May giggled, slightly hysterically. “I don’t even know if—”
“When he hears this news, he will drop to his knees, tell you he loves you and ask you to marry him and have his babies. If not this afternoon, then soon.”
“And you know this how?”
“He’s given you all the signs you need, May.” Her bubbly voice grew uncharacteristically serious. “He took you to meet his parents, he took you to his place even though whatsername said he never would. He cares, he loves you, he shows it in everything he does. But the guy has his pride. He needs something from you now. And it’s something you want to give him.”
“Oh, gosh. Ginny.” She started to cry and fumbled for a tissue. “You’re right.”
“Of course I’m right.” She chuckled. “I’m really happy for you. You deserve this. Now call me when it’s over and tell me how big the ring is.”
May laughed through her tears, said a heartfelt thanks and signed off. Bless Ginny’s romantic soul. Of course May knew what she wanted. She just needed one last push to overcome her fear.
The cab dropped her at the hotel. She paid, tipping generously, and allowed hunky HUSH employees to escort her out of the cab, into the lobby…
Where in one of the black art deco chairs, looking exhausted and unshaven, with Eartha Kitty firmly planted in his lap…sat Dan.
12
MAY FROZE, right there in the lobby. Dan had come for her. To take her back to Wisconsin. Exactly as her father had come after her mom when he knew she’d had enough adventure. When he knew she was moving slowly and surely ahead to a life of unhappiness in a place she wasn’t suited for.
The fantasy bubble of moving to New York and marrying Beck popped and showered all over the carpet at her feet. Dan looked so dear and familiar, miserably uncomfortable and out of place sitting there, her heart nearly broke. How could she have been planning to give up on all the years they’d had together?
Her first instinct was to run and throw herself into his arms. But in the next instant, she remembered that while her back had been turned in Wisconsin, he’d been lying on his, whupping it up with D-Cup Charlene, and she found it suddenly much easier not to.
She approached slowly instead, shaky from rioting emotions. Dan and Eartha Kitty looked up and saw her at the exact same time. Eartha gave her a brief, green “back off” look and gazed imploringly up at Dan, who’d stopped scratching her ears when he saw May. In fact he’d stopped moving altogether.
Uh-oh. She must have a huge With Someone Else Last Night sign tacked to her forehead.
Eartha gave an annoyed meow, finding herself on the way to the floor as Dan stood up slowly, still staring at May. He looked terrible, as if he hadn’t slept in days. Black stubble covered his cheeks and chin and dark circles shadowed his even darker eyes. She fought bravely not to feel maternal and tender, and won. Almost.
He strode toward her, nearly tripping over Eartha, still trying to rub against his legs. So guess what. Even the aloof and distant Eartha needed love.
“Where have you been, May? I’ve been here all night.”
“In the lobby?” She gaped at him in horror, guilt crowding her chest. “All night?”
He nodded and stood, hands on his hips, looking anxious and angry. “You weren’t here. I didn’t know where else to go. I kept thinking you had to come back soon—and I wasn’t going to pay for a room at these prices.”
“No.” She sighed and gestured toward the elevators. Dan wouldn’t even pay full price for a box of cereal. “Let’s go to my room where we can talk.”
They got on the elevator with another couple and stood in excruciating silence until the fourteenth floor delivered them from elevator hell. To call May conflicted was like calling Niagara Falls a rivulet. Dan? Beck? Stay? Move home?
“This is us.” May made her way to what was supposed to be her and Trevor’s room, leading her one and only boyfriend, Dan, after having just spent the night with Beck.
No. Dull and predictable she wasn’t. Not anymore. And maybe not ever again. Though a little less weirdness would be nice.
“So.” Her key card unlocked the door and she motioned Dan inside. “Welcome to Hush.”
He gave her a look she deserved. “Yeah, thanks.”
