As for the future—he was pretty sure she felt more for him than a chemical pull. And after last night, meeting his family, and that intense passionate experience in bed, she had to know he felt a hell of a lot more than that. But she was such a fascinating mixture, a work in progress, emerging from a cocoon of her own. If she was just now discovering this new bolder more erotic side of herself, she might not be willing to be tied down into love. She might want to explore it more fully, back with Dan or with other men—
He tossed the rest of his water into the sink and slammed the glass down so hard on the granite counter, he was surprised it didn’t break.
Do not think about that.
He strode back into his bedroom, dialed HUSH on his cell, to keep his landline free for Alex’s call, and asked for May’s room.
“Oh. Hi.”
He tensed. The nerves in her voice, the awkward way she spoke… She was going home.
“Hi, May. I’m almost done here, I’m waiting for my agent to read the pages.” Fear made his own voice flat. “Are you nearly ready for lunch?”
“Oh. Well…”
He sank onto his bed, dreading whatever was coming.
“What’s up, May?” The words came out calmly and quietly, somehow he managed that much.
“Dan’s here.”
Dan. Rage poured into Beck’s body, made his gut and fist clench. Dan was here. To take her back, like the fairy tale May clung to of her father “rescuing” her mom from a life she wasn’t meant to live. To conk her over the head, dump her into a sack, hoist her over his shoulder and make sure she lived a life of stifled submission chained to his side.
“Would he like to join us?” Sarcasm cut into his tone and he told himself to calm the hell down and let her talk.
She giggled and his heart rose. “Somehow I don’t think so.”
Okay. Giggles were better than icy politeness. But she still wasn’t telling him anything he wanted to hear. “What’s the story, May? What does this mean?”
“Beck…I…this is sort of awkward…”
“Right.” He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, trying not to imagine them in bed together so he wouldn’t go over there and put his fist through Dan’s face. “Are we still on for lunch?”
“I don’t know if…hang on.” He heard her muffled speech and a deep answering voice. The idea of another man in a room with her that had a bed, even if they’d done nothing on it but sit and talk, was driving him out of his mind.
“I’d like to see you.” Her voice came back on the line, softer, as if she’d sent Dan away but was still afraid of being overheard. “But he’s here now…”
His phone started ringing. Damn. That would be Alex with her reaction to his pages; he had to talk to her today, she was leaving early for the weekend. “May, I have to take this call from my agent. Can I call you back in a while?”
“Yes. Okay.” She sounded breathless, overwhelmed; he said goodbye and pounced on the call from Alex, feeling more protective and more scared than he’d ever felt in his life. “Hello?”
“Damn, you are a genius.”
He closed his eyes in relief. The need for more revisions today would not be welcome, to put it mildly.
“Beck, this scene rocks. It’s tender, sexy, passionate and, oh, my God, the emotions in it are enough to make this middle-aged woman melt. I’m serious, where have you been hiding this stuff?”
“It’s new for me.”
“You met someone, didn’t you?”
His jaw clenched. This would be a rare personal admission from him; he liked to keep his professional relationships strictly professional. “Yeah.”
“Ha! I knew you’d fall eventually, congratulations. Well, your writing thanks you, I thank you, your editor will thank you, and the reading public will kneel and worship you.”
He winced and managed a smile. “Thanks are enough.”
“These lines are great. The ending is perfect. I love it especially when Mack wants to tell Hope he loves her and he doesn’t. That was brilliant. Keep her guessing. Keep the readers waiting.”
He frowned. “Keep her guessing? That’s how it comes across?”
“Sure, and that’s what I love about it. That’s what keeps Mack tough and on top.”
Beck stood abruptly and caught a faint reflection of himself in the glass over a Monet print. “You don’t think she knows he loves her?”
Alex made a sound of incredulity. “How? Because he screws her more than once?”
He turned away from himself and started pacing. “But he tells her he’s never felt this way before, he asks her to stay in New York, and—”
“You’ve never dated any men, have you, Beck.”
