by Tamara Allen
“I’m bringing back this one. Okay, Derry, that’s enough. Come on, Ez. I know I skipped out on you, but now is not the time to get me back for it.” I pumped his chest, then administered mouth-to-mouth again. “Ezra, breathe,” I told him, nearly out of breath, myself. “Breathe, goddamnit.”
“What the devil is he doing?”
I recognized Dr. Gilbride’s voice and ignored that too, continuing compressions. Derry answered for me. “Let him do it.”
So much faith in me. I wondered if Ezra had any left. “Please,” I whispered as I lay folded hands on his chest and pushed. I’d keep going until I passed out, if it came to that. Breathing into his lungs, I watched his chest rise and fall. About to give him a second lungful, I realized he was taking in air on his own.
I wasn’t the only one who noticed. They all stared as if I had performed a miracle on par with parting the Red Sea. Kathleen leaned closer to her brother. “You’re sure he’s no demon?”
Watery laughter burbled from a breathless Derry. “It’s that little I care if he is,” he said and seized me in a crushing hug. The wondering look on Gilbride’s face should have worried me, but I didn’t give a damn. Ezra was alive. Unconscious but alive. Nothing else in the entire history of creation mattered more.
I shucked off my jacket and covered him with it. “We’ve got to keep him warm. How far’s the hospital?”
A horse-drawn cart had arrived for the express purpose of transporting the injured and apparently the dead, as well. Fortunately, only the former occupied it, along with several concerned friends who could not be discouraged from making the trip with the patient. At the hospital, we met up with greater resistance and, escorted to a room to wait, we waited, rather than risk being thrown out. Dr. Gilbride checked me over, meanwhile, and concluded what I already knew: that I badly needed to lie down and rest.
Our neighbor, Mrs. Nisbet, insisted on opening her home to us. I didn’t want to leave the hospital, but it was clear that if I stayed, Derry would feel compelled to keep an eye on me. He and the others were exhausted and still in shock over losing their home and nearly losing Ezra. They needed the rest they had sacrificed in trying to bring me back. So I went to Mrs. Nisbet’s with Derry, Kathleen, and Hannah, while Henry and the other boarders left to stay with friends. I found myself bunking with Derry again, just like old times. After we had reassured each other that Ezra would be all right, Derry fell uncharacteristically silent and I knew what else was on his mind.
“Do you have any money saved?” I asked gently, as a low sigh came from under his corner of the quilt.
“Not the sum that will put a roof of our own over our heads.”
“How about half a roof?”
He squinted at me in the moonlight. “Half a roof won’t keep the rain out,” he said with a little of his old cheer. “Unless you’re saying you’ve the means to provide the other half.”
“I’m pretty sure I do.”
“And just how?” he asked curiously, sitting up. I showed him, and he eyed me with outright amusement. “You’ll be wanting a better neighborhood and a better class of friends with riches like that.”
I poked him in the ribs. “There couldn’t be a better class of friends. We’ll split the cost of a house and save something to live on until I find work. What do you think?”
“And you and Ezra, you’ll not mind sharing a home with the lot of us?”
“If you and Kathleen are comfortable with it, we will be too.”
The brown eyes sharpened just enough to let me know he was a little dubious over my ready response. “You’re not offering because you’ve convinced yourself you’re at fault for what’s happened?”
I had to assume if they hadn’t been going out at every opportunity to try to spellcast me back, they might have been home to stop George. I said as much, and Derry sank back against the pillow with a heartfelt sigh. “You don’t know how devilish hard it’s been for Ezra. He’s not slept and, more oft than not, eats only when someone reminds him he must. He won’t come out of his thoughts for so much as a conversation unless it’s that necessary. It was but a week after you’d gone, he frightened Kathleen nearly to death on the bridge, staring down as if he wanted nothing more than to slip over and disappear in that cold dark.”
In the midst of recounting it, Derry caught my eye and immediately looked stricken. “Forgive me, Morgan. I don’t mean to heap coals when you’ve grieved, yourself. We had to hope you were missing him as dearly as he’s missed you—but I don’t think we really believed we’d bring you back. We were that shocked that we had, and then it seemed we’d killed you in the doing.” He grimaced, the edges of his mouth turning up with faint humor. “I’ve only just realized we were able to bring you because you wanted to come back.”
“I never wanted anything so much in my life.”
His face lit up. “You don’t know the good it does my heart to hear it. Life was too ordinary without you.”
I wondered if Ezra would feel the same way—or come to the conclusion that I wasn’t steady enough to be trusted. He might forgive me for leaving him out on a limb, but would he love me the same? The thought kept me awake, as bone-weary and weak as I still felt from the hundred-year bounce back to a world that was mine now too—whether Ezra took me back or not.
My need for rest finally won out, and I slept hard and dreamlessly until a gentle hand shaking my shoulder roused me to bleary consciousness. It was Derry, up and dressed, his smile sympathetic as he peered down to make sure I was awake. “Kathleen’s had a word with Ezra’s doctor and says he may be discharged this evening if we will come down and fetch him home. I did not want to go without you.”
