“She was young,” she said gently. “You were both so young, honey. I know you don’t agree with the decision she made and you resented being pressured into going along with it, but you have to know how much she regrets it.”
“You and Sage have talked about the adoption?” Wes didn’t know why he was so stunned to hear that, only that he’d never imagined Sage having the courage to broach the subject with his mother.
“You know she goes to my church, right?”
“No, I didn’t know that.”
“Well, she does. Anyways, when she wrote the book, it circulated at the church, of course. It helped a lot of families who’d been touched by adoption. The reverend even asked her to speak about it.” She smiled. “She was wonderful. I was so proud of her.”
“Really?” He didn’t know how to feel about the fact that his mother’s relationship with Sage had continued, even grown stronger, though she’d never said anything to him about his ex. “I’m sorry I missed that.”
“You need to forgive, son.”
“I’ve already forgiven Sage. I know she was just doing what she thought was best for all of us.”
“I’m talking about her parents. I know you think they’re the reason you weren’t able to raise your son, and you may be right. But it’s not healthy to carry around all that hate and resentment.”
Wes had never even entertained the idea of forgiving the Brevilles. Not that he thought they wanted his forgiveness. He was certain they couldn’t care less how he felt about them. “I have more important things on my mind than them right now.” He held up the slip of paper that contained the name of the woman who could provide a direct line to the missing part of his life.
“What’s that?” she asked, frowning.
“The name and number of Nick’s adoptive mom.”
“Oh, wow.” Her eyes widened. “You’re going to reach out to her? Does Sage know?”
“She knows. That’s the reason I was at her place last night, to discuss it.”
“Oh.” Her slim shoulders slumped slightly, beneath her thin, hand-knit gray cardigan. “I thought maybe you two were seeing each other again.”
“We’re not.” Not that he didn’t wish they were. “But we have decided we’d like to meet our son. Together.”
She clasped her hands, looking elated once again. “Oh, Wes. That is so wonderful!”
“I hope it will be.”
“You’re worried that he won’t be receptive?” She pursed her lips. “I guess I can understand that. After all, he has no way of knowing the circumstances or how much we all love him and wish he were a part of our lives.”
The last thing Wes wanted was to give his mother false hope. She’d already been hurt enough. “Mom, listen, I know you want grandchildren, but you have to understand that Nick has a family of his own. He may never want to be a part of ours, and we have to accept that.”
“I know.” She faked a smile, shaking her head. “We have to deal the hand we’re dealt, right? But I still think it’s wonderful that you and Sage have decided to reach out to him. That must have been a difficult decision for both of you.”
“Not for me.” Wes felt as if he’d been counting down the days until he could make this happen. “I’ve wanted to do this for a really long time.”
“So why didn’t you?”
Trying to make her see it from his perspective wouldn’t be easy, but he wanted to try. “For a long time, I had nothing to offer him.”
“You had your love to give him. Don’t you know by now that’s the only thing that matters?”
Love had been more than enough in his family because his parents had been there for their children from day one… until his father died. He sure wished the old man were around now to meet his only grandson for the very first time.
“I wanted him to be proud of me.” Wes knew it may not have made sense to anyone else, but he didn’t want to come to his son as a broken and confused kid still trying to find his way. By the time he met Nick, he’d wanted to be a mature man who’d repented for his mistakes, made a good life for himself, and could offer his son some help and guidance, assuming he wanted it.
“How could he not be proud of you?” She gestured around his office. “Just look at what you and Colt have accomplished. It’s nothing short of a miracle, if you ask me.”
Wes chuckled. There was nothing miraculous about it. They’d busted their asses, working eighty-hour weeks and sleeping on the couches in their office when they were too tired to drive home.
“I appreciate that, Mom. But it’s not just about the business, though I am proud of that. When I met him for the first time, I wanted to be able to tell him about the life I’d lived and feel like…” He’d imagined their first conversation a hundred times, but he had no way of knowing if it would go down the way he hoped it would, and that scared him. “I don’t know, like I’d accomplished something, I guess. Like I had something to offer him, some wisdom.” He met her smile with one of his own. “That’s one of the things I remember most about my talks with Dad when I was Nick’s age. He always seemed to have all the answers.”
She laughed, fluffing her silver hair. “I’m glad you think so, but I can assure you that wasn’t the case. Since you were the oldest, I think Dad practiced on you. He often told me he hoped he didn’t screw you kids up too bad. He hated that he wasn’t able to get an education. He felt he wasn’t smart enough to be able to teach you everything you needed to know.”
Wes’s heart ached when his thought of his father thinking, even for a second, that he hadn’t been enough for his family. He’d been more than enough, with or without some stupid piece of paper to deem him worthy. “If education was so important to Dad, why’d he let me drop out of college to start this business with Colt?”
“Because he knew it was your dream. How could he stand in the way of that?”