“Uh.” He raised his eyebrows. “That would be no.”
“You wouldn’t believe what women have to put up with. All the crap we hear. It’s all designed either to get into our pants, get into our pants again or get into our pants the next time. And sometimes to keep us from buying murder weapons. But you can’t fake an ‘I love you.’ I’ve never met the man yet who would risk messing with that kind of power.”
Beck stopped pacing. One of his mighty butterfly wings was apparently still stuck in the cocoon of male cluelessness.
He needed to get to HUSH. Now. “So it’s all good?”
“It’s all good, baby. You’re going to make it huge with this book. Have you thought about what will happen in the next one? You want Mack and Hope to break up? You want to kill Hope off and have Mack mourn her deeply while screwing random babes?”
He grinned wickedly. “I think they should get married, have babies and start saving for private school tuition and retirement.”
“Oh, my God. She’s got you bad. Okay, we’ll talk about that another time. Have a great weekend, and thanks, these changes are perfect.”
“My pleasure.” He punched off the phone and made a beeline for his front door. To hell with Mack. To hell with Dan. He and May belonged together. He loved her.
And whatever she ended up deciding—he was going to make damn well sure she knew it.
13
MAY TOOK ANOTHER dutiful bite of what was undoubtedly a delicious turkey sandwich on olive foccaccia bread, but she couldn’t taste a thing. Opposite her, at the table in her room that had held flowers from Trevor her first day here a million years ago, sat Dan, glowering at his fancy sandwich, clearly longing for ham and American cheese on white with extra mayo. She’d given up on lunch with Beck when the clock ticked later and later and poor Dan admitted he was fainting from hunger. He probably hadn’t eaten since he’d arrived last night.
So here they sat. Dan hadn’t wanted to leave the hotel to eat, he’d said one trip over from the airport and one trip back through this horrible town was enough for him. From there they’d gone back to how could she possibly think she wanted to move to a city like this? There was no room to breathe. Nothing growing that hadn’t been planted. The noise, the stress, the crowds, the pollution, the litter—
She’d survived his tirade and his denial by thinking of the roof garden upstairs, would it become hers? She’d love it to. Her patch of green, her nature connection during the warm months in New York. And hey, there was another point in favor of her decision to move here, there were more warm months in New York than Wisconsin.
And of course, she was thinking of Beck…who hadn’t called back yet. Why not? Was he really taking this long to talk to his agent, over forty-five minutes?
She chided herself. Of course he was. Dan’s words had made her uneasy, given her a desperate need for more reassurance from Beck that she wasn’t just his latest Lego woman conquest. But sure, he could be having a long talk. What did she know about publishing?
She just wanted him here, to share her news with him, even if he didn’t fulfill her fantasy on his knees with the promise of eternity. And if nothing else, a break from this stress would be nice. She and Dan had talked—okay, argued—all morning, except for the few minutes she’d stolen to shower
. And even then, she’d been acting partly out of irrational guilt talking to Dan with Beck’s scent still on her body.
Mr. Oshkosh couldn’t—or wouldn’t—accept her decision. He knew what was good for her. He wasn’t impressed by any of her reasoning. He couldn’t tune in to her attempts to share her experiences and feelings. How different from talking with Beck.
Dan took a long drink of milk and she watched the familiar ripples of his throat swallowing it down. Tears threatened her own throat and she took a slow calming breath. Leaving something old and dear and safe, on the verge of something new and scary and—God, she hoped—wonderful gave her the strength to see this through.
He put the glass down and caught her watching him, which made her rummage through her brain to fill the silence. “So, what time do you think you should leave?”
She winced at the pain in his eyes. She hadn’t meant to sound so eager…
“I’d like to shower, then I’ll go.” He spoke quietly, and the sad weight in her stomach grew heavier.
