts.”
Rubbing the small rock hours later, as Ryland’s words replayed in her memory, she again though the sentiment a lovely one. On the off chance the quartz really could ease her heart, she slipped it back into her pocket. It would also be in her purse or pocket for the foreseeable future.
“You’re going to freeze out here.”
“Ryland.” Jennalyn turned in her chair to see Ryland watching her with his hands buried in his jacket pockets. His nose and the tips of his ears were pink. Propped against the house by the front door was a Christmas tree.
“You brought me a tree?”
