by Sara Page
Smile in place, I walk up to him, making a show of lifting up on my tiptoes and kissing him on the cheek. Then I slide my arm into his.
Out of the corner of my eye I can see that’s he’s shocked speechless, but I’m turning my smile on the couple I’m assuming are his parents.
The woman sniffles and seems to inflate with indignation. I take in her elaborately coiffed red hair, thick makeup, and expensive green gown. Her face is flushed and sweaty with her frustration.
Her husband on the other hand seems to be at least a little embarrassed about me stumbling in on their conversation. He wears a simple black uniform but there’s streaks of gray in his black hair. He smiles at me tentatively and I smile brightly at him, nodding my head.
“Are these your parents?” I tip my head back and blink up innocently at Vis. I already know they are but I’m giving him an opening to make the introductions.
Clearing his throat, Vis frowns and says simply, “Yes.”
“I’m Kegan,” his father fills in. “And this is my wife, Laurie.”
Kegan and I exchange polite nods while Laurie gives me the stink eye.
“I’m Ameia,” I offer without tacking on my title or extending my hand.
His father shoots his mother an awkward look. It’s easy to tell he’s embarrassed by the situation but his wife only looks more pissed. Before she can open her mouth and something else nasty, I squeeze Vis’ arm, keeping my smile in place and take a deep breath.
Steeling my spine, I explain not-so-politely. “I would like you to know that Vis is not a reject. He is mine. He belongs to me and I belong to him. We belong together. He’s not going anywhere, so you’ll just have to deal with it!”
Vis’ mother gasps loudly and her face pales. “Why I never—“ she starts but Kegan cuts her off with an angry, “That’s enough, Laurie.”
I’m so angry, so upset on Vis’ behalf that it takes every ounce of self-control I have to keep from slapping his mother. Stars knows she deserves it!
“Ameia…” Vis says with disbelief. He looks so shocked I can’t tell if he’s mad at me or pleased or what.
“You can’t talk to us that way!” Vis’ mother says angrily and takes a step towards me. His father quickly steps between us.
“Laurie,” he sighs, “That’s enough, she’s the princess.”
“I don’t care who she is,” Laurie says and shoots me an angry glare over Keagan’s shoulder. “I’m her elder and she owes me respect!”
I don’t owe her anything but I thin my lips and press them together. I’ve got better things to do than stand here and argue with the crazy woman.
Tugging on Vis’ arm, I say sweetly, too sweetly “It was nice meeting you… but Vis and I have important things to attend to today. I happen to find myself in need of his assistance.”
Vis seems to be cemented in place at first. It takes a couple of tugs for him to realize my meaning.
He nods his head and starts to follow beside me. His mother lets out a shrill gasp as we walk away. I resist the urge to make a rude gesture at the woman.
My heart is thumping so hard against my ribs I feel like I might get sick if I don’t keep moving. I hate confrontation but I just couldn’t stand there and let them talk to him like that. I’m so angry, so sick with it, my hands are shaking.
I can hear his mother bitching behind us and his father telling her firmly to shut her mouth as we walk away.
Once we’re far enough away, down another hallway and around another corner, Vis turns to me. “You didn’t have to do that.”
I don’t acknowledge that because I did have to do that. He’s mine, how could I not stick up for him?
He stares hard at me and I force a smile to my lips.
“You’re looking very green,” he frowns and pulls us to a stop. Grabbing me by the arms, he gazes down at me with concern. “Are you alright, Ameia?”
“Yes,” I exhale and close my eyes. He pulls me close and I lean against him. “Just give me a moment.”
Vis holds me, without question, until my stomach settles. Once my breathing is steady and even, and my stomach no longer feels like it’s about to riot, I tip my head back and open my eyes to find him staring down at me in amazement.
“Better?” he asks.
“Yes, thank you.”
As if he just now realizes how he’s holding me, Vis hands drop away and he takes a step back, putting unnecessary distance between us.