Wes picked up another photo on his desk, one that meant almost as much to him as the picture of his son. It was the last one taken of their entire family before his father died, and in it, the old man was beaming simply because they’d all managed to make it home for Christmas. “I don’t think I would have had the courage to pursue this if he hadn’t told me the best life lessons were found in your failures. That took some of the pressure off me. I figured the worst thing that could happen was we’d fail.”
“But you didn’t fail,” she said, reaching across the desk to squeeze his hand. “You’ve exceeded your wildest expectations, I’m sure.”
“Believe me, we failed plenty, but we figured it out,” he said, thinking about the early days when they’d almost had to file for bankruptcy because they couldn’t pay their suppliers. After a beat of silence, he voiced his real fear. “But I can’t afford to fail with Nick, Mom. That would kill me. I may only get one shot with him. What if I blow it?”
“I’ll admit you’re in a unique position,” she said, sinking back in the chair as she crossed her legs. “Most parents have the luxury of screwing up with their kids every day and getting another chance to do it all over again the next day. Nick doesn’t have to let you in. He can choose to keep you out of his life. Both you and Sage.”
“Thanks for the reminder.”
“So if you only get one shot with him, you have to make it count.”
“I know, but how?”
“Think about what you want to say to him. If you only get one hour with him, what do you want him to know, not about you but about how you feel about him? What do you want to know about him? Remember, this isn’t about you or the man you’ve become. It’s about the man your son is becoming.”
Wes pondered those words, knowing they were true. His son was on the verge of becoming a man, and the father who’d raised him was no longer in his life. Did that mean there was a place for him? “I don’t want Sage to get hurt. If Nick lashes out at her, I’m not sure how she’ll react.”
“You still care about her.”
“Of course I do.” His gaze lingered on the
picture that had scarcely been out of his sight since he got it. “We share this bond. I guess I’ve never stopped caring about her, even when I was mad as hell about the way things went down.”
“We’re all entitled to our mistakes. No one is perfect. Not you. Not Sage. Not her parents.”
“But the difference is Sage and I have learned from our mistakes,” he said. “Can you say the same for her parents?”
“It’s not up to me to judge Sage’s parents. I don’t know what they were thinking or how they were feeling when they insisted she give that baby up for adoption. But I have to assume they were just looking out for their daughter because they loved her and wanted to protect her. When you’re a parent, you don’t always make the right calls. But as long as you do it from a place of love—”
Wes raised his hand. “Mom, the Brevilles are nothing like you and Dad. They’re selfish, manipulative—”
“They’re Sage’s parents, Wes,” she said, her tone brooking no argument. “And your son’s grandparents whether you want to acknowledge that or not. If Nick does want a relationship with you and Sage, what do you plan to do, exclude them from his life to punish them for what they did?”
Wes hadn’t thought that far ahead, but he couldn’t imagine Sage’s parents wanting to have a relationship with the baby they’d wanted nothing to do with all those years ago.
“If you want to pave the way for Sage with Nick, I’d suggest offering him a copy of her book. She poured her heart out on those pages. After reading that, there’s no way he could question how much she loves him. He’d know that she was only doing what she thought was best for him when she signed those papers.”
Wes turned over the book to see Sage’s beautiful face smiling at him from the glossy cover. “Maybe you’re right. If Nick reads it, he might see the real Sage, even before he meets her.”
“Well,” she said, standing, “I’m sure you have some phone calls you’re dying to make, so I’ll let you get to it. Call me and let me know how it goes?”
“You know I will,” he said, walking her to the door before giving her a hug. “You’re the best.”
“So are you, sweetheart. I love you, and good luck.”
Chapter Seven
After getting the go-ahead from Sage to make the call without her, Wes held his breath as the phone rang once, twice, three times, before a woman finally picked up.
“Hello?”
“Mrs. Martin, my name is Wes Davis, and I’m—”
She gasped. “You’re Nick’s father. His birth father. Oh my God, I’d never forget your name. How could I? You gave me the greatest gift in my life.”
Wes swallowed several times, overcome by her praise. He’d been so caught up in his grief over losing his son that he’d never thought about what it would mean to this woman to get the child she’d likely spent years praying for. “I hope you don’t mind that I’m calling—”
“No, not at all. In fact, I hoped you would someday.”
Wes was relieved that she wasn’t going to make this difficult or awkward. “You were?”
“Of course. After Roger died—that’s my late husband—I was so worried about Nick. I even thought about calling you myself, but I didn’t know how you’d feel about that. He was going through such a rough time losing his father, and I thought meeting you might help.”
“I wish I’d known.” Wes thought of all the times he’d considered reaching out to his son but had been afraid it would be like pouring salt in an open wound so he’d suffered in silence.
“He’s doing much better now. I’m not sure if the agency told you… I’m assuming that’s how you got my new number?”
“Yes, ma’am, it is. I hope you don’t mind?”
“Oh, goodness, no. That’s why I gave it to them. I always wanted you to have a way to reach Nick if you decided you wanted to. Anyways, my husband died about four years ago now. I remarried just a couple of years ago. Thankfully Nick gets along pretty well with my new husband. I wouldn’t have married him otherwise, you know.”