She walked after him into the room, where he’d turned to stone, fists at his sides, staring at the bed. May rolled her eyes. Yes, Dan, it was a bed. Hotel rooms generally had them. And yes, she’d been doing exactly what he’d been doing with buxom Whatsername. So get over it.
Her next step brought her around him so his body no longer obstructed her view.
Holy moly. She followed a gasp with a burst of raucous laughter. Oh, this could not get any more bizarre. On the bed stood what was undoubtedly Trevor’s traditional farewell. A much larger-than-life chocolate phallus, complete with large and detailed chocolate testicles. The whole thing was wrapped in iridescent cellophane, and stuck straight up into the air like a rocket about to take off and crash a hole through the ceiling.
May glanced at Dan’s rigid back and managed to get her laughter under control. “Well, isn’t that a lovely item.”
Dan swung around, not remotely amused. “Who is that…thing from?”
She advanced coolly around the bed and picked up the card nestled at the base of the atrocity. “Probably Trevor.”
“Who is Trevor?”
She opened the note.
Thanks for the best week of my life. Here’s a little—or rather big—something to remember me by. Let’s do it again, soon.
Trevor.
Oh, how special. She put the card back into the envelope, trying her best not to giggle again. Dan deserved more than that. “Trevor is the guy I was supposed to meet here.”
“Supposed to?” His voice cracked hopefully.
“Turned out he had an unavoidable engagement with his wife.”
“He was married?”
“I didn’t know.”
“So what the hell are you doing here now?”
She tossed the card into the trash and finally faced him. “I was going to ask you the same thing.”
“I’ve come to take you home. And to apologize for being such an ass. I’ve been waiting all night for you to come back from…wherever you were.” His set jaw clearly indicated he was due an explanation.
“I was at Beck Desmond’s condo.”
“Beck Desmond?” His face contorted in disbelief. “The writer?”
She nodded and kicked off her shoes, started to peel off her stockings. “We spent a lot of the week together.”
He laughed nervously. “Come on, May.”
“What?” She tossed her stockings onto the desk chair and regarded him calmly. Of course he wouldn’t believe her. Any more than she’d believe him if he said he’d spent the week with Cameron Diaz.
“Beck Desmond?”
“He’s been staying at Hush researching a novel.”
“And you spent the week with him.”
“Yes.”
“In what capacity?”
“I’d guess very similar to what you were doing with Charlene.”
His face darkened; he strode around the bed and stood close to her, searching her face as if he still held out hope the May he knew was in there somewhere.
“Okay.” His face gentled; he drew his fingers over his temples and down his jaw in a gesture she knew as well as she knew her own name. “I can’t get angry at you. I understand what you were doing. I was doing the same thing.”
“What?”
“Looking for something more than you and I had. Going after something that seemed bright and shiny and new and exciting.” He took her shoulders, leaned forward and kissed her, a warm familiar kiss. “But it’s not real, May. It’s fantasy, it’s the greener grass next door.”
Sick panic invaded May’s stomach. Wasn’t this what she was so afraid of? Would she move here and find down the road that she and Beck had stagnated into routine and compromise that satisfied neither of th
em, same as she and Dan had?
“Charlene wasn’t what I wanted. You are.” His voice dropped to the soothing baritone that had unerringly made her feel the world was okay. Now it made her anxious, confused.
He found the tight spot that always sat at the base of her neck and started massaging. “I had to learn the hard way, and I’m sorry for what I must have put you through to make you come to a place like…this.”
May gave her surroundings the once-over. “Uh, Dan, this isn’t exactly Sing-Sing.”
“You know what I mean.”
She stared, frowning, into the eyes that were staring back into hers. Dark beautiful brown eyes that used to send firecrackers shooting along her spine. She was supposed to say, Yes, Dan, of course I know what you mean. But the new May wanted to hear him spell it out. “I’m not sure I do.”
He looked startled. Hadn’t she ever challenged him? “You don’t belong in a hotel like this.”
“Why not?”