With a sharp nod, he says, “I’ll escort you back to your apartment.”
I scowl at him but he begins to walk ahead of me.
“Did I do something wrong?” I ask, rushing forward to catch up with him.
He doesn’t even glance at me, he just sharply shakes his head.
“Look, I’m sorry I talked to your parents that way—“
Vis tips his head back and laughs. It’s not an amused laugh though, it’s a self-depreciating laugh that disturbs me. “Don’t be.”
“Vis—“ I reach out and grab him by the arm.
“We’re here,” he announces, stopping in front of the door to my apartment.
Stiffening, he glances down at my hand and I almost pull it away.
“Come inside with me?” I ask.
He shakes his head in refusal immediately.
I squeeze his arm, “Please.”
“Prince Drek wouldn’t approve,” he says stiffly.
“How do you know that?” I ask.
Vis’ eyes harden and his voice goes cold as he says, “It has been explained to me.”
So that’s probably why I haven’t seen him, and why he didn’t try to follow after me in the hallway last night when I was slung over Beast’s shoulder like a sack of meat. He’s already been threatened to stay away from me.
A fresh surge of anger rises up inside of me.
“I don’t care what you were told,” I insist.
Vis shakes his head again and takes a step like he means to just walk away.
Screw that, he’s not getting away that easily.
“Vis,” I plead and my fingers tighten around his arm. “I need you…”
Slowly, he turns around and levels his gaze on me. “Ameia…”
“Please, don’t make me beg.”
He gives me his coldest, meanest glare but I don’t even blink. This keeping me apart from Vis and Warrick stuff ends today. I know Beast is harboring a grudge, but he’s just going to have to get over it.
“Fine,” Vis snaps angrily. “I won’t make you beg.”
I’m too happy to let his anger affect me. With a smile, I motion to open my door and tug him inside with me before he tries to make another escape.
Inside, the apartment is cold and empty. Beast and Striker must have taken the girls out. Most likely they’re in the nursery.
The door swishes to a shut behind Vis and I release his arm. An uncomfortable quiet settles over us as I try to think of what to do. I got him in here, now what? Funny, I wasn’t thinking that far ahead when I asked.
I just missed him.
I know we’re not connected in the same way I’m connected to Beast, Striker, or Warrick but I have developed feelings for him. Real feelings.
In some ways, the fact that there’s not some other worldly force throwing us together, potentially influencing it, makes what I’m feeling for him that more precious.
He doesn’t like me because I’m his Calling and he has to like me. If he likes me it’s because he wants to, because he’s choosing to.
And I too am choosing him.
“Ameia?” Vis asks softly as if he’s unsure.
I move towards the sitting area and the pot of tea that’s been left there. I hope it’s still hot.
“Are you thirsty?” I ask over my shoulder without looking back. I don’t know why but I’m suddenly feeling nervous.
“No,” Vis answers and I sense him right behind me before he’s grabbing me by the elbow and spinning me around to face him.
I gasp in surprise
and he pulls me into him.
Tipping my head back, I half expect him to kiss me or to start pawing at me with his hands.
He just glares down at me though. It doesn’t look like he wants to kiss me at all, it looks more like he wants to stomp me out of existence.
“Vis?” I ask, my voice small and full of worry.
“This was a mistake.”
“What was?”
“This,” he growls, his eyes narrowing with anger. “All of it. It’s all a fucking mistake. I should have never come here. I should have thrown myself in the pit.”
“No,” I immediately object. “Please don’t say that.”
“Why? Why keep pretending, Ameia? Why keep prolonging it? I’m so tired, so very tired of this shit.”
“What do you mean? I’m not pretending anything…”
He shakes his head and laughs. That laugh cuts right through my fucking soul. Does he think all of this is a joke? “We are pretending, Ameia.”