“Okay.” What else was there to say? He thought she’d be back; she knew she wouldn’t be—at least not for more than the time it took to settle her affairs in Wisconsin and return here. If New York and Beck didn’t work, then somewhere else would. But not Oshkosh, not now, not until she did some further exploring of who she was and what she could accomplish. After that, who knew? Maybe she’d decide Oshkosh was the best place for her after all. Maybe she’d get tired of big-city bustle and want to go back. Maybe when kids came.
Just not now.
Dan went into the bathroom and closed the door. The shower came on, and she wandered to the window, drew back the curtains and gazed up at the blue sky and the thin clouds accumulating overhead. Then down at the street, teeming with energy and life. New York, New York, a helluva town. She hated being stuck here in the room; she wanted nothing more than to be out in all of it, taking it on one step at a time.
Okay, there was one thing she wanted more than to be out. She turned to gaze longingly at the phone, as if longing badly enough would make it ring. He said he’d call…
Instead of the phone coming to life, the shower stopped, and a knock sounded on the door. She sighed and walked over to answer. After the chocolate erection, if Trevor had anything else to give, she didn’t want to know what it—
“Hi.”
“Hi.” Her voice came out breathless and gooey.
Beck. So much better than a chocolate erection.
She stood there inanely, staring up into his warm blue-gray eyes and bang, it hit her. She loved him. Truly, deeply and always. And since she was May, truly-deeply-always brought another layer of fear and vulnerability to her already overlayered morning.
But then…a man who was ready to move on to next week’s sweet thing couldn’t stand there and gaze that adoringly at this week’s, could he?
God, she hoped not. “Come in.”
“Is Dan still here?”
“Yes.” Dan’s voice came out of the bathroom.
May winced and mouthed “Sorry.”
Beck nodded. His hands went to his hips; the warmth in his eyes faded to wariness.
Dan chose that moment to come out of the bathroom wearing only a towel, his stocky chest covered in damp hair.
“You must be Beck Desmond.” He extended his hand for a shake, smiling at the taller man, confident and appearing relaxed to anyone who didn’t know that his lips weren’t usually that thin. Everything about the moment was calculated to communicate one thing: Back off, she’s had fun with you this week but she’s mine and I just gave her and the bed a workout to prove it.
Beck’s eyes narrowed, then shot to May’s. He didn’t shake Dan’s hand.
“No.” She put her hand up like a traffic cop, to keep Beck from fitting any more apparent pieces together. “Don’t even go there. He spent the night in the lobby and needed to clean up. We’ve been talking all morning, that’s it.”
“I’m here to take her home.”
Beck gave Dan a look that would reduce anyone less stubborn to ashes. “Is that what she wants?”
He nodded. “She doesn’t know it yet, but it is.”
Beck’s lips curved into a slow smile. “She doesn’t, huh.”
“No.” Dan’s neck started to turn red; his ears followed suit as he realized what he sounded like. “I’m trying to save her pain in the long run. She’s in too deep here. She doesn’t belong in New York. And she doesn’t belong with you.”
“She said that?”
He flushed deeper. “She doesn’t realize it yet. But she will.”
Beck turned bitterly amused eyes to May. “Is that right, May?”
“I…” she felt her face turn as scarlet as Dan’s ears. She desperately wanted to believe she belonged with Beck. But how the hell did she know? She loved him…but he’d only said he wanted her.
“You’ll break her heart.”
“Ah. So, Dan, you are not only the keeper of everything May is feeling, but everything I am, too. Is that right?”
“All I’m saying is that you have the wrong idea about her.”
Beck folded his arms across his chest. “I do.”
“This—” Dan’s gesture encompassed the hotel, the city, the whole week “—was all a reaction to breaking up with me.”
May cringed. All about him. How could she not have seen this for so many years?
“She’s trying to be something she’s not because I said something stupid that had more to do with me than her.”