“May…” His hands tightened on her shoulders and she got the impression he wanted to shake her.
“Let’s hear it, Dan. What is it? I’m not sexual enough? I’m not sophisticated enough? I’m not trampy enough?”
“Yes.”
“Yes?”
“All of the above. You don’t belong here, May. You belong home in Oshkosh with me. If you want more excitement—obviously we both do—then we need to find a way to make it happen there, between us.”
She gritted her teeth. He was right. Wasn’t he? Didn’t every relationship deserve to be worked on? How rare was it to find someone like Dan, who fit her so well? What did she know about Beck? Not enough to change her life for him. Not nearly enough. Dan loved her. Beck…Beck said he wanted her.
“Pack now.” Dan kissed her again, on her nose, which always made her feel like a little girl. “We can talk more about this on the plane.”
May pulled away. Pack now? He sounded like her father. Why weren’t they discussing this? He wasn’t even taking her seriously, hadn’t asked her how she felt, why she came here, what she’d learned. “My flight’s not until five-thirty and—”
“There’s standby room on mine.”
“—I’m considering staying in New York.”
His confident smile faded from his lips as what she’d said sunk in. “Staying? As in another week’s vacation?”
She shook her head. “Moving.”
“What?” He took a deep breath. “Because of this Beck person?”
A nod, this one tentative and guilty, which he’d notice and pounce on.
“Be serious, May. Unless you met him in Oshkosh and were seeing him there…” He paused and waited for May to shake her head in denial. “You’ve known this guy for four days. Four days. How many other women do you think a guy like that has?”
Her stomach flipped. “None.”
“What, you think he’d admit it? You think celebrity authors fall in love in four days? Sure they do. A different woman every four days. Come on, May, get real. You’re in way over your head here.”
Oh, God. He had her. He’d found her darkest fear and was exploiting it mercilessly. Unfortunately, he also had a really good chance of being right. “It’s not like that.”
“Oh, right. Let me guess. He told you he’d never felt like this before.”
She flinched; she couldn’t help it. Dan saw the flinch. An in a moment of horror, she realized he’d use that, too. She started feeling the same desperate panic she felt every time they argued like this. As if everything she believed and felt and knew to be true was being slowly and systematically taken from her.
“Has he told you he loves you?”
“No….”
“So you’re going to change your entire life for some guy who’s good in bed?”
“It’s more than that.” She heard her own voice. Shrill and afraid, like a teenager insisting the quarterback wanted her in the back of his car to discuss philosophy.
“May…” Dan pulled her against him, and she let herself be cradled in his warmth and steady strength. “Don’t you see what you’re doing?”
“What am I doing?” Why was she asking him? Didn’t she know herself?
“You’re trying to be like your mother. You’re going after something thrilling that doesn’t exist. I’m here. I’m real. I’m like your father, I want you to stop reaching for something you’re not, something that isn’t going to make you happy. This guy will eat you alive and spit you out in pieces. I don’t want you to be hurt.”
A flash memory of sobbing alone in her apartment night after night did an effective job of extracting her brain from the enticing pull of his comfort and security. “Except by you?”
His body tensed; score one for team Ellison.
“I don’t know what I was thinking, May. I woke up one day and felt too young to have everything planned out until I died. It was stupid guy freakout stuff.” He put his hands to her temples and lifted her face toward him, his dark eyes clear and honest and uncomplicated. “I’ll live with the regret of what I did to you the rest of my life. But I can bear that as long as you’re there with me. So I can make it up to you every day for the rest of your life. I need you, May. I love you.”
His voice was thick, emotional, humble and utterly sincere. He loved her. He’d made a mistake. He regretted it. He was willing to move ahead with her. Wasn’t that what she’d wanted all along? If she went with Beck, would she someday come back to Dan just like this, hoping he’d forgive her stupidity?
“You don’t belong in this city, May. You can’t handle this pace of life, this kind of stress. You aren’t cut out for it.”