“We’re not…”
“We are, and it’s time we stopped. You are not my Calling. You are not meant to be mine. We can never be more than what we are. And I’m not happy with what we are…”
“Then lets be more,” I insist and grab at his shirt, clinging to him. I don’t want to lose him, I don’t. I know deep in my bones he was meant to be mine, and I was meant to be his.
I don’t know how I know but we were meant to be. Vis was always meant to be mine, and I will fight for him.
He just sadly shakes his head.
“Why are you saying this now? Why are you trying to push me away?” I ask. “Is it because of what I said to your parents? I’m sorry if it bothered you, but I’m not sorry for what I said!”
“No, it’s not what you said to my parents,” he answers without looking at me. “We can’t be more, Ameia. Don’t you see that? I have nothing to give you.”
“You don’t have to give me anything. Why would you think you have to give me anything?”
“I am nothing, Ameia. I am no longer a Ravager; I am no longer a man. I am nothing but a reject.”
I shake my head in disagreement. “You are not a reject, I refuse to believe that.”
Losing his patience, Vis looks up at me and grabs me by the arms. “I am a reject, Ameia. It’s not your choice. It is what I am. I am damned. I will never reach my true destiny. I am a fucking waste of resources!”
“No,” I choke out and feel the first of my tears streaming down my cheeks. “Fuck that. Fuck all of that. That’s not what you are.”
“It is,” he says harshly and tries to push me away but I’m clinging too hard to him. “And it doesn’t fucking matter if you want to believe it. It is what it is. I accept it.”
“Don’t!” I sob at him. “Don’t you dare fucking accept it.”
“Ameia,” Vis says and there’s this long moment of tension. So many things unsaid, so many things that shouldn’t be said. Then his face softens and his shoulders slump in defeat. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be!” I snap. I don’t know if I want to hug him or strangle him but I’m so full of emotion I’m shaking with it.
Pulling me closer, Vis hugs me tightly and I feel him press a kiss to the top of my head. “Thank you, Ameia. Thank you for your faith in me…”
The way he’s talking, the utter defeat in his voice just makes me sob that much more. I continue to cling to him, practically tearing at his shirt to keep my hold on him.
“I would like to leave tonight, after I say goodbye to Warrick.”
“And do what?” I sob. “What will you do? Where will you go?”
“The pit still calls to me—“
“No!”
“Yes, Ameia. I should have done it a long time ago.”
What do I even say to that? He’s so miserable, so unhappy, that he wants to end his life. Dying would be preferable than living to him.
It takes me a couple of minutes before I can even speak. Gradually, his hug on me begins to relax. Maybe he thinks I’m starting to accept this?
“If you would have thrown yourself in the pit a long time ago then who would have rescued me? Who would have saved my daughters?” I ask, my voice raw from my sobs.
“Warrick…”
“Warrick would still be in the pit if it weren’t for you.”
“Someone else then,” he growls irritably.
“No, it was meant to be you.”
“Impossible.”
“Nothing’s impossible.”
“The belief of a child.”
I pull back, his words stinging as much as if he just slapped me. “A child? You think I’m a child?”
“You are so young—“
“So that makes me dumb?”
“No,” he shakes his head and sighs. “It makes you innocent and naïve.”
“I may be naïve but I can assure you I am in no way innocent!” I snap at him and push at his chest. “I’ve seen things. Awful things.”
Vis nods his head slowly. “I’ve done awful things.”
“We all have.”
“No, not you, Ameia.”
I shake my head, the tears streaming down my cheeks turning into tears of frustration. It feels like we’ve come to an impasse and I don’t know how to push past it.
“Please, Vis,” I start to beg. “Please don’t do this. Is there no way that I can make you happy? Is there nothing I can do to make your life worth living?”
“It’s not you,” he says fiercely and grabs me, pulling me into another tight hug against his chest. “Stars above, it’s not you, Ameia. You’re what’s kept me going this long.”
“Then what is it?” I sob, clutching at his shirt and staring up at his face. “If it’s not me, what’s changed?”