I crawled out of the warm blankets and looked for my clothes. “What did the doctor say? How’s he doing?”
“It seems he has little memory of what happened, but his breathing’s right and his heart is strong and we’ve only to make him rest over the next week or so, to be sure he will not relapse.”
“He doesn’t know I’m here?”
“Kathleen said he made no mention of it and she felt the sharing of that little savory should come straight from you.”
I caught the twinkle in his eyes. “Good thing his heart’s strong,” I said, trying to subdue the multitude of worries suddenly cropping up like weeds. “If he takes a swing at me, promise me you’ll restrain him for his own good.”
Derry laughed. “If he’s truly of a mind to lay you low, it may work like a tonic to let him have at you.”
If it made Ezra feel better, I’d let him yell, cuss, and knock me on my ass. As Derry and I descended from the cab and, hunched against the drizzle, ran up the steps, I knew I wanted Ezra to do more than forgive me. I wanted him to understand as he’d always seemed to before, that even though I could be the most goddamned stupid man in the world, I was salvageable. I could learn, even if it was the hard way. I could figure out—and had—that I’d handed him my heart, same as he’d done to me, in what was a permanent exchange.
But I was afraid I had figured it out just a little too late. In the doorway of the ward, I spotted Ezra a few beds down, on his feet and buttoning his waistcoat. He looked pale and tired. I lingered behind as Derry went in and greeted him with a cheery exclamation and a near smothering hug. I could only listen, drinking in the sound of Ezra’s voice as he asked Derry about the others, if they were all safe. Derry was reassuring as he gently broke the news about the house. “Now you mustn’t worry. We won’t be homeless long.”
Ezra shook his head in distress. “Derry, you’re going to let me do something to help. I can get the money, borrow it, from my father if necessary.”
“I won’t let you grovel for a farthing from that man. There’s no need. We’ve the assistance of a benefactor and I do believe it will turn out as nice as you please.”
“Benefactor? Someone we may trust?” Ezra fumbled with his tie, then with an exasperated snort, gave up. Derry was smiling as he gave him a hand.
“Someone we
most assuredly trust already,” he said, stealing a glance at me as I crept into the ward.
Ezra glanced around, saw me, and disbelief flared to life in his eyes. Disbelief that I was here—or that I’d had the nerve to come back at all. I desperately wanted to say something. Ezra found his voice first, or at least a wobbly version of it. “Derry?”
“He’s real, love. As real as you and I.”
As a grinning Derry slipped out the door, I cleared my throat. “Hey.” Not my best voice, either, but it would have to do. Ezra’s eyes stayed locked on me and he moved like a man in a trance as I babbled on. “I didn’t realize, see. I know I should have. You knew and I think deep down I knew but—Jesus—I didn’t—I didn’t recognize it. I didn’t know I was so far gone. It’s my first time….” I swallowed against the lump in my throat. He had his hands on my chest, handfuls of my jacket molded in his grip as his gaze reached into mine, and he seemed overwhelmed by the evidence of his own eyes.
I was overwhelmed, myself. After everything I’d done to him, he loved me. It was there in his face, straightforward and gentle, as Ezra always was. He loved me as if I really deserved all the love that was in him to give. “I’m sorry, Ez. Sorry it took me so much longer than it took you.”
He crushed me to him, burying his face in my neck. Sheer joy vibrated through him—or maybe that was me, shaking like a leaf. He exhaled against my skin. “For keeps?”
“Forever. If you can co-exist with me that long.”
His fingers threaded into the hair at the nape of my neck. “I’d resolved not to ask if you would stay. If you’d wanted it, you would have said as much.”
“I know. I made it impossible to even ask.”
“I couldn’t ask you to choose between your whole life and me.”
I drew back to fall into that gaze, that uncommon blue, and combed his hair off his forehead with tender fingers. “I didn’t know until I left you behind. You are my life.” What had once sounded like a corny line reverberated inside me with the knell of unmistakable truth. “My whole damned life.”
He gave me a kiss I figured could be measured by carbon dating a million years from now. I knew we were in trouble when I heard a surprised exclamation behind us, but for the longest minute, I didn’t care. Chagrin colored Ezra’s smile as he ducked his head and I dared to peek around, to see we’d garnered even more of an audience than I thought. A red-faced Kathleen, gaze averted, tried her damnedest to keep her hand over the eyes of a squirming Hannah. I caught Henry in mid-eyeroll, but Derry was still a-grin with a certain self-satisfaction. Well, he had brought me back, after all. I was home.
Then Hannah broke loose and crashed into me with a ferocious hug.
It seemed I was forgiven all around.