Knowing that she put Nick first put Wes’s mind at ease, no matter how selfish he felt for thinking it. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Anything.”
“Has he ever asked about me and Sage?”
“Of course he has.” He heard the smile in her voice when she said, “I told him that you were both very young and didn’t have the means to support a baby, so you gave him to us because you loved him and wanted him to have the best possible life.”
“Thank you.” Wes breathed a sigh of relief, knowing how lucky he was that his son had been placed with a caring, compassionate woman.
“When he was seven, we told him he was adopted. He asked why he didn’t have brown eyes like us or red hair like me.” She chuckled. “And Roger had blond hair. Nick’s hair is very dark, almost black, and his eyes are blue.”
Like mine.
“He was also quite the athlete, even from an early age, and I’m embarrassed to admit the both of us struggled to throw a ball in a straight line. We knew it wouldn’t be long before he started asking more questions, and since we never intended to keep the adoption from him, we decided that was as good a time as any to tell him.”
“Does he, um, still play sports?”
She laughed. “It seems that’s all he does these days. That and hang out with his friends. He really is a wonderful young man, Mr. Davis. I think you’d be very proud of him. I know I am.”
Wes was humbled that she would think he had any reason to be proud of him when she and her husband were the ones who’d done all the hard work raising him. “You must wonder why I’m calling now, after all these years.”
“I am curious.”
“I returned to Vista Falls not long ago and reconnected with Nick’s mom, uh, I’m sorry, with Sage.”
“You don’t have to apologize. She’s as much his mother as I am. She did give him life after all. She kept him safe until he could be brought into the world and…” She sighed. “Never mind. I just have very strong opinions about the roles we play as birth and adoptive parents, I guess.”
“I wasn’t sure you’d think we had a part to play at all to be honest.” Sometimes Wes thought of himself as little more than a sperm donor, though not a day had passed without him wishing he could be more.
“You said you and Ms. Breville reconnected recently. Does that mean you’re a couple again?”
“No.” Wes wondered if she felt threatened by the prospect of Nick’s parents reuniting and wanting to be a family. “I want to assure that the reason I called has nothing to do with us wanting to interfere in the way you’re raising your son. I’m sure—”
Before he could continue, Mrs. Martin asked in a rush, “Nothing’s wrong, is it? You’re not calling because something hereditary came up, did it?”
“No, no! Not at all. I guess we just want the chance to meet him, to see if he has any questions for us, you know, about why we gave him up.”
“Oh! I’m sure he does have questions, though I think Ms. Breville’s book may have helped to answer some of them.”
“Nick’s read Sage’s book?” Wes wondered how Sage would feel knowing that their son had read her personal account of the most trying time of her life.
“I read it first,” she admitted. “See, we don’t live too far from Vista Falls, and our local newspaper ran a story about Ms. Breville’s book. She was having a book signing at our local bookstore.”
“Really?”
“I’m ashamed to admit I went there to see her. I thought about introducing myself when she signed my book, but I wasn’t sure how she would react. I didn’t want to embarrass her in front of all those people, and honestly, I think I just lost my nerve.”
“Wow, it’s a small world. I can’t believe you’ve met Sage… and read her book.”
“It was beautiful, the book. I cried most of the way through it, knowing what she’d gone through and how much it cost her to trust us, two strangers, with her precious b
aby.”
“How did Nick react when he read it?” Wes knew that would be Sage’s first question when she found out Nick had read the book, and he wanted to be able to provide her with some answers.
“I think it helped him to understand why you did what you did. It answered a lot of his questions about the adoption and the kind of people his birth parents were.”
“I’m glad, but there’s no substitute for meeting face-to-face and talking, is there?”
“No, I guess not. But you understand that has to be his decision, don’t you? I can encourage him to meet you, assuming he asks for my advice. But I won’t pressure him into doing anything he’s uncomfortable with.”
“I understand.” Suddenly remembering there was another man in the picture now, Wes felt compelled to ask, “Your current husband, do you think he’ll be okay with this?”
“I know he will. We’ve talked about what would happen if you and Ms. Breville ever reached out to us. We want Nick to have the opportunity to meet you, Mr. Davis. Whether he chooses to or not, we want him to know that you want to get to know him.”
“I’m glad, and please call me Wes.”
“Okay, Wes.” She paused. “Would it be strange to admit that I know a bit about you?”
“Not at all.” Since she’d had their names all these years, Wes would have thought it strange had she not Googled them from time to time.
“Congratulations on your success with your company. Backwoods Outdoors is one of Nick’s favorite stores. Whenever we’re in the city, he always wants to go there. Of course, he orders from your online store too, but he always says there are some things you just need to hold in your hands.”
“He’s, um, into the outdoors?” He closed his eyes, imagining all of the things they’d missed out on: hunting and fishing trips, camping, hiking… Wes was getting a clearer picture of who his son was, and he couldn’t wait to get to know him better.
“Didn’t I mention we live on a small hobby farm? He’s loved nature and animals for as long as I can remember.”
Rough Terrain (Vista Falls #1) Page 7