“What’s changed? I have no purpose now. Before, I lived for revenge. Now, I live… for what? To have what I can never have shoved in my face on a daily basis?”
“What can you never have? I’m sorry, I don’t understand it. What exactly are you missing?”
“My destiny…”
“That still doesn’t explain it to me… You can have a new destiny with me. With us.”
He shakes his head and his body tenses. “No, I will never have a destiny now.”
“That still doesn’t make sense,” I insist.
His eyes glow so brightly they light up his face as he glares down at me. “I can never have children! Does that make sense, Ameia?”
I shrink beneath the force of his gaze.
“I am unable to join, I am unable to create. When my Calling rejected me she neutered me.”
“You mean?” I ask, my voice as small and unsure as I feel right now.
“Yes. I mean I am no longer a man. I no longer function that way.”
I don’t even know what to say. I mean I had a suspicion after I first joined with Warrick, but then I became self-conscious and thought perhaps it was me. Something I did that turned him off or perhaps he just wasn’t interested in me in that way.
“I need to go, Ameia. I can’t remain here. My parents were right. It’s best for everyone’s sake if I leave.”
“No,” I plead, feeling the hopelessness overwhelm me, nearly choking me. “Please don’t leave, Vis. Please don’t do that to me.”
“Ameia…”
“There’s more to life than that, Vis. Just because you can’t join or have children, doesn’t make you useless.”
“Ameia…”
“I don’t care if you can’t have children. I don’t care if you can’t join with me,” I finally scream.
I’m completely losing it. All of this—knowing now what happens to the Ravagers when they’re rejected, knowing what Vis has been suffering all this time—is infuriating me. The complete lack of control of the whole situation. Don’t we get a say? Why does some unseen force get to make all the rules and control us? Being together should be our choice.
“I don’t care if I didn’t Call you, I accept you Vis! You’re mine. I accept you as you are
. You don’t have to change. Please, for the love of all, don’t throw yourself away. Please don’t leave.”
“Ameia…” Vis says my name again but I’m still so angry I’m shaking.
I don’t want to see the look on his face so I continue to cling to him, burying myself against his chest, refusing to look up. Refusing to see his defeat.
“Just stay. Stay. You don’t even have to be with me...”
“Ameia!” Vis shouts and then he’s grabbing me by the face, forcing me to look up at him. My eyes are so blurred with tears all I can see is white. I try to blink the tears away but the white glow remains.
“What’s going on?” I ask. “Why can’t I see?”
The glow begins to fade and then I can make out the hazy outlines of Vis’ face.
“Ameia,” he asks, his voice full of fear. “What did you do to me?”
Chapter Nine
“I didn’t do anything,” I insist as I stare up into Vis’ face.
The white glow around him fades and I blink my eyes. Did that really just happen? He looks completely normal now. Maybe I’m just imagining things?
“I feel… different,” Vis scowls. The fingers gripping my face relax and he looks down at his body. My eyes follow his eyes but he looks completely normal now. There’s no glow. No weird wavy energy. I don’t see anything out of place.
“Different in what way?”
Slowly, his face tips back up and his eyes flare as they lock on me. “I feel warm inside,” he rasps.
I don’t know why but I’m suddenly full of nervous energy. The way he’s looking at me is intense.
I swear I didn’t do anything.
“That doesn’t sound so bad. Warm… warm is good, yes?” I smile weakly.
Vis leans towards me, the look on his face now is downright ravenous. His lips brush against mine then he growls, “And hungry.”
“I can call for a lunch tray. Now that you mention it, I’m kind of—“
His mouth crushes against my mouth, cutting off the rest of what I meant to say.
He proceeds to kiss me long and deep. He kisses me like he’s trying to devour me.
The force of his lips push me back and his arms wrap around me, keeping me from falling.
I’m so caught off-guard I’m all stiff and tense at first. But as his mouth slants over my mouth, and his lips slide against my lips, encouraging me to open for him, I feel myself melting into his arms. Relaxing.