You don’t. You can’t. You aren’t. Suddenly she heard Beck’s voice and Clarissa’s. They’d both warned her against Dan keeping her down.
He hadn’t once asked her what she was feeling. What she wanted and why. He was telling her what she felt. Telling her what she was going to do. Telling her about her life, about Beck and about himself. Making her feel small and helpless and dull.
“You belong with me, May.” Somehow his grandmother’s locket was in his hands; he was putting it over her head, where it felt heavy and unfamiliar after so many months without it. “I know that as surely as I know you still love me.”
Another kiss; she tasted tears—hers or his? The kiss was long, passionate, and it hit May with out-of-the-blue certainty that she was saying goodbye.
She’d come too close to dutifully going back to believing every word he said. Maybe Dan was right about Beck, and Angie, too, maybe May was naive. Time would tell. But she sure as hell wasn’t going back to more of this.
May Hope Ellison was moving to New York. Not for Beck. Not to get away from Dan. For herself. For the person she thought she could become here. For the person she already was.
She opened her mouth to speak; he laid a finger across her lips. “I know what you’re thinking, feeling. You don’t even have to tell me. I know you that well, May.”
“Oh, Dan.” She took off the necklace, laid it carefully on the bed, took his face in her hands and kissed his forehead, tenderly, sweetly, as if he was her favorite son. “I’m so sorry. But I don’t think you know me at all.”
DONE. Beck stretched his cramped shoulder and neck muscles and glanced over at the clock. Nearly lunch-time. May had left around seven and he’d been working like a fiend for nearly five hours. Usually he needed a break after two or three.
He got up from his chair—damn shame his favorite was at HUSH—and stretched, working his neck around a few more times. He needed to fax the last revised pages to Alex, and then call May and make arrangements for lunch.
And, he hoped, the rest of his life. Or hell, one thing at a time, at least the next year or so.
He collected the spewed-out stack of paper from the printer, loaded it into his fax machine, dialed Alex’s office number and punched Send as if he were slamming home the winning slot-machine quarter.
Hallelujah. Done. Now to wait for Alex’s reaction.<
br />
Amazing the difference from the first draft to the revised version. He’d rewritten—well there was so much to change, he’d practically started from scratch—the love scene between Mack and his heroine…Hope. Beck grinned at the name. Hope, not surprisingly, had turned out to be a woman with an old-fashioned sweet exterior and a sensual wild core that would keep Mack coming back for the rest of his literary life.
In the first draft, sex had been for Mack what it had always been for Beck. Erotic and extremely pleasurable. From his current perspective, that early version felt flat, emotionless—and dare he quote a fascinating woman he knew, “dull and predictable.”
The new scene was simply a reflection of everything he’d been feeling last night. Sex with May had been a big wake-up slap in the face, as a writer and as a man.
How could he have thought falling in love could make Mack less masculine? Beck fairly roared with testosterone this morning. Could hardly restrain himself from beating his chest and giving a few Tarzan yodels.
The only thing holding him back, besides disturbing the neighbors, was the fear that May would choose to go back to Wisconsin. That five days wouldn’t be enough to convince her she was selling herself short. That the safety of this Dan person—whom Beck would frankly like to sock in the nose—would beckon, and the risk of moving here would seem too great.
Of course it was a risk. A huge one. In her position… No. In her position, feeling the way he felt, he’d jump. Because this week had been like emerging from a cocoon of routine and emotional suppression, and spreading his mighty butterfly wings. He felt like calling each of his old girlfriends and apologizing. Every one of their complaints now made sense. May had not only shown him what they’d been missing, but proved to him he could provide it all to the right woman. That he was capable of falling in love.
Last night, “I love you” had been welling up in him so strongly he still couldn’t believe he hadn’t said it. But the fear, the vulnerability…yeah, okay, so he was still a guy. Instead, he’d showed her as many other ways and with as many other words as he could manage.
Thrill Me Page 19