I. I. Me. Me. Of course. More to do with him.
Enough. She wouldn’t let his words color her feelings anymore. She was figuratively putting her hands over her ears and chanting, lalalalala. Whatever was between her and Beck would be discovered alone between her and Beck and was no longer subject to Dan’s interpretation.
“That fake version of her is the woman you’re into.” Dan gestured toward May in frustration. “She can’t keep up that front forever. And guys like you—”
Beck held up a hand to stop him. Amazingly, it worked. “Strange as it might sound to you, Dan, I’d like to hear what May has to say about all this. And for the record, ‘guys like you’ are in no position to judge ‘guys like me’ since you know nothing about me.”
The men glared at each other, then simultaneously turned to look at May, Dan defensive and stiff, Beck encouraging but cautious.
May got to her feet, unutterably weary. This was like starring in her very own Molière farce, only it wasn’t turning out to be funny. “Dan, I think you should go catch your plane.”
Dan stared at her in mute frustration, then grabbed clothes from his overnight bag and disappeared into the bathroom, leaving Beck and May gazing at each other in a painful silence. So much to say to each other…and all of it overheard if they tried to talk now.
Dan banged out, fully dressed, crammed his dirty clothes into his case and hoisted it to his shoulder. “I’ll be in Milwaukee to meet the five-thirty flight, May.”
She sighed. Whatever. He could cool his stubborn heels there forever if it suited him. “Have a good flight, Dan.”
“Right.” The word dripped with the scorn of a man who understood things his dimwitted ex-girlfriend never would. And in that moment, May saw him for the lost, limited, sweet man he was and felt sad and sorry for him. And damn grateful to Charlene’s breasts for luring him away and making her escape possible.
Dan grabbed her to him, kissed her roughly and banged out of the room. Exit stage left. And goodbye.
May eyed Beck, who eyed her back, and the weight of what had just been said and what needed to be said pressed so heavily she couldn’t say anything at all.
Beck pointed to the bed. “Nice chocolate penis.”
May burst out laughing, covered her mouth with her hands and laughed some more, ignoring the tears that mixed into it.
Arms came around her and she giggled and hic-cupped unattractively as the last of the laughter tumbled through her, as she leaned in
to his sympathetic supportive warmth, closing her eyes, knowing she’d made the right decision to stay, and hoping he felt for her even part of what she felt for him.
“Are you dying to get out of here as much as I am?”
She smiled up at him through tears and probably flowing mascara. “More.”
“Let’s go.”
“Where?”
“For a walk?”
“Sounds wonderful.”
They descended into the lobby and left the cool, perfectly controlled peace for the warm, breezy, exhilarating chaos that was New York. Up Madison Avenue, past an oddly stumbling man loudly lamenting the plight of the housefly, past rushing executives, strolling tourists, moms with strollers, west on 42nd past the majestic public library building and the eight-acre green of Bryant Park behind it. Up Sixth Avenue, where the grass, trees and sunshine of Central Park beckoned ahead, waiting to be explored.
May clung to Beck’s hand, happy to let the conversation wander as casually as their feet. They talked about his book, about his agent, about buildings they were passing. When the moment was right, they’d talk out what really mattered, and May knew she’d be heard.
“Rockefeller Center is over there.” He gestured across the street.
“Is that where they have the tree at Christmas and the skating rink?”
“On Fifth Avenue, yes. I’ve been to the lighting ceremony every year.” His hand on hers tightened. “Would you like to go with me in December?”
Even though his tone was light and teasing, she felt his tension and heard the question he really wanted answered.
A smile there was no way she could deny spread her mouth, and laughter impossible to quell bubbled up in her throat. “I would love to.”
Beck stopped, pulled her around so she was up against his chest, and walked her back toward the building behind her so they’d be out of the pedestrian route. “You’ll fly in from Wisconsin?”
She shook her head, let all the love she was feeling shine in her eyes. “I’ll call you from my posh New York City pad and say hey, let’s go, babe. Meet you at your place in half an hour.”
Thrill Me Page 20