Chapter 27
Ezra and I were in complete agreement over the necessity of finding a new house, and quickly. In Mrs. Nisbet’s cramped quarters, it was hands off, for the most part—a maddening situation after our long separation. When Mrs. Nisbet took Derry and Kathleen to the office of a house agent she knew, Ezra and I shut ourselves in a bedroom and fell upon each other without preamble. He still expressed himself beautifully by kiss. And I could tell by his breathing that I hadn’t lost my ability to bring out the sinner in him. Though we were pressed for time, I refused to rush. There was too much delight in exploratory kisses, the whispered banter that made him laugh, the love in his eyes that made me feel like the luckiest guy alive.
Kids played in the street outside and from down in the kitchen came the crash of pans and the yelling of Mrs. Nisbet’s cook. Above us the floor creaked with the back and forth of a rocking chair; a maiden aunt, I remembered, with particularly good hearing. Ezra and I shushed each other once or twice, until we entirely forgot about the world on the other side of the blankets. Only the wafting smells of supper woke us to it. We should have gotten up and dressed. We risked falling asleep in the comfort of each other’s arms—and getting kicked out by an outraged Mrs. Nisbet when we were discovered.
I didn’t want to move. He felt wonderful, pressed close, and I wanted to let us drift off to the first decent sleep either of us would have in weeks. But I didn’t want to create problems for Derry and Kathleen. “Ez?” I nudged him gently. “I think we need to get up and run around the block.”
“Run?” He gave me a familiarly amused and confused glance. “From what?”
“The sandman.” I sat up and he tried to pull me back down. “Uh-uh, wrong direction. Come on. We have nowhere else to go right now, thanks to me, and I don’t want to push our hostess’s good will to the breaking point.”
“Thanks to you?” That roused him. “You know the fire wasn’t your fault. For heaven’s sake, you saved my life. And by quite miraculous means, according to Derry.”
“You wouldn’t have needed saving if I hadn’t turned your life upside down. I end your impending nuptials, break off your relationship with your father permanently, alienate almost all your social contacts, drag you through the darkest corners of hell on earth, and you welcome me back like—”
“I love you?”
“Yeah.”
He laughed. “I do.”
“I know. I love you.” I slid back down beside him. “Ez, I’ve got to ask you something.”
“Anything you like.”
“Do you remember what happened? When George showed up at the house?”
Quiet for a moment, he finally sighed. “I’d been asleep—”
“In your clothes?”
He caught the note of sympathy and nodded ruefully. “I woke to a great deal of shouting and breaking of glass—and the smell of smoke—and I thought the house was afire and someone had summoned the fire brigade. George was on the stairs, swinging a lantern about, and I could see smoke coming up from belowstairs. He was lighting the whole place. I tried to stop him and he struck me—” Fingers went to the bandage at his hairline. “I don’t remember anything after that. Only waking in the hospital—and then you.” The sorrow in his eyes lightened. “You,” he whispered and gave me a kiss.
I couldn’t bring myself to ask the other questions that had come to mind, but Ezra, with his usual insight, anticipated them. Or maybe he could simply read it in my face. “Go on then.”
I shook my head. “You let me ramble endlessly about my work and we’ll both be in trouble. You need a rest from it and I need to learn how to let it go.” As hard as that would be.
He regarded me affectionately. “I won’t put a stopper in the compassion that drives your questions. Go on. It’s all right.”
Granted permission, I plunged ahead. “George killed Mary Kelly, didn’t he?”
It had occurred to me after I’d given some thought to George’s statement that no one would notice or care about my death or Ezra’s; of course, with the death of another prostitute dominating the news, even a suspicious death in the West End might not garner the attention it should. Ezra didn’t seem surprised by the question. He knew the answer, and now I knew it too. And it made sense. Mary had been younger than the other victims by a good twenty years. George hadn’t known it was mommy dearest Sid had wanted to slice to ribbons. Intent on silencing Ezra without making the next day’s headlines, George had picked the first young fresh face to come along; maybe someone who reminded him of sister Charlotte, who’d attracted all the handsome young men he wanted for himself.
But that was conjecture on my part and I decided to keep it to myself. “Sid wasn’t involved, was he?”
The strangest look crossed Ezra’s face, one that made me uneasy. He drew a soft breath. “Sid is dead. He died just after they shut him up in Hoxton.”
Goddamn. George and Sid both dead. Jack was a cold case once again and the mystery of Whitechapel would live on. “How do you know?” I asked, not sure I wanted the answer to that one.
“I saw him, just for an instant. He seemed to want to say something, but then he was gone without a word. I did have the feeling he was ready to go on, whatever he might have to face in t
hat world. I don’t think I shall ever forget the look in his eyes,” Ezra finished, more to himself.
I pressed a comforting kiss on his brow. “Did Jem take it hard?”
“I haven’t been able to talk to him. His brother has packed him away for a rest and has quite discouraged me from contacting him.”
“They’re protecting him….” I bit back the comment a little too late as I remembered Ezra didn’t know what I knew about Jem.
“Protecting him?”
“Well, yeah. You know. If it got out about his relationship with Sid….” I avoided the penetrating gaze in vain.
